Life and times and unimportant things.

My thoughts are all over the map tonight. I just need to write some of this down to get it out of my head.

If I could sum up job hunting frankly, it is a lot of trying to prove your worth and value in this world to people who really don’t deserve your time.

I was denied Unemployment Insurance due to receiving a severance payment from my last employer. It really doesn’t matter that I paid 1,000 or more, per year, every year for the past decade to Unemployment, for (god forbid) an instance in which I did find myself unemployed. They took my money and now I don’t get it back. Oh well, I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles. What I have left is what I have left until I find a new job.

I was also red-flagged medical insurance from two separate providers. See, here is the flaw in the system. When you don’t get medical insurance through an employer, you’re required to fill out a lot of forms and explain a lot of things about who you are, what your health is like and what your family history is like. So when they ask for me to list every medication I’ve been prescribed in the past 12 months I’m given a giant red-flag to the company. They’re not telling me I can’t have insurance, they’re just never going to tell me I can. Oh well, I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I will pay for what I have to until I find a new job.

I’ve been struggling a lot lately. Job hunting is really weighing on me. The Hiring Manager for a job that I was passed-up for well over a month ago has been revisiting my LinkedIn page and I can’t help but want to send him a message saying ‘You know I can see you’re viewing my profile repeatedly, right?’ That’s a definitely struggle I have with the older generation. They can’t seem to clue into these simple concepts. If you’re going to turn me down for a position with no explanation or reasoning why, after you’ve told me I’m one of the final two candidates, why are you reviewing my LinkedIn page three days in a row, over a month later? Feeling bad about the person you hired? Or do you just genuinely not know that I can see you’ve viewed it?

My mom seems to be in good spirits the past few days, which is nice. I wouldn’t wish on anyone what she’s been going through and I know there are people in this world who have it so much worse and have had it so much worse. I’m glad to see her spirits lifting, and I’m glad to see a smile on her face again, even if it is only for a few fleeting moments at a time.

Derrick, the aforementioned roommate, has continued on his streak of making stupid/bad decisions this week. I’m beginning to think that he just prefers to make stupid decisions so that people take pity on him and do things for him. I could be way off, but it seems like he’s mastered the art of getting other people to do things so he doesn’t have to.

I’m still annoyed/bummed/frustrated that my autoimmune blood work came back negative. Though I was exceptionally anxious for the results, I was most definitely hoping for a diagnosis. At least with a diagnosis, I could finally know what is wrong. At least with a diagnosis I could learn what to do to fix, or minimize the issues I’ve been having. But no, now I have another test that says, on paper, I’m an otherwise perfectly healthy human being.

I got really pissed off at a rude Hiring Manager the other day. She was being exceptionally callous on the phone and I was trying to, as they say, ‘kill her with kindness’. It wasn’t working. It reached a point where she said ‘Tell me why you deserve this job’. I responded with ‘How about you tell me why you deserve my talents, expertise and intellectual property?’ It’s safe to say after a response like that that I won’t be hearing from that company again. Oh well, employers who take the high-and-might platform aren’t that great to work for anyway. #JobHunting

I broke my toe a few weeks back and I’ve really been having a frustrating time waiting for it to heal. I’ve been trying to not walk too much, but now that it’s finally spring, I really want to get outside and enjoy the nice weather. It’s not too too cold in Canada, so it’s time to take advantage of the fresh air. Heal toe, heal. (No pun intended)

Unrelated – I want to find friends, or at least acquaintances, who watch Jane the Virgin. I’ve been obsessed with that show since it first came out. Now that the final season has just started airing, I need someone to gossip with about the show and make predictions as to what’s about to happen. If there’s any Jane the Virgin fans out there – holla at me!

Does anyone else struggle, at times, with simple actions? This morning I had a really difficult time just crawling out of bed. I’ve been feeling myself slip deeper into a depressed state as the months go on, but I’ve been trying to fight it. Today though, today was a rough start for me. I wouldn’t say that I’m suffering from depression itself, I would just say that I’m struggling to cope right now. I need an outlet, or a sign from the Universe to let me know that everything is going to be okay.

Okay, I think that’s enough confessions for one night.

17 thoughts on “Life and times and unimportant things.

  1. I totally feel your pain on the simple actions. Menial tasks often result in frustration or tears for me. As hard as that is for me to admit. I can find myself ironing in floods of tears or feeling like I want to throw the vacuum down the stairs. Stick in there and don’t let these feelings beat you. You’re battling it as well as you can.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that today. My afternoon has descended into a bit of a horror show and I am struggling. Hope you’re doing okay today, my friend.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Maybe you’re already living ggv the life you’re supposed to live. I enjoy your blog. You have a decent following that actually interacts with you. Dont be afraid of unconventional methods to make money. More people enjoy your presence more than what you do for a living. I got rejected for a job again. Twice yesterday and once again this morning. Now I just think it’s funny because if I wind up homeless, our car is paid off so we’d be able to freely write and travel. I’m proud of you and I’m here for you. I emailed you. I asked to be your friend as I think trading stories would be nice.

    I’m right here with you.
    Eating dirt starts to taste like fudge before you know it, beautiful.


    1. I did get your sweet note in an email. I actually still have it in my inbox. The problem was, when I set up this blog I set it up as to me to be anonymous, and when that email showed up in my inbox, I realized I connected it to my personal email, so I was unsure of how to respond! You are a sweet soul, thank you for the email you did send. It meant a lot to me the day that I received it

      I’m sorry for the rejection you’ve been facing lately. I absolutely know how you feel. Perhaps being a writer could pay off for you if that ever did happen… not that I wish for you to lose your home. You’re right though, the whole premise of your message being I should think outside of the box. You’re absolutely right. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I apologize for that typo. I dont know why my phone does that. If you need any help looking for jobs, I have a giant list of them. All of which I’ve been rejected from. 😛 there’s also a way to get your TEFL online, helping children learn English. I’m planning to do that. Definitely stay in touch, I’ll be here for you.

        Dont worry about saying the right or wrong thing around me, I’m not easily offended. I just appreciate human connection. I’ll be thinking of you.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I dont feel like you’re a stranger. Keep posting! I also appreciate you. Not for what you’ve done, but for being here. 😉

    I hope you find yourself at home over at my site. That’s the goal. Everyone’s invited.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I was so livid that we waited a year for such a sad excuse. I was ready for “I had to go undercover they were going to hurt you and Mateo” or “I was recruited by the FBI for top secret spy missions” but nooooo. Jason was such a safe play.


      2. Me too hahaha I too was sooo expecting the “undercover to protect you and Mateo.” BUT I do also like the amnesia avenue bc it pays homage to telenovelas. I did NOT know this, but I read that amnesia was the only remaining telenovela trope that the show hadn’t yet used. So in that sense, I like that it is classic. DANG though, I wish Jason’s personality was so totally MEH.


  4. I understand what you’re saying about depression. I don’t feel like I’m depressed, I think that I am just really tired. And recenltly, I was passed over for a dispatcher job and the employer has viewed my profile on LinkedIn and Indeed several times. It’s like they’re saying, ‘if only they had this or that’. Crazy!


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