Confessions of a Millennial

I was watching a tv-show earlier in which the characters were sharing confessions with one another. And, for some reason, I felt like sharing mine. Are these that interesting? Likely not. But, I’ve got a lot on my mind tonight so I thought I’d write them all down and let some of it out of my head. I may not leave these up. I’m not too sure.I’m just trying to declutter my mind right now…

I’m an emotional eater. When I get sad, I go for the junk food. When I’m lonely, I go for the junk food. When I’m indifferent, I go for the junk food. When I’m happy, bring out the cake! I hide food in my room so that I can eat when I get emotional. I know it’s not good for me. I absolutely know that. I have no excuses.

I didn’t leave my house at all yesterday. I didn’t even step out the door to go to the mailbox. I do this a lot. Sometimes I feel like I am not worthy of being around people, so I will just keep to myself as though the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

I once witnessed someone get hit upside the head (by a drug dealer) with a baseball bat and subsequently fall into the hot tub he was standing in front of. I was so scared, I didn’t know what to do. The Drug Dealer was screaming to leave him in there (the guy he just hit with the bat), and honestly, if it weren’t for one person who jumped into action, he probably would have drowned in there because we were all so scared that if we moved to help, he’d hit us with the bat as well.

The one time that I told a family member about my anxiety their response was ‘oh you’re just being dramatic’. As a result, I don’t think I’ll ever tell another family member ever again.

Someone tried to kidnap me when I was ten years old. He picked me up from behind, held me in his arm, put his hand over my mouth and started running for the mall door. I bit his hand and started to scream, and if it weren’t for a random stranger seeing me screaming as he was carrying me out the mall door, I really don’t know what would have happened. And that still haunts me. The man was never caught.

My worst kiss involved having the guy throw up mid kiss. Yup, someone else’s vomit in my mouth.

I’m very mean to myself. Every insecurity that I have come to light as a means to pick myself apart. I don’t want to be insecure, but I am. When people critique me, judge me or make fun of me, I wish they knew hat it’ll never be as bad as what I do to myself.

I started a youtube channel once. My first video got 300 views in the first couple of days being up and I got nervous of people judging me so I took it down.

I once had a side-hustle taking exams for other people.

My parents are racist. They say they’re not. But… the things they say, the actions they have, it shows in their character. And I get worried when I take them places they’re going to say something to someone of another race that cannot be forgotten, nor forgiven and that will get held against my character as well.

Sometimes I feel like I was born into the wrong family. I find myself wishing that I was adopted because then it might make more sense as to why I am the way that I am and why I have such a hard time ‘fitting in’ with this family. Then I feel bad for not being thankful for the family that I have. But I can’t help but shake this feeling that I don’t belong.

I have cried my way out of three speeding tickets.

What are your confessions? Things you don’t tell people. Things you won’t tell people. Things you’re afraid of getting out.

69 thoughts on “Confessions of a Millennial

  1. ¹I haven’t graduated college and I’ve been to three within a 10 year period. I am only a year short of a BA…(I’ve never gotten my Associates). It’s not for lack of trying. Things always get in my way that aren’t even my doing.

    ² I have always (knowingly) fucked other people’s partners; male and female. If only as a fling.

    ³ Because I had a crush on my female cousin for years. I masturbated thinking of her. (We’re not related).

    ⁴ Three years ago I let my male cousin eat my pussy for him to pay my phone bill. I didn’t have a job at the moment and was in deep debt. (We’re not related)

    ⁵ My daughter’s father still wants to get with me, but I don’t bother. I’m not attracted to him, he’s always in some type of trouble and I don’t want him thinking we’re getting back together. I am satisfied with us just being on speaking terms.

    ⁶ My daughter doesn’t know that I’m into kinky shit and that I’m pursuing a Poly-Quad relationship. She knows I’m bisexual and have been with a few women.

    ⁷ I’m afraid each day that no-one will want or understand me, no matter what I do.

    ⁸ I fear I’ll never be happy.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Taking exams for other people is so random and I envy you 💛 I wish I could have done that! I couldn’t imagine studying MORE material. Here are some of my confessions:

    I too had a YouTube channel and it’s still alive today; hellokitty8404. I haven’t uploaded anything in a few years and I think the channel has a few hundred followers. One video has over 50K views if I remember clearly. I used to Nightcore music and never claimed anything as my own due to copyrights and whatnot. Google the Nightcore genre. I felt like a DJ in a way because I would play with the pitches and tempos. 🎶😎

    I administrated multiple FB pages at one point. I came up with some page names, which one girl took as her own and tells ppl she came up with it. She also used one of my sketches as her Facebook profile picture without asking. I ended up meeting her in person 8 years later so we’re mutual, but I am still bitter about it. 🙇‍♀️💔

    I was a vegan for 3 months because I thought it was the healthiest diet at one point. I was anorexic when I was 14 and weighed 98 lbs at my worst, all because my mom called me fat and some girls really hated me; they made my life miserable at school. I still have anorexic thoughts to this day since these habits never really go away. Therapists say they do but they don’t. I’m always at the verge of slipping back into my old habits. 🌱☀️

    I never felt like I belonged in my family either. I always felt so lonely and was never one of those children who loved being an only child. I was the complete opposite. I HATED it, and honestly I think you are so lucky to have a big family. I wish I had nieces and nephews but I never will have blood relatives. I still have a lot of anger towards my parents and every day I ask the universe, why me? 😞🌧

    It took a long time for me to accept Rebecca’s condition. She was born blind in one eye, and her eyes are different sizes. Ppl point it out sometimes in public which is rude and hurtful. I had bad thoughts after she was born, but I’m over it now. I still ask the universe, why did this have to happen? 👀✨

    I find parenting stuff emotionally triggering as well as pregnancy posts. Even though I am a mom, I am not mommy obsessed if you know what I mean. You won’t find me posting parenting content non-stop. As of right now, I cannot follow these topics (pregnancy/motherhood) and had to take a big hiatus from IG again. Nobody knows why I suddenly disappeared a second time, so I thought I would confess here. Too much emotionally triggering content. One day when these topics no longer bother me, I will use IG again. Heck, I miss making IG stories! 🙏🏻🌹

    Liked by 6 people

    1. I, being a mom of a 31 year old daughter, a grandmother to 2 (a 4 yr old girl and a 14 yr old boy), I have missed out on raising my daughter because of a 16 year incarceration I served when she was 5. I have an estranged relationship with my grandson; I’ve barely seem him, we don’t really communicate. He lives with his dad in another state and I feel ashamed at times to admit I am a grandmother to him.

      My granddaughter lives with my daughter also in a different state, I do however speak/video chat with her; she’s the one I have a rapport with.

      My point is, I can relate to not posting about my daughter and grandkids as much as everyone else does. My daughter on the other hand usually tags and posts things about and for me on social media.

      Thank you for sharing that, I thought I was the only one. 😔

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Dear Submissive Element,

        I’m happy that what I wrote resonated with you. Not all moms are over-sharers on social media even though the stereotype suggests otherwise. For me, it’s hard to talk about my daughter’s medical condition. Luckily, she is healthy and happy. Her next surgery is in a couple of weeks but I don’t really talk about the struggles we go through, so nobody really knows.

        Wow, I couldn’t imagine what it’s like not having contact with your daughter. It sounds like you come from a rough past, but your future doesn’t have to be. From what I gathered, your daughter had her first kid when she was a teen (?) which couldn’t have been easy for her either. I’m 28 and I find that raising a toddler can be frustrating at times.

        My mother is really attached to my daughter even though she lives halfway across the country, so I do believe that there is a special connection between grandmothers and granddaughters. It’s nice that you still have contact with your granddaughter despite the situation. You’re definitely not alone! 🙏🏻🌹🌹

        Liked by 2 people

    2. 1. I just checked out your Youtube channel. You have over 500 subscribers!

      2. Completely understand you on the family front. They say the grass is always greener, but I think even though we grew up with different families, we can connect on that feeling of not belonging.

      3. I can’t imagine what it feels like.

      4. I remember us talking about parenting being triggering when we were at Starbucks and I can completely understand. All I can say is, the universe has a plan for you. Perhaps you’ll have 20 babies, beat out Michelle Duggar, get your own tv show and be rich and famous and always surrounded by huge family. All in due time, my dear.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. 1. Do I really? That’s cool! I lost count a while ago. I remember when I first started this blog I plastered links to my blog on that channel, in a desperate attempt to get more traffic on here. 😂

        2. Feeling left out is the worst feeling ever. Being lonely sucks, but not having a place where you feel like you truly belong sucks even more. I can totally relate to you there, because your grass looks green to me.

        4. Yep, you are actually the first person I ever told that to (and now here in the comments). Idk why but I feel safe being vulnerable here but I do. Hmm, it’s unlikely I would ever have 20 kids. At the rate I’m going, my biological clock isn’t getting any younger and I would be lucky to have 3 or 4 happy, healthy kids. It would be nice to have twins I think. I rather not be famous in the public eye and rather be a famous blogger instead. 😂

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Just reading this feels liberating. People should be more open about these things. We all have confessions. You had a YT channel? I wish I’ve seen it, now I’m curious! My confessions:
    1. I once ‘released’ a patient who wasn’t commited voluntary because she convinced me that her husband was outside waiting for her. We ended up having to ‘catch’ her and she was put in isolation.
    2. When I feel the expectations of others to do something that I don’t want to do, I always lie and say that I will. I’m never in the mood to explain.
    3. I’m overly friendly to my landlord and don’t complain too much and always get what I want.
    4. I pretend that reading is my hobby but the truth it that I can’t concentrate for 30′ straight.
    Those are just a few things I can think off in the moment but I think everybody needs to make a series like this. We’ll feel better and understand others more. We’re not as weird as we think.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. 1 – Whoah! What happened to her? She must’ve been very convincing if she swindled you into letting her out. Perhaps if she’s out and healthy now she should consider a career in sales.
      2 – I do this too! I say I’ll do it and then I never do. I either hope they never bring it up again, or I lie and say I did it if they ever bring it up again.
      4 – HAHAH! I think you’re probably one of many who do this.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. She is a very, nice and calm lady when her condition is under control. She got out fine, back her husband who was there for her a few months later 😀 I don’t remember what she did for a living, maybe she worked in sales, could be!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing and very very interesting. I love it all and completely understandable however my best one is your side hustle! Just shows how fab you are – the rest wont break you but this little bushel of cheeky fire you gotta hold onto

    Liked by 5 people

  5. I’ve been hit with depression and anxiety many times- and it still does- and I never told and will tell a soul. I just accepted it to be a reality that no one would take you seriously when you try to tell them about your “drama”.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Well you’ve told a soul now, because you’ve told me. I take you seriously and I don’t think you’re being dramatic. Being able to admit it, even if it’s to a total stranger, is a big step and a really good thing. Sending you positivity and letting you know you’re not alone.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. I hate school but I love learning, I’m always curious to learn how and why things work out the way they do.
    I also don’t like my family, I wish I had been born into a different family that I’ve envisioned in my head.
    I’m afraid of all animals in every form whatsoever.
    I actually enjoy not doing any hard labour, but everyone is convinced I like being busy and working hard.

    Liked by 4 people

  7. You know what Vee, I am so happy to have found your blog. Whatever you write and the way you express yourself, I find my own strength in your words that I’ve lost somehow. I know I have my reasons but you are amazing. I’ll share my confessions too 😊 And you know what, while I was coming to the end I felt this can prove to be one of the ways to find your true people. Because not everyone accepts our worst sides. And the ones who’d do, they are here to stay. I feel you 💯 Take care my dear.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. I too am inspired and moved by whatever V posts. There are days I don’t feel like speaking with anyone; let alone, get out of bed.

      I know she has her days like that as well, but I admire how she keeps going.

      A couple weeks back I deleted the 2 blogs I started (I just restarted them…same names and everything, just minus the quantity of followers I started getting) from depression and feeling like I wasn’t good enough and that people may not really like me and/or think I’m too weird.

      But, I smile when I read a post from V and others that I follow because their posts touch, inspire, and relate to me. At least that’s how I feel.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I understand what it’s like to want to delete what you right. All I can say is, sometimes leaving things up is the best thing you can do for your psyche. Sometimes leaving it up opens the door to amazing comments from amazing strangers like this one I’m reading from you right now.

        It’s a scary world, putting yourself out there. But do it anyway, because it’s good for you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeeeeees, you have no idea how much I regret that I’ve done that. I had some great posts and didn’t have them saved.

        I sometimes do that when I feel really depressed.

        I do that a lot. I sincerely TRY not to

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you for being a cheerleader forever in my corner. Thank you for being so kind, even when I feel like I don’t deserve it. Just thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Feels great to get things off our chests, V 🙂 Keep yourself healthy & safe—always. Other people’s business is none of yours, btw—and neither is Your business theirs 😉 Having said that, tell whomever you need, whatever you need…better for the soul in the end, or so I’ve found. 💖 Take Care & Enjoy Today (write away—yes, that’s a pun 😂).

    Liked by 4 people

  9. I know I have a lot of those same fears and anxieties. I just want you to know you are not alone. I read everything that you put out, and honestly I am amazed at how much you have accomplished and your go-getter attitude. Girl, you are doing it right! I have no doubt you have changed lives with your blog, you will never know the true extent that you have blessed other people.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Omg! That’s horrible! Worst kiss for me felt like the dude sucked my whole face in his mouth! My nose, lips and chin were covered with his spit as his tongue circulated over them.

      I never saw him again, but that was back in high school over 30 years ago.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, part of me thinks it’s something the majority of us do and we just don’t talk about it because… well I don’t know about you, but I hate when people say ‘Don’t do that, you’re fine!’ and ‘You’re just being dramatic!’

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah I feel like we’re scared we’ll be judged for it because like honestly people are super judgy about our generation and are always telling us were being melodramatic so we just keep it in and don’t say anything.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I can’t confess too much here because many people in my personal life may read lol including my mom (although she knows everything I would confess anyway).

    Strange about the kidnapping incident, because I had something similar happen to me when I was twelve. I was walking home from school and these two men in a truck started harassing me and then got out of the truck and chased after me. Fortunately I wasn’t far from my grandmas house and I told her what happened.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. The more I learn about you the more easily I can accept myself, just knowing I’m not alone in this world helps incredibly. I also have days that I don’t leave the house, don’t get dressed, don’t brush my hair, etc. I guess it’s a good thing that I now have to pick my youngest up from school every day, it gives me a reason to get dressed anyway. I still get back into my pajamas when I get back home though lol. Thank you for all your honesty and for being so real. You help me realize that all our quirks should be celebrated! You’ve also inspired me to do the same thing on my own blog with confessions (if you don’t mind?)

    Liked by 3 people

    1. DO IT! DO IT AND THEN TELL ME. I want to read them. Please!

      Also – the great thing about kids as they can provide you that motivation to get out of the house because they have to get picked up. Even if you come home and put your PJs right back on, you still did it. You still got out there and put yourself into the world and that counts.

      Liked by 2 people

  12. V, I love how you put yourself out there for others to read about.
    It tells me you are going through the same fights as myself and others.
    I can go for days without going outside, except for taking my dog out to do business.
    When it comes to blood family I talk to only my daughter, grandkids, her boyfriend, and one maternal aunt in Ontario. When she goes I will have no connections there in Ontario where I grew up.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You’re a lot like me in a sense. I don’t have kids or grandkids, so we’ll count mine as my brothers – other than them, I only have one aunt that I speak with. The rest of my family is a lot of drama and judgment that I choose to not have in my life.

      It’s crazy to me how we’re so different and we’re from different generations, parts of the country, backgrounds and so on and so forth, and we’re so similar in so many ways,

      Liked by 2 people

  13. I’ve got a confession.

    I think deep down, I was never meant to be a good person.

    I don’t know if it’s a hereditary thing (my biological father’s side of the family is chock full of some rotten bastards) or maybe it’s my Jungian shadow trying to claw its way to the surface of my psyche, but I keep finding myself wanting to do terrible self-destructive things. I try to be a nice person and always do the right thing, but every once in awhile, someone or something pushes me to the edge and suddenly I feel like lashing out, regardless of the consequences.

    I’ve been trying to understand myself a little more (hence the Jungian psychology reference), but I’m afraid of what I might find lurking in the dark corners of my psyche.

    Maybe my shadow is meant to be the real me, and this facade I’ve been putting up all my life is starting to fall away?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think the fact that you try to be a nice person shows that you have a good soul inside of you. I am someone who thinks there’s propensity for evil in all of us, it’s a matter of choices that keeps the pendulum from swinging to the destructive direction.

      Everyone gets angry. And everyone gets pushed to the edge. And that is me in no way, shape or form trying to devalue your feelings, I’m just saying, so long as you’re willing to fight that urge, I think you’ll stay a good person and you evil side won’t rear its ugly head.

      It’s all in the choices you make.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Are we? Are you alternate universe me, here to tell me that it’s all going to work out okay in the end? Or am I alternate universe you, able to communicate through the interwebs to make you feel like someone out there is like you?

      Liked by 1 person

  14. My confessions:
    1. I hate people. As weird as it may sound, I don’t like being around people. I love my company, yet I’m a chatty person🙄.

    2. I talk to myself audibly. It makes others uncomfortable when they walk in on me gisting with invisible friends at my age.

    3. I do the hissing sound to pee. Others find it weird. I wish I could pee without calling it out tho.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re not alone in the hating of people. I’m totally with you there.

      HAHAHA I talk to myself to. I’m glad I’m not alone.

      I would probably laugh if you were in the stall next to me and you started hissing! Not out of being mean, but just because that sounds really funny!

      Liked by 1 person

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