Throwing me a lifeline.

I’ve been going through a bit of an existential crisis lately. Turning 31, still struggling to find anything employment wise, fighting (literally physically fighting) with my family at what seems like every turn, and getting a lot of hate on this blog as of late has been causing me a lot of worry. My thin skin is shining through and it’s just crossed this barrier beyond stress to a point in which I’ve been genuinely struggling to make it through the day.

I’m really having a hard time. I’ve felt like I’ve been drowning. Slowly. Little by little. Day after day.

I’ve been living off my credit card. And, as that gets closer and closer to my limit, I get more and more afraid about what the next few months are going to entail. Last night, out of nowhere, like the Knight in Shining Armour that he is, Knight sent me money. Just because. I can’t even begin to say how much of a weight it lifted off my shoulders. It’s not that I needed the money, or that I’d ever ask him for it. It’s almost as if he just kind of… knew.

To me, it wasn’t the fact that he sent me money, it’s the fact that he knew. He knew I needed someone to extend a hand.

I’m trying to hold it together. I really am. I’m just having a harder time lately. People tell me it is because I’m coming up on a year of unemployment and I’m afraid to reach that date, though I shouldn’t be because it’s an arbitrary date… nothing more than a date on a Calendar.

I have thin skin, an anxious mind and a restless heart.

And honestly, it’s moments like last night that I remember he’s the one who’s been with me through it all. The one who’s supported me, the one who’s encouraged me, the one who’s made me feel like this awkward in-between stage of my life won’t last forever and that I will get through this. I’m so thankful for that.

I hope that everyone gets the opportunity to have a Knight in their life.

69 thoughts on “Throwing me a lifeline.”

  1. I’m sorry it’s so right for you. Life is crappy for me and I received this message out of the blue from my Knight. I thought it was odd after not hearing from him for so long; life has been busy for both of us. He said he just knew something was wrong. Funny part of this: I call him Robin and I am Batman. He asked me why and I told him to look at his birth certificate-it’s your middle name.🙂🙃😂 Everybody should have a Robin, or Knight. Chin up, V. 🙃

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  3. First of all, I don’t know what’s going on with anyone who would grief you for your blog. You’ve said nothing wrong, so chalk it up to anonymous jerk syndrome.

    Second, I’ve heard that volunteering is a great way to network and keep up your resume. Not to mention a way to get some human interaction during a time when you are down. You are in PR, right? Have you considered/tried volunteering?

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    1. I know it’s anonymous jerk syndrome but my thin skin still has a hard time letting it go. Sadly.

      Thank you for the suggestion. I guess I never really thought of volunteering this time of year, but it’s probably a good time of year to actually do it.

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      1. I bet there’s tons of places who would love to have to have your expertise. Professional associations, charities, museums… Just and idea.

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  4. Ok, so I’ve been binge reading your blog today, so if your stats are weird, it’s probably just me. But, more importantly, I just want to say that even though we don’t know each other, and I’m a new reader to your blog, I want to let you know that you’re not alone. It’s super hard to admit when you’re struggling, and I just want you to know that it will be ok .. that YOU will be OK. How do I know this? I guess I just do. Because I’m hopeful for you, and I want you to keep that hope alive, too. And I’m very glad you have Knight there to help prop you up when you’re not feeling strong. Sending love to you!

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  5. I’m sorry you’re struggling at this moment. I’m unsure who is not loving this blog as much as I am. It’s hard to see when your facing all that you are, but just know that your words are so helpful to me, and I’m sure others. I hope things take a turn for the better, you deserve that ☺️

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      1. No thanks necessary, that’s what this community is about being there, even if just to listen, with zero judgement and 1000% understanding.

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    1. Oh, I can say it. I just try to not say it unless I really, really, really need it. I don’t want to be the girl who cried wolf. He knows me though. He knows enough of me to know when I need a ‘hand to hold’ so to speak. He gets me. And that’s a good feeling.

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  8. Life is very hard. There’s been times when I’ve wanted to quit, and just give up on everything. I’m not sure if you believe in this, but miracles tend to happen when you least expect them to. When you aren’t thinking about employment, and eagerly waiting to a response, you’ll likely get one along with opportunities. Perhaps you could take a break from applying to jobs and do nothing. Even if taking a break doesn’t seem like an option right now, it could help to clear your mind and get a fresh perspective on things.

    I’m happy that everything is well between you and Knight. For a while, I was a bit worried but I’m not anymore. He’s in your life for a reason, and I believe that he’ll stay in your life. Fate brought you two together and there’s a reason for that.

    I’m sorry you have been receiving hate on this blog lately. I’ve heard that other bloggers had similar experiences and some even shut their blogs down due to the bullies. IGNORE THE SEAGULLS.

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  9. Sometimes, all you need is a hand!

    I’ve been very fortunate that I’ve made the friends I have because otherwise I would have been sent packing back to my parent’s house, giving up and getting a typical 9-5 for the next 30 years until I eventually die of a heart attack.

    And it’s because of the generosity of my friends that I’m gearing up for the next journey and finally doing something I’ve always wanted to do.

    So wherever your journey might take you, whether the seas are calm or stormy, it’s great to know you have friends you believe in you and whom you can rely on.

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    1. Awe, it sounds like you’ve got an incredible group of friends around you. It’s nice to hear that you’re starting your new journey and I hope that it leads you to much success and fulfillment.

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    1. I just… like, I would never leave someone a nasty comment on their blog. If I didn’t agree with them, I’d probably just leave their blog. I don’t get why they feel so inclined to leave me nasty comments?

      Also, thank god for the fact that new commentors need to be approved before their comments are seen. Because I may see them but they never make it to my blog. #CommentTrashed

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      2. Guess my opinions piss people off enough to warrant nasty messages.
        Thanks for reading hateful people? I don’t know.
        I need to develop a thicker skin.

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  16. Find a job outside of your current preference. Just to make ends meet. It will relieve the pressure and give you mental space to continue to create.

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    1. Thanks. I’ve been trying. I’ve been turned down from the grocery store, Walmart, KFC and McDonalds. Turned down for the gas station, janitorial at the College (actually all jobs at the college) and so on and so forth.

      I was told that I don’t have enough experience as an assistant to be an assistant and that I don’t know enough about forestry to work at the mill. The print press shop I interviewed at told me that I don’t have enough physical strength to lug boxes all day and the train station just straight up wouldn’t even take my resume.

      Needless to say, it’s a weird in between stage for me. Hence why I whine a lot. On the plus side, I’ve become really, really great with dealing with rejection. lol

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      2. They see a degree and a decade of work experience in PR and Digital Marketing and they automatically count me out. My friend that works at the grocery store said it’s because they assume I’m just gonna leave and quit right away to go hack ti corporate when I land am office job.

        Someone on here told me a few months back to dumb down my resume for retail places, so I did and then when I went to the interviews I got declined. Dont know if they just didn’t like me or I didn’t come across right but when they met me they no longer wanted me.

        Walmart even told me my skills dont closely enough match that of a cashier to be able to be one.. loo

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      3. Hmm makes sense, I mean if you’re an introvert and hate small talk, working as a cashier that has to repeat the same phrases over and over again for hours is probably not a good idea lol. I know that I’d hate it 😂. They can probably sense that.

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      4. Yeah, but I worked in PR so I can ‘fake it’ way better than the next guy, so to speak. People used to tell me I’m so good at Faking it that I could make them think I love them whilst I stab them in the back.

        I think places like Wal-Mart just want more people that ‘fit the mould’. People that won’t try to change things or make things better but rather, just go with the status quot. Check in at 7:59 and check out at 5:01. Never question, never query just go along as is. I don’t think I come across as one of those people. Maybe? Or maaybe they jut think my personality sucks. Who knows.

        I think I have a sparkling personality. lol

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      5. LOL that last sentence, it’s like talking to myself 😂. Yeah, maybe that’s it. People who seem too “dominant” and unwilling to go with the status quo might have some disadvantages in those kind of jobs.

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  17. I’m sorry you’ve had horrible comments on your blog. I don’t understand why people have to be horrible. Can’t people disagree with someone and still be kind and respectful? I’m glad you have your Knight and that he just knows when you need him without you having to ask. Hugs from across the pond.

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    1. Yeah. I get that not everyone agrees with my opinion, but I guess if they don’t then they should just move along and not be nasty.

      Thank you for the hugs and the kind remarks. It makes me happy to know there are people out there like me ❤

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  18. So people take precious time out of their day to let a ‘stranger’ know their nasty thoughts. Must be a momentary relief for them but I wouldn’t like to live in their heads or harts.
    Delete and move on!

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  19. Sorry for being so late (I blame the time difference), but as you can see there are many people who genuinely support you and wish you nothing but the best. I am sorry it’s been a rough year, I completely understand how it “drags” in so many ways. I am so happy Knight is there for you. No doubt, you would do the same for him if it was the other way around.
    Sending hugs across the ocean ❤

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    1. Thank You ❤ Thank you sincerely. I know we're strangers but I feel like we're friends and you've been such a huge support system for me on this blog. Thank you ❤

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  20. My parents did the same thing recently. We had been living pretty frugally all year, and then they came to visit out of the blue, and pretty much saved us – without us asking.

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  21. Scream, throw things, punch things, turn up the music and dance like a crazy lady. Get the stagnant energy and frustration moving. I too am watching my credit card balance soar. To put it bluntly, ITS FUCKING STRESSFULL……I’m so sorry for your struggle and I understand. Meditation has been my only life line. It lets in that small sane voice of the divine. I really like “To be Magnetic.com” The workshops involve journaling and meditations that reprogram your subconscious and uncover where you are “blocked”. It’s not new age mumbo jumbo, you are encouraged to lean into the negative and kill the root not just gloss over it with thinking positive or repeating affirmations. It’s been rather transformative if you’re into that kind of thing. In the mean time keep kicking ass and taking names, you got this shit

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  24. V please know you are NOT alone in this. You have many followers who are experiencing the same thing or have in the past. Practice the unconventional wisdom I posted about, take time EVERY DAY to do something that brings you joy or fulfillment. I wish I could wave a magic wand for all of us in that kind of situation. The best I can do is to send thoughts of strength and hope.

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  25. I have read your blog often but this is the first time I was able to comment… so yay!
    I’ve been and am, in some ways where you are right not. I know the shitty-ness that it can be. Someday aren’t always as bad as others… thank god for those… anxiety is a real bitch! It messes with your mind and your body. Depression only adds fuel to the fire. I wish I didn’t know but I do…
    The blog… the writing, for me is a savior in many ways but I get crap from my family for my blog too. But it’s not for them… it’s for you💙 keep it going! Everyone loves it!

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    1. Anxiety is a real bitch. It feels like it controls your mind and because of that, the depression is all that can win.

      Thank you for your wonderful comment, and for sharing with me ❤ It means a lot ❤

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  26. I remember everybody who helped me on the way (at least I hope I do!), and now I am this very person. Who emerges in the people’s lives and gives hope and help:)

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  27. Aww, honey, I remember my 30s all too well. Crazy, emotional, busy with the repetitiveness of just living. Having started my journey into my 60s, I can promise you it does get better. I know that sounds like a platitude, but I believe it from the bottom of my heart. You lean on your friends, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you’ll make it through this difficult time. Your friends, in-person & through the blog are here for you.

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  28. I’m so sorry it’s been so rough… I wish there was something I could say or do to help but anything I do say will make me a total hypocrite as a fellow 31 year old on her umpteenth midlife crisis 😂I can’t remember the amount of times I’ve reached the edge and had to drag myself back. I’m glad you have a ‘knight’ in your life and fighting in your corner, but what you may not realise is that you would have made it regardless, because you’re a tougher cookie than you give yourself credit for. It’s a shitty crappy horrible time right now, but it will force you to keep going and to adapt, and it’ll make your skin a little thicker without you realising. Hang in there, there will be brighter days. And we’re all here, always. I’m around too if ever you want to chat anytime. Sending lots of hugs your way  ♥
    Caz xx

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  29. Sending you love. So happy for you that you have Knight, your silver lining. I hope u find a good job that makes you happy soon, but im afraid ull stop blogging if u do. As a writer as well, i know we write the most when we feel miserable.

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