Dear Patrice (HIMYM Reference),
The days are so long and tiresome, they’re all morphing together. How long has it been? When will it end? Much like the theme of my blog suggests, I have a lot of questions and zero answers.
This morning, at least I think it was this morning (let’s face it, it could have been yesterday at this point, or perhaps even tomorrow seeing as I’m so delusional) the snowplows came down our road at 6:15. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the sound of graters scraping against pavement for thirty minutes straight, but it’s not the most pleasant sound to have to listen to, let alone wake up to.
The snowplows grinding our street at 6:15 am made next to no sense given the fact that it was snowing… as they were plowing. And we had six inches of snow in the forecast for today. Perhaps they’re occupied tomorrow. Perhaps they were just excited that being a snowplow driver allows them to work while social distancing.
Anyways, enough about snowplows.
I want to talk about home.
I’m one of those delusional characters who is of the belief that home is where the heart is. For that reason, I’ve actually felt the genuine sense of home for very little of my life.
Earlier this month, I felt like I was getting close. I’ll admit, I had my hopes up. I thought there was a chance I’d be on my way home soon. After two successful interviews with the Engineering firm, I had one final interview scheduled with the CEO on March 10th. On March 9th the HR Manager reached out and said that the CEO’s wife was ill and he wasn’t going to be at work so the interview would have to be postponed. On the 5th when the interview with the CEO was scheduled for the 10th, I was hoping it was going to be for a job offer. They rescheduled my interview for the 17th and well, shit hit the proverbial fan and all my dreams are postponed. The Engineering firm has been closed since the 13th, with only the Engineers themselves working at this point, and only for emergency services.
Don’t get me wrong. International pandemic, I totally get it. I absolutely understand. We’ve been aware of the Corona Virus in Canada since January. In fact, when I went to the hospital in January, they were already taking precautions at that point and had me tested for it. I’m well aware of the serious nature of this virus and do not blame the firm for closing. I think it was smart of them.
I just… am mourning the loss of what could have been whilst simultaneously facing a day to day misery of not feeling welcome where I’m living, whilst simultaneously recognizing that virtually no one is hiring right now. Except Wal-Mart. And yes, I applied.
I’m whining. It’s 12:30 am and I am whining. I fully understand that. I also completely grasp that there are people in this world in absolutely worse situations than mine all around. But, sometimes you just have to let things out. Sometimes you just have to free the thoughts from your brain so that you can think clearly again.
Will this help? Well, if I sleep even in the slightest tonight, I’ll consider it a win.
I had a brief FaceTime call with Knight tonight. It’s amazing how, even in just ten minutes time at one-o-clock in the morning, he makes the whole day better. He just gives me a whole different perspective on things. He changes me. Makes me better. I need that in my life.
There’s a great big world out there. One that needs conquering tomorrow.
Stay safe, stay healthy and stay at least a six foot distance from people. #FlattenTheCurve