Find out who your friends are…

~ V

I’ll probably be posting a lot today. I tend to post more when I’m sad, and today I am really sad. I guess that’s life though. Some days you’re up and some days you’re down.

Also, I have a lot to say.

Also, I just like this place.

Alright, I’ll stop justifying myself and start.

The song ‘Find Out Who Your Friends Are’ is ringing true today. Actually, it’s been ringing true to me for most of this year. When I got fired, I thought that I had friends at my job. I thought that I had people who would be there for me, people who cared, whether I worked with them or not. To my shock, my being fired was met with dead silence, or messages of ‘That sux!’ from the people I worked with.

‘That sux!’? Yeah, it does suck getting railroaded because your boss is breaking the law. You knew what was going on, you saw that I got railroaded and you’re still going along with it.

The people that were there for me when I got fired? Knight. My two best friends in Vancouver, volunteering to get on planes and telling me to come live with them. The people that weren’t there for me? The friends I thought were friends at my work. Guess our getting along was contingent on my being their coworker.

Nevertheless, I’ve heard from former coworkers four times over the past ten months, the most recent of which being today. Each time it hasn’t been to check on me, to reach out, to see how I was doing or any of those things. When they reach out, it’s been to ask me how to do things, or how I did things.

Each time my response has been: “That sounds like a problem for Clint (former boss)!”

Today one of my former coworkers texted me with an offer of a trip. When I said ‘No thanks’, they responded with ‘Shoot, I was hoping you’d say yes so that I could ask you for something!’.

Go figure eh?

I don’t like associating people who only offer something when they know they need to ask for something from you. To me, when you give something, there are no strings attached. When I give something there is certainly no strings attached to it.

I was not shocked, nor surprised to hear that they wanted something from me. The song reads:

You find out who your friends are
Somebody’s gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas get their fast
Never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me?’ or ‘it’s way too far.’
They just show on up with their big old heart

And with people like this, they’re always asking ‘What’s in it for me?’

All I can say is, I know who my friends are. I know who’s been there for me, always, no questions ask, nothing required in return.

Oh, also, to my former coworker who wants something from me today… go ask Clint. No amount of trips or money or anything that you could possibly offer me would make me want to do anything for your office. Leave me the fuck alone.

Switching gears entirely…

I wrote a Guest Post for a friend’s blog. If you haven’t heard of ‘Rethinking Scripture’, please go and check out Dwain’s blog, and read my guest post. I’ll admit, it might be a little sad. But, people tend to appreciate my ‘Dear Self’ letters, so if you want to see it – this week’s ‘Dear Self’ is on Dwain’s blog. Go to Rethinking Scripture >

Published by V

Overly sentimental, heel-loathing introvert, problem solver and lover of the night.

69 thoughts on “Find out who your friends are…”

  2. Oh goodness, this is so true. I remember when I was first fired at my second job, I was hoping that the coworkers at my job, whom I’ve considered friends, would back me up. Suffice to say, they were the ones who ratted me out on how I felt about the horrible conditions at the job. Needless to say, I’ve kept an eye out on certain folks at my current job who are being too political and trying to be extra friendly with me.

    One thing I’ve learned earlier on during my career is that the ones who go to you quickly to gossip about others will be the one who will gossip about you behind your back. I have a very small group of friends that were there with me through thick and thin and I’m grateful for their time of need, without any hidden motives.

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  5. I’ve been reading Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life (or whatever it’s actually called) and the third rule is something like “make friends with people who want the best for you.” I just finished the chapter and this post really made me think of that. The rule sounds obvious enough although harder to put into practice. And it’s really difficult to realize if people really do want the best for us or if they simply want something in return.

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  6. First off, love that song! Big fan of it. Second, I’ve got some Stoic wisdom from 2,000 years ago that applies perfectly to this situation: Begin each day by telling yourself “Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness – all of them due to the offenders’ ignorance of what is good or evil.”

    Sorry about feeling abandoned by friends. I’ve had that happen before where someone you thought was a good friend just falls off the map, or you fall off and they make no attempt to get a hold of you. It’s best to just leave those folks behind.

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  9. I know how you feel, I was dismissed from a job 2 years ago (due to ill health) and I really thought I had made lifelong friends with them. Never heard from them again and it still hurts me.

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    1. I’m sorry for going through that. No one should ever be dismissed out of a job due to their health. Sounds like your former employer was a real shiteous company.

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  10. So true. When things get tough you find out who your real friends are. I’ve discovered that over the last couple of years. The good thing is a few real friends is enough and you definitely don’t want ‘friends’ that are only nice to you if it benefits them. ❤️

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      3. Yup! It means, once you go up, others’ are pulling you down out of envy, jealousy, and the like. If they are true to you, they would be happy whatever you achieve in life. But, let’s admit…some are not happy with it and so they will do everything for you not to go above them. That’s crab mentality. 😉

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      5. They may even spread rumors about you that aren’t true just to destroy your good reputation. And I have experienced that…a lot! Oh well, we cannot please everyone. Just do your thing ’cause not all battles are worth fighting for. It is just a waste of time. Just focus on things that matter to you. Did I say a lot, already? 😅 Sorry.

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  12. I am totally feeling you on this post. I went through this revelation in my early to mid twenties (5-8 years ago), and it’s honestly the best t hi ing you can do for yourself. You’re protecting yourself, and that’s smart. Always here for you friend!

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  14. I’ve found this to be especially true in marketing, pr, journalism and local politics. Something about a lot of the people in these industries draw ask centered opportunists. I had 3 good friends in 2005. I had 300 good friends in 2012 when I ran a magazine and was a city councilor. In 2019, I have the same 3 good friends I had in 2005.

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    1. This is so freaking true. I had all kinds of friends when I could get into any sporting event in North America. Everyone loved me. Can’t get football, hockey, basketball or baseball tickets free anymore? Where are all those friends now? Well, I still have the same three friends I’ve had since I was fifteen. The rest of them are likely hanging off ‘the new me’.

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  16. I am glad you decided to share this, and also the song. Very true, it’s often a painstaking and painful experience to discover how many true “friends” we do (or do not) have. Sending you warm wishes as always.

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    1. It sucks that it takes moments like those to draw out who people really are, but that’s the truth to life. People will always show their true colours eventually.

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  18. Tough times reveal people. Real friends are those who stand by you in hard times, accept you as you are and don’t except anything in return. It’s rare to find such friends, but if you have them don’t let them go.

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  19. I’m sorry I’ve been so absent. I’m catching up slowly but surely on all of your posts and things. I want you to know that you’re always welcome to come live here in Scotland too and I’d take care of you and make sure you’d settle well.

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  20. Breakups are often hard and they often hurt, and that’s regardless of whether it’s a friendship or employment relationship or some combination thereof. Having said that, if anyone from my former employer (also a painful breakup!) contacts me asking for help, I’ll give them a summary of my very expensive consultancy rates.

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    1. Haha! I like that you’d even give them a consultancy rate. For me, no amount of money in this world could see me doing work from that office. The audicity… I just… they can find a graphic designer and pay him or her oodles of money.

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  21. Love that you stand up for yourself. It can be sad finding out that someone wasn’t truly your friend. When it happens at some point it start to feel better. No one has time or energy to waste on someone who isn’t really their person. 🙂

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  24. I’ve definitely been there, and I understand it’s not a good feeling. The phrase, “people will tell you who they are – listen to them,” is a statement I’ve learned to live by. I don’t want to think of myself as jaded, but I’ve learned the hard way when it comes to “workplace friends.” Sometimes they end up being genuine friends, and other times it was a situational friendship. But, knowing you have actual “ride or die” friendships out there should help a little? On a positive note, just think of them as friends who were there for a reason, and it was just time for you to move on. Or something inspirational like that. Hell, I don’t know, I’d be pissed, too. But, this too shall pass. I’m glad you have good friends out there. And you also have your blog. 🙂 Hang in there!

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    1. I just think… the audacity of calling someone ten months after they’ve been fired to ask to do something for the office they’ve been fired from… like – no amount of money you could pay me or gifts you could give me would make me want to help. People are crazy. Clearly the reason they were my friends was for me to do things for them. lol

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  25. Aww I’m sorry it’s one of those shitty sad days. And I’m beyond over it with people who only get in touch because they want something. I’d have gone for a ‘go ask Google’ or ‘go ask Trump’ response, but I like yours too. Sometimes we just have to stand firm and not help, even though we feel like we should. Not when it’s one sided and nobody is there for you when you need them, only when you’re of use to them. You know you deserve more than fickle friends and crap to deal with.
    Sending hugs  ♥
    Caz xx

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  26. It is crappy when people show you they are only interested in you for what they can get out of the relationship for themselves. You will Not need these people in your life, only ones who will ask for nothing in return.

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