“Your value is not your current circumstance.”

I went to see my Therapist today. Let me just say, she’s wonderful.

One of the biggest takeaways that came from today’s session was the fact that I’m someone who correlates my value to my present circumstance.

I’m in a shitty place in my life right now. I am. I don’t avoid that fact at all. I’m unemployed, I don’t get along with my parents, my family and most people around me. Not for lack of trying, mostly for the fact that my beliefs and outlook towards the world are vastly different than those which I was raised with.

I know that I’m an intelligent, competent, qualified person. I know that I have a pleasant personality, that I’m loyal and I giving of kindness, compassion and love. I don’t see those things though. I see consistent rejection. I see consistent disappointment. I see myself consistently falling short, whether it’s my fault or not… I always find myself blaming… myself.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think no matter who you are or what your situation is, a lot of people correlate their value to their situation. And a lot of people wind up in bad situations at one time or another in their life. After all, we’re all only human.

It’s something that I struggle with. I need to be better at accepting rejection. Because this is my present situation and even though it’s my present situation, it’s not my value. Even if they reject me, I’m still intelligent, competent, qualified, pleasant, loyal, kind and compassionate. I’m still all of those things. But when I consistently find myself getting rejected, I consistently find myself believing I’m being rejected because I’m flawed. Because I’m a problem, because I’m a loser. Because there’s something wrong with me. There’s always something wrong with me.

I’m not saying that I’m perfect. Because I’m definitely not. But I could be a fucking incredible addition to any office, and all of these rejections do not have anything to do with the value that I bring to this world.

I need to do a better job at talking myself up. I need to do a better job at remembering that if they don’t hire me that’s their loss, not mine.

My therapist, the sweet and wonderful human being that she is, said ‘I think you’re too big for this town. I really do. In the limited time that I’ve known you I’ve come to realize the sheer capacity you have to change people, and to make them better.’ And honestly, hearing it come from her was a huge boost to my self-esteem. Then she went on to say ‘I wish you would take that power you have to change others and use it to instill change within yourself. It’s time you start believing in yourself.’

After I left her office I went to watch my nephew play hockey. There’s no reception in the arena(it’s basically a giant cement cave) so I had a few missed calls when I got out of the arena. One of the voicemails was from my Therapist. She’d gone online and looked up positions pertaining to my skills/experience and called to tell me the positions that she found that she believes I should apply for. How amazing is that? She went looking for potential jobs for me!

I need to do a better job with rejection.

I need to remember my value. In 2019, dealing with this shit storm has made it so easy for me to believe less of myself and diminish my value. I’m not any less of a person than I’ve ever been and I need to start remembering that.

Circumstances don’t define me. It’s just a temporary stop on a journey to where I need to be, where I belong and where I’m happy with what I truly deserve.

47 thoughts on ““Your value is not your current circumstance.”

  1. “Circumstances don’t define me.”

    Well said. I’d have to agree that our value is not our current circumstance. Your therapist is awesome for going above and beyond what is expected of her to help you get through what you are experiencing now.

    Have a nice day.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. She’s pretty wonderful. I think I ought to be more like her. Maybe that’d work out in my favour.

      Thanks for reading and for your consistent support. I’ve seen your comments here and there and it means a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s so difficult to value yourself when you face rejection. It feels like the universe is telling you to quit. This happened to me recently too, but the truth is, I believe, that it is the universe finally closing all the doors so that you can walk through the one you were truly meant to. Keep up the good work

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Rejections only make us stronger. It will come to a point where someone truly values who we are and treats us with respect. No point to force through acceptance. What’s ours will be ours eventually, just need a little more patience. Good opportunity doesn’t always come by. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m hoping that good opportunity comes soon. I totally understand what you’re saying and I know I shouldn’t force it. Guess I just get to my wits end sometimes. I appreciate comments like these because they help remind me to stay calm about this situation.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. That’s pretty cool she did a job search on your behalf. I’m almost 50 and I can say that along my path in life, i have had help from sources i never expected and been crapped on by people I thought would help. Your attitude is spot on, “But I could be a fucking incredible addition to any office”. I bet you would, Im looking forward to the post in the future where you tell us all you got a job. We’re all rooting for you !

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I hope that day comes soon. I really want to celebrate some great news with everyone one day soon. The day has got to come, right? Thanks for your note and for brightening my night.

      Like

  5. I love this post.
    Aside from the fact that it’s true, I also love the bravery you’ve shown by actually getting therapy.
    So many gays – and millennials – talk about mental health or depression yet don’t actually *do* anything to remedy the situation. It’s armchair psychology and self diagnosis. Whenever I’m confronted by it, I’m reminded of the adages, “Physician, heal thyself” and “Doctors make the worst patience”.
    So, congrats on actually doing the brave thing and taking care of you. It’s a lot. It’s also gratifying that you found a therapist that you connect with.
    And in the brief time I’ve been reading your work, I agree with her.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey, thank you so much for this note. Sometimes I get afraid of what people will think when they find out I have been seeing a therapist. My family members that know haven’t been too nice about it. It’s really nice to know there’s accepting people out there in this world.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I’ve often felt the same about myself – talking myself down, making myself feel bad because it’s just easier to blame yourself than look at what is really wrong and needs to change. Sometimes it’s you and you need to accept that change is a good thing, but I’m not very good at dealing with change that puts me in a vulnerable and undesirable position in life. Even though you may think you’re alone, you definitely are not 🙂 I also think your therapist is an awesome individual and we need more people like her in this world, we really do. As always, I wish you the best through this difficult time, friend.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much ❤ As much as I like knowing I'm not alone, I really don't wish this piece of mind on anyone. I loved your comment though, it's been a tough couple of days so reading things like this definitely brightens my spirits.

      Like

  7. Wow your therapist sounds like an amazing woman! She went above and beyond too looking for potential jobs, she obviously cares about you.
    I can relate to your post on many levels. I am also a person that cannot handle rejection well…it stems back to my childhood. I also am hard on myself and judge my value by my circumstances or what I am doing for other people. It’s a hard habit to break.
    Your therapist is right, you do have a great ability to instill change in people. You are a great motivator, encourager, and voice for this blogging community. Thanks Vee for being you! I value you completely. 😊❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I love the blog it took a lot of personal strength, and courage I hear the com
    en
    ts on the counselor but I’ll save this for a post & you have every right to feel crappy after the way you were treated. If I had a nickle for every time something like that happen to me I’d make President Trump look like a street person. Sorry for the rain on the parade I just had the big dump handed to me today.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. You don’t have to accept rejection, just criticism. Ask an employer why they did not hire you. I saw one here in Austin sent out an email to all applicants with a reason why they chose one person out of over 300 applicants.
    See, odds getting a job like that are like winning big money on a scratch off lottery ticket.
    Network, volunteer or take an internship and be vulnerable. Ask for criticism, that is how we improve.
    Your writing is spot on. Many businesses need writers, so maybe you have not found your niche.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Your therapist makes good points about the big mind-small town factor. Feels as if you’re being low-key suffocated while in a small town. Goes to show that, once you’ve seen the world, you realize that there’s so much more to everything than just your small town. Expanding your options and making sacrifices might just be the way to happiness. Who knows? Time will tell!

    Like

  11. Hello V! When life is at its hardest, it’s really difficult to believe the wisdom in well meaning sayings like this: “Some day you may even feel *grateful* for the rejections, because when you look backwards and join the dots, you’ll see that the rejections were necessary in order for you to end up where you are now.”

    There may even be some kind of lesson for you in these rejections, even though it might feel like a kick in the teeth and you just want something to start going right for you. I’ve been through some very dark places myself and come out the other side, so I’m not just talking outta my ass 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Your therapist sounds amazing and is an example of why psychology is incredible when applied to our lives the way it should be 😭

    “Even if they reject me, I’m still intelligent, competent, qualified, pleasant, loyal, kind and compassionate.” That’s so awesome, V, you are worth way more than you give yourself credit for. That’s so great you can see that. Not everyone can and they deserve to ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I’m not sure where your beliefs lie, but sometimes, and it’s a hard process to achieve, the “law of attraction” is what gets you where you need to be. I am very hard on myself as well, as a lot of us are, and I am trying to be positive about my position in life and where I am, but some days it’s quite difficult.

    “Keep your chin up”!

    You will find the job you are supposed to have.

    Like

  14. Well done for being brave enough to talk it through with someone else! I can definitely see the appeal of chatting with someone else as a sounding board. This resonated with me since I’m currently waiting to hear back from a few vacancies too, and by and large the interview feedback has been “you’re keen and talented, but not what we’re looking for right now”. It’s tricky to keep that motivation up, but well done for keeping at it!

    Like

  15. I can completely relate to this feeling. I love the declaration at the end- our circumstances build character & they don’t define us. This message is inspiring 💞

    Like

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