Worries of the day.

Today hasn’t been the greatest of days. My anxiety is exceptionally high and I don’t know how to control it.

My brother lied to me this morning. Right to my face. I knew that he lied to me when he did it and he knew he lied to me when he did it, and still, when I called him out on the lie, he chose to try and ‘save himself’ by offering up another lie. I don’t believe in lying to someone to spare their feelings. Knowing that my brother is lying to me doesn’t spare any feelings. It just pisses me off. I wish he would just tell me the truth. That’s all I want, the truth.

On a completely different note, I’m worried about my parents. My mom, I’ve been worried about for a while. My dad, lately, has become a new worry of mine. He seems to be struggling more and more with simple tasks. And though he’s been incredible at helping my mom through her cancer treatments, he’s getting very forgetful. I can say something two or three times and he’ll still ask me again as though we’ve never talked about it before. He’s also losing his hearing. Having a simple conversation is getting increasingly difficult and it’s worrisome to see, to be a part of, and to not be able to help with.

Switching gears again, I lost out on a job interview today. I got an email at 9:00 am this morning asking me to come for an interview in another province at 10:00 am tomorrow morning. Under normal circumstances doing that is difficult. How do I get there in less than 24 hours? And even if I could get there in 24 hours, the cost of that job interview on my behalf? It’s hard. It’s so hard. I have so many abilities and so much potential and I’m continuing to hit these roadblocks. I want to feel like I’m contributing to society. I want to be working. How do I justify spending $1,000 on an interview that has no guarantee it’ll even pan out? When I asked if I could push the interview back to later this week or early next (as a means to give myself more time to formulate a plan to get there) I was told that they’re moving forward with interviewing candidates willing to come in when requested of and wished me luck with future career endeavors. Thanks, I guess.

Lastly, I’ve been feeling quite sick lately. I’ve been chalking it up to being stressed about just about everything in my life, so I’ve been trying to not get anxious about it. But the truth is, the nausea is worrisome. I can’t seem to eat anything without feeling sick. And I’m tired. So tired. Not just in the literal sense, but in the figurative sense too. I’m struggling to sleep, I’m struggling to deal, and it’s hard.

I need to stop pouring my heart out to the internet, I know that. But it’s an outlet, for now. And if something can help me feel at list a little bit less anxious, I’m going to do it.

“Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

Alfred Lord Tennyson

30 thoughts on “Worries of the day.

    1. If people are taking your feelings in that manner, they’re probably not good people to have in your life, eh? That sounds pretty harsh of someone. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.

      Liked by 2 people

  1. What you are describing is depression. Are you receiving any treatment for that? I have been where you are and am experiencing a depression now so I understand. There is life on the other side of this episode. If the interviewer was that inflexible, the job would be also. Doesn’t sound as if that would be a great job to have.

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  2. I personally feel that ‘pouring your heart out to the internet’ can help massively! Being able to write your thoughts and feelings as they flow through your mind is healthy! I know that it for sure helps me with my depression and anxiety☺️ I believe that everything happens for a reason, life lessons are always occurring! But no matter what there will be good at the end of any bad. When I feel similar in situations such as yourself, I try my best to learn from the anxiety and the negative and really try to find one positive within each negative. I totally understand how difficult it can be to do that, given specific circumstances, but always remember to take a break. For instance, i would believe (if in your situation) that that particulate job was simply not destined for me. Instead the opportunity was there as a lesson. A lesson of being able to overcome such situations and build your character into a stronger one! Things will become better, the days will become brighter and your anxiety will reduce! Keep trying and make sure to take time for yourself and self care☺️ best wishes!x

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  3. Life my young friend is cyclic. Nothing lasts. If good times didn’t bad too won’t. This too shall pass ….
    and we don’t really know what is good for us.
    “I intend V gets a good job soon. I dedicate this to the highest good of all. So be it and so it is.”
    Do the best for your parents and let go.. love them but accept the ephemeral nature of our existence….
    God be with you all 🙏

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  4. Practice some breath work. That will ground you in the moment and alleviate some of the distress. There’s a great website: masteringalchemy.com that you may want to check out. Good luck. 🍀 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your honesty is inspiring and I am positive that your writing is helping more people than you realise and hopefully that is some sort of comfort. X you are amazing and if pouring your heart out on any platform helps you, keep at it. Lots of love and hopefully better days ahead xxx

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  6. You definitely don’t need to stop pouring your heart out on the internet. Any forum is a good forum and it seems as though, in some ways, you’re getting more love and support here than anywhere else. We’re all in the same boat here, maybe not all the same symptoms/causes but we’re here to help each other through. It’s the best thing humans can do for each other. Hope the bad feelings ease somewhat.

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  7. I appreciate that you write from the heart, which many of us need in our lives. I definitely think that sharing one’s thoughts on the internet can be very therapeutic, depending on the platform. I have nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award because I think that you are very deserving of it!I have tagged you in my recent post where all of the info can be found there.🌞

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  8. Please do not feel bad about venting out your feelings! If anything, it just makes the rest of us who feel in similar ways feel less alone! I understand being constantly worried about your parents. My Dad has psychosis. He was originally diagnosed with dementia but after further testing, we found out that it’s actually a state of psychosis caused by his insomnia which looks very similar to dementia. This whole process took about two years to figure out. If you see some things off with your Dad, get him to the doctor and then a neurologist as soon as possible. A lot of it is normal with aging, but can be treated to slow the progression. I’m not sure what to say about your brother. If you’re close try confronting him in a non judgmental way? Lastly, I would not do a job interview that costs that much! I would keep looking and applying closer to where you currently are. Good luck with everything and don’t keep these things bottled up!

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