I miss you.

One year ago today we were walking across a frozen lake in the heart of the Rocky Mountains. One year ago you were telling me that everything was going to work out, that someone was going to realize how great I was and hire me before I knew it. We’d have the life we wanted and all would be right with the world.

It feels like yesterday.

I feel like I’ve failed you so many times since then.

I feel like I’ve failed myself so many times since then.

Though I definitely don’t deserve it, you’re still my biggest support system and most vocal cheerleader. I really don’t know what I’d do without that.

It’s almost your birthday.

I’m mad that I can’t be there for it.

I’m mad about a lot of things.

But I’m trying to keep going.

Because I know that not much in this world will change if I stand still.

One of these days, things are going to change. It has to. The odds have to fall in my favour one day, right? It just has to.

24 thoughts on “I miss you.

  1. My own bad period felt interminable for most of it, too. Getting through it comes down to multiple crisis point decisions: will I fall out of existence, or keep going for the inner, fundamental me who will one day rise, thrive, and look back on this time with pride and great strength?

    (Ok, I didn’t mean that to rhyme at all!)

    πŸ¦ΎπŸ’™

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I also take inspiration from those great survival/persistence stories, like Nelson Mandela, or people who survived isolation out in the wild.

      Liked by 1 person

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