I know that it feels like just yesterday that I was writing we were on day 3,000 and something. What can I say? When you’re in the middle of an International Health Pandemic, you really lose all sense of time.
My mom has this ‘schtick’ that she does where she pretends she doesn’t know how to use technology. Part of me thinks she does it because she thinks it’s charming to be the grandma who doesn’t know how to use technology, but mostly, I think she just does it as an excuse to not have to do things for herself.
Thinking I was being smart, I bought her a tablet of her own. Reasons for this were many, but most importantly because she could keep all of her accounts logged into, so all she had to do was open an App.
Today, I was informed that she broke her tablet.
Her response to not being able to check her bank balance? Not to use the computer, no. She’s just going to get in her car and go to the bank. Because… there’s no Pandemic ongoing. She’s not less than a year in remission. Who gives a fuck?
I told her that she needs to use the computer and not go out unless she has to. She told me that she has to because she doesn’t know how to use the computer. This started a twenty minute argument about how poorly I treat her and try to force technology on her that she just doesn’t understand and that she’s a grown woman and if she wants to go to the bank, she can go to the bank.
Yeah, you bat-shit crazy old woman, on any normal day feel free and go to the bank, I wouldn’t give a fuck. But today there’s a deadly disease sweeping the globe. I think you can handle logging in a computer rather than your tablet.
I got the computer out.
I opened up the website.
I said ‘Input your card number where it says card number, then input your password where it says password’.
All she had to do was input her information.
‘I don’t know how to do that!’ She yelled at me.
Feeling like she was just fucking with me to purposefully to make me angry at this point, I said: ‘You don’t know how to use a fucking keyboard?’
‘I don’t need your abuse’, she said, knowing that she was swinging low when she said that.
I took her card, I typed the card number into the computer. Then she proclaims she doesn’t have a password.
You literally cannot have online banking services without a password, but OHHHHHHHHHKAY.
This started another argument about how I always think I know more than her about things and that she genuinely doesn’t have a password. OOOOOOOHKAY. I left. I went downstairs to cool off.
10 minutes later she comes downstairs to:
- Tell me that she could have been to the bank and back already by now.
- Tell me that she now remembers her password so I need to log in for her.
Knowing she was trying to bait me to start another argument, I didn’t bite. I silently followed her up the stairs, sat down in front of the computer and waited for her to tell me the password.
She tells me that her password is her first and last name.
I told her that’s not possible, banks require at least one number to be used.
She told me that it’s her first and last name and that I need to type that in.
I typed it in.
It obviously didn’t work
Then she yelled at me because, and I quote, ‘Your attitude is appalling’.
You’re right. Stupid me, the stupid little Millennial trying to teach her mother how to sign into online banking on a computer so that she doesn’t go out, unnecessarily, in the middle of a health pandemic. You being less than a year in remission, you’re right, my attitude is awful.
She walks away, presumably to go stick pins in my voodoo doll. Upon returning she’s had an epiphany. She now knows what her password is and it’s not her first and last name.
She also now knows how to use the keyboard because she reaches overtop of me and types it into the computer herself.
She even knows how to hit the ‘Sign In’ button. When did that happen?
Being now signed in, after the longest twenty minutes of my life, she tells me to leave because she doesn’t want me to see her banking information.
No arguments from me. I left and came back downstairs.
Less than five minutes later she comes back downstairs to bring my my computer. Instead of saying thank you, or I am sorry, or even just saying ‘Here’s your computer!’ she opens the door and sticks the computer in the doorway and says ‘Come get it. And next time you want to force technology on me that I don’t understand, just mind your own business’.
This is why we don’t get along.
This is why I don’t like being around her.
I love her. She’s my mother and that will always be the case, but we’re cut from a different cloth. The two of us in the same room is like mixing mixing vinegar into the jar of baking soda.
I’m the stupid spoiled millennial who abuses her and has a horrible attitude and she is the world’s smartest grandma who can do no wrong.
Quarantine day 5,000 has been a long one. And it’s only 2:30 pm.