Feeling lonely when you’re surrounded by people.

I’m lonely.

There are six other people in this house and I am lonely.

And the more I read that I should be thankful that I have anyone around at all, the more I think that people equate having a family with having a cohesive family unit.

I’m eternally grateful for my family, but I think it’s important to note that just because they’re my family does not mean that we get along. It doesn’t mean that we act, think or feel the same way. It definitely doesn’t mean that we see eye to eye. I reckon a lot of families are the same. Just because you’re related to someone doesn’t mean that being with them 24 hours a day seven days per week is going to be easy.

I was watching Dr. Phil earlier and he said that, in China where quarantine policies have been in place since January, there’s been a spike in divorce applications. This made me feel a little less awful for how I feel. Because I’m not alone in finding it tough to be at home.

I love my family. I help them when they’re sick, I comfort them when they cry, heck… they go to the store for me when I don’t want to share germs. But, truth be told, this is hard. We’re inherently different in about every category except our genetics. When we each have our own lives, our differences strengthen us. It brings outside perspectives, thoughts, laughs. When we’re each stuck inside together for 24 hours a day, seven days a week, things get tough.

On the good days, I spend the majority of the time biting my tongue. On the regular days, our vastly different beliefs are causing spats, arguments or passive aggressive behaviours that really weigh on one’s mood. And, on the bad days, well let’s not go there. The point is, it’s not easy.

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you agree with everything they do. Just because you’re related to someone doesn’t mean that being quarantined with them is going to be easy. Conversations don’t just spontaneously pop up and last for six hours to pass the time in a day. Sometimes, even if they’re family, you really have to work at it. And sometimes you really have to work at it to make sure certain conversations don’t happen.

Why aren’t you married yet?

When you are you going to give me grandbabies?

Why must you always provoke me?

Yeah, I’m sure that you know the typea of conversations I’m talking about. I’m all too sure you’ve had conversations of your own, much like these, in the past few weeks.

Bottom line is, if you’re struggling right now, you’re not alone. I see you and I understand you. Don’t hate yourself for how you feel. We’re all scared and we’re all struggling. Even the people who are driving us crazy.

And yes, it is possible that it can be extremely lonely being in a house filled with six other people. Even if it’s only one other person in your house… sometimes being close together for long periods of time, for events such as home quarantine, well it makes people feel farther apart than ever before. You don’t have to be alone to be lonely. But, if you are alone and lonely, I see you too.

76 thoughts on “Feeling lonely when you’re surrounded by people.

      1. In this situation, depressed and feeling lonely, indefinite is the same as infinite. It’s not logical, but emotional trauma overrides that. It’s the feeling of the person that’s the most important.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Your post resonates with me because the person I choose to be with, the person I love and live with IS DRIVING ME F&CKING NUTS and I waiver between wishing he wasn’t here to worrying that he doesn’t want me here. I wish things were different for all of us. And I hope we can keep perspective enough to weather this storm with our relationships mostly unscathed.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh god, I bet that brings a lot of stress to your day. I know this likely won’t mean much, but it’s likely he’s probably worrying about the same things. As long as you weather the storm together, and don’t shut each other out, I bet you’ll come through this stronger than ever. ‘#WeSurvivedQuarantine2020’ could be your future couple hashtag. Not that I am joking about your comment, just trying to give you something to smile about.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m sad to think that you feel lonely when you are locked down with family members.
    We are all uniquely different and manage situations in the best way we can. I know from my own personal experience right now with my elderly family members, who think I’m ‘going over the top’ or being a little ‘dramatic’ when I deliver their shopping wearing a mask, gloves and leaving it on the doorstep. All of course to keep THEM safe etc… so yes it’s a challenge and some days are better than others. A little advice and this comes from my heart… the one that becomes the catalyst in this kind of situation is the one who experiences such personal growth. We can choose how we respond at any given time and your response to their behaviour may just makes a huge difference to your daily living experience. I wish you well ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for the sage wisdom. Also, thank you for reminding me that I’m not the only one trying to fight with the older generations about how to stay safe and that it’s not being over the top in this present climate. That’s been a big source of our fights lately. I need to remember to stay calm and get us through this. I hope that you and your family are all healthy and well. Stay stafe, and thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for writing this. I totally understand. As someone who recently lost my mother and is currently being forced to grieve plus deal with other things like an approaching category 5 cyclone, my anxiety at the moment is high! I went for a one hour walk in the rain today, it really eased my angst. I feel for all those who right now have to face themselves, their families and perhaps are also facing something really hard/traumatic. Let’s all remain strong and reach out to those who can undertstand even if it’s to listen.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. My sincere condolences for the loss of your mother. The grief and struggle you most be dealing with whilst coping with this pandemic has got to be a huge weight on your shoulders. Sending you infinite strength and also, hugs from a safe distance. Thank you for sharing with me.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re soo right. So, so right. I think people often just try to bypass this because it’s easier to not think about then feel bad for the thoughts you have about differences of thought, opinion and life.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel you! I’m spending quarantine with my partner, and a lot (and I mean ~a lot~) of times it drives me nuts. Even though you love someone, doesn’t mean you want to be with them all the time.

    Hope you ride this out well!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That’s so true. A fundamental piece to successful love is being able to have separate time. Even if it’s just going for coffee. When you can’t do that, it gets tough. I hope that you both are coping well and that this ends soon!

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    1. I can imagine that law enforcement is having a really difficult time with all of the family fights going on right now. Any domestic violence that was happening before quarantine, likely got a whole lot worse when quarantine started. And I’m sure quarantine has pushed some people over the edge, too. As sad as that is.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I know what you’re going through.

    You know what I do when i feel a sudden rush of rage, and i want to lash out to someone because they are being unreasonable?

    I feel the rage, contain it for a few seconds then take a quick deep breath and I “Become” understandable and kind, (like a wise wizard almost) i instantly switch my mindset to that of the wizard, while i blow the rage out, not on the person but in the nothingness…weird?
    You bet.
    But works for me.

    I can’t really explain the process in a better way, so you’ll have to go along with it. 😀

    Hang in there me. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I understand what you feel. I agree with you that you don’t need to be alone to be lonely. Cause sometimes I feel the same. Not only in the time of quarantine, but in normal days too. That’s why I need me-time, go outside alone (these days I only go outside for important things) at least for several hours. Well, I hope everything’s gonna be alright. Stay healthy, Vee. I believe you can handle it 💪❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  7. It’s times like this that are forcing us to see things in a closer more introspective way. I feel with you and for you. It’s just my partner and I in our apartment here but we live on the property of his mother’s house with his aunt too. Needless to say we are all in each other’s space up close and personal in a way I don’t feel 100% comfortable. I have to shower in there bc we don’t have hot water out here. I adore my partner but I long for my friends. He and I haven’t spent this much time together in years. We’ve had our moments in the past weeks for sure. Honestly, when this started I was visiting with my own family and I wish I had stayed. Mostly for the weather there, it’s been nothing but raining here for weeks.
    I used to feel and still do to some extent how toxic my family is. Enmeshed and dysfunctional, quite clinically. It’s taken me year sc of healing to forgive them. You are 100% correct, it’s ok to not feel a part of or feel lonely right now. I see you too.
    ((((Virtual hugs)))) ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Every time you tell me more about yourself, I feel like your kids are really lucky to have you. You seem like such an amazing person and I bet you’re an amazing mom.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awwww that really makes me feel so gifted right now because I am so far from them and have been for about 9 years now. I was a stay at home mother for 12 years, put my heart and soul into my boys. Then felt broken, like I needed to find and heal myself which happens to many of us from programming and the trauma I endured. My ex took it personally, in the end my friend he couldn’t see me and wanted to keep me caged. I had to choose. I saved myself so I could continue to eventually be there, here for my boys. My oldest Ty, he will be 19 in August and I am so proud of him❤ We were able to reconnect after almost 2 yrs of alienation. Unfortunately, my youngest Miles is turning 15 on the 26th and we haven’t hugged each other in over 3 years. I send letters and messages through his brother. I know, have faith and hope that some day the 3 of us will be reunited and make more awesome memories.
        It means so much to me to be seen by other caring individuals as yourself V. I was immediately struck my your blog, your inquisitiveness and question of things. Then your truth. It’s what keeps me compelled to read your posts. My tag line is “Getting in touch with your emotional truth, processing pain and improving the human condition in the 21st century.” My motto of “Triumphing over Trauma ” took me almost 10 years to believe and live out. It’s these human interactions, especially right now that keep me going.” From the depths of my soul, thank you🙏❤😉

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  8. I completely relate to this! It can be really hard for so many people. It’s such a shame that it’s having this effect on people’s relationships with family and partners. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  9. People aren’t made to live this way. I think it’s driving us all a little crazy. Impressed that you haven’t murdered anyone yet. With six people you’ve almost certainly had ample opportunity and motive.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.” -Robin Williams.

    Hopefully this quarantine only lasts a few more months. I have a feeling it might spike again due to how badly it was handled in the US. Living with one family member is challenging right now, I can’t imagine 6!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. What a great quote that is. Thank you for sharing it with me. It’s really ringing true as of late.

      I have a feeling it’s going to spike again as well. I guess time will tell…

      Liked by 1 person

  11. They predicted a high divorce rate after isolation is over. I’m on week 3 and live alone. I miss my dad more than anything and wish I could visit him. I think being alone is harder at times. But I get that you can be lonely even with people at times too.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. That’s the difficult part. He doesn’t want to learn anything at this point. I call him daily but it’s just not the same. Looks like all residents are on lock down now too.

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  12. 1. You’re from Canada. Are you allowed to reckon? I only thought people from Texas were allowed to do that.

    2. Your answers:
    Why aren’t you married yet? Until polygamy is legally recognized, I can’t support our unjust system of marriage and stand with my sister wives.

    When you are you going to give me grandbabies? Two ladies can’t have babies, Grandma.

    Why must you always provoke me? Because you’re beneath me in every single way, and you know it, and you resent the fact I know you know it. Now make me that motherfuckin’ sandwich I asked for.

    3. There’s a gulf between respect/appreciate and love. You don’t have to love your family to respect/appreciate what they’ve done for you, and you don’t have to respect their backward-ass beliefs to still have respect for them as people.

    4. Go for a walk with a friend. Even if you’re walking by yourself and just Facetiming them. You need to get out of that house. I’ve been having bouts of losing it and I’m finding new air helps.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. 1. There are established rules? I must live under a rock.
      2. Firstly, lol at your humour. But also, joking or not, any of those answers would cause my ultra conservative father to go into cardiac arrest and likely keel over and die where he stood. He’s that stubborn old man who is that stuck in his ways.
      3. True and very wise.
      4. Good advice on the walking. I think either once more of the snow melts (we get warmer temps) or I kick this cold, then I’ll start walking.

      Like

  13. “Why aren’t you married yet?”

    I can’t even comprehend that this could be a question that family members could ask you. Much less the fact that you don’t seem to be alone with that experience. It’s completely out of order, insulting and patronising 🤦‍♂️.

    “And yes, it is possible that it can be extremely lonely being in a house filled with six other people”

    I so, so get you. The loneliest I’ve ever felt was when staying with my parents in 2018. I feel less lonely in a house by myself than being around them, even when struggling with mental health problems. I felt less lonely living in my car last year, than staying with them. It’s the worst feeling to feel so alone because you’re around people whom just cannot relate to you (e.g. because they are lacking general empathy or sensitivity, rather than through superficial differences).

    “We’re inherently different in about every category except our genetics”

    This is the same with me and my parents.

    “I reckon a lot of families are the same”

    It’s not necessarily true. People always tried to re-assure me this, but I knew it wasn’t true in my case, and that’s turned out to be the case. Some people simply do experience emotional trauma and major problems within their families, that other people in their families do not. For instance, in my family my dad has phoned the police on me several times, all unnecessarily. I haven’t yet met anybody else who’s experienced that. Yet people would always tell me that “everyone’s parents are weird”. My point is to not unnecessarily belittle your experience. In fact I woke up screaming again last night, from nightmares about that time with my parents over a year ago 🤦‍♂️.

    Are you cooped up with all these family members because of the chance event of your Uncle passing away shortly before lockdown? Actually I’m sure we discussed that. That’s a difficult alignment of events.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. With respect to the ‘why aren’t you married’ comment – my parents are extremely conservative in nature. They believe in gender roles, gender stereotypes and that it’s a woman’s place in this world to get married, have a boat load of kids and stay home to look after them and cook dinner for her husband for when he gets home from work each day. They got married at 19 and 20 and it’s all my mother has ever really known and she projects the beliefs onto me a lot. I think she resents me, to a certain extent, for not following her beliefs.

      I do reckon a lot of families have some sort of divide in some way. It might not be as deep or as cataclysmic as my family, but I don’t think I’m alone in having a family that doesn’t see eye to eye. In reference to your dad calling the police on you, I know it’s not necessarily the same, but I have called the police on my dad before. Family can be messy. Not everyone gets the pictures painted in the movies… Some people, like you and I get the dysfunction. And I’m certain we’re not alone in that. Our dysfunction might be different, but the feelings it evokes might be similar. For instance, the way you speak of your family, and living with then, it really resonates with me.

      To your last question: my brother, his girlfriend and their baby are all here because after they got here was when people really started cracking down on international flights. They didn’t intend on being here forever, but given what was going on, they felt it safer to just stay put. Especially since they were both laid off via email whilst here.

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  14. I suggest…take time out…Indulge in activities you would like to practice…being together 24/7 could be stressful…that’s why keeping distance from to time brings people closer….take a break from chats of any kind….listen to music, yoga, exercise, cook, write, paint, watch TV, sit in silence…..whatever…by yourself…mindfulness….the others must respect that….it would help you in calming yourself down….another upside is that you might find a new hidden talent in you ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish I could avoid the chats. lol. Too many people in too small of a space. That being said, your advice is wise. I have been watching a lot of tv trying to lay low to kick this cold to the curb.
      I hope you are safe and healthy in DK. I heard they might open the schools again soon?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks V. Yeah, DK is slowly opening kindergartens & schools for upto 5th std. The rest will open by 10th May or so…depending on the situation. Slow & calculated steps. Let’s see though…
        Please stay safe. Get well soon…

        Liked by 1 person

  15. I would sill trade for 6 crazy people vs. being lonely. Had I still been living with my parents, I think I would have had a meltdown by now. I don’t get along with them all. Living with a husband and toddler brings a new level of crazy, but at least a it’s bearable for the most part.

    One thing you can do is go outside, no? Try to get out of the house every single day like your life depends on it. Humans are not meant to stay inside the house all day, every day. You don’t have to FaceTime people on your walk… you can simply spend time reflecting on things or listen to your favorite podcast/music.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s important to note that you can be lonely with six people around. It’s not 6 crazy people vs being lonely. Being lonely can happen whether there’s no people around or six people around.

      I’d imagine having a toddler and a husband in an apartment 24 hours a day would get crazy at some points. Judging from your text messages, lol.

      I can go outside. I just have a cold right now. And I’m trying really hard to lay low and get over it. There’s still a lot of snow here… it’s actually snowing right now and -4. I think once I kick this cold I’ll go back to my outside walks. But until then, I’m just trying to get over this cold.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I guess I don’t have much of a comparison since I grew up as an only child and spent the majority of time by myself. I really cannot relate to being around a large family for long durations of time. I would trade for siblings any day based on personal experiences alone.

        Sorry, I made the assumption of “crazy.” I’m sure your family has gotten on your nerves at some point since the quarantine started. I think with the quarantine, everyone needs their own space.

        I wish you a healthy and safe recovery! 😷 That’s definitely not pleasant dealing with a cold and being confined to your house.

        Like

      2. oh, I don’t mind the crazy. haha! They are crazy. We just fundamentally disagree to the very core of our beings. I could tell stories, but I don’t want to bad-mouth anyone on the internet when they can’t defend themselves. There’s two sides, and I’m certain they also see me as bat-shit crazy from their own perspectives.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Having different experiences and pasts is what makes humans interesting! But at least there is one thing that we can agree on, that is, we have both had a taste of loneliness.

        I am OK being alone, but I don’t like feeling lonely.

        Liked by 1 person

  16. I think that’s the saddest thing about families by blood, you kinda get signed on to them without much of a choice. I see those people who genuinely love their family most to be so insanely lucky. Those are the ones that don’t grow up all fucked up. Sighhhh. I get you V, I hope you are doing all right during this quarantine. If you wanna chat with me, dm me on insta! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m right there with ya sister, daydreaming about changing my current uncomfortable living situation too. We are being asked to sit in the cocoon right now. No matter what, even though it feels like goo at times, I will never give up hope. Everything is temporary and I know we will ALL be much better for all of this on the other side. When I was first healing, I used to watch the ducks swim on the lake. They look so calm and peaceful bobbing up and down on the surface yet underneath, their feet are moving so fast to keep them afloat. It takes great effort sometimes to remain on top of the surface😉 sending you peaceful vibes V and lots of ❤

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  18. I get this. And would never try and talk you out of it or cheer you up cause that wouldn’t be real. We are allowed to have our feelings. I think it’s great to write it out. Good on you! I write about being real no matter what life throws at us. 💜

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  19. That was me in school…surrounded by people but alone. I always found adults actually easier to be around as a teen and in my work world have a decent work family

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  20. I find this article every encouraging! A lot of us feel the same way. I personally feel like that, we all crave attention and personal interactions. Its natural for us to want love. Just a good reminder to pray and god will always be there for us. My favorite scripture to reflect on is Philippians 4:6,7 “comfort others with the comfort we receive from god”. Thank you

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