1:30 am thoughts

I had thoughts, but honestly, quarantine brain is getting the better of me. I’m feeling disconnected from the people that matter most to me and there’s not a whole lot I can do about it in this time. I’m insecure and second guessing every decision I’ve been making.

I feel like this is a really accurate depiction of life right now. What people look like on the outside versus how they feel on the inside. Because I know I’m not the only one going crazy with this self-quarantine.

54 thoughts on “1:30 am thoughts

  1. I wager many individuals feel horrible. Not all that long ago I started following your blog because it seemed inviting to look in at how you were doing and what you were jotting down. It is easy to be discouraged, like if you are looking at too many news broadcasts, even though they are important.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. LOL those penguins!! Seriously though I am so anxious right now I can’t concentrate when I’m supposed to be working from home. I feel like I’m living in a Twilight Zone of my real life. You are still amazing no matter what. Just be you. That’s why I love your blog in the first place โค

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank You. Practice some calming measures to help keep your mind sane. Grounding really helps me – google it if you don’t know what I mean. That and wine. Lots of wine.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. No that’s not mine. It’s an image I’ve seen floating around twitter the past few days. I tried to trace it to a source to credit but it seems to come from 100 places so I wasn’t sure who to credit

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I reckon thereโ€™s about half a world who are feeling like that right now but arenโ€™t brave or honest enough to admit it. Hang in there and stay safe. Iโ€™m finding that all those techniques Iโ€™ve built up to keep me going through the dark places are really vital right now!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. It’s natural to feel messed up right now. Everyone does, ‘cos the world’s gone crazy. You’re not alone right now, even though probably feel that way. We’re all in this together and we’re gonna get through it. Trust me on this!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This picture made me laugh so thanks for that. This is a time of major transformation on our entire planet. We are being forced into a reset and a shift of priorities. Getting comfortable with uncomforbility creates real change and inner growth. It’s bringing out many things some wonderful and some ugly and painful. All for the greater good and a better way, our world will be better off for it in the end. I can trust and belief that. Sending you virtual hugs, lots of love and peaceful vibes sisterโค๐Ÿค—

    Like

  5. Iโ€™m sorry! But I spit out my coffee at your penguins! ๐Ÿคฃ I needed that! Sugar, if nothing else, know that we are all in this together. And we will get through this, together. Itโ€™s easy to feel disconnected right now. But weโ€™re going to make it! This post alone made me feel connected to you! Iโ€™m also a hugger, so not being able to hug my people is very strange. Youโ€™ve got this! ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Hahaha I love the photos! Keep thinking and keep writing V, people in blog land love your presence ๐Ÿ™‚

    It’s still madness here. We have a grocery thing called click list where you order online, pull up to the store and they put the groceries in your car. I placed an order and the only pick up time is 4 days out at 8 pm. In calmer times the pick ups would be the same day. People would snark at Jase and I and say we were being lazy, well fuckers, now that there’s a virus you’ve taken up all the time slots and bought all the groceries.
    I’ve shopped this way for a long time as I despise shopping…โ€ฆ.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, that’s brutal. I’ve heard that time slots for those services are being booked up weeks in advance. We don’t really have them in this town, so I’ve always had to shop. I bet it’s extremely convenient on regular days, though. And now, in this world we’re looking at, not having to go into the grocery store is probably a huge relief. Dang. That sucks that it has to take several days.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Honestly, April 17th is a very generous date. I woldn’t be surprised if those goes into June. That’s what they’re projecting up here. At minimum. And it’s not nearly as bad here.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m becoming more sympathetic to all of the newly isolated folks – I’ve lived this way for years, not by choice but by circumstance, and I do know how depressing it can be. But one does cope and one does adjust because one has to, albeit unwillingly. And I guess that is what is causing the most problems – the unwilling part.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Since this term of isolation is “temporary” for most of you I would say – put a schedule in place, make things normal…out of bed at the same time, breakfast, shower, dress, do a particular activity (clean something, write, research) create a routine. I don’t know if you live alone or whether you have young children to wrangle but as much as I have come to hate ‘routine’ I think having one now may help many of you from going completely bonkers.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Those aren’t mine. lol. It’s a set of photos that’s been going around Twitter the past few days with the caption ‘Expectation versus reality’.

      Like

  8. I think I read the other day that you are coming off your medication, this is your mind and bodies response to that. It will take 6 weeks to feel normal again as in your chemistry to balance out again. Also grief can be delayed and also everyone in isolation is going and feeling a bit at odds and having a grief response to it. Sending love from New Zealand.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Did you find this penguin recipe from Pinterest? ๐Ÿ˜‚

    If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email or text message. I will reply to messages eventually This cabin fever has been giving me some anxiety and I find that its worse if I don’t get out of the house. It helps to get out of the house even if it’s for a short walk. And if you can, it might not hurt to spend time with Knight if it’s possible to live with him for a while, given the circumstances and situation that we are in.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The penguins have been floating around twitter the past few days with the caption of ‘expectation versus reality – what we think quarantine will be like, versus what it’s actually like’.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha! Pinterest vs. Reality is another good one! Most of the time, my Pinterest recipes fail miserably, but once in a while there will be a winning recipe. In the beginning, I think most of us were more accepting of the quarantine but as time goes on we are becoming more irritable and depressed. Humans arenโ€™t meant to be cooped up in their houses 24/7.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. You’re not. I’m a social introvert, so I need a balance between being around people and being alone. My life went from one extreme to the other with very little warning, and everything I was looking forward to coming up isn’t happening now, so it’s been rough. And I’m getting mixed messages about how I should be doing my job during this time, which doesn’t help the frustration and anxiety.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I am working from home, in the kind of job that does not usually work from home, and I have two different people in positions of authority telling me two directly contradictory things about how to do my job from home. I’m starting to come up with a plan, though.

        I’m sorry this is kind of vague… I don’t usually say on WordPress what it is that I do for work. If I remember right, you just recently read a few of the stories on my blog, so you’ve seen that my blog is a continuing story based on my actual past. I will eventually be writing about the process that led to my decision on what to pursue as a career, and it is the same career I am still in today, so I don’t want to give away spoilers.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. It’s totally okay. You need not talk about it! I was just being nosey. And honestly, I’ve been reading so many blogs since I’ve been trapped at home. You probably could’ve written you were batman and I’d be like ‘Cool bro’. Nothing phases me at this point. haha

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Batman… haha ๐Ÿ™‚ You weren’t nosey. It was a valid question. And I’m sure I’ll have more time to read (and write!) once my work from home situation gets settled. But I won’t be writing about being Batman, because I’m not ๐Ÿ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I know it Vee and am part of the Web ๐Ÿ˜Šthough I am not a millennial ๐Ÿ˜Š

        But isnโ€™t it good to find a little more time to go within? Balance …

        Like

  11. I have definitely not been dealing with it well, I can relate to the penguin photo. My head has been going around about quitting my job and snap judgement impulsive decisions like that. Our COO is an asshole and nobody cares that I am mostly checked out and sometimes losing my mind. I went for a good walk tonight and decided that while resigning is still an option, it shouldn’t be the first. All of this is a long winded way of saying I relate to the mindfuck. I noticed with interest the guy up there about getting mixed messages from his employer. Goes to show a lot of people are not only dealing with their own stuff, but dealing with chaos from their employers. It’s a shitshow.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. While I understand you’re dealing with a lot of shit right now (been reading your posts), I might recommend waiting until after the Pandemic has cleared before resigning. I only say that because job prospects went from frustrating before the pandemic to fucking nothing right now.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have about 10k sitting in a bank account. I’m not that worried about getting a job if I quit. It’s an option. I’m not really even all that scared of homelessness. As I said though, I did come to the conclusion that it should really be a last resort. I do have some marbles left, V. It’s hard for people who don’t have my BPD condition to understand that feeling of being trapped and wanting to quit everything and abandon my apartment and drive off somewhere. And that feeling of not being able to trust a single person. It was a moment in time and I’m past that today. But the idea that I can resign and that I’m not trapped at this job is one of the things that is pulling me through.

        Like

      2. Ha – and ironically the hiring freeze is part of the problem. I have to say V this is comical – I have much less to do at work right now and so I resent having to work at all. And it all goes back to this zero job thing you just mentioned. That is irony and it’s funny!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s