A few weeks back I had a biopsy done. Nothing serious, just something the doctor wanted to have checked out sooner-rather-than-later.
Everything went fine at my checkup and the doctor told me that I shouldn’t worry. They asked me to come back for biopsy for precautionary purposes and said that it would take two weeks for the results to come back. Oddly enough, I wasn’t anxious then. I just thought ‘let go and let be’.
Well, tonight I got a voicemail from the doctor’s office that was like ‘hey we need to do a follow up, your biopsy results are back and you need to come and see the doctor. We’re open tomorow 9-3 and Sunday 9-3. Given that she only gave me two days of which I should come, I immediately started to panic.
My mind was racing a million miles a minute and all I could think was, I’m not going to sleep tonight over this. So, I decided to go down there tonight and see if I could get them to give me the results.
The woman working the front counter of the medical clinic said ‘No, I’m sorry I cannot give it to you, you need to follow up with a doctor’. My mind runs even faster than it was before, thinking I’m about to get bad news or scary news or awful news. I said, ‘is there any chance I can see a doctor tonight?’ She was like ‘We can’t take anymore patients because we’re only open until 7’.
I begged of her. I said ‘I’m not going to sleep tonight thinking that I have something wrong with me’.
She felt sorry for me and said ‘I’ll sneak you in, but please don’t tell anyone.’
And I waited.
And I waited.
2.5 hours I waited. Sitting in that tiny little room, waiting for the doctor to get through the remainder of his patients so that he could come and tell me the results of the biopsy.
Now, when my anxiety gets bad, it gets REALLY BAD. I sat there thinking ‘I’ve got cancer, I’ve got aids, I’ve got a plethora of diseases, basically anything I can imagine under the spectrum of everything I’ve ever read.’
Because that’s my anxiety.
I can’t explain it. I can’t stop it. I just have to deal with it when it comes on.
After 2.5 hours, when the doctor finally showed up, he walked in (ominously) closed the door and said ‘Let’s talk about your biopsy’. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.
‘You’re totally fine’, he said.
I got the most ominous voicemail message ever, telling me that I needed to come and see the doctor within the next 48 hours. I come to the doctors office and am told that I need to see the doctor in order to get the results, leaving me to think something must be wrong because if nothing was wrong then why couldn’t the receptionist tell me? I waited 2.5 hours, anxiously, in a tiny little room… for him to come in and tell me that I’m totally fine.
Tonight has been a real rollercoaster of emotions, that’s for sure.
Thanks Doc, for that. The whole thing could have totally been avoided, if you ask me.