Oh anxiety, thank you! (said no one ever)

A few weeks back I had a biopsy done. Nothing serious, just something the doctor wanted to have checked out sooner-rather-than-later.

Everything went fine at my checkup and the doctor told me that I shouldn’t worry. They asked me to come back for biopsy for precautionary purposes and said that it would take two weeks for the results to come back. Oddly enough, I wasn’t anxious then. I just thought ‘let go and let be’.

Well, tonight I got a voicemail from the doctor’s office that was like ‘hey we need to do a follow up, your biopsy results are back and you need to come and see the doctor. We’re open tomorow 9-3 and Sunday 9-3. Given that she only gave me two days of which I should come, I immediately started to panic.

My mind was racing a million miles a minute and all I could think was, I’m not going to sleep tonight over this. So, I decided to go down there tonight and see if I could get them to give me the results.

The woman working the front counter of the medical clinic said ‘No, I’m sorry I cannot give it to you, you need to follow up with a doctor’. My mind runs even faster than it was before, thinking I’m about to get bad news or scary news or awful news. I said, ‘is there any chance I can see a doctor tonight?’ She was like ‘We can’t take anymore patients because we’re only open until 7’.

I begged of her. I said ‘I’m not going to sleep tonight thinking that I have something wrong with me’.

She felt sorry for me and said ‘I’ll sneak you in, but please don’t tell anyone.’

I waited.

And I waited.

And I waited.

2.5 hours I waited. Sitting in that tiny little room, waiting for the doctor to get through the remainder of his patients so that he could come and tell me the results of the biopsy.

Now, when my anxiety gets bad, it gets REALLY BAD. I sat there thinking ‘I’ve got cancer, I’ve got aids, I’ve got a plethora of diseases, basically anything I can imagine under the spectrum of everything I’ve ever read.’

Because that’s my anxiety.

I can’t explain it. I can’t stop it. I just have to deal with it when it comes on.

After 2.5 hours, when the doctor finally showed up, he walked in (ominously) closed the door and said ‘Let’s talk about your biopsy’. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest.

‘You’re totally fine’, he said.

Totally fine.

I got the most ominous voicemail message ever, telling me that I needed to come and see the doctor within the next 48 hours. I come to the doctors office and am told that I need to see the doctor in order to get the results, leaving me to think something must be wrong because if nothing was wrong then why couldn’t the receptionist tell me? I waited 2.5 hours, anxiously, in a tiny little room… for him to come in and tell me that I’m totally fine.

Tonight has been a real rollercoaster of emotions, that’s for sure.

Thanks Doc, for that. The whole thing could have totally been avoided, if you ask me.

53 thoughts on “Oh anxiety, thank you! (said no one ever)”

  2. I completely feel your pain. My anxiety, at least in this respect, runs the same way. Don’t let me sit and worry about something, because I will lose my mind. Tell me whatever it is as soon as you can so I can process it and move on, allowing my mind to focus on the one thing that I need to focus on instead of the 412 things it “might” be…

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  3. I’m always anxious about something. Then to realize half of it wasn’t even that drastic. Today, my anxiety was over the top; still is. I can’t begin to tell you how I’m racing against time on something that was just presented to me today and I have until the 3rd to make sure it’s in tact, otherwise I am S.O.L. with what I need to do. 😱😭😢🤞

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      1. Yes, thank you. I have a few methods I have gotten as well. I’m better with my anxiety now than I used to be, but I still get overwhelmed at times.

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  5. All i can say, dear, is that this is so upsetting. And -despite the good news- i would have spanked his butt, for good and for sure. Unfortunately, this is a common tactic, for some extra money, an extra visit, to hear the good news from the doctor’s mouth, as if it hard to tell the good news from the fucken phone.

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    1. Yeah, I guess he does get to bill the government for seeing me today. That’s very true. I didn’t think of it that way. What an unnecessary thing to do, put me through all that anxiety so he could make a couple extra bucks.

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  6. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I’ve been in a very similar situation. I think sometimes in the medical field they deal with so many people they forget that our minds race when we get a “voicemail” that doesnt tell us anything. Glad youre okay !

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    1. Thank You for your not. I am glad I am okay, too. ❤

      I think that is exactly what it is. And it sucks. I wish I could just… remind them. Ya know? Remind them we're human too.

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      1. It happens all over, dear. Unfortunately. We live in a high speed era -in terms of communication- and they still you have to visit the office to hear : You’ re just fine. Which is wonderful, though, and i wish you, dear, great health and happiness.

        I think, though, that they can use the phone to tell the good news, and to ask to send the money for the good news through our paypal.

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    1. Thank You! I am definitely a firm believer in going to the doctor and getting things checked, especially after what happened with my mom this year.

      That being said, I think this particular doctor could use a little more compassion, or at least judgement. Leaving me hanging like that… it wasn’t fair. And it likely wasn’t anything that even crossed his mind. I know they’re busy, but I just wish they knew how ominous voicemails and long wait periods made people feel. Ya know?

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    1. Firstly, I’m sorry that the same thing happened to you. It sucks! And secondly, YES! What else are you supposed to think other than the worst? It’s ridiculous.

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  11. Glad you’re OK… But I feel your stress!! But at least you only had to wait two weeks and a few hours to find out you were OK. I have just been through similar traumatic experiences in the UK – it has taken 9 months (with hospital visits and tests) to be finally told I shall live another day and had to fork out for a private consultation eventually to speed things up… In the meantime, I scoured the internet myself to make sense of the medical blurb contained in the LETTERS giving you results. Not always the best thing to do because without all the info, two and two doesn’t always add up to four… On the plus side, I am now well versed in the language of nodules and heart arrhythmia.. The silver lining!!!

    Lieve

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    1. Wow! It sounds like you’ve been through quite the ordeal. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with that. While I think it’s good to be well versed in what you’re dealing with, I also find google can be quite a scary place when you’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with you! That probably made you even more anxious, didn’t it?

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      1. It was helpful to some extent, and better than not having any information at all… but I am sure it could freak someone out as you always imagine the worst outcome first..

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  13. I’m glad you got good news but that was incredibly rude and unprofessional of the doctor IMO. My mom has had health problems all her life and if the results are good, they always give them to her over the phone! I’m sorry you had to go through that!

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    1. Yeah, I was pretty peeved at the doctor. Relieved, but also wanting to punch him in the face after. I’m sure you know exactly what I mean!

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  14. That happened me once too. Nothing all week then on the Saturday when the surgery was closed I getting a letter telling me they’ve been trying to contact me all week, I almost had heart failure. An anxious two days later and it was nothing, slightly low calcium… Ffs ffs ffs. But the anxiety nearly finished me before anything else could!!

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    1. Oh man, I don’t know what I would have done if I had to have waited two days.
      I’m so glad yours was nothing major and that it was all okay. I could imagine the anxiety really destroyed you that couple of days.

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  16. I’m waiting for an appointment to get in to see a specialist. I left a cheery, “Looking forward to hearing from you..’, message yesterday (inside my head I was screeching, and am impressed with my cool calm delivery – I deserve an Oscar) and the bastards haven’t called me back. So now I’ve got a long weekend and 2 weeks of holidays to worry that I’m dying. And OF COURSE I turned to trusty Doctor Google who has confirmed my fears (and added multiple other serious ailments to my mind!) 😅 Anxiety is a bitch. And have you ever noticed that those of us have amazing imaginations that always take us to the brink of insanity?

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    1. DON’T EVER TRUST DR. GOOGLE. Seriously. You’re only going to drive yourself further into the anxious hole that is your horrible thoughts/fears.

      Also, don’t ever be afraid to advocate for yourself and say you need in sooner or you need them to take you more seriously. Doctors have a way of ‘not rushing’. I hope you get your appointment soon. Crossing my fingers for you.

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      2. hahaha
        I’m very firm when it comes to looking things up on google. Sooner or later, if you keep at it you’ll convince yourself you have bubonic plague. lol

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      3. I once went so far down the rabbit hole that I was convinced that women must have (brace yourself) prostates that were just never discussed, and that I must have prostate cancer. This all started with a simple “what’s this pain on my right side” search. 🤦

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  17. SO relatable, as your posts always are!! There was definitely a more considerate way to deliver that news…but I’m glad you are ok!!! I’ve had similar experiences before as well, including recently an ominous voicemail that made me so worried that I cried at work — and then everything turned out to be fine.

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    1. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with similar. It’s really sucky! I wish that people wouldn’t put others through stuff like that. It’s like… they just don’t think.

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  21. I can do relate. They do this to me so often. I’ve had them make me jump through hoops to get good news but surprisingly I’ve had them drop bad news on my head like an atomic bomb and appear as if it was nothing. Looking at you with this expression like Did ya hear me? I have another patient waiting 😂😂😂 I must say that my current neurologist that is treating me for MS is a gem. I had to go through a lot of duds over the years to find him though.

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      1. Honestly it is through trial and error. For many people they are left having to deal with who is available in their area. I guess the best advise is to seek doctors at major academic centers i.e. University hospitals, etc if at all possible. Even if you can’t see a specialist at such a place on a regular basis, if you can go see them once or twice a year they will then work with your local physicians in a consulting capacity. Keep in mind that your doctor works for you. Don’t allow them to intimidate you into thinking they rule and you follow. My doctors learn very quickly that they will work in a partnership with me or they will be let go from my care team in a snap of my finger. This is my life, I’m the one living this life with an illness and they will respect me as a partner in my healthcare team. I can’t stress enough how important it is to educate yourself on research, treatments and the disease(s) you have so you can ask informed questions. It is not easy by any stretch but there are good doctors out there.

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  22. I don’t know why the did it in such a ridiculous way! I always have an option to mark “OK to leave a voice mail.” In most cases when the results are fine, they do. Also, my family doctor has a secure mailbox option on their website (this is not a regular email, something more secure). I’m just saying there are tons of normal ways to handle this! I am so sorry, and so understand how you felt!

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