I want to talk about faults.

Because I have a lot of them. And I’m a firm believer that, in this life, if you own who you are (both the good and the bad) that is how you lead a fulfilled life. Being self-aware is also a means to get better.

When I talk about my faults, I don’t do it to be self-deprecating. I don’t do it for pity, or for people to feel sorry for me. I do it because I have a keen understanding of who I am and I do not believe that you can work past your faults or through your struggles if you do not own them. And I want to bet a better person.

  • I get angry easily. In life, in traffic, in line at the grocery store… and it’s not always easy for me to let it go.
  • I have a hard time forgiving. And I never forget. Things tend to haunt me, rather than me being able to move on.
  • I’m cranky sometimes. Actually, if you talked to any of my exes, they’d probably tell you it’s more than sometimes.
  • I’m a bit of a pushover. I have a hard time standing up for myself. A lot of the time I just say it’s not worth it, and as a result, people tend to treat me like shit. Which is probably a big contributor to my low self-esteem.
  • I swear far too much. Sometimes I can help it and sometimes I cannot. But either way, I’m aware of how often I swear. And I get really angry at myself when I do it front of kids.
  • I’m insecure about a lot of things. My intelligence, my appearance, my ability… to name a couple of things.
  • I like things to be my way. And I don’t always handle it well if I don’t get my way. Again, my exes could probably attest to this.
  • I let my social anxiety keep me from experiencing the things in life I dream of doing.
  • I don’t trust. But I am also too trusting at the same time.
  • I shop too much. I think that things will fulfill me when I know that’s not the case. But alas, here I am with all of these things that don’t bring me the happiness I am looking for. And, in the grand scheme of things, I don’t have all that much. Knowing that almost makes me more sad.
  • I use the faults and the hardships of others to boost my own confidence. And that makes me a shitty fucking person.

Growth. while it has always been something I’ve sought, is something that’s become more important to me this year than ever before. I want to be better. I want to work through my faults to become a better person – the best person that I can be.

My inherent flaws have become abundantly clear to me to the point that I can no longer avoid them.

I need to be better. Perhaps if I tell more people about it, I’ll be more inclined to make changes in my life to actually be better and not just talk about it…

61 thoughts on “I want to talk about faults.

  1. I love how open and honest, you are about your imperfections. I know this blog will touch the right and give them the courage to look in the mirror. One step to a happier and healthier life. keep up the good work, I really enjoy your posts.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I think it’s just important for me to admit it to myself. But yeah, one step at a time. I definitely could be a lot better of a person than I am.

      Like

  2. Hey – if you ever need a helping hand don’t be afraid to reach out girl, even though we barely know each other, if i can help you (since my friends tell me i’m a pep talker and motivating overall lol) i’d be glad to. 😀 don’t be afraid of change as well, growth can’t happen without change

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I’ve worked 4am to 8pm for years for shit money. My boss wants to fire me because I won’t go to the doctor again out of my own pocket to get a release from a motorcycle accident. If we looked at the economics of our two groups and our two classes. The blame is put solely on me. I’m the crappy one. Don’t go playing pity party for yourself.

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  3. So many faults! I have more 😀 I try to love myself despite all my faults and laugh about them. I have given up to be a better person because it didn’t work for me. But I can be better if I start to like me. Writing those ‘faults’ down like you did, is very honest. I think it is a good start for change.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think you’re right. It is a good start for change, Being self aware and honest with yourself is important. And yes, it’s also important to like yourself in spite of your faults.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Like you,
    I am so quick to anger its insane, I’m trying so hard to zen out but it also makes me very…hazy if it makes sense.
    And you are NOT a pushover! Remember how you stood up for yourself at the parking lot and PROTECTED yourself!
    I agree with the anxiety thing, I just feel like nothing has ever gone well in my life so why would this? So, i just freeze while all my friends live fulfilling lives.
    I love shopping too, that instant gratification is sadly what helps me go on.
    I get what you are feeling man. So so much.

    You are so honest and that’s really refreshing, its rare to see someone be so self-aware and truly that is the first step but if they are weaved so deeply into your nature, it will truly take a very conscious effort to get them out of your system. This will be a good thing to look back on and realize DAMN IVE GROWN SO MUCH! Believe in you, V! ❤❤❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I will try to believe in me.

      I think there are some things that I am really confident about and somethings that I curl up in a ball as a shell of a human being. Standing up for myself was because the dude had pissed me off. In a lot of situations, I’d just ignore that…

      I’m sorry about your anxiety. I know what it’s like to freeze while it seems like everyone else around is leading a fulfilling life.

      Sending love ❤ You're such a kind soul and your comments mean so much when I read them. Thank You ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad you can recognise your merits too! Take it one step and one opportunity at a time to do something different and better for yourself! Thank you so much for saying that, its a little cheesy but truly, we’re all in this together. ☺️

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    1. I think that’s a good point to make. Pointing out your own flaws doesn’t make you a better person. You actually need to do the work to change to be a better person. Thank you for sharing

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Like I always say I admire people who own up to their faults just like you,i think we both have some common flaws so I understand you pretty well.. It’s a first step you took in admitting them I think you will do just fine because you did the most difficult thing when it comes to mistake “admitting them”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think it’s difficult to overcome them. Admitting to them, for me, is the easy part. I know my faults. I think it’s right there, in the action, in that moment, that you have to be able to stop and fix your behaviour. That’s where I struggle. I know I have these issues because I think of it after the fact – but in the moment, I struggle to control myself.

      Thank you for your kind comment. It’s nice to know that people understand. ❤

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      1. Don’t be too hard on yourself V, we all have our flaws…the difference is just that some find it hard in overcoming them.
        But since you have the interest to I think it won’t be long before you overcome them.
        Maybe all you have to do is to ask yourself what really gets you angry, what agitates you the most, then try your best to avoid those things and make some efforts in restraining yourself and thinking before you act..and knowing that it doesn’t worth your stress.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you ❤

        These days, it seems like everything can set me off. I feel like I'm just a big ball of anger waiting to erupt. But, I think that has to do with my current stage of life and I'm hoping once things get more settled, I'll be a lot more calm.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t think that you should hate yourself. Being self-aware isn’t about hating yourself, it’s about knowing where your flaws are to try and make an effort to change. We’re all human and we all have flaws – you can choose to hate yourself because of that or you can choose to make yourself better. ❤ And heaven knows, we always have room for improvement!

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  6. Totally get it. I am over 40 now and am only now starting to get a grip on myself. Sure, I’ve been successful in many aspects of my life, but understanding who I am/was hasn’t come easy, and really is always a work-in-progress.
    I totally empathize and understand all those traits you listed above. I have many myself. I write about it regularly too (often tying back to my writing, but it impacts everything else).
    Just don’t be too hard on yourself and remember you are not alone.
    And thanks for being so open. Believe it or not, it’s helpful to others like me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s a vicious circle at times. You’re right, it doesn’t always come easy and it’s really good to always be a work in progress.

      I’ll try not to be too hard on myself. But, at the same time, I want to be hard on myself so that I know I have to be better.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s normal to have flaws; we are human. I like that you are accepting yours and learning to embrace them. By being aware of them and working with them rather than against them, you will be that much closer to finding inner peace. 🙏🏻💕

    Your last point really resonated with me. I used to focus on people’s flaws and shortcomings as a way to make myself feel better. However, blowing out someone else’s candle does not make your flame shine brighter. For every flaw I found in the person, I could often come up with 10 good things they had that I didn’t have. Self comparison is truly the thief of joy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a really good point. For every one flaw they might have, I’ve got ten in place of that, so I should stop trying to use their shortcomings to boost myself up.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Wow, that’s a real outpouring you did there. So now it’s up to you. You know your flaws and if you want to change them and improve yourself, you’ve already made that list. You get points for that. Why don’t you write beside each point, what you’d rather be and then work towards it? You stand a great chance of improving that way if you use it as a daily motivator.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s a really good idea. I think I might make a list of how to fix them and put it on my wall next to my bed. Use it as a means to motivate myself.
      Thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I totally get it! We introverts tend to have some of the qualities (or should I say flaws) you mentioned. God knows I could really use a healthy dose of good self-esteem, myself. But kudos to you for putting yourself out there; it takes guts.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Honestly, I bet a health dose of self-esteem would help me make the jump from being a shitty person to a much better person. You’re right though, I do think a part of it has to do with being an introvert and that fear I have because of it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can understand, even I am quite similar. Sometimes it is also the result of the people we are surrounded with. Building your self confidence might sound easy but it is an Herculean task. But you are already in the right direction. Keep going!

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    1. It’s funny, you know, when I started this blog I thought I would catch a lot of flack from people not of my generation. I thought they’d see me as spoiled or entitled or stupid. Hearing comments like this makes me feel grateful that people understand. It’s a nice feeling. Thank you for your comments and kindness and appreciation.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yup. Loved Montreal and Vermont and the people I met. Met one of my blogging friends and that was so awesome 😇
        Part time work is good at times; gives you more time to reflect and to be with yourself.
        Paramahansa Yogananda had said: Failure word should not be there in the dictionary. If at all there is Failure; it is when we we refuse to get up! Am so proud of you V. Never ever give up. Never ever give up on life! Make the best of today.
        Big 🤗 and loads of love 💕

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. Thank you for letting me know. That’s really disappointing to see. I really appreciate you sharing it with me. Thank you for letting me know.

      Like

      1. No worries. He also reposted one of our articles without our permission and we already submitted a report via the DMCA form. I did a little research and found out that most of his contents were copied from other blogs without proper credits. I hope he will stop doing this. It gets really frustrating especially that there is no way to contact their blog as their email address indicated in their contact form is invalid.

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      2. Damn. I’m really sorry that your work got copied too. This is a really shitty feeling. And I guess, I totally know how you feel right about now. It sucks that people will do this. It really sucks.

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      3. I know right. I reported him already and I hope WordPress will do something about this right away. Please do report him too so it won’t happen again to other bloggers. 😌

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      4. I did! Thanks to you sending me that link as well. Nobody should be able to steal like that and get away with it.

        Like

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