These stories are meant to be a ‘ha-ha’ about dating as a Millennial. And I will preface these by saying that I’ve spent the majority of my adult life being single. After a righteously disgusting breakup in University, I determined I was going to be by myself and work on myself. And I did.
When I was about to turn 27, I decided that I wanted to put myself out there and see if I could meet a guy that I liked. So I did.
First there was Shawn. Shawn and I met at a local restaurant for dinner and he proceeded to spend three hours trying to shove food down my throat and telling me about how if his sister wasn’t his sister, he would like to have sex with her because she’s, and I quote, ‘so fucking hot’.
Then there was Gary. Gary couldn’t remember my name. In spite of the fact that we had a mutual friend and she’d spent more than two weeks talking me up to him before we went out, he still could not remember my name. The first time he called me by the wrong name, I corrected him politely. The second time that he called me by the wrong name, I said ‘that’s not my name, are you talking about someone else?’ I was quite confused. Gary’s response was to lash out at me. In the middle of the restaurant Gary stood up and yelled at me that it was rude for me to correct him in that manner that questioned his manhood and that he really wasn’t enjoying the date so he was leaving. And he left. That’s the last time I ever heard or saw Gary. All our mutual friend had to say was ‘I am so sorry’. Apparently they’re not friends with him either, since that evening.
Then there was Josh. Josh seemed like such a sweet soul. He’d actually asked for my number in a bar, so I gave it to him. We texted back and forth for about two weeks before we met for a date. And again, he seemed totally sweet and totally normal. Josh started talking about his work and the places that he got to go with his job and told me that I would love it there. When he pulled out his phone to show me photos, I looked down at the phone screen to see what he was about to show me. His gallery popped up and it was filled with hundreds of pictures of naked girls. And he was like “Whoops” and tried to scroll down really fast, but as he scrolled down, all I could see was more photos of more naked women. I’m a pretty blunt person in nature, so I flat out said – ‘Who are these people’? He said ‘They’re my ex-girlfriend’s’. What? You have several hundred ex girlfriends? It was clear even in the few seconds that I saw, that there were a TON of different women in his phone. I politely listened to him talk about his job for about twenty more minutes and then we called the evening complete. Later that night he sent me a text message and asked if I wanted to go out again. When I told him that the photos in his phone creeped me out, his response was to tell me they weren’t all ex-girlfriends, they were just pictures of the women he’d had sex with. He liked to keep them for memory’s sake. SOOOOOOOOOOO much better, right? That was the end of Josh.
At this point in time, I was done. I didn’t want to do anymore. Three strikes, I was counting myself out and planning for a life of singledom with a lot of cats. Actually, more likely a lot of dogs.
I went to a work event one evening (it was a banquet) and was introduced to Rob. Rob was charming, well dressed, well spoken, and very interesting to get to know that evening. We exchanged phone numbers under the premise that it was for work, but, a week later, he phoned me and asked me out on a date. I thought ‘Yeah! Totally! This guy does not seem like the others’. Rob and I went out and he pulled out all the stops. He really did. We had an amazing dinner in a really fancy restaurant, he took me to do a really fun one-of-a-kind activity and we just spent the night laughing and enjoying ourselves. I thought ‘This is great! This is so great. I could see myself going out with him again’. Though I had said that I didn’t want to go back to his place, he was such a smooth talker that he had convinced me to come back to his place with him and had driven us to his house. When we went inside there was a woman sitting on the couch in lingerie. I thought it was odd and I really didn’t know how to react, so I introduced myself. “Hi, I’m Rob’s date”, I said. She shook my hand and said “Hi, I’m Rob’s wife”. Oh boy, I don’t think I’ve panicked so much as I did in that moment right then and there. I was angry, scared and so nervous. I think I remember saying ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ Then I turned around and walked out the door. I took a taxi home and blocked Rob from my phone. Though I didn’t stay long enough to find out what he was hoping for there, I certainly had some ideas floating through my mind.
So at that point I said ‘No, I’m not doing it anymore. I’m not dating. It’s not worth it.” I told all of my friends that I was going to be single forever and I made a pledge to look after myself first and foremost.
Looking back on it now, I can’t help but think how funny/horrible/but still funny that in the space of like three months, the least awful of all the dates I went on was the guy who couldn’t stop telling me how sexually attracted he was to his sister.
Dating his hard, boys and girls. Dating is really hard.