Day 11: Holding strong.

Time goes by so quickly when you get older. When you’re four years old, all you have to compare time too is within those four years. As you grow older, you’ve got more to look back on, more to contemplate, over-analyze and before you know it, you’re wondering where it is that the time went.

At certain times, it’s a good thing to have time go by so quickly and certain times, it’s bad. When I’m in pain, when I’m hurt or down or disappointed, having all the time in the world to feel the severest extent of what it is that I am going through, well it would be better if it could just pass. Then I have those days, like I’m sure everyone does,  where I find myself sitting in my bed at night wondering why it was that those moments I was so thankful for just couldn’t last a little but longer than they did when I had them.

Reflection can be both a good thing and a bad thing. Time brings emotions. Moments alone, lost inside my mind  bring thoughts of the past and thoughts of my future.

I look at my niece and nephew and I’m so thankful for the innocence that I can see in their eyes. If I can do one good thing in my life I can only hope it’s that I can allow them to have their innocence as long as possible. I can only hope that one day when they’re walking in the rain they can truly understand what it was I was trying to do for them and know that it’s simplicity masks the complexity of the situation, and my heart.

The sky is blue as the ocean on this clearest of days. Coincidentally so, it mirrors the way that I feel. It’s so hard to keep focus with no direction in the abyss.


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