Getting pregnant to ‘trap a man’ is THE WORST IDEA ever.

So, my least favourite cousin called today. I haven’t spoken to her in several years, so it made a lot of sense that she called solely to ask me for something.

After she asked me for a favour, she asked the token ‘so how’ve you been doing?’ I gave her enough to make her say ‘that’s great’ but not enough to let her actually know what’s been happening in my life, since I know she doesn’t care anyway.

Then she went on to say ‘Well me, I’m going to get pregnant soon!’

‘That’s great?!’ I said half questioning it, half trying to understand what her motivation was in saying ‘I’m going to get pregnant’.

‘Well, I think it’s time’. She said. ‘Let’s face it, I’m never going to get a boyfriend hotter than Braeden,’

Umm…. what?

I’ll admit. I stumbled on the phone. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to the statement when she said it, because this was just so stupid I couldn’t believe it came out of her mouth.

‘That’s nice that you and Braeden are planning for your future!?’ I said, questioning but also trying to sound happy for her.

‘Oh, Braeden doesn’t know!’ She exclaimed. ‘I stopped taking my birth control a few weeks back. He’s going to be so surprised!’

At this point in time I was like ‘Uhhh, can you give me his number so I can tell Braeden?’ Though I was being dead serious, she clearly thought I was kidding because her response was ‘So you don’t feel pressured to have a baby? I mean it’s about time. You’re getting so old.’

The rest of the conversation was me trying to lecture her out of this stupid idea and telling her that getting pregnant was not going to make her boyfriend stay with her forever. Inevitably, the remainder of the conversation was short because she got pissed off at my logic and decided to end the conversation.

I think she was hoping for me to respond with ‘Oh my god, I’m so happy for you!’ Or something of the sort. So when I told her it was a bad idea, she likely wasn’t very impressed with me.

Right now I don’t know what to do. All I really want to do is reach out to people to see if I can find Braeden’s phone number. I know it’s not cool to insert yourself into other people’s relationships, but damn, shouldn’t someone give him the heads up?

Trying to ‘trap a man’ by getting pregnant is literally the STUPIDEST IDEA EVER. Firstly, it’s 2019, not 1950. Gone are the days when people feel obligated to stay with someone solely because they share a child with them. Secondly, if you’re going to to tell him of your intentions to get pregnant, there’s clearly something else lacking in your relationship that needs fixing… that bringing a child into this world is not going to fix.

I love babies. And all babies deserve to be loved. And I’m guessing if she did get pregnant then her boyfriend would love this kid unconditionally, because from what I’ve heard of this guy, he’s a pretty good dude. But imagine that kid, fifteen years from now, learning that his/her mom got pregnant because ‘she wasn’t going to find a hotter boyfriend’. Like… I cannot wrap my head around the sheer idiocy of this.

I’ll go ahead and say this, without qualms or hesitation: it is never a good idea to intentionally get pregnant as a means to try to trap your boyfriend/spouse/partner.

And let me be abundantly clear here, there’s a difference between an unplanned pregnancy and a pregnancy which someone plans and does not tell the other partner.

A baby is not going to fix your relationship issues. And, could quite possibly put more of a rift between them if/when he learns what you’re doing. A baby is not going to make a relationship last forever. A baby is not going to be the solution to whatever it is you’re missing in your life. I’ve heard that from enough parents to know. Also, imagine the pressure you’re putting on that poor, innocent little baby in this scenario. There is a small percentage chance that a partner could learn all of this information and a relationship still work afterwards and they be together long term, but I really don’t see there being a large change of that happening, at all.

Getting pregnant to trap a man is a horrible, horrible, horrible idea. And also, your partner’s hotness should not be motivation for reproduction. And also, it’s lying, it’s manipulative and it’s unfair to both the boyfriend and the future potential child.

If this is a plan, then there are other options. Go see a relationship therapist. Or, go see a therapist on your own. Get some help. I’ve tried to talk to my cousin since our phone conversation but since she didn’t like my words this afternoon, she’s been ignoring me.

* Note – I know the scenario goes both ways and there are times when men try to do this to. I’m speaking of it from the female perspective solely because of what my cousin told me today.

What would you do if someone told you they were intentionally planning to get pregnant without their partner’s knowledge?

Edit: After writing this and then reading it through, I have since decided to email and text my aunt (cousin’s mom) to ask her if she could provide me with Braeden’s phone number.

108 thoughts on “Getting pregnant to ‘trap a man’ is THE WORST IDEA ever.

    1. I’ve reached out to my aunt (cousin’s mom) to see if she can give me his phone number. After I wrote this, and read what I wrote, I realized I shouldn’t stay silent. At the very least, I should get them talking.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I’m going to try to give him a heads up. As much as I don’t want to butt in, after reading what I wrote, I realized that… it’s not a ‘ignore it ever happened’ kind of conversation.

      Like

      1. She has a history of blurting out things because she thinks it’s cool and she’s bragging. Ten years ago, prior to my really cutting our communication down to (almost) nothing, she used to brag to me all the time about what she could shoplift and get away with it.

        I genuinely think in her mind she thinks these things are cool/smart/good ideas.

        Like

  1. Oh my, this is a terrible/terrifying situation. It is tragic how (far too) many people want – or think they want – to have children for the wrong reasons.

    I believe there is no ‘best’ answer to this situation, especially when it involves getting in between a relationship. One or both members of the party would view you as the person who is ruining everything. But I too, would take that ‘risk’ and inform the other party. Even if it means I may have to sacrifice the relationship. And no child should have to bear the weight of adults’ issues 😦

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’ve reached out to my aunt (cousin’s mom) via text and email to ask her if she can share Braeden’s phone number with me. If she does, I’m going to have a chat with him. If she doesn’t, I’m going to come up with a plan B.

      Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks. I totally agree with you here. I’m going to try and find a way to get ahold of him. After reading what I wrote here it kind of hit me in the face that I can’t really ignore what she’s doing and pretend I didn’t hear it.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. HAHA! When I was writing this I was thinking ‘Damn, she’s batshit crazy’. I don’t know why she thought I was going to think it was a great idea? Clearly she doesn’t know me very well if she thought I was going to agree with her.

      Liked by 4 people

    1. She called to ask me if I could do graphic design work for a website she’s creating to sell the jewelry she makes. She wants me to make her a logo and a template for site headers.

      Like

      1. It’s one of the reasons I don’t talk to her frequently.
        When we were younger she used to have quite a shoplifting problem and used to like to call me and brag about it. Actually… since I haven’t talked to her so much over the past 10 years, I’m not really sure. She could still have a shoplifting problem? I don’t know. Usually when we talk I try to keep it shoooooort.

        Like

  2. That’s a bunch of assonying BS your cousin said, and and it makes my blood boil. A baby has no choice in the matter, and its completely unfair to the child to hold the fragile strings of the parents’ relationship together. A couple years ago, I had a falling out with someone on Facebook (never met her personally) over a very similar conversation. She wanted my praise and I didn’t agree with her or give her the praise she was seeking so she blocked me. 🤷‍♀️ It’s OK to disagree with someone who’s being a complete wackadoo.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I knew she wasn’t bright, but when I heard what she had to say today all I could think was ‘that poor potential child being brought into this’. She’s so dumb. Like… so dumb.

        Like

  3. My cousin purposely got pregnant after being with her bf for 10 years while he continuously cheated on her. I believe getting pregnant was her last resort in making him stay. He did not stay nor give a fuck about the baby and who was left listening to her bitch and whine about him being a deadbeat dad?… yep. Yours truly. I was there for her when he cheated on her, when he broke up with her, when she almost killed herself and the new gf he was dating, when she keyed his new gf’s car and finally I was there when she announced her pregnancy then accuse her ex of being a horrible person. But I distanced myself and have not spoken to my cousin for almost a year. It’s bullshit. She really manipulated this whole life for her poor little girl who now has to go through the crap of believing her dad doesn’t care which is wrong. My cousin genuinely did this thinking it would benefit her relationship that did not exist in the first place. And I tried and tried and tried my damnest to help her get away & do something positive with her life but at the end of the day, I had nobody to talk to when I was facing some real challenges. Rant over. Sorry for long reply.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t be sorry. It sounds like your cousin has pulled a lot of shit in her life. I feel bad for her child who now needs to lead a life in the centre of her parents’ dysfunction. Your cousin sounds very manipulative, and not very smart. It sounds like you’re better off not talking to her. Her poor kid, though. Dang. Stories like this just suck all around, ya know?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for understanding. I bottled this up for some years because I love her so much but hate the way she thinks. Just hope she changes for the better, at least for her daughter. Hoping your cousin is able to provide a wonderful life for her baby and gets a grip on reality because getting pregnant only to keep a man is not a very rational thought. Life is beautiful. You don’t always need someone to help you feel whole!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. FFS!!! I didn’t think women still did this in 2019?!!! My brother was trapped by a real piece of work who already had a kid. She saw a nice guy and put her hooks in him. Late 80’s… marriage was still kinda the right thing to do. He had no intention of marrying her!!! Imagine that after nearly 20 years of marriage and another kid she left him when he was disabled in a car accident.

    If she wants a baby by herself and not worried about the guy staying in her life, at least tell him. Give him the option. If she does want him…. I’m without words! I’d tell him for sure!!! This kind of behavior falls into the cheap/trashy kinda stuff. Time to call Geraldo or whatever the current show of that type is!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. People still dot his. I had a roommate earlier this year, Derrick (I whined about him a lot), he had children. He fully admitted to me that he got his girlfriend pregnant on purpose because he thought she wanted her to leave and he didn’t want her to leave. She stuck around long enough to have a second kid and then got tired of his bullshit and moved across the country.

      Basically, my cousin isn’t a one-off in this. People still pull this shit as though it’s a good way to keep a relationship. Sounds like your brother got screwed in the 80’s, and then screwed again when the woman took off. I just couldn’t believe that she thought I’d be supportive of her in telling me that. It’s just so fucking stupid. Then again, she’s pretty fucking stupid.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Does your cousin want the baby or just want the baby in the hopes it will hook the guy? Because she’s still stuck with a baby when he bails because he had no intention of having a baby. And he’s going to hate her for trapping him with a financial responsibility he probably wasn’t even thinking about right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know she wants to be a mom eventually, but I think this speech I got today was solely to hook this guy. I genuinely believe that she thinks he’s out of her league so if she gets pregnant he’ll have to stick around.

      Like

      1. Everybody is out of my league but that’s no reason to do something to trap someone into your life. There are so many people who legitimately want children and can’t have them, then there are those who use them as a game piece.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah, she doesn’t really think logically.

        A game piece is actually a good way of putting it. The potential child is a ploy to keep them playing chess forever. It’s seriously fucked up.

        Like

    1. Yeah, I’m not really sure if it’s generational, I just think it’s everyone in general as a society has tended to lean that way. I’ve heard several people in my parents generation admit they solely stayed in relationships because of a pegnancy and only ended up separating after the children were grown. And I don’t know what’s worse, staying with someone until a kid is adult, out of some inherent obligation, or leaving before the child is born because someone pulls shit like my cousin is trying to pull and having a sucky co-parenting relationship for the rest of your life. (Because I’m betting good money that my cousin wouldn’t make co-parenting easy)

      Like

      1. I hate when I hit the “reply” button before it’s time… “West Bubble-Fuck,” is a saying we used to say when I was in high school. I keep forgetting the major age gap between us.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. He doesn’t have social media accounts. He’s a police officer so he keeps a rather ‘low-profile’ so to speak. I’m trying to track down his phone number so I can chat with him. I might try to go back to my cousin if her mom or brother won’t help me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t actually know? All I know is that he’s a police officer and the city he works in. I’m betting if I called around to different dispatches in the city, I might find him eventually? But I think the cops might frown upon me hunting him down like that? I don’t really know how that would work…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 😞 you definitely don’t want the other officers thinking YOU are a stalker although WE know why you’ll be looking for him. It’s a crazy situation. Tread lightly, you need not be label as the idiot.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. If he really knows this girl. He will know… Men are men after all..
    If he looks a long way and sees the light after end of the tunnel with her..
    He will never leave her.
    (it’s rare)
    If he avoids her and vanishes for further studies.. She will be solo..
    She can face anxiety and how the Society will see..

    Well how old is she?

    I feel V that leave it totally up-to her. You are a really good sis.
    It’s her body and her choice. It can make her and break her as well.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not sure. Writing an anonymous note might add more of a blow to any potential situation, or could cause him to blow it off entirely because it’s anonymous. I don’t know how that would work out.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. can you tell a mutual friend and then pass on the message. Or else perhaps just tell him, it sounds like your cousin pisses you off a lot anyway and so it wouldn’t be a loss if she doesn’t talk to you. I probably would tell him, if it was me. It’s such a terrible and unethical thing that she is doing that will affect many people’s lives for the worse. I can’t stand it when people create chaos like this for others, it’s really unacceptable

        Like

      3. My aunt said she doesn’t have his phone number but my cousin (her brother) has it. I have asked her brother for it but he works for an airline so he only checks his messages sporadically amidst being on planes. If he gives me the number, I’m just going to text my cousin’s boyfriend and just try to explain to him that he and his girlfriend need to have some really open and honest chats. Some reallly open chats. Then if he doesn’t understand, I might break it down from there. But I’m going to judge it as it goes/as I see it unravel.

        Like

  7. Some guys feel like it is up to the women to decide how many kids that they are going to have. I had a coworker that felt this way, and when I told him that my husband only wanted one child, and I respected that, his mind was blown. I would probably stay out of the drama. You tried to telling her how silly her plan was, and I feel like somehow this will all backfire on you. Like she would turn it around.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If it does backfire on me, I think I’m okay with that. I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself for doing nothing and finding out shes pregnant and these two are at war because she’s lied and has been lying.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. That’s some kinda insecurity I guess. Maybe, she isn’t sure of the future that they’ll stay together. But, this is insanely inhumane. Only if the guy is okay with something like this happening, this is horrible.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. My cousin was actually the ‘victim’ in this kind of situation. His girlfriend stopped taking her birth control without telling him and she got pregnant and since she’s ‘extremely religious’ she talked my cousin into flying to Vegas for a chapel wedding before the baby was born. They’re still married, but he lives in California working for FEMA and she and her now 7 year old still live on the east coast. So weird and quite messed up!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. A cousin of mine had an ex-partner who told him she was pregnant with his baby, so he married her. She then claimed she was attacked and lost the baby. She had to go into hospital one day and a scan of her abdomen revealed that she had she had been sterilised and couldn’t get pregnant in the first place! They’re now separated, but not before she threw food at him, attacked him, spat at him.. there are some lovely people in this world!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Haha. You were talking about horrible bosses and I didn’t wantu comment cos it didn’t encompass horrible humans. I also thought your life was full of bliss if only your bosses and colleagues at work only reach out when you’re needed. Family that can do that t’you expect that she’d do worse. Good luck finding the boyfriend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. haha. My life is definitely not full of bliss. And I definitely complain a lot about that. But at least I have the common sense to not get pregnant on purpose to try and make my boyfriend stay with me. lol Thank you for the luck. I think my cousin’s brother might be able to give me his number.

      Like

      1. Here’s a bright convoluted side. I guess the world needs dysfunctional people who’d put in so much passion into things, trynna heal or escape and so inspire many others.

        Like

  12. I agree with all you said and I don’t know you at all but please don’t text him or let him know because it’s not your place to get involved… that’s just my feelings on it. He probably will know and both will have to deal with the ramifications either way.
    My personal thoughts are that trying to trap someone that way will get them to run. That it’s much better to just be upfront and say I’d love a child with you.
    Love, light and glitter

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for your take.

      I’m not planning on texting “She stopped her birth control you’re gonna get her pregnant”. I just want to tell him that he and her need to talk and be more open and there are some conversations that maybe they should have. Perhaps its not my place, but if she’s considering bringing a baby into this world, then maybe they should have a conversation.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. They definitely should have those conversations. It’s good to hear what you want to share. Just think carefully whether it’s, not so much your place, as in your responsibility, whether it’s healthy for you, whether it’ll be good/bad for their relationship. If he’s a good guy as you say, it may be good and it may be bad. It also may not be good for you to take responsibility, and it may be okay. Either way, take care of yourself!
        Love, light and glitter

        Liked by 1 person

  13. This is fucked up in so many ways. If she is dumb enough to do this then she deserves the consequences of it which will not be good. The only part of it that is really concerning is that there is going to be a baby in amongst this future shit fight, and so her stupidity will have huge ramifications for the child. This highlights to me why some people are just total fuckwits and give the rest of the human species a bad name

    Also…this sounds really harsh but, often it’s the dumbest people on the planet who choose to have children, not the smartest. This is a shame for the future of the species LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll never bash on people to choose to have children – but I think it needs to be a choice between two consenting adults – not one deceitful adult who’s trying to trick their boyfriend. You know what I mean?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh she clearly warned him I was going to call. I just figure she’s trying to cover her tracks now that she’s realized she’s said too much. Manipulaton status – Level 100!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s