She’s pregnant.

A couple of months back I shared this post: Getting pregnant to ‘trap a man’ is THE WORST IDEA ever.

To sum up the entirety of the story quickly, my cousin is manipulative and decided that she was never going to get another boyfriend as attractive as her current boyfriend so, by her logic, she might as well find a reason that would make him have to stay. So, her plan was to get pregnant.

I did manage to get in touch with her boyfriend to try and let him know about her plan but, by the time I’d done so, she’d manipulated him into believing that I was a liar and that he shouldn’t listen to anything I had to say, the conversation was brief.

Well, she’s pregnant.

Her mom(my aunt) phoned my mom the other day to share the news of how excited she was to have her first grand child on the way. My aunt said that no one is allowed to know because she’s only five weeks along. So… my cousin told me her plan was to get pregnant in late November. It’s now February 4 and she’s five weeks along. If you do the math… it took her very little time to execute on ‘Operation Trap My Boyfriend’.

When my mom told me that my cousin was pregnant the discussion came up about what my cousin told me in November, how this was her plan. My mom’s response? ‘No, that’s definitely not true. She has PCOS, she was told it would be difficult to impossible to conceive naturally’.

Yeah, she doesn’t have PCOS.

‘Where did you hear that she has PCOS?’ I asked my mom.

‘[Your aunt],’ my mom said.

So, my cousin convinced her mom that she had PCOS and was going to have a hard time having kids if she ever wanted them. Her mom then then in turn convinced my mom that she had PCOS. Who wants to bet that she convinced her boyfriend that she had PCOS so they didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant?

*Note – It is worth noting, I am aware that PCOS makes it difficult to get pregnant, not impossible. I am also aware that there are women in this world who use PCOS as an excuse when they don’t have it. Nevertheless, I digress.

Apparently, the boyfriend is happy. Apparently he’s, and I quote from my mom, from her mom, from her, ‘he’s over the fricken moon’ with excitement.

Also, apparently, the boyfriend is from a religious family. And, religion being something that baffles me to my core, his family is completely okay with him living with his girlfriend out of wedlock, but, his family is not okay with them bringing a child into this world out of wedlock.

According to my aun they might get married to appease the family, and then have a ‘real wedding’ after the baby comes.

Of course all this is hearsay at this point because I have since been… ex-communicated from her life for trying to tell her boyfriend of the plan. So, the information I am being provided I am taking with a grain of salt.

Breaking this down for my own brain: Cousin plans to trap boyfriend by getting pregnant. Cousin tells me this plan in November. Aunt delivers news that cousin is pregnant in February. Cousin’s boyfriend comes from a family that believes you cannot bring a child into this world out of wedlock. So… cousin and boyfriend could potentially be getting married in a ‘quickie ceremony’ to appease religious family.

I wonder how cousin’s boyfriend(and his family) feel about divorce?

I also wonder how cousin’s boyfriend will feel when they inevitably have a fight that leads to him learning she intentionally got pregnant. Because this will come out. Things like this always have a way of coming out.

I stand by what I said in November… getting pregnant to trap a man is the worst idea ever. Even if they do get married, even if they do try to stay together for this child, this entire situation is going to put some serious strain on their relationship. And imagine how this poor child is going to feel when their fights happen. I feel like ‘plans like this’ always come up in fights over the years. I feel like this child is destined for a life of tug-of-war parenting.

Her boyfriend is a cop. I don’t know him well, but I reckon in being a cop (and now from learning he comes from a religious family background) the concepts of honesty and integrity are important to him.

I wonder how he’s going to feel when he learns how manipulative his girlfriend is.

Also, this poor child that’s going to be born into this.

96 thoughts on “She’s pregnant.”

      1. Pretty much. I figure he’ll have his ‘come to’ moment years from now when he remembers what I mentioned and goes ‘Funny how this all worked out…’ Right now though, I reckon he’s just worried about being a dad to be.

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    2. I reckon he’s probably forgotten all about me at this point in time. He’s likely just worried about his (likely) sick girlfriend and child to be. I’m sure it’ll come out eventually, maybe years down the road, and he’ll have his hallelujah moment…

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      2. Honestly, I hope it never comes out and if it does, I hope it’s something they smooth over irrespective of our disapproval and their deserving actions. For the sake of the child, I wish it works itself out.

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  2. I have PCOS. I’m an advocate for it actually and women’s health in general (volunteer on my own time and dime). It is the main reason I haven’t had kids. Factor in a heart shaped uterus. And high risk of miscarriages. It just wasn’t possible for me.

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    1. Volunteering is awesome. It helps both parties involved. I’m sure it’s therapeutic to help others. Every time you teach someone why to fight or restrain, you remind yourself why as well. I hope you’re healing mentally and emotionally at least.

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    2. I’m so sorry! I cannot imagine. If it’s something someone wants, having PCOS can make quite a hindrance on being able to do so. I’ve noticed though, lately, that it’s a trend for people to just say ‘I have PCOS’ as an excuse without having any tests or anything. I just… it does wrong to people who actually have it and are actually struggling.

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    2. I feel like things like this always come out eventually. It might not happen right away, it might be when the child is 2 or 5 or even 10, but it always comes out. You know what I mean?

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  4. I am gonna take a wild guess and say that divorce courts and the unemployment lines both have lots of religious people in them.

    Also Dr’s told me that I would never live through pregnancy and/or Labor (for different medical reasons) and I now have 7 children.

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    2. Firstly, congratulations on each of your children. You must be an incredible woman if you’ve been through it seven times! Secondly, I would agree, there’s probably lots of divorced and unemployed religious folk… I just think it’s crazy that a religious family would find it fine for their son to live with his girlfriend, unwed, but the moment a child comes into the picture, that’s where the line is drawn and that’s where it can’t happen anymore.

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  7. I’m so conflicted. A new life is always a good thing, but I feel so sorry for this poor child being born to such a manipulative mother and I’m sorry, but that relationship is doomed to fail. Also, if they were living together and you didn’t care, why do you care that they’re having a child? Did his family really think they weren’t having sex? You did the right thing warning him, Vee. I hope they both love the child and do best by them no matter what happens. 😰

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    1. Well that’s what got me when I heard he was from a religious family. They live together and his family is cool about it? But she gets pregnant and all of the sudden it’s no longer cool? It’ll be interesting to see how this unfolds…

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  8. It is really sad to think that a blog such as this should be liked because in reality there is nothing to like about the content of this blog.
    I too agree with you about the fact that no good can come of this situation, after all how many times do we hear about people staying together for the sake of the children.
    This situation seems to be untenable for all concerned although I hope that things will work out.
    In many respects though it is the unborn child who’s happiness in life is not guaranteed that you have to feel for.
    I hope that your cousin won’t be forced into a quick marriage as that puts even more strain on a relationship.

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    1. It’ll be interesting to see how this all unfolds. With her only being five weeks along, the ‘news’ isn’t out yet. I reckon more information will start flying when people start learning.

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      1. I would imagine that you will be right and it is such a shame that she has excommunicated you because you sound like the kind of friend that she needs around her.
        I hope that everything gets resolved quickly and to the benefits of the unborn child who probably wouldn’t want to be in the middle of this situation but unfortunately doesn’t have the choice.

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  11. Oh boy V…..like I said in your post about writing new topics your audience wants to hear, my sister did this. Fast forward almost 18 yrs and they are divorced my nephew has been raised primarily by my Mom and his father, the boyfriend who became her husband. My nephew was just a few months old, 7 months exactly when they got married. It sure didn’t work out and my sister spiraled into a pain killer addiction ending up with her shooting heroin and crack. It got real bad before thankfully ten yrs ago the 4th rehab got through to her. My sister is now clean, sober and a workaholic. She should never have had children, she had my niece who will be 21 this yr in a similar way when she was just 19. It’s been extremely hard on both my niece and nephew but mostly my niece because she grew up with an absentee mother.
    My mother and I picked up the slack and thankfully she did choose a great man who stepped up to the plate.
    It’s so sad when I hear stories like this. Children are a ton if work, it’s a thankless job for many years until your children get older and can start to understand and express themselves. I was a stay at home mother for 12 yrs. My boys are now almost 15 and 18. My oldest has become so insightful and thoughtful and thankfully understands that children ate NOT in his near future. Raising babies into responsible members of society takes consistency and patience, neither of which my sister had in the long term sense. I agree with you that this new child is destined for tug-of-war parenting. Sad.
    You have the opportunity to be the fun family member and hopefully they will allow you to help out. This child is going to need all hands on deck. Your cousin has no idea what she’s created!

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    1. It sounds like you have a very tangled family web there, my dear. It sucks that kids are brought into the world in this manner. It sounds like your sister has also lead a really difficult life since.

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      1. Oh girllllll….100%! They are a huge reason why I write lol….I need to unload all of the crap they heaped upon my fragile spirit the last 42 yrs LMAO🤣 But really, I took a course once yrs back about embracing your family dysfunction and growing up with a mother who has untreated BPD, an emotionally absent father and workaholic, 6 siblings all together ranging in ages steps and halves…add it sexual abuse, physical and emotional trauma. It makes for a resiliency that I am proud to say I’m still standing tall on my 2 feet today. I have a great sense of humor, something that I wasn’t always able to say. Loads of intensive therapy, I live with Complex PTSD and I am an intuitive empath. I am extremely grounded into my spirituality and that has brought me this far and will keep me pushing forward always. My partner says I’m like Titanium, unbreakable. My motto is “Triumphing over Trauma” and someday I’d love to host a TED talk about it all. I write poems and have a blog here. This platform has been a wonderful addition to the self care practices I have in my daily routine. I connected with wonderful female writers and I love engaging with them, you are counted among them my friend. Your blog stands out for sure😊

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  12. To be quite blunt, I just don’t understand anything that the Evangelicals preach.
    I disavowed from them back in 2015.
    Having a piece of paper doesn’t mean squat today.
    If they really love each other, I say, go for it.
    Don’t marry for the sake of the child. Don’t put a child into that type of hell.

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    1. I think they love each other. I don’t know that, if their bringing a child into this world in this manner is how it starts, marriage is a good idea for them at this point. I agree with you, don’t put a child in for that type of hell.

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  13. No offense to cops reading this, but I’ve learned in my dealings with them that their interpretation of honesty and integrity is important to them and you’re not going to change their mind if they’re blinded by other things.

    They’ll probably end up being one of those perfectly blissfully miserable lower middle class/upper lower class families that don’t understand why everybody else is doing better. We don’t get to pick our family members, but we do get to pick if we want to be around them and be part of their lives. I went to a wake of my uncle last week and was reminded why I actively don’t see so much of my family. Simply because there’s a shared great grandfather or something doesn’t mean they get a waiver on allowing toxicity into my life.

    It sounds like you’re around a lot of blissfully ignorant people. You can either suffer fools graciously or disengage. No one is going to blame you for either choice.

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    1. There’s a reason why I barely know most of my extended family these days. I’m much better off at a distance. This poor kid. Probably won’t ever meet it. But, this poor kid.

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      1. On the other hand, from a purely objective point of view, you’ve got to give it to her…she crafted a plan, gaslit everyone around her except you, and pulled it off perfectly.

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    1. Thank You. I didn’t really end up doing anything though because he was unwilling to talk to me. So, in all reality, I’m just hoping that they have a happy kid. Otherwise, I’m staying out of their lives.

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  19. Yikes! That’s maddening! How long were they together before she decided she needed to trap him?? How well do you think he really knows her? You did the right thing trying to warn him. You saw that something with negative intention was about to go down and you did all that you could to prevent it, that is so admirable. I do not believe any relationship will work if it is built on lies. What’s worse is that this pain being caused isn’t about two people trying to make a relationship work, its about an innocent life with no choice being thrown into an inevitably bad situation.

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    1. I don’t know for certain how long they’ve been together. When she called in November it’d been a few years since we’d even talked. If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say they were together maybe 7 or 8 months when she got pregnant…

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  20. You know what’s interesting about this, is that it happens almost on a daily basis and I truly wonder who came up with the idea of having a baby to trap a man….. because it causes more damage than good.
    Truly sad.

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    1. Honestly, I think this happens both ways. I’ve heard stories of men purposefully trying to mess with a woman’s birth control so that she’ll get pregnant. It’s definitely a two-way street. Albeit, we hear about it a lot more with women, but yeah, it’s pretty manipulative.

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    1. It’s amazing that, no matter how far we come as a society, we’re doomed to make the same mistakes we’ve been learning from our entire lives…

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  24. Wtf? This story sounds so freaking made up, like its from a soap opera!? She is freaking insane? Omg I am so confused. Do her friends not let her know she is crazy? Do her parents not let her know she is crazy? Is this even normal behavior to witness? And what she said to you about getting old and needing to get pregnant previously…wtf? Jesus Christ, the inane manipulation and the child that is going to be brought into this fucked-upness. Good for you trying to warn the guy but I’m so sad it didn’t work because it’s leading towards a really fucked future. Gosh I hope nature somehow course-corrects and makes it alright.

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    1. We’ve been, for the most part, out of touch for the past few years, so I cant say for certain now but as long as I knew her growing up, she never really had friends… just a really creepy relationship with her brother. (And oh man her brother is creepy and manipulative to the extent that if I gave you his name you could google him and find him in national headlines talking about his creepy and manipulativeness.

      She and her brother were raised in a town of like 200… so they’ve always had this creepy and weird relationship with one another and their parents are pretty out of touch with the reality of who their kids have grown up to be. We were both born the same year (a couple months apart) so our moms always tried to put us together growing up to make is friends… but it never really worked because she’s always been a little too weird for me.

      Needless to say, I dont forsee anyone in her life being willing to call her out on her bullshit. Or even to just tell her to slow down…

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      1. Omg, this sounds like a horror/thriller novel. Could you give me his name actually? I am curious! This is how sociopaths are made, no offence, but the distance from society can be dangerous. I’m glad to see you have a sense of what’s right and wrong unlike them.

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      2. I can’t share his name no. 1) It would tie people back to me, and 2) Given the weird/creepy messages that I get on here, I really don’t want to consider what someone what might send to him. Not that he doesn’t deserve it – but I just… you know, I don’t need to be the caveat to that.

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  25. My sisters the same way…now she’s in her second trimester trying to figure out how to get the father to stay vs worrying about getting what she needs for the baby. There’s so many things wrong with the “trap a daddy” concept…

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      1. That’s what I’m saying. I already had a baby and I know it’s not easy but to do it to keep a man whew idk about that. That’s 18 years of responsibilities that your cousin and my sister may not have thought of.

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      1. Girrrrrl, I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Hopefully things will get better (with her) and there won’t be any regrets from either of them and may the kid not be the recipient of her foolishness. I’m wishing them well for the baby’s sake.

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    1. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life – kids are resilient and can get through anything. Hopefully when he smartens up, they can at least one day learn to coparent well.

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  30. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    I have had first-hand experience of these manipulative games that some women play to fool and try to trap a man via pregnancy. Before her, I thought women do that (getting pregnant) out of love. Now I think differently even though she could not succeed in making me look at all women through the same color (of deception) like hers.

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    1. I think it’s important to note that this does happen both-ways. I’ve heard stories of men who do intentionally try to, or have success with, getting women pregnant in hopes of having that woman stay with them forever. It’s just a bad plan from the start. Any relationship built of deceit is not one that will last.

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      1. Absolutely. No matter how deceptive one becomes (irrespective of their gender), these relationship games do end one wakes up to a better future with someone real, genuine and truly caring. Cause after the first deception, its almost impossible to be deceived all over again by another individual. Btw, what do you think is the original intention of these deceiving men/women? Do they really think they can get away with this long enough?

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  31. I thought all the same things as I was reading this. An Annulment could happen if he discovers the ploy within the first 6 months of marriage. Sad, any way you look at it.

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      1. The church we went to did not support Divorce but Annulment was fine. Although, if someone has already told him and he still marries her, that might be a different situation.

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      2. If they get an annulment, does that mean their child would be a ‘bastard child’? Asking not because I like that title, but because I think that’s what religious people call it? I could be way off…

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      3. An Annulment means in the eyes of the law and the church, the marriage never happened. However, the child still has a father, legally. It would save the steps of resentment for getting trapped into marriage under false pretenses.

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  32. “Maybe your guilty conscious is bothering you!” -DW (towards the boyfriend)

    One way or another, the boyfriend is gonna realize he’s been manipulated. It sounds like him and the entire family are in denial about the whole thing. You nailed the divorce thing…. I questioned that too. And then BAM, you said it. I feel sorry for the kid who will born out of wedlock aka. Bastard child. It wouldn’t surprise me if a lot of women “trap” their boyfriends into staying with them. Makes me wonder why she feels the need to make him stay so badly in the first place. Unconditional love is being able to let the other person go no matter how painful it feels. This ain’t love. This is manipulation.

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    1. It’s a weird, weird, weird family. I’ll tell you some stories about them next time you’re free from studying. You’ll understand more why I don’t like talking to these people and why I’m so not surprised at this all unfolding.

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      2. No you cannot! I would start a story time series about all the creepy weirdos in my family, but… you know that saying about if you’re surrounded by people you might just be one of them? I don’t want to be one of them!

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  34. Pingback: Monday thoughts… – #MILLENNIALLIFECRISIS

  35. Oh wow! There’s so much going on here it’s hard to decide what’s worse! You’ve done your part in trying to forewarn the cousins boyfriend but now a baby is on the way. Hopefully, they’ll have support from both sides to help bring this baby up in a loving world, and for the baby’s sake, I hope they make it!

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