Feeling… down.

Some days I’m able to cope with my anxiety and some days it’s as though my internal organs are on steroids and I can’t shake the feeling of fear inside of me no matter what I do.

Today is one of those days in which I can’t fight the fear. I can’t minimize that sinking feeling inside of me that something is wrong, that something is out of my control and that something in this world is either already awry, or going awry any moment here. Basically I’m waiting for the proverbial shit to hit the proverbial fan.

I haven’t left my room much at all. I took my mom to the doctor. Other than that, I’ve been… hiding, almost, I guess you could say. This isn’t quite the fortress of solitude, but on days like today when I’m feeling this anxious, it seems to be the closest thing I can get.

I’m worried about… everyone, whilst simultaneously worrying about none of them because I know they’re fine. I know that it’s my mind playing tricks on me. I know that nothing is wrong, that everyone’s happy, or at the very least, comfortably neutral.

I’m not sure how to shake this. I’d give anything to feel calm. To feel like there’s a plan. To feel like things are falling into place.

Or at the very least, can the shit hit the fan already? At least if I know what’s going wrong I can face that head on…

50 thoughts on “Feeling… down.

  1. Meditation. You have to learn how to still your mind by believing you can still your mind and that your thoughts will pass.
    Appreciate the emotional roller coaster for its highs and lows. This feeling will soon go and beautiful happier memories are on the way. learn to love life even if it seems to cause you sadness or bring challenges.

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      1. Meditation or being in a meditative state will come to you however you need it. It’s not about sitting in lotus position it’s about being mindful of your thoughts.

        I started by changing one thing. I would always wake up and groan Ugh! the day then went it’s usual mediocre way. So I tried to wake up and said thank you. I was sarcastic (AF) at first but soon I learnt what it is to be grateful for solitude, for a calm mind and to stop my thoughts from taking over.
        For me it was stopping that constant internal dialogue, the nasty voice and learning to have patience. Take a few moments in the morning to assess how you feel and stop it bad thoughts escalating – soon you will be much calmer.

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  2. I can completely relate with what you are feeling. U have tried ur best to put this unusual feelings in words, thats the best thing. I too have anxiety history.we r aware that it’s mind trick, but still we r not able to control it and get swayed away in that vicious circle. Whenever I use to go through such phase I used to read spiritual books I used to keep saying positive affirmations to myself though they dint come with the feeling. Make ur self busy, no matter what ur mood is force ur self. Spiritual books used to give me the depth of reasons to most of my answers and generate a feeling of hope. Also prayers works wonder. This worked with me. Hope you find a way to cope it up ur way. Just remember it’s just a phase and it is going to pass.After all we r used to take such shit from our own mind. Some thing that doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Which u already are. Good luck.

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    1. I’m really good at making myself busy. I do that a lot. But I also can kind of feel like I’m running from things when I make myself busy. It just seems like there’s no happy medium. I’m not too sure how to fix things.

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      1. Thank you. It wasn’t fun. Thankfully the human body can only sustain such an heightened level of anxiety for so long, so I eventually crashed and was able to sleep. I definitely needed the rest. Here’s to tomorrow.. it’s going to be better for both of us!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I haven’t tried CBT. My friend, Hilary (who also commented here) has recently talked about it and I’ve been considering it. I’m not sure where to find it in my area though)

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  3. I can so relate to how you’re feeling right now. Just remember, it’s only a fleeting feeling. It will pass and you will end up using days like these to become stronger. In the mean time, let yourself feel how you feel, accept your emotions and I’m sure you’ll be feeling better in no time ♥️💕

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    1. I went for an hour and a half walk last night and it, shockingly, didn’t really calm me down at all. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I’m going to check out that link. Thank you for sharing ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Pardon my language, Fucking anxiety! There’s been a pounding in my chest and throat for days. No matter what it’s there.
    I agree, can the shit just hit the fan already so all the pain and awkwardness feels valid.
    Side note: we watched “V for Vendetta” last night. Thought of you “V” and your job search

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  5. Be gentle on yourself. Good days and bad days happen, and that’s okay. I take a harder hit this time of year myself. I don’t think the lack of sunlight helps. Also, chamomile tea! I’m not sure if you can get Twinings, but they’ve recently released a SuperBlends Calm tea and it’s awesome. I had a cup a couple of days ago and I went from “I can’t do this” to non-stop chatting a few hours later 🙂

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