Real thoughts

I’m scared.
I’m sad.
I’m anxious.
I don’t know how to fix any of it.

Winter is weighing on me. The darkness is weighing on me. The cold, making it hard to be outside for any length of time, is weighing on me. Looking after sick people is weighing on me. Rejection is weighing on me. Not having a plan for life is weighing on me. Feeling lonely is weighing on me. Lack of steady income is weighing on me. People telling me ‘just do it, it’s easy’ is weighing on me. People saying ‘stop worrying so much’ is weighing on me. Feeling like a disappointment is weighing on me. Feeling like my problems aren’t real problems is weighing on me. Everything is weighing on me.

These thoughts, while I invariably avoid them day-to-day, every once in a while tend to pop up all at once and consume my brain to the point where I can’t do anything but worry.

And so I sit here, trying to distract myself, but inevitably, worrying more than anything else.

100 thoughts on “Real thoughts

      1. I like biographies and autobiographies. Boring, I know, but as much as I hate them, people fascinate me to my core and I like hearing why they do the things they do. Looking behind the lens.

        Liked by 6 people

      1. I don’t know if you like fleece, but fleece blankets feel like a big hug, and they can be comforting. I just wrote about how loneliness is one of the most difficult things to grapple with in the human condition. I hope that after a night of sleep you’re feeling at least a little better. On the one hand, absence makes the heart grow fonder with long distance relationships. But on the other hand it would be difficult to have a person and not have them be around physically during moments like that.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Thank You. I don’t really keep fleece because, with two dogs running around it becomes pretty gross pretty fast. I’m considering asking for a weighted blanket though. I want to try that out.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I know how you feel (as regards the winter). One way to look at it is that spring will soon follow, a time for re-birth and renewal. Maybe this season can be best spent in rest, reflection and planning for the spring.😊 Sending you wishes to warm your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone in feeling this. Even seeing someone articulate this feels like a weight lifted.

    This year, I have to deal with multiple major life-changes all at once, and I’m increasingly feeling like my mind has reached its limit. And there is no time or energy left for even self-care or creative pursuits because mundane day-to-day stuff is becoming overwhelming.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That feeling as though your mind has reached its limit is so relevant to me. Sometimes it’s all you can do to just crawl into bed and wait there for the world to pass you by.

      Like

  3. I lived in Minnesota for close to 2 years and it rough out there. I’ll tell those the people were the nicest ever! I made friends so fast and everyone I met was help ya dude wonderful! We moved to a California after and I thought it would great to now have sunshine all the time. Minnesota can be so grey all the time! However the people weren’t as kind and friendly. I live there way longer and even worked outside the house- went to church- I tried to connect to people and nothing! I started to think the grass even greener. I’d take back my long winters just to have my friends and kind humans again any day!
    Saying a prayer for you! I know depression is a B and lingers!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. There is a certain je nais sais quoi about small towns, that’s for certain. But the cold, it does weigh on you after a while. You have to find a happy medium, somehow. I have yet to find it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I used to feel that way when I lived up north, now I live down south so the temperatures are much more mild. When people say, “stop worrying ” it’s so frustrating….like we have some sort of switch in which will turn it off! Worry is a sign of something deeper though my friend. Obstacles in life are never easy to overcome from our own perspective though the solution may be simple the challenge of overcoming isn’t easy. Keep pushing through, if you ever need to unload I’m a great listener😊

    Liked by 1 person

      1. 100% and I so feel you on this!! As both an empath and a person living with Complex PTSD, I understand. Please know that I am always here to listen and relate. I’m also a Mom. I’m 42 now and my boys (18 & 14) live so far away bc of the messy divorce I went through with their Dad. Holding space for you my friend🙏

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Since you don’t seem to want any advice, I’m going to offer some. You can’t do things the same way an expect a different outcome. Sometimes you have to go way outside of your comfort zone, way outside of the box and way outside of what you even want to do in order to jump-start new outcomes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s not that I don’t want advice, it’s just that advice from someone who doesn’t know the whole story isn’t really advice… just cliche statements and best wishes. Not saying that you, or others who offer advice don’t care, just saying that, it isn’t always applicable.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Hello….I understand. What helps me is exercise. I have been doing it for over 20 years…every day. I either go to the gym or run/walk around the block and lift weights 2 – 3 times per week. It really helps make me feel stronger.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Hey, V! I wish I could hug you right now, because I can understand that darkness. It feels like you’ll never escape it, like you’re drowning, like nothing is okay or will be okay. It. Is. Awful. I want you to know your feelings are real and valid, you are not alone, you are loved, you are important, you have a purpose, and there will be light that comes from whatever darkness you feel. You are stronger than you feel, V. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The winters blue sucks. People who have little choice due to job, family, other circumstances, put up with it. But that does not change the fact it still sucks. You have the right to feel the way you feel. V.
    You also have the right to dig your way out of it. Pick something that makes you feel good and stick with it. Like sitting in the mall and watch people since you are interested in what makes them tick.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sending love, you’re allowed to feel these feelings and you don’t need a reason for them. You’re feeling alone but there are so many people here for you and I’m never more than a message away.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. As someone who’s had more mini meltdowns than I can keep track of, I don’t really have any advice (you’re probably glad to know!) I feel pretty overwhelmed lately, only just becoming aware of how much fear is holding me back and biting on my nerves, how suffocated I’m feeling. But you’re tough, you can ride it out and get through the other day. Minute by minute, as you’ve done before. You’ve got this. Sending hugs your way  ♥
    Caz xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. God, I resonated with this comment so much. I’ve felt so overwhelmed this month. Thank you for your support, I wish nothing but the best for you to get through this as well ❤ Here's to a quick spring.

      Like

      1. Once, in the middle of my own meltdown, when I was overwhelmed by the bigness of life and all of it’s choices- someone wise sat me down and asked; “How do you eat an elephant?” The answer is one bite at a time. It’s the only way to approach those big, daunting, anxiety producing things. Like Invisibly Me writes, minute by minute. Sending good vibes your way.

        Like

      2. I’ve heard that reference before. I always thought it was a weird reference… because… who eats elephants? Not to take away from the metaphor because I totally understand what you’re saying, but who eats elephants? Who came up with this? lol

        Like

      3. Probably the same person who came up with “a bird in the hand is worth more than two in the bush”. I had a lot of trouble with the imagery of that one when I was a kid. Like, why is anyone holding a bird to begin with?? lol

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Ahh, my grandfather said the implication with that is that one has shot the bird and is ready to eat it.

        Not that that makes anymore sense…

        Like

  11. What makes me happy is definitely the spring and summer because of the brighter days (longer periods of daylight) and I know I will travel back to Florence, Italy (my happy place). I discovered my true happiness about 5 years ago on a trip to Italy with my mother. Aside from that, it is still hard for me to feel uplifted during all the dark, cold days of winter.

    I hope you find something that brings your spirits up soon.

    Like

      1. Blast from the past, eh? They make me laugh out loud too. BTW – I like the look and layout of your site. Very smart. I’m having some difficulties working the Reader 2 theme; any suggestions or resources would be greatly appreciated. I’m suspicious about anything ‘For Dummies’. But out of sheer frustration I’m ready to resort dropping $ on a copy.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. If you tell me what issues you’re having I might be able to help. Without knowing your issues I’d just be spouting nonsense at you… me thinks.

        Like

      3. The header for starters. The theme is displayed without a header but during customization I was prompted to choose one and can’t seem to replace with a solid color. Also the gravatar does not have a hovercard. Last I may simply not understand the menu placement or customize options but I feel like before I get to that I have to deal with this header thing. And the gravatar

        Like

      4. Okay, so with respect to the headers, that’s under blog customization. Given that it’s a basic theme, you should have the choice to just remove the image completely. Go into ‘Customizing’ and ‘Header Image’ and then just click ‘Hide Image’ to hide the image that’s already there. This will likely just move your layout up. If you want a solid colour in the background you’ll have to make that in Photoshop or Canva or some sort of program.

        Gravatar Hovercard Directions, go here –> https://jetpack.com/support/gravatar-hovercards/

        Like

Leave a Reply to Ayesha Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s