Some things you do not get the choice about in life. Some things are thrust upon you like a knife to the chest, slowly, surely, causing you every ounce of pain and discomfort you ever dreamed possible.
2019 is kicking my ass. Quite literally. I feel myself slipping into a state of depression and I don’t know how to fight it. Turning on a happy face for those around me isn’t working anymore. Trying to remember “you will get through this” isn’t holding much weight amidst the chaos in my head.
I’ve just returned from a trip to see my mother. She recently had a hysterectomy and has learned there were cancer cells present in her body. What’s next for her? Several weeks of radiation therapy, a year of medication and five years of being on a quote-unquote cancer watch-list.
What’s next for me? Hopefully a job. Hopefully a job that I’m qualified for, and not just something at a corner store. Likely a lot of trips back and forth to see my mom. Eventually, one day, hopefully this year, a feeling of normal. I’d love to be able to sit back in my chair and think that everything is going to be alright for a change. I’d love to not worry about where I’m going to be living in two weeks. I’d love to just… have some answers.