Anxious, uneasy and frustrated.

I’m anxious.

My mind won’t calm down, no matter what I do. I start by asking myself questions about what arrangement is correct for my cover-letter and my thoughts quickly spiral into asking what happens if my mom’s treatments don’t take. To say it’s out of control would be an understatement and there’s really nothing that I can do about it.

I’m uneasy.

It’s difficult trying to play-the-game in a world that seems anything but fair or realistic. What’s really easy for me these days is feeling like I am the problem. Feeling like there is something wrong with me, that is something that I can’t shake.

I’m frustrated.

This situation that I’m presently in is weighing on my heart. I want my own space. I want to know that the future is going to be positive. I want a sign of when this is all going to be over and when I can breathe easy again. There’s this weight that’s permanently hanging over me, the weight of depression, slowly eating away at my happy moments each and every day. I don’t want to continue like this because I don’t know how long it’s going to be before my happiness disappears all together.

I realize this sounds exceptionally dramatic. I’m not even trying to be that way, it’s just how today is happening for me. Nothing seems like a small deal and everything feels as though I need to conquer the world to make it through.

Maybe I am the problem. Maybe I am not supposed to be happy. Maybe this is as good as it gets. It sucks that I’m really starting to believe myself when I say that.

35 thoughts on “Anxious, uneasy and frustrated.

      1. It’s hard, I get it. I have to stop myself sometimes and just focus on breathing, so I can remind myself that there is so much I can’t control and I just need to do the best that I can.

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  1. I don’t have all the answers either … sometimes when I’m getting caught up in my mind I have to remind myself that I need to zoom out and step back a bit. Nothing is as severe or horrible as it feels in those moments. So I make myself a cup of tea and sit outside in the sunshine and take a breath.

    The lady at my dentist office always says, :’This, too shall pass.’ I really like it.

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    1. Thank you! If it wasn’t freaking cold in Canada I probably would love to take tea and go sit outside in the sun. I appreciate the sentiment, though. Your kindness is really amazing ❤

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  2. You have so much going for you. You are an exceptional writer, and you have valuable experience. The “secret sauce” of any interview/application is to pretend like you’re telling your employer about a loved one (when you’re talking about yourself). I know you would do anything for those two babies you have fallen in love with — even before they have come out of the womb. Imagine your 5-year-old self. What would you tell an employer her? She is amazing and talented, and they would be fools to let her go, right? Make them feel that they would be missing out on your exceptional talents and abilities. You have a lot to share, and you could take it elsewhere if they don’t jump on your offer.

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  3. I have days were I feel like this too and I guess a lot of people have these days… This life in this world is just not fair. I just try to find the beauty in little every day things I know that sounds super cheesy and its such an overused phrase. And I guess when you are in a dark hole like that, its very hard to even see these things … Like the smile of a random person or the sound of birds or the sunset. I try to really focus on these things and try to be in the moment with them, because at the end of the day thats all we have, it’s this moment.

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    1. Thank you ❤ I'm trying to spot the small positives in each day. It's working much better today than it was yesterday, that's for sure.

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  4. Learning to not worry over all things, big or small, that I can’t control has been a life long journey. Those who suffer from and understand how self-inflicted anxiety affects us is where I found inspiration. Not to find sorrow, excuses or to wallow in self-pity but to find encouragement. You are not alone. Mindset, I have and will take control of me. A fight that I’ve already predetermined that I will win, regardless. Blogging about it has been therapy for me and I’m not ashamed of my condition, my story. I don’t blog for anybody but myself, only to hope that my story encourages others to do the same. Finding happiness, peace, and self-love is easier than you think…You just have to allow yourself to truly want it! By blogging about it, you’re already on your way to Be_again.

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  5. Hey, hope you get atleast one answer so that your anxiety has some rest…and that is to distract your mimd from the problem looming over your mind or the situation you are in(depression) and the best way to do that is to try focusing on something you are very good at and have mastery in. It will be in your control.
    Other thing I do is take a hot shower and tat relaxes me instantly and I feel fresh to think something difgerent and then get myself a cup of coffee and enjoy it in my balcony or 2atch a movie.
    Don’t ever think yourself to be lonely. We all are in it, together. We will hopd hands when one is in need and feeling low.

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      1. Thanks for feeling that way for me. Actually peoplewho suffer pain can understand it. So just wanted to know we all are there with you.

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  6. I have spiraling days like this far too often. Once the day has passed, I tend to realize I was focused too hard on the things that were beyond my control. It is hard, and I fail all the time. But I am trying to get better at focusing only on the things i can control. My breathing, my reactions, my heart rate. Focus on an object I can touch. Something I can see. Look at the grass or a bright color somewhere that is distracting. Sometimes it really works to get me out of that moment.

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  7. I Feel the same. I’m freaking out all the time and mad all the time for things I can’t control. And hate feeling mad and sad and angry. This adulthood thing is horrible. Thank you for your words and please feel better and seek help. Therapy always help and what I’m doing is music therapy at least in my car o when I’m about to sleep. 💕 feel better. P

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