I think, as with all things in life, there needs to be a balance. I, myself, am quite negative and I think I’ve lost track of that balance over the years.
It depends on who I’m with or where I’m at. I have people that’ve never seen/ heard me being nice and I’ve some that don’t think I have an angry nerve! Then there’s the one that feel they can do/ say whatever they want to me and I’m not supposed to get mad.
I don’t think it’s so much an issue of not being nice. I find you refreshingly honest, and that is a very rare quality these days. Part of self care is protection, and so unfortunately sometimes we need to see the worst in others too. Maybe more about finding balance though? If we always see the good it can also have nasty outcomes.
You are actually a nice person, because that’s what I think. So there 😛 😉
At least you’re honest about it! My grandma always said to me that our first thoughts are what society has conditioned us to think, whereas our second ones are what we really think!
Thinking and acting out are two very different things. As long as you don’t act like an asshole, you’re showing some self awareness, which non-nice people don’t care about. Cognitive behavioral therapy suggest the next time you think the worst in someone, consciously tell yourself something nice about them, too. If you do this enough, you’ll likely re-wire your brain over time to think positive things about others, or at least be neutral.
I don’t believe that you aren’t a nice person. Here’s the thing – you’re going through a difficult time where your self esteem is getting attacked from all angles. When people go through rough patches, it’s sometimes hard to stay positive. In my opinion, you’re being way more self aware and nice than people even deserve… Please don’t beat yourself up. After all, sometimes idiots need to be called out!
I used to be a very angry person and would snap and yell at people. Now I just insult them with my writing in the kindest, most indirect way possible. Like a fortune cookie with a big FU message hidden in the inside. 😇🤫
Forgiveness is powerful. And it’s not to seek forgiveness from the other person necessarily, but to protect your self-worth.
I don’t think you’re doing wrong. More like you have high self awareness. I think someone who has high self awareness usually has high sensitivity too.
It’s good that you assess your own behaviors. Trust me, many live in seeming oblivion to their own behaviors.
I tackle this two ways in my own life:
– First, I try to be my worst critic. No one is harder on me than me.
– Second, and this is harder, when I tell myself I’m being too mean, I remind myself to assume best intentions. This usually causes me to step back and think about where the other person is coming from – what motivated the behavior that triggered me. It helps me to get a better understanding of the world outside my head.
The good news is that I find that second part happening reflexively now even when I’m not angry. Give it a try if you think it’ll help!
I’m good at the first, I suck at the second. I really need to work on the second. I have a hard time assuming the best intentions. I ought to work on that a lot more.
I say the same all the time. I feel like I can not be genuinely happy for someone. Maybe it have got to do something with self pity and “jalousie” (now that I write it this way I see that it does). But in the end aren’t we all “not nice” in one way or other. Doesn’t doing good deeds suffice?
I’m not sure. Doing good, when you don’t have a good heart/soul seems dishonest, no? I find there are people that I’m genuinely happy for, but it’s a select few. Most people I just write off… as horrible as that sounds.
V, you are what you are.
I find you friendly. You are an open book not holding anything back.
That is a rare thing in a society where people create somebody they are not using social media.
As I get older and after many a heartbreak from both friends and partners I now wonder if it is better to see the best and be disappointed or think the worst and be pleasantly surprised 🙂 That said, I still continue to see the best and be disappointed, but you can’t teach an old dog new tricks 🙂
A few years back there was a quote on a tv show and the quote was ‘I choose to not believe the better of anyone, because then they don’t get the opportunity to disappoint me’. Honestly, I think that quote is a lot of what you’re talking about here and that is so relevant. I think it’s what I struggle with.
while self-awareness is helpful, you need to be balanced and not just focus on the part of you that you want to improve. be aware of, and take advantage of, your strengths as well.
V, you are a wonderful person and are honest to the bone!! I love that about you!! Being nice is hard work and then you have people that get ticked off because you say “No” or are surprised when you show your pissed off side!! LMBO That’s my favourite time because I’m “too nice”!
Wow! At least you’re honest. But, being nice isn’t great either… people will test you to the most infinite power.
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I think, as with all things in life, there needs to be a balance. I, myself, am quite negative and I think I’ve lost track of that balance over the years.
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It depends on who I’m with or where I’m at. I have people that’ve never seen/ heard me being nice and I’ve some that don’t think I have an angry nerve! Then there’s the one that feel they can do/ say whatever they want to me and I’m not supposed to get mad.
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Yeah, that might be the balance too, when different people get different aspects of you.
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I don’t think it’s so much an issue of not being nice. I find you refreshingly honest, and that is a very rare quality these days. Part of self care is protection, and so unfortunately sometimes we need to see the worst in others too. Maybe more about finding balance though? If we always see the good it can also have nasty outcomes.
You are actually a nice person, because that’s what I think. So there 😛 😉
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Glad to hear that bits and pieces of my nice side do rub off on this blog.
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I find that very hard to believe. I’m going to fire you an email today so be prepared! 🙂 Sending love
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Also, I nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award. I imagine you’ve been nominated about 3 zillion times but your blogs mean a lot to me. 🙂
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Sitting, waiting. lol
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My bad. Rectified 🙂
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Sent another…
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I mean, maybe? Some people seriously dont deserve the kindness. But I see where you are coming from and good for you for your self awareness.
I can flip a switch from nice to mean at the drop of a hat. I’m a very particular person.
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Mostly for me, I’m mean and I have to flip a switch to be nice. lol
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Haha, well okay I see your point then. But only so much. Some people just bring it out of you.
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We all are guilty of that! Most of the time that’s where our mind jumps!
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True. It’s human nature, I think.
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You seem nice enough to me. You don’t have to be a doormat to be nice. You have to be nice to yourself too after all.
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I have some moments. I have some nasty moments too.
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I think everyone does if they’re honest. No doubt some more than others.
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At least you’re honest about it! My grandma always said to me that our first thoughts are what society has conditioned us to think, whereas our second ones are what we really think!
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Your grandma sounds very wise.
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Thinking and acting out are two very different things. As long as you don’t act like an asshole, you’re showing some self awareness, which non-nice people don’t care about. Cognitive behavioral therapy suggest the next time you think the worst in someone, consciously tell yourself something nice about them, too. If you do this enough, you’ll likely re-wire your brain over time to think positive things about others, or at least be neutral.
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I don’t know if I could ever make it to think positive, but I’d be happy if I neutralized my brain over time.
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I don’t believe that you aren’t a nice person. Here’s the thing – you’re going through a difficult time where your self esteem is getting attacked from all angles. When people go through rough patches, it’s sometimes hard to stay positive. In my opinion, you’re being way more self aware and nice than people even deserve… Please don’t beat yourself up. After all, sometimes idiots need to be called out!
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Thank you for this kind, sweet, thoughtful response. ❤
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I used to be a very angry person and would snap and yell at people. Now I just insult them with my writing in the kindest, most indirect way possible. Like a fortune cookie with a big FU message hidden in the inside. 😇🤫
Forgiveness is powerful. And it’s not to seek forgiveness from the other person necessarily, but to protect your self-worth.
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I think that’s what this blog has become. A great big giant rant session in writing. haha I totally know what you mean.
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I don’t think you’re doing wrong. More like you have high self awareness. I think someone who has high self awareness usually has high sensitivity too.
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Oh, I am an extremely sensitive person. I know that for certain. I have very, very thin skin.
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You got the point! I could say that because I feel the same. I also sensitive about others feeling, mood and emotions.
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Thank you ❤ You've pretty much nailed my personality.
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Ugh. I’m cynical and a pessimist on a good day. 😛
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Are you me? lol
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I’m reminded of a quote from an episode of New Girl.
Jess: “Nick, you always see the worst in people!”
Nick: “That’s because people are the worst!”
Often, I am Nick in this scenario. No… not often. Basically all the time. Because people are the worst.
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Nick sounds like my spirit animal.
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It’s good that you assess your own behaviors. Trust me, many live in seeming oblivion to their own behaviors.
I tackle this two ways in my own life:
– First, I try to be my worst critic. No one is harder on me than me.
– Second, and this is harder, when I tell myself I’m being too mean, I remind myself to assume best intentions. This usually causes me to step back and think about where the other person is coming from – what motivated the behavior that triggered me. It helps me to get a better understanding of the world outside my head.
The good news is that I find that second part happening reflexively now even when I’m not angry. Give it a try if you think it’ll help!
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I’m good at the first, I suck at the second. I really need to work on the second. I have a hard time assuming the best intentions. I ought to work on that a lot more.
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I say the same all the time. I feel like I can not be genuinely happy for someone. Maybe it have got to do something with self pity and “jalousie” (now that I write it this way I see that it does). But in the end aren’t we all “not nice” in one way or other. Doesn’t doing good deeds suffice?
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I’m not sure. Doing good, when you don’t have a good heart/soul seems dishonest, no? I find there are people that I’m genuinely happy for, but it’s a select few. Most people I just write off… as horrible as that sounds.
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When you put it that way, it does seem dishonest and you ARE a nice person.
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V, you are what you are.
I find you friendly. You are an open book not holding anything back.
That is a rare thing in a society where people create somebody they are not using social media.
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Thank you, my friend.
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I believe in you V.
Don’t change your style!
You are authentic, no airs about you and that is what people want!
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As I get older and after many a heartbreak from both friends and partners I now wonder if it is better to see the best and be disappointed or think the worst and be pleasantly surprised 🙂 That said, I still continue to see the best and be disappointed, but you can’t teach an old dog new tricks 🙂
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A few years back there was a quote on a tv show and the quote was ‘I choose to not believe the better of anyone, because then they don’t get the opportunity to disappoint me’. Honestly, I think that quote is a lot of what you’re talking about here and that is so relevant. I think it’s what I struggle with.
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I’m wayyyyyy too nice and it’s far worse than being mean. I put in enough time for the both of us, you’re good! ♥
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Thank you ❤
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Honesty is important and it’s good you recognise where you want to change!
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I’m trying.
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while self-awareness is helpful, you need to be balanced and not just focus on the part of you that you want to improve. be aware of, and take advantage of, your strengths as well.
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Sage wisdom, sir. Thank you for this thought.
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Man that’s not true. You seem really hard on yourself. Maybe you should be nicer to you.
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I never really thought of myself as being too hard on myself. I just assumed you have to be hard on yourself to be able to improve in life… No?
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Realistic, not necessarily hard
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I have the opposite problem… I am too nice. I give people the benefit of the doubt, and always want to see the good.
I just need to learn the balance myself
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There is a definite balance in life. I’m more on the mean side, sounds like you’re more on the nice side. Perhaps we need to meet in the middle…
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Haha! I know balance each other – that be perfect lol
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I’m in if you are. lol
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Would make the perfect match for sure… nice balance of both sides! Lol … just team up
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I feel the same.
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And you’re one of the nicest people on here.
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Thank you.
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On the upside – at least you can see a fault. Once you can see it you can begin to change it – but remember – we’re just not saints unfortunately
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I don’t want to be a saint, just someone who is continuously trying to improve upon herself. Being stagnant doesn’t interest me.
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I’m the same
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V, you are a wonderful person and are honest to the bone!! I love that about you!! Being nice is hard work and then you have people that get ticked off because you say “No” or are surprised when you show your pissed off side!! LMBO That’s my favourite time because I’m “too nice”!
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Thank You!
Yeah, I’ve noticed when people are nice that if they do say no or stand up for themselves, people discount it… a lot.
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Me too. I’m pretty nice most of the time until someone crosses me. Then I rip heads off.
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See, I’m like ‘rip heads off’ most of the time and then I have my nice moments once in a while. We’re like yin and yang. lol
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I don’t know. Haven’t gotten that impression. You just seem like you have a lot going on.
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