Quarantine Day 3,487

Dear Patrice (HIMYM Reference),

The days are so long and tiresome, they’re all morphing together. How long has it been? When will it end? Much like the theme of my blog suggests, I have a lot of questions and zero answers.

This morning, at least I think it was this morning (let’s face it, it could have been yesterday at this point, or perhaps even tomorrow seeing as I’m so delusional) the snowplows came down our road at 6:15. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the sound of graters scraping against pavement for thirty minutes straight, but it’s not the most pleasant sound to have to listen to, let alone wake up to.

The snowplows grinding our street at 6:15 am made next to no sense given the fact that it was snowing… as they were plowing. And we had six inches of snow in the forecast for today. Perhaps they’re occupied tomorrow. Perhaps they were just excited that being a snowplow driver allows them to work while social distancing.

Anyways, enough about snowplows.

I want to talk about home.

I’m one of those delusional characters who is of the belief that home is where the heart is. For that reason, I’ve actually felt the genuine sense of home for very little of my life.

Earlier this month, I felt like I was getting close. I’ll admit, I had my hopes up. I thought there was a chance I’d be on my way home soon. After two successful interviews with the Engineering firm, I had one final interview scheduled with the CEO on March 10th. On March 9th the HR Manager reached out and said that the CEO’s wife was ill and he wasn’t going to be at work so the interview would have to be postponed. On the 5th when the interview with the CEO was scheduled for the 10th, I was hoping it was going to be for a job offer. They rescheduled my interview for the 17th and well, shit hit the proverbial fan and all my dreams are postponed. The Engineering firm has been closed since the 13th, with only the Engineers themselves working at this point, and only for emergency services.

Don’t get me wrong. International pandemic, I totally get it. I absolutely understand. We’ve been aware of the Corona Virus in Canada since January. In fact, when I went to the hospital in January, they were already taking precautions at that point and had me tested for it. I’m well aware of the serious nature of this virus and do not blame the firm for closing. I think it was smart of them.

I just… am mourning the loss of what could have been whilst simultaneously facing a day to day misery of not feeling welcome where I’m living, whilst simultaneously recognizing that virtually no one is hiring right now. Except Wal-Mart. And yes, I applied.

I’m whining. It’s 12:30 am and I am whining. I fully understand that. I also completely grasp that there are people in this world in absolutely worse situations than mine all around. But, sometimes you just have to let things out. Sometimes you just have to free the thoughts from your brain so that you can think clearly again.

Will this help? Well, if I sleep even in the slightest tonight, I’ll consider it a win.

I had a brief FaceTime call with Knight tonight. It’s amazing how, even in just ten minutes time at one-o-clock in the morning, he makes the whole day better. He just gives me a whole different perspective on things. He changes me. Makes me better. I need that in my life.

There’s a great big world out there. One that needs conquering tomorrow.

Stay safe, stay healthy and stay at least a six foot distance from people. #FlattenTheCurve

Goodnight, World.

40 thoughts on “Quarantine Day 3,487

      1. Haha! I was more questioning whether the rest was exactly literal (which I thought so) and checking my assumption that the day number was the only ficional part.

        The bit which was the most heartbreaking was about not feeling welcome where you’re living. Why don’t you feel welcome?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My parents are very vocal about the fact that they don’t want me to here. Honestly, it’s just not something I talk about in great deal because I much prefer to vaguebook when it comes to really personal things.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh man. I had hoped that your relations with parents were better than mine had been, because you don’t need that stress on top of everything else. Now I have more of a complete picture of your struggles, and you are going through a hell of a lot.

        It sounds like they really struggle with empathy, to a really destructive extent. For a sensitive person, I know the kind of trauma that that situation can inflict on you. Emotional trauma/PTSD from family relationships is common in families with autism. I just mention that label as it’s a potential source of comfort, by giving you something to google for. It really did for me, whether I’m actually autistic or not. The situation is real.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha, Kansas city didnt get the order until late last week and I was on vacay (locally), but yeah I was surprised it took this long for them to do anything.

        It isn’t terrible. Nothing like New York.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I can’t think of the right word but it’s weird/surprising/not-surprising/seems wrong that the states are all acting independently on this. Is that BECause there’s been no top-down government order to isolate?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I feared you’d say that! God, his actions and lack of actions are running deep and terribly in this emergency. How many deaths will he ultimately be responsible for?

        How tragic is this going to look in the history books, that we had a chance and tried to impeach him? Right before all of this.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I say we but I live in the UK. Yet that’s how I automatically phrase itβ€” the rest of the world vs trump.

        Like

  1. All of us are saying the same thing these days- I understand that there are people who are in the worse situation. I am not going to tell you the stories of people being in the worst situation, but I will tell you that: we were hiring people till the last week, even under quarantine. But this week we realized that not only we need to stop, but we also need to furlough some people. And a person who was just hired and as expected to start next day, and we even had his laptop shipped to him – his offer was rescinded. And most of the newer hires were send home. So if your interview would happen a little bit earlier it could hit even worse.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You raise very valid points. As I was hired, and fired before my first day at the Newspaper last year, I really don’t know if my heart could take that again. I feel for those who were already hired and are now in limbo. That’s a tough place to be. Ugh. Times are tough on everyone.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hope you slept peacefully V………maybe this will make you chuckle…I’ve noticed when commenting on others blogs and I type “thank you for sharing”…..there are times it comes out “SHARTING”……..somewhat timely as we are all sharting our pants……(((HUGS)))

    Liked by 4 people

  3. It’s important to stay in touch with your feelings V. We are all here with you and that’s why we follow your blog here. My son who is 18 lost his job right before the shut down. He text me the other day, “Mom…how do you start over?” The thing I told him is that right now we all are. This is like one giant do-over. Yes, it can always be worse but right now you’re fed up. I hope getting that out allowed you to have some peace and rest my friendπŸ™β€

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh, that hurts my heart. An 18 year old asking how to start over, that really hurts my heart. He’s 18. He shouldn’t have to feel like that 😦

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can understand you feeling that way. I took it has more of a positive because he has watched me, his mother, reinvent herself so many times. He is seeking guidance. I told him, my love , we are ALL doing exactly that right now. Starting over. See my dear friend V…..you are a wise woman. There are many ways to look at our world right now. I can only do and provide so much. I have made tremendous mistakes. Separated myself from my sons. It means the world to have at least our relationship rekindled in any way shape or form. He came here to Dallas a month ago and everything in me wanted to hold him and never let him go. Although, that would have been selfish because he has his own life now. He is do resilient and wise for 18.
        I know we will all make it out of this time my dear and be better for it. Trust this process. However icky and unbearable it seems. It is giving birth to a better way for ALL of us❀❀❀

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh man. I made the Jump to Samsung last year when I got that job offer that got rescinded right before I started. I told myself if I was going to have my phone number published, I needed to upgrade to a phone that could deal with a lot of stuff. Phone works great. Even after getting wet. Too bad I never got to use it for the job. But still, yeah, Samsung is great. lol

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s important to get your feelings out Vee – you don’t need me to tell you that. And yes, there’s always someone worse off but that doesn’t nullify what you’re facing and dealing with. Keep sharing. I hope you sleep well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the reminder. Sometimes I feel bad just for complaining in itself, like I should be grateful immensely and not every complain. But I also feel like if you bottle those feelings up that makes life real tough.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Woke up at 5:30AM and slept for a whopping 5 hours last night! I feel like the whole situation is affecting everyone to some degree. I’m very agitated, irritable, and feel like crap most days which started right after COVID-19 blew up.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I feel you on the agitation. Being cooped up isn’t good for anyone’s well being, whilst at the same time it’s good for everyone’s well being so we don’t get sick. It’s one hell of a catch-22.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for the vote of confidence. In a completely unsure mind like mine, hearing words like this is a definite confidence booster, which is what I’ve needed lately. So thank you for that. It means a lot.

      Like

  6. Hang in there. This virus has everyone going a little stir crazy. I’m so sorry about the job thing. I know you have been trying so hard. Maybe when this is over, they will give you a call back. I’m glad you have Knight. He sounds like a very positive person for you. My husband will often do the same for me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sounds like you’ve got a pretty good husband, then.

      I really hope the Engineering firm will call me when this is over. Then again, when is this going to be over? When is this going to happen? I don’t know. No one knows. That’s the scary part.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s good to let things out. Even if they seem silly. I usually just talk to myself in the car. I hope things get better for you soon. I’m also hoping this whole thing ends soon but I know it wont. Stay safe!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I used to go out in the car and just drive for hours and get food and talk to myself, or cry or yell or whatnot. I’ve really been trying to take this stay-at-home request seriously. And I Thought that I can’t really tell anyone else to stay home if I’m not staying home. You know what I mean?

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      1. Yeah I see what you mean. It would seem hypocritical and they won’t take you as seriously. It’s been hard a lot of people to stay at home though. I used to not care about going out but now it feels like a crime just to go get something from the store.

        Like

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