So, you want to be Insta Famous? I don’t blame you. With people raking in millions of dollars for posting selfie after selfie after selfie of themselves it looks like a really easy way to get rich.
Make no mistake though, this is a really difficult industry to break into. Why? Because it’s so saturated. With so many beautiful people in this world, you need to find yourself a means to stand out. And how do you stand out? By being exactly like the rest of them, clearly.
To become Insta Famous, you will need:
- To wear A LOT of makeup, but to always tell your followers that you’re not wearing makeup and that you’re ‘naturally this pretty’
- To not be afraid of putting on that bikini when it’s needed! Does it make sense to have a photo of yourself wearing a bikini at the edge of the Grand Canyon? Of course it does! Girl, put on that bikini and wander out to the edge for the best view possible.
- To always remember – Pics or it didn’t happen!
- It is typically going to take twenty to thirty minutes of arranging the food on your table at the restaurant and arrange good lighting to ensure that you get the best picture of all food ordered to make others jealous they’re not there with you right now. Also, your food will be cold by the time you get to eat it. That’s just a fact of life you’re going to have to deal with.
- To not smile. Don’t ever smile. Smiling isn’t sexy and you need to be sexy to be Insta Famous
- Lip Injections couldn’t hurt, if you can afford them. If you can’t afford them then just grossly over-line your lips. Remember, we want to look as much like Kylie Jenner as possible
- To purchase the premium FaceTune account. It’s only $80 a year, and honestly, your face cannot look like it has pores, so honey, just buy it.
- To always tag a brand. Yeah, you know that portion of Instagram where it says ‘Who’s in this picture?’ Don’t tag the people in the photo, silly. TAG BRANDS! Tag all the brands! You want them to see your photo and how beautiful you are and how sought after you are. After all, if they know you’re name, that’s when they’ll send you all of the free things.
- To abide by the rule that you cannot ever post a picture of anyone but yourself. After all, people are going to come to your Instagram to see how beautiful and sexy you are. They don’t want to know that you have friends, or family. That’s not important.
- To write long, meaningful, deep captions about how difficult it is to be so beautiful and how hard your life is because you have to deal with all sorts of things that we aren’t aware of and that you’ll never talk about.
- To always stand in front of the most plain background possible! This will make face-tuning your entire body easier. Face-tuning with cobblestone streets in the background gives away that you’ve been editing yourself. Standing in front of that famous pink wall in LA? No one will ever know that you shaved twelve inches off your waist!
- If you’re going to post an ad, please make sure that you post the most elaborate or contentious ad that you can possibly think of! That’s how people are gong to remember it! Scored an advertisement for coffee creamer? PERFECT! Take that creamer on a run with you and snap that photogenic picture at the top of the the hill, overlooking fields of green and beautiful landscape all behind you. People are going to ask themselves ‘WHY, WHY, WHY?’ so much, they’ll remember your ad, and that product. Get it, girl.
- Workout pictures are a must. Because you must look like you’re working out at least five days per week. Aesthetic is everything.
- If you can bleach your hair, it wouldn’t hurt. You don’t have to… but if you do, you’ll stand out more among all the other’s who have bleached hair.
- Make sure that you’re never seen in the same outfit twice. Reusing outfits is unacceptable. This world is about hyperconsumerism… so get on board and do not, under any circumstances, rock the boat.
- Any time that you can take a picture of yourself on a plane is a definite bonus. You need to make other’s jealous of your life! If you cannot afford to travel, have no fear. There are now people who ‘pimp out’ their private planes for Instagram Influencers to rent in half-hour stints to get their travel photos taken! Bring a couple of outfits, change quickly and you can have content for the next six months if you’re smart about it!
- Host a fake giveaway! Require everyone who enters to follow you, as well as everyone included in your caption! Then, have them tag six of their closest friends in the comments. All publicity is good publicity and people love the opportunity to earn free stuff!
- Oh and you musn’t answer any comments that you get on your posts. Unless you want to be mean. If you’re going to be mean, then definitely answer the comments. Tell people to butt out of your life, or that they’re too nosy or that they shouldn’t judge you. That ALWAYS goes over well.
- Do it for the gram! Honestly, everything and anything you do, just make sure that you’re doing it with the mindset of what great Instagram photos you’re going to get. You’ll never go wrong, I promise you!
This list was inspired by a recent Instagram Account I found – ‘influencersinthewild’. If you’d like a good laugh, I strongly encourage you check it out!
Please note – Everything in this post is meant to be taken in a satirical sense. I am not Insta Famous, and honestly, I’m probably the last person you’d ever want to consult if you wanted to be Insta Famous. I genuinely don’t understand the Industry, or the human race for that matter.
This made me laugh so much ๐๐
LikeLiked by 3 people
Glad that I could make you laugh!
LikeLike
You always make me smile too!
LikeLike
๐ท๐ท๐ท๐ท๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คข๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐คฎ๐ซ
LikeLiked by 2 people
Urgh, that actually make me nauseous to look at ๐ญ
LikeLiked by 2 people
Did you go to the Instagram account? Isn’t it incredible?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Shit, that’s actually another person! Whaaat?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a popular name. My blog name is not really original. lol Millennial Life Crisis is a pretty common concept.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, ok I had no idea! Lol. As far as I’m concerned your use was the ‘original’ one now xD.
LikeLike
Nooooooo.
There’s a girl who has a Youtube channel called Millennial Life Crisis. That’s that girl. She lives in Seattle.
It’s became a popular name for blogs and vlogs and sites the past couple of years. Tis why I am millenniallifecrisis.org… someone already owned millenniallifecrisis.com and millenniallifecrisis.ca
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol, yeah started figuring that out, sorry!
So that account I found is NOT ironic!??
I was thinking you’d created one ironically, I think you mentioned you would. But I see from your blog page you actually have one where you seem to post text rather than photos. So I’m really confused now lol.
LikeLike
That girl genuinely looks so much like your profile pic on here though! I don’t know if that pic is actually based on a photo of you or not, but it would totally fit haha.
LikeLike
The little icon with the bun and the eyelashes is just a stock photo. And to be quite fair – it looks like a lot of females on this earth. You know what I mean? When I switched to that icon it was solely because I was getting a lot of comments and emails from people presuming I was a man. I thought if a female icon on there, it might make more people think I was a girl and less people think I was a man.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! I thought it might just be a stock photo, too. And yeah hahaโ I’ve just perfectly illustrated that with the insta-girl!
“I thought if a female icon on there, it might make more people think I was a girl and less people think I was a man.”
๐คฃ๐. You’re so blunt and precise sometimes it almost comes across as sarcasm.
LikeLike
LOL ๐it!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank You!
LikeLike
You forgot my favourite..
Go to (insert religious/memorial/hella serious site) and take glamorous selfies. Climb up onto that statue meant to be commemorating all the lives lost in (insert horrific historical event). Ignore the serious people around you. They’re just jealous, and trying to kill your vibe. Peace signs in front of Auschwitz with your tits out, hair blowing like you’re Beyonce with a wind machine and duck lips get you extra points. And go!
LikeLiked by 4 people
OHHHHHHHHHHHH YES. A couple days ago I saw some photos Priyanka Chopra took at the Holocaust Memorial with #Berlin #SightsToSee
Oooh and the Insta Famous peeps that wear their bikinis to Chernobyl or dive into the Toxic Russian Lake. Yeah, those too.
There’s so many!
LikeLiked by 2 people
People seriously wear bikinis to Chernobyl?? That’s a whole new level of incredulity.
LikeLiked by 2 people
YES! Google It. The Russian government actually had to start detaining people in 2019 because it became an ‘Instagram Hot Spot’ to go. If you google it, there’s quite a few pictures of skinny girls in bikinis and gas masks at Chernobyl…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hate people.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Samesies.
LikeLike
It’s a major reason that I enjoy your blog: because you call people out on their bullshit, expect decency from people and will make fun of those with egos bigger than their butt implants. LOL ๐ฏ
LikeLiked by 4 people
Thank you for the compliment!
Also – how uncomfortable would it be to have butt implants? I don’t know if I could deal. Also, could you imagine having to tell people you have butt implants?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right? Especially those botched jobs people get from shady doctors that you hear about every so often.
“Why does your but look like 2 bunches of grapes?”
“Erm, it’s TOTALLY natural. Yeah, that’s it. #flauntwhatyourmamagaveyou #wokeuplifethis #nofilter”
LikeLiked by 2 people
Haha, I recently got a selfie at the LA Pink Wall, and I saw SO many tourists there. There’s really nothing to the wall at all, except that it’s bubblegum pink. I admit I partake in the IG culture, but I would never sell myself to become IG famous. No brands, no sponsors…just beautiful photos of the places I go to!
LikeLiked by 3 people
I love looking at Instagram’s filled with pictures of landscapes and weather and incredible sights. I get bored when I see an instagram filled with only one person’s face. The pink wall, I don’t really understand. Like it’s a wall. I could just paint a wall here pink… why would I go all the way to LA to see that? I don’t get how it’s a tourist trap. Perhaps I’m missing something…
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is too funny ๐ and honestly I believe is so true ๐คช๐คช
LikeLiked by 4 people
So many variations of the same exact thing. lol
LikeLike
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐ high fives good one!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thanks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Omg too funny. And sad. What A lifestyle I’ll never understand. Thanks for the laugh! It sounds awfully exhausting to be instafamous lol.
LikeLiked by 3 people
I’m with you. I don’t understand it either.
LikeLike
The best part of your post was “please note -….”. Much love
LikeLiked by 3 people
uh oh. That’s not a good thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Believe me, I loved your post. Hilarious that how “we” have become. The best part was….your honesty about yourself ๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Gee, and I am the one who was in treatment.
Some of these things are so outlandish!
LikeLiked by 3 people
lol. It’s all meant in good fun
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah I know…lol
LikeLike
And here I am in my pj’s, no make up, messy bed head not giving a shit what I look like. Haha! I don’t get these people. I’ve unfollowed some for the amount of times they post in a given day.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Hey – I say ‘Work With it!’ You could become a reverse vsco girl.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hah! I’m laughing at this. If you could only see me now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love it! Gonna squeeze a bikini on this thirty year old dad bod, paint the grand canyon pink and stand as close as I can for that selfie!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh that for sure would go viral.
LikeLike
I got a giggle out of this โ Iโve for sure been guilty of a few of these! Great post, I really enjoyed it โค๏ธ
LikeLiked by 3 people
Nah. You’re a person of substance. A kind and beautiful soul, inside and out. There’s a big difference.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awh thank you โ youโre the best โค๏ธ Love you!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
The human race is perfect so long as you don’t think too hard about it. Or at all really
LikeLiked by 5 people
True story.
LikeLike
I have no desire to be famous whatsoever!
LikeLiked by 3 people
You and me both, sister.
LikeLiked by 1 person
๐
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great observations, but, gulp, I have to confess to at least half of these ๐ณ๐ณ๐ณ.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Please, please, please tell me you’re a fan of wearing your Bikini to the Grand Canyon!!!! lol this is all meant in good fun.
LikeLiked by 1 person
‘ Life is better in a bikini’ ๐๐please check out the article i have written on this and it gets even better when you wear it riding your motorbike๐ check out the article I have written on this titled ‘Riding motorbike makes me happy’. So maybe combining the two together can make me Insta famous?!…๐ Will have to test the theory next time I find myself in the Grand Canyon… Watch that space …. all done in the spirit of testing an untested theory and not for personal gain of course ๐
LikeLiked by 2 people
This was so accurate and it made me giggle! I wonโt lie I used to be caught up with being โinsta famousโ until I realized its all bullshit. Im so happy posting no makeup bull shit selfies with my son and my quotes โค๏ธ
LikeLiked by 3 people
Right? Made for a good laugh when I was writing it because it is so true. lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
It sounds utterly exhausting. That said I think I wouldโve given it ago if I was seventeen again!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Have you ever seen the movie 17 again? lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
HILARIOUS ๐๐๐๐๐
LikeLiked by 3 people
hahaha! Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for making me laugh Vee! ๐๐๐คฃ
LikeLiked by 1 person
Youโre so talented
LikeLiked by 2 people
I love @influencersinthewild and it gives me a good laugh every time I see their posts! Your observations are spot on! Thank you for a good laugh this morning!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh my god! I just found it like less than a week ago. It is hands down my favourite Instagram account. I love it soo much! Thank you for reading, I am glad you had a good laugh!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh itโs easily my favorite account now too!! Itโs the perfect balance of โOMG look at these ridiculous people!โ and โOMG, have I done this before?!โ Hahaha.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Funny! Loved reading this ๐
LikeLiked by 3 people
I loved this! I spoke to a wannabe influencer recently, who had no idea, she wants free stuff, free holidays and wants it now! I’m just a blogger no dreams of influencing anyone but I thought this post was so funny! I like your other posts too, very honest!
LikeLiked by 3 people
I think people who are influencers or wanna be influencers just have this ‘entitlement’ to them… they think they deserve things for free just for existing. It really drives me crazy. People in any other industry or under any other circumstance, acting like that would get knocked back down to earth/reality real quick… but when an influencer does it, it’s supposed to just be accepted.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I always love the comedy you bring to your posts, I had several laugh out loud moments with this list. Keep up the great work!
LikeLiked by 3 people
This is so funny. ๐
So true.
LikeLike
Omg I love it so much๐โค๐คฃ
LikeLike