Have you ever met someone and you just knew, instantaneously, that they were supposed to be a part of your life? It’s like they just fit. I liken it to finding a piece to a puzzle that you weren’t even aware you were missing.
One day you’re living your life, trying to convince yourself that you’re perfectly fine on your own and that perhaps love isn’t for you. The next day a Knight in Shining Armour rides in on a white horse and flips your whole world on its head. Yeah, it sounds cliche, but that’s kind of what it felt like when it was happening.
In my early twenties I was in a somewhat-serious relationship. You know that feeling when you’re young and in love and it feels like nothing in this world can break you. Well, he broke me. He got a (then) friend of mine pregnant and they went on to have a child and separate shortly thereafter. Anyways, this story isn’t about ‘him’.
Following ‘him’, I was single for a long time. A LONG time. Just over six years, I’d say. I focused on my job and, while I went on occasional dates, none of them seemed to ever matter.
At 28, I decided to try my hand at online dating. I can’t really pinpoint what made me make the profile, but I opted to delete it rather quickly. I went on a few useless/stupid first dates with some less-than noteworthy guys and was getting an overwhelming amount of disgusting messages from thirsty men who saw my pictures and decided it was alright to let their inner horn-dog flow through their pick-up lines.
So, I deleted it.
Eight months later, after some convincing from a friend, I made a new dating profile. She convinced me that perhaps I was too quick to judge and that perhaps there might be someone out there for me, if I just give it the chance. She also reminded me that I was complaining of being lonely a lot. (That might have had the biggest hand in my decision)
While I found myself inundated with thirsty messages from men that I reckon hadn’t actually spoken with a lot of females in their lives, there was one message that stood out. It was from a man named Knight.
Something about him was different. He spoke in full sentences. He came across as thoughtful, intelligent and… dare I say… valiant. Where 99% of the men on that website saw blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, he actually went through and read my entire profile. (It wasn’t lengthy, but it also wasn’t important to 99% of the men on that site) There was just something about him that was enthralling.
I ended up giving him my phone number so that I did not have to log onto the website to talk to him. (Long story short – every time you logged into the website, it would show to all the users of the website that you were online… and when people saw that I was online, they’d send me messages to try and get my attention) If I do recall, and he might correct me on this, it was only a couple of days of talking before we decided to meet in person. I think we started talking on Tuesday and we might have met that Friday. I think!
I do recall telling him I wasn’t going to meet him. I do recall being very shy and very unsure about meeting him. Not because I didn’t want to meet him but because I was worried he wouldn’t like me and I didn’t want to get my hopes up about this great guy for him to meet me in person and be disappointed.
After much convincing though (on his part), we decided to meet after he got off work that Friday. He worked at a hotel, the afternoon shift, so he worked from like 3-11 ish.. so we planned to get a drink after that.
I remember giving him my address and then immediately thinking ‘what the hell are you doing? You just gave him your address. What if he’s a serial killer?’
He pulled up shortly after 11, called and said he was outside and then I walked out and got in his car. Which was so not like me, but I did it. Something about him just made me feel like it was okay and that I needed to stop worrying.
On the way to the bar he asked me why I was so worried about meeting him. I explained to him about the fears that come with meeting someone online and I think he understood why I had, so many times, told him I wasn’t willing to meet him.
When we got to the bar, we sat down and ordered some drinks and the moment the waitress left he looked me square in the face and said ‘You are really beautiful, do you know that?’ It wasn’t in a cheesy he’s trying to impress me kind of way, it was very genuine.
After that, we just talked. For hours. We talked for so many hours that the only reason we stopped talking was because the bar was actually closing and they were kicking us out. It felt kind of like a scene from a movie, or a television show… where the characters go on this memorable first date and it’s as if the rest of the world stops around them. They lose track of time and before they know it the restaurant closes. It was exactly like that, actually.
Now, this next part, he and I have different recollections of what happened next. If you ask him, he’ll say that I invited him up to my apartment. If you ask me, I’ll tell you that he invited himself up to my apartment. Either way, he wound up in my apartment. ‘The plan’ was to watch Law & Order SVU. That was actually my plan.
And again, in a night filled with things I never do, probably ten minutes later I was naked.
I’ve never actually told anyone that. Not that I’m ashamed of it or anything of the sort. I just… there’s so many negative connotations surrounding women and dating and ‘being easy’ or ‘being slutty’ or ‘being whores’, I just kind of figured I’d be better off if I didn’t give anyone ammunition.
It was… without hesitation in my mind… the best first date that I’d ever been on. And, it wasn’t even really a date. We’d agreed that we were just meeting for a drink because I told him that I’d had enough horrible first dates already I didn’t want to add another to the list.
So, we made plans for one week later to have our actual first date. And, like another scene straight out of a movie or television show, he took me to the fair! Well, first he showed up with a giant bouquet of flowers at my door. Then we went to the fair.
I’ve always been a big fan of Ferris wheels. I love the view from the top, and I appreciate that, unlike with roller coasters, on a Ferris wheel the speed at which you come down is the same speed of which you climbed to the top at. So, much like you’d see in a cheesy movie or television show, we played some games, he won me a stuffed animal, we ate some over-indulgent fair food and then we headed for the Ferris wheel. It was all very… couldn’t write it better if I tried.
This Ferris wheel ended up not being my total cup of tea. See, being from the West Coast, I’m a big fan of the Ferris Wheel at the PNE (shout out to anyone who knows what the PNE is). I’m a big fan of Ferris wheels that are… more… permanent fixtures, and not necessarily the ones that are taken from town to town for two week periods at a time, built, taken down and rebuilt over and over. I wasn’t expecting this Ferris wheel to squeak so badly. It was also a very windy day and we were swaying pretty hard at the top. For something that I normally love to do, I wasn’t having a fun time on this Ferris wheel.
He held my hand, the whole time. He calmed me down when I was getting scared about us swaying in the wind. He made me feel better. He made me forget about the squeaking. He was just there, present, thoughtful and he made me feel safe.
That moment on the Ferris wheel, that was the moment when I stopped the ‘I’m totally okay on my own’ mentality. That was the moment when I thought ‘Dang, I really want this guy in my life’ and ‘I really need to make sure he sticks around’.
If you asked him, I’m pretty sure he’d say he felt that way when we met at the bar. He’s actually told me that before. He says that he was certain about me the night that we met.
It’s not that I was unsure about him the night we met at the bar, it was just that… it all seemed too good to be true. I needed to see him another time to make sure that I wasn’t looking at him through rose coloured glasses, if you know what I mean.
Well, the fair solidified that I wasn’t looking through rose coloured glasses. He was as good as he seemed to be. And, I was smitten.
The night of our first official date (the fair) we wound up back at my apartment. He kissed me goodnight like a gentleman and instead of letting him leave invited him in.
Since then he’s been the rock that has kept me grounded through everything life has thrown at me. He was by my side when I got fired, he’s sat in the chair next to my hospital bed through many, many nights. He helped me through my mother’s cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatments. He’s picked me up every time I’ve gotten knocked down from job rejection after job rejection after job rejection. He’s just been this… unwavering force of support and love behind me through everything.
He’s the type of man to work a 12 hour day to come home and offer to make me dinner. He talks me through my panic attacks and hasn’t once judged me for my anxiety. He’s the type of man who encourages my creativity, supports my dreams and desires and never says no to any silly plan that I might have… even if it means driving eight hours to spend some time wandering around a frozen lake in -32 degree Celsius (-25 Fahrenheit) weather.
We’re not perfect, and we’ve definitely had our fair share of issues, but I think that’s what really allows you to understand who’s meant to truly be in your life. If you can get through anything together, that someone is obviously worth keeping around.
Honestly, I’m the type of person who believes in signs from the universe, I’ve mentioned that several times before on this blog. It may sound cheesy but he does, to me, feel like a gift from the universe. The missing puzzle piece that I wasn’t even aware I was without.
Thank you to https://heresalittletip.wordpress.com/ for motivating me to write this all out. I’ve told bits and pieces of this story before, but I don’t think I’ve ever told it in full to anyone. So, there’s that…