Quarantine Day 5,000

Dear Patrice,

I know that it feels like just yesterday that I was writing we were on day 3,000 and something. What can I say? When you’re in the middle of an International Health Pandemic, you really lose all sense of time.

My mom has this ‘schtick’ that she does where she pretends she doesn’t know how to use technology. Part of me thinks she does it because she thinks it’s charming to be the grandma who doesn’t know how to use technology, but mostly, I think she just does it as an excuse to not have to do things for herself.

Thinking I was being smart, I bought her a tablet of her own. Reasons for this were many, but most importantly because she could keep all of her accounts logged into, so all she had to do was open an App.

Today, I was informed that she broke her tablet.

Her response to not being able to check her bank balance? Not to use the computer, no. She’s just going to get in her car and go to the bank. Because… there’s no Pandemic ongoing. She’s not less than a year in remission. Who gives a fuck?

I told her that she needs to use the computer and not go out unless she has to. She told me that she has to because she doesn’t know how to use the computer. This started a twenty minute argument about how poorly I treat her and try to force technology on her that she just doesn’t understand and that she’s a grown woman and if she wants to go to the bank, she can go to the bank.

Yeah, you bat-shit crazy old woman, on any normal day feel free and go to the bank, I wouldn’t give a fuck. But today there’s a deadly disease sweeping the globe. I think you can handle logging in a computer rather than your tablet.

I got the computer out.

I opened up the website.

I said ‘Input your card number where it says card number, then input your password where it says password’.

All she had to do was input her information.

‘I don’t know how to do that!’ She yelled at me.

Feeling like she was just fucking with me to purposefully to make me angry at this point, I said: ‘You don’t know how to use a fucking keyboard?’

‘I don’t need your abuse’, she said, knowing that she was swinging low when she said that.

I took her card, I typed the card number into the computer. Then she proclaims she doesn’t have a password.

You literally cannot have online banking services without a password, but OHHHHHHHHHKAY.

This started another argument about how I always think I know more than her about things and that she genuinely doesn’t have a password. OOOOOOOHKAY. I left. I went downstairs to cool off.

10 minutes later she comes downstairs to:

  1. Tell me that she could have been to the bank and back already by now.
  2. Tell me that she now remembers her password so I need to log in for her.

Knowing she was trying to bait me to start another argument, I didn’t bite. I silently followed her up the stairs, sat down in front of the computer and waited for her to tell me the password.

She tells me that her password is her first and last name.

I told her that’s not possible, banks require at least one number to be used.

She told me that it’s her first and last name and that I need to type that in.

I typed it in.

It obviously didn’t work

Then she yelled at me because, and I quote, ‘Your attitude is appalling’.

You’re right. Stupid me, the stupid little Millennial trying to teach her mother how to sign into online banking on a computer so that she doesn’t go out, unnecessarily, in the middle of a health pandemic. You being less than a year in remission, you’re right, my attitude is awful.

She walks away, presumably to go stick pins in my voodoo doll. Upon returning she’s had an epiphany. She now knows what her password is and it’s not her first and last name.

She also now knows how to use the keyboard because she reaches overtop of me and types it into the computer herself.

MIRACULOUS!

She even knows how to hit the ‘Sign In’ button. When did that happen?

Being now signed in, after the longest twenty minutes of my life, she tells me to leave because she doesn’t want me to see her banking information.

No arguments from me. I left and came back downstairs.

Less than five minutes later she comes back downstairs to bring my my computer. Instead of saying thank you, or I am sorry, or even just saying ‘Here’s your computer!’ she opens the door and sticks the computer in the doorway and says ‘Come get it. And next time you want to force technology on me that I don’t understand, just mind your own business’.

This…

This is why we don’t get along.

This is why I don’t like being around her.

I love her. She’s my mother and that will always be the case, but we’re cut from a different cloth. The two of us in the same room is like mixing mixing vinegar into the jar of baking soda.

I’m the stupid spoiled millennial who abuses her and has a horrible attitude and she is the world’s smartest grandma who can do no wrong.

Quarantine day 5,000 has been a long one. And it’s only 2:30 pm.

49 thoughts on “Quarantine Day 5,000

  1. Oh my word sis…..you have described my own mother to a T here๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ
    I too think she does this, “I don’t know what you mean” crap so we, her daughters can do it for her. Like some weird resentment for raising us played out. This post made me literally LOL so thank you for that๐Ÿคชโค

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I don’t know if it’s out of resentment or just a ‘I had kids for a reason, so you can do this for me’ kind of mentality. At least that’s what my mom seems to use. Your mom could be totally different. lol

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m leaning more towards the I had a kid to validate my own existence and you can do this for me…..my mother is a narcissistic Borderline personality. Thankfully I have been washing off her conditioning of me for years to uncover my own truths๐Ÿ˜‰โค๐Ÿ™Œ

        Liked by 1 person

      1. lol! She would love that, crazy cat dog
        ……I’ve been in my room most of the day. It’s snowing here AGAIN! Just when it had finally all melted. I have a sore throat and last night found it hard to breathe……which of course kicked up the anxiety……so today I need to be away from the people in the household and decompress. Im sipping a glass of wine which will trigger kickback anxiety tomorrow…..at least I know the cycle bwahahaha! I spoke with my ketamine doc yesterday over the phone and they’ve had to stop all infusions because of the virus…โ€ฆ.excellent…โ€ฆ.anyhoo, stay a safe distance from your mom

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I get the frustration ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I worked for/with a guy who regularly forgot how to save word documents.. I try to remember the meme/reminder: “just remember, there was a time when you needed to be taught how to use a spoon..” Doesn’t always make me feel better tho :/

    Liked by 4 people

    1. TOUCHE! There was a time when I didn’t know how to use a fork or a spoon or even feed myself.
      Thanks for putting it into perspective.

      Like

  3. This really resonated with me, V. Out here in China, there are basically two generations:

    1) Those who survived the horrors of Mao’s Cultural Revolution.
    2) Those who never experienced it for themselves.

    I don’t know how much you’ve looked into China’s modern history, but believe me when I tell you it’s pretty dark stuff that perhaps offers some applicable perspectives in light of the Boomer versus Millennial thing. I personally see it happening all the time, as my wife deals with her incredibly stubborn ่€ไบบ (lวŽorรฉn) parents.

    And I’m from Generation X, so I know wazzup dawg! (oops sorry about that maybe I’ve been re-watching too many old episodes of Scrubs lately)

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I honestly don’t know too much about Chinese History. Just the main… talking points so that I don’t look like an idiot if it comes up. I know about Footbinding, the one child policy, the Hong Kong/China sitch. I’ve never heard of Mao’s Cultural Revoluation. Should I do some research?

      I know this is speculative, but I hear a lot that Chinese parents are lot more strict than those of the western world. So when you say that your wife has stubborn parents, I do believe it. I also (hear, as I don’t know for certain) that Chinese culture heavily surrounds respecting our elders. So you have stubborn parents and you have to respect their stubbornness and can’t do anything to stop them. I could be way off here. But yeah, that’s what I presume she must deal with?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’ll want to prepare for a very deep dive into the rabbit hole, if you decide to really do some research on China’s modern history. Loads of sordid stuff there. Very hard for most westerners to understand without experiencing it for themselves. You’ll see the term “filial piety” which is a tough nut to crack, because it’s directly connected to ancestral worship, which I think is one of China’s greatest cultural flaws.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Haha, watch what you say about boomers!! I do almost everything online, good thing because that might be our lives from here on out. I hear ya’ though, got my 83 year old mom an IPad and went through the same,”Who’s on 1st” interaction. Helping my H while he works from home with our oh so slow internet speed now that we’re all home.

    Don’t think my family ever knew I actually vacuumed and mopped floors until today? For some reason my 24 yr old, his dog, and my H were following me from room to room?

    It’s going to be a long haul, we’re on day 11 in the Bay Area, CA. Stay well!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Honestly, I have no ill-will or mean noooooooooooooo offense towards boomers with the statement. My stating she was a boomer was merely stating that she comes from the generation. Two generations apart, we’re very different people. My blog is about my being a Millennial, it seemed an easy way to differentiate our generations.

      I believe you about them not knowing you vacuum or mop. Hearing that made me giggle. Especially with men ( again no ill will or offense toward men) I just think they don’t really think about how stuff like vacuuming happens. It just happens. They just accept it. They don’t think about it. For all they know a fairy could come down in the middle of the night whilst you’re sleeping to do it.

      Stay safe. Sounds like you need to school 24. lol

      Like

  5. Oh V. I find it hard to understand why more people don’t react with horror to this. I really do. This reminds me too much of the terrible traumatic effect of years of emotionally-impossible situations with my parents. Whilst my examples were different, the emotional trauma and effective abuse were the same. And I’ve heard very similar examples to what you describe from two other people, and they are both left with emotional scars from those interactions with parents.

    Emotional PTSD from difficult relations with parents is real, and I’m glad you’re ranting about it to reduce the pain. Your story here just became more and more absurd the more I read, and it made me angrier and angrier. It’s just tragic, what she was doing.

    Emotional trauma is comparable to other kinds of trauma.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Honestly, I don’t want I post on this blog for reactionary purposes. Most days it’s just me putting my thoughts out to the abyss so they’re not trapped in my head.

      Some days are easier than others. Some days are like today and I just need to write it out rather than screaming at someone or breaking something. It just seems like a much more productive way to go about it.

      I’m sorry that you know the similar feelings of literally not being able to do anything right. It’s a pretty shitty place to be in. If it helps in any way, at least we’re not alone in how we feel?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Sure, I get that :). Maybe even start another secret blog where you feel you can fully express personal stuff, if you feel the need to and it helps? Just a thought.

        “Some days are like today and I just need to write it out rather than screaming at someone or breaking something.”

        Ahhh ah I well know that feeling! It’s a terrible feeling.

        It definitely does help to know of another person who understands that situation. I’m not in that situation anymore though, thank god. I just have different stresses now ๐Ÿ˜†.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wouldn’t making a new blog to be able to be truthful defeat the purpose of having this blog? If I wrote something on a secret blog, it just seems like then I’d be censoring what I can put on this blog. And if this blog is censored… why keep it?

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Not necessarily, it doesn’t have to be rational. I think it’s possible and reasonable to have different blogs for different overall purposes. Especially because part of the goal of a blog can be mutual benefit between people with similar issues.

        This blog is only secret from those who personally know you. On here, you’re no longer really anonymousโ€” only in the sense that people don’t know a few identifying facts about you which tie you to a physical person. But they’ve seen your personality, you’ve been you on here, and you’ve made a whole friend/social network with people who largely know who you fundamentally are. Your followers are no longer random people to you.

        You wouldn’t necessarily want to discuss everything with all of your friends/acquaintances. In-person too, we can discuss different things with different groups of people.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I think we’ll have to disagree there.

        If you read some things about a someone on a blog, that means you know about them. Not that you know them. I would never, ever, pretend that I know you. I know about you. I know tibits. But I don’t know you.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Sure, we probably will disagree :), it’s a pretty subjective thing. It all comes down to what you mean by ‘know you’, really. Different people will only ever know a certain degree about you, but never 100%.

        A lot of my wordpress followers know me emotionally better than my parents do, for example. In principle my parents could tell you more facts about me than they could (though I doubt it as they don’t remember anyway!). ๐Ÿ˜†.

        Like

  6. Hi V. yes people like that will do it to you, they will absolutely drive you bat crazy.. Btw just a quick question, you send me an email the other week telling me that you had scheduled a post for thursday but I didn’t see it so I wondered if maybe wordpress had hickups or if something else was wrong. Please get back to me here as my email is such a mess I get hundreds of notifications from WP its really becoming inconvenient. Anyways just curious whats up have a good day. ~~Debby

    Liked by 3 people

    1. The email that I sent you said that the post was scheduled to go live at 8:00 am Pacific Standard Time on March 28th. As it’s not March 28th yet, that’s why it hasn’t gone live.

      Like

  7. May I say a few things that may not be popular thought?

    I donโ€™t always know how to do certain things either… my kids help me – they donโ€™t mind… they do for me because I do for them too.

    In your motherโ€™s case … could it possibly be because she enjoys being with you? And she has your attention? Maybe she misses you being her little girl? I dunno just thinking – could be way off … obviously I do not know the true dynamic.

    But in any aspect … my mother has Alzheimerโ€™s so everyday I lose her more and more. Itโ€™s hard

    Maybe you are like oil and water … but there will be a day you would give 5 minutes to have it all back.

    Anyway – sorry just a different perspective โœŒ๏ธ

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh, I absolutely appreciate your perspective.

      In the case of my mother, what you’ve suggested just isn’t the case. That being said, I do appreciate you trying to provide another perspective in a kind manner. I originally moved here to help her with her treatments and I think it was expected when her treatments were done, I’d leave again.

      I’m sorry to hear that you’re dealing with Alzheimer’s with your mom. I can’t even imagine how difficult that must be. I feel like I want to give you a hug just reading that. You’re very strong.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I would surmise your mom is scared out of her wits about this coronavirus thing. She doesn’t seem to be handling it well at all. I’m a boomer who is at her computer almost constantly. It’s been my connection to the world for several years now. I can tell you that I have led a “sheltered” life but not the way most people would think. What I mean by “sheltered” is I’ve never been close to war or disaster despite the upheaval of the Viet Nam War, the missile crisis, and the bombing of the Twin Towers. Whatever I haven’t been able to handle alone I’ve gotten help with. The pandemic is something like war and is certainly a disaster. This is uncharted territory for me because it affects me directly for the first time. Surprisingly, I’m not afraid though. Your mom is. In fact, I’d say she’s petrified. Hug her. It might help her.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. If my mother is scared out of her wits, she’s clearly going about in all the wrong ways because she’s treating it as though it’s something a world away and won’t happen to here… even though one of her extended family members has tested positive.

      She has been in remission from cancer for less than a year and I literally cannot get the woman to stay still. She’s got a giant Television with hundreds of channels and movies, board games up the wazoo, the ability to walk for miles without meeting a soul and three kids within driving distance who can go to the grocery store for her so she doesn’t have to. No it’s not ideal, but it is… relatively simple for her to just stay away from people.

      She’s been to Vancouver and back on a completely unnecessary trip. She literally was going out to the casino on the day it closed because she was worried she wasn’t going to get into the casino again for a while. She’s been going to Wal-Mart just to ‘wander’ because she’s bored and doesn’t know what to do. Every time I try to tell her to stay home and that she just should go for a walk with the dog rather than wandering around Wal-Mart she just treats me like some stupid kid and that she knows better and it’s totally fine to just go browse Wal-Mart for 1.5 hours. Oh and she just HAD TO go to to the Butcher’s and the Radio station a couple days back. She had to take cookies to the radio station.

      I honestly think her blow up yesterday was because she’s tired of me trying to tell her to stay home, or find reasons for her to stay home.

      Like

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