***The following post was written by Geneva from the blog Cerrato Mom >
How much are you worth? Are you measured by your looks? Your money? Your job? Your political affiliation?
I have spent a great portion of my life feeling like I was never good enough. I was not pretty enough. I was not smart enough. I was not bold enough. I was not making enough money. I was not doing enough.
My struggle with self worth began when I was a young child. I blame much of my lack of confidence on the fact that my father was not around. And thereafter my step father was not around. I never felt like I was enough. I did not feel like I deserved love.
Then at the tender age of sixteen I fell in love. I thought, this was it. I found someone who was going to love me and erase all my feelings of self doubt and I would finally feel worth something. This feeling did not last as I realized my worth was once again measured by what I could do for someone.
Fast forward nearly seven years of staying in an unhappy relationship, numbing the pain with poetry and alcohol, and I finally said enough is enough.
I met my husband. We started a family. And for the first time I felt like I had true purpose in life. Being a mother is everything I ever wanted to be. But over the years I began to doubt my self worth again as I settled into my role as a ‘stay at home mom’. The questions began to trickle in from family and friends (some innocent, some not) about when would I be returning to work? What was I going to do when the kids were older?
And so over the years I danced the dance of feeling worthless and like I am not enough. I am raising my children, but I am not making money. Does that make me worthless?
I think not. It has been a long time coming that I am at the place where I can say I am not worthless. I am deserving of love. Happiness. To be content with my life and the choices I make.
I know I do not speak for ALL stay at home moms, but I think I speak for most when I say they can relate to the questions and the judgement from other people on our choice of occupation.
I was not enough as an innocent child who only wanted a loving father.
I was not enough as a lovestruck, naive girl who wanted the love of a husband. I was not enough as a woman working hard to put him through school. I was not submissive enough.
Society now tells me I am not enough as a stay at home mom. Society also tells working mothers that they are not doing enough for their children. You really can’t win.
Slowly, after the birth of my third child, I have come to the realization that to society, and to those that would use you and abuse you, the problem lies with them, and not with you.
I am enough. I have always been enough. The love and the kindness I always try to share with people, the gentleness of my spirit, my sense of humor, my intuitiveness, my proclivity for being domestic and maternal – none of it is a mark against me. It is all what makes me ME. It is not the summation of my worth, but it is worth something.
My worth is not contingent on what I can do for somebody or what I do for my family. Yes, I love my children very much and I take care of them, take care of the house, and try to be a good wife to my husband. But if I didn’t have children, if I didn’t take care of the house, my husband would still love me. And I would still be worthwhile.
And someday when my children are grown I may be working outside the home. I may not. Does that determine my worth? I think not.
I want to close by saying to anyone that struggles with feeling worthless, or that you are not doing enough, or not making enough money, I stand with you, I have been in that place many times of feeling hopeless and burdened with doubt. I have to tell you that you will only start to see your true worth when you let everything else go. Let go of expectations. Opinions. Judgement. Don’t let anyone take your power from you.
You know yourself. You know what you have to offer the world. You know your gifts and talents. You know your worth. Start living it. Show everyone exactly who you are and what you stand for.
Show them how invaluable you truly are.
I want to say thank you to Geneva from Cerrato Mom for taking the time to write a thought provoking guest post for #MillennialLifeCrisis.
Geneva is a mom, a super hero, a writer, a California girl and the keeper of insights and intelligence on the incredible blog Cerrato Mom. She is one of the kindest human beings that I’ve ever met and always succeeds with providing me a new way to see the world. I sincerely hope that you’ll take a swift click over to her page and check out some of what she has to say. You won’t regret it.
Go to Cerrato Mom >