This is not a holiday

I need to rant. This might be all over the place but I just want it said. It’s okay to be upset, or angry or mad about what’s going on in the world. It’s also okay to not care, if you don’t want to.

I’ve seen this meme floating around the internet (as of late) that says ‘If you don’t use this time to teach yourself something new, you didn’t lack time you lacked discipline’. I cannot even begin to explain how frustrating I find this mentality.

This is a pandemic. This is not a holiday. This isn’t ‘free time’ so to speak. This is ‘stay the fuck home so that you save your’s and each other’s lives in the process’ time. This isn’t fun. And it’s not supposed to be.

You can drag me all you want. You can tell me that I’m looking at this from a negative perspective, but the truth is, I’m looking at this from a realistic perspective. This is a traumatic experience for a lot of people, if not for everyone.

To the lucky few who are able to work from home, you’re now navigating a whole new territory that involves learning how live/work in the same place. An environment without the help of your coworkers, or office technology, or any of the office luxuries you’ve grown accustomed to over the years. And, while you’re plugging away on that laptop, quite literally flying by the seat of your pants to try and maintain some form of functionality amid the chaos, there’s news stories saying work won’t resume until fall, there’s kids or partners or dogs in the background making a lot of noise and a world that just won’t seem to give you a break. And to the doctors and nurses, health care workers and hospital staff, care aids and everyone who is helping on the front line and working essential jobs (at grocery stores, etc..) there is no breaks. There’s no days off. There’s no reprieve from the painful struggle that is trying to keep the general public healthy.

To the unlucky rest, there’s no work. And there’s no way to find work. Postings for a cashier position in a grocery store in a small town in Northern BC are attracting 3,100 resumes/applications. I can’t even imagine how much higher the competition is to be a cashier in a metropolitan area. People want to work. They want to provide for themselves and their family members and they can’t. They’re at home worried about how their bills are going to be paid, how long the food in the cupboard will last and whether or not a guardian angel is going to drop dinner from the sky. And, while they’re worrying about money, mortgages and the basic necessities of survival, there’s news stories saying that they could be off work until the fall, or even early next year, and kids or partners or dogs in the background making a lot of noise and a world that just won’t seem to give a break.

To the really unlucky folk, work might have been the only time during the day that they had to escape their toxic home environment. It might have just been the only time they had away from their abusers. Now, not only are they being thrown into a stressful home environment that already existed for that much longer each day, but there’s the added financial and economic stresses of life adding to tensions in the household. And, while they’re worrying about how to make it through the day without having their body, mind or soul quite literally beat up on, there’s news stories saying that they could be stuck at home until the fall, or even later, trying their best to tip toe around the abuse and limit the things that might set off abusers.

And let’s not forget about the kids in this. The kids we’re trying to keep from being kids, because it’s their second-nature to hang out with their friends and ride their bikes or play basketball. These kids who’ve had their lives turned upside down who may, or may not, understand what’s going on right now.

EVERYONE has been impacted in this.

This is not the power hour. People don’t need to be made to feel guilty for staying in their pajamas, or sleeping in, or binge watching Netflix rather than cleaning their house. What we need to make each other feel less alone for the very real fear, frustration and panic we’re all facing. Every situation might be different but we need to show each other compassion and appreciation for the very basic struggle it takes to just be a functioning human at this point in time.

Do what you have to do to make yourself feel better. Do what you have to do to give yourself some grace. And encourage other’s to do that as well.

If you’re someone who wants to teach yourself something new, great. Teach yourself something new. Learn that stuff, whatever it is. Go hard! But also, recognize this is your means of coping. This is not how everyone copes and you do not have the right to make someone else feel bad if they’re not doing the same as you.

The more ‘Productive things you can do from home’ lists and videos I view, the more I think people really don’t understand the concept of productivity guilt. There’s a big difference between choosing to be productive yourself and choosing to make other’s feel bad for not doing what you do. Nobody needs to be made to feel guilty because of how they’re acting, or reacting, to the present state of the world.

Some people cope by sleeping in. Some people cope by not getting dressed. Some people copy by eating four pieces of cheesecake in one sitting and they do not need to be made to feel ashamed for any amount of weight that might be put on because they’re not going to the gym right now. Home workouts aren’t for everyone. The very long winded point that I am trying to make right now is that everyone copes differently.

However you’re handling this pandemic, this social isolation, this extremely unstable time in history, give yourself grace. Give others grace. Check in on people. See how they’re holding up.If you need to cry, cry. Cry with each other. Be vulnerable. Or don’t. Just remember that we might all be going through this together, but we all deserve the right to cope/handle this how we want.

84 thoughts on “This is not a holiday

  1. I like what you said about giving people grace. I totally agree.

    However, I am someone who posted about what I’m going to make the next 30 days count for. I’m not trying to make anyone feel guilty but I am trying to help myself feel better about the first 30 days and how it went down.

    Everybody’s situation is totally different. I am someone who enjoys my alone time in my isolation and I like to challenge myself.

    I write to help me process just like you do. And I’m not harping on anyone and trying to make them feel bad. I just know that I felt bad for the first 30 days because all I did was engage in the news and all the comments on social media and all the YouTube videos with the crazy theories about what’s really happening. It has been a trip for sure!

    Grace is definitely the word for the crazy time we are in. We need to let things be OK and for me, re-igniting my meditation practice is what helps me to do that. No, this is not a vacation and yes I have lost all my income because my work involves interacting with people every day.

    I guess the thing that we all need to remember is we are in this together. And clearly we all have different opinions and views of our current state of affairs here but I need to let those views go and just BE and make the best of the time I spend with me.

    I wish you the same. I am making the most of the best and the least of the worst!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Reading your comment I think perhaps I veered off track in the point I was trying to make. Making lists is great, but I’m seeing a lot of people who are trying to send a message that if you’re not making lists, if you’re not being productive than you’re not doing things ‘the right way’.

      I guess I was trying to say that there is no right way, we all have to go our own way. I was not implying that you are trying to make anyone else feel bad. I apologize if this came across as a personal attack. It was not meant to be a personal attack on any person in general. People make lists as a way to cope. People learn things as a way to cope. People also do nothing as a means to cope.

      This post was my reaction to a trend I’ve seen floating around the internet lately… that if you’re not doing something then you’re living life wrong. I don’t think anyone is living life wrong right now. We’re all doing our best given the circumstances at hand. I guess that’s what I was trying to say.

      ‘If you don’t use this time to teach yourself something new you didn’t lack time you lacked discipline’ is a message I’ve seen that I believe sends the wrong message.

      Anyways, I am truly sorry if this came across as an attack. That wasn’t my intention.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Beautifully said V. These are hard times and we do the best we can with what we’re given. There are days I want to be productive and make the most of this experience, but I struggle to get through the day. It’s okay to mourn, to hurt, to struggle. We all cope differently.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you! There are good days and there are bad days. There are productive moods and there are moods where it’s all we can do to get out of bed. We all cope differently, and sometimes the way we cope differs day to day. However we feel, however we cope, it’s completely okay ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I couldn’t agree less! It’s one thing to give people hope and another to make them feel bad for not doing a particular thing, all in the name of asking that they become productive.
    Everybody should them!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes. Everyone should be able to do what’s right for them and no one should be made to feel bad for how they’re acting, or reacting to the state of the world.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I totally agree with you. I’ve worked more overtime than ever since working from home. There is no time, and even if there was I stay pretty darn busy all of the time.

    For someone to just say that is just infuriating, kind of like how people say “sitting is the new smoking”. Shut the hell up Karen! Lol

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Do people actually say ‘Sitting is the new smoking’? It’s a good thing I’ve never heard that because I’d punch someone in the face if they said that to me.

      Stay strong my friend. I’m sorry you’re having to work so much harder.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol yeah, it’s not very common anymore, but for a year or two everyone was saying it.

        Like dude, I will sit down to work and you will freaking like it! I hate anything that screams of judgment.

        Plus I’m a smoker, so anytime said that phrase I would give them the stink eye and say what the hell is that supposed to mean? Mainly because I’m in really decent shape.

        Haha good times.

        You too friend. We will get through this!

        Liked by 2 people

  5. I agree with you that people should do it their way. The interesting thing is that often people don’t know what that is for themselves. Because of others, they feel they are on some sort of production schedule.

    I’m from a family where everyone else deals with stress by getting all the stuff done. That’s not me. Thankfully they usually get we’re different, though sometimes I have to remind them.

    Since I have been out of work, not much has gotten done. Possibly less has gotten done since the pandemic.

    I understand that my mind can only deal with so much stress at a time. Right now I am still job hunting (though that is a bit more difficult now) and making sure my mom is staying home during this pandemic. I’ve got her down to going out once every two weeks, so feel like that is a victory.

    Beyond that, I am mostly reading and writing. My brother bought me a TV right before isolation started (for no reason other than he felt like I was deprived because I didn’t have one), so I have used my sister’s Netflix and my niece’s Hulu some, too.

    I “should” be preparing my house in case I need to move when I find a job. I just can’t. That will overload my stress level. I am not worrying about it.

    I have felt peace and contentment and remained calm at a time that could be terrible. It works for me. And what needs to get done if I get a job will eventually get done. I’ll get all of my over-achieving family over to help, if necessary.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. If reading and writing is helping you handle the stress right now, keep doing it ❤
      Cleaning the house, worrying about moving, these things can come in time. No sense in overloading your stress quota at the moment for something that there is no time frame on. You have to do what's going to help you cope and get through this.

      I completely agree with your statement that some people don't know how to cope. I think that's a huge factor in what's happening. I honestly don't think I know how to deal with the stress. I think that's why this whole rant came about. So you've hit the nail on the head there.

      Sending you love and strength through these uncertain times. ❤ I hope that you find some work, or some reprieve, soon.


    1. It’s the little things like the drive to the office in the morning that you get used too. Things that, when they get taken away from you, can feel like a loss. Even if you might think it insignificant, given what we’re facing they can have a lot more significance than one ever dreamed. Giving ourselves some grace through this period will help. In your case, I think it’ll help with the heavy workload you’re facing in an unfamiliar world. Sending you some love ❤


  6. It was meant for me to read this post. Thank you . I will be honest. I am not coping, been sleeping in a lot and I am very depressed. I want to go to a hairdresser and for a massage but know I cannot. It is a hard time for us all. I will probably write something today as well if I feel inspired.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sorry for the demons you’re dealing with. I do hope that you do right about. There’s a certain catharsis that comes with freeing those thoughts from your brain. A massage would be great right now, I totally agree. For me, I just keep telling myself that when the risk has subsided, the massage is going to feel that much better because we’ve had to wait for it.

      Sending you some love and positivity ❤ Sleep in as much as you want to and need to.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s fine if you interpreted it differently, the language really took aim at me though, without you probably even realizing that it was doing so. And my mental health is not in a place where I could read it without feeling like a flaming pile of shit. And, since I’m being hard enough on myself already, I deleted it. I’ll admit to that. I’m beating up on myself up enough without reading my comments and being called out farther. I’m sorry. I read it and I started to cry and I just couldn’t deal.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for being honest, Vee. It takes a lot of courage to directly tell me that you deleted it. I really respect you for telling me what’s on your mind. I hope you feel better soon and I’m sorry you are feeling low right now. It’s OK to feel that way. I didn’t realize that my words were so powerful (and hurtful) so thank you for letting me know. Seriously, I can be so ignorant sometimes! 🤦‍♀️ I am truly sorry for making you feel worse which was not the intention. Sending you some happy vibes! 💕

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I cheered when I saw the header and continued to do so as I read. There is no time for shaming people right now for not learning a new language, starting sourdough from scratch or taking up learning the latest Tik Tok dance. Getting to the end of the day without absolutely losing your mind should be celebrated.

    I have said it before and I’ll say it again. I hate people. The apocalypse doesn’t change this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m with you. There’s enough struggle to go around right now, we don’t need to beat up on one another to add to it. Everyone handles things differently. If someone wants to learn a new language, or how to make sourdough, power to them. But if someone doesn’t, people really ought to let that go.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Please, please, please be kind to yourself. Treat yourself well and do whatever it is that you need to do to make yourself feel better… even if it’s just a small amount. Just go easy on yourself! Stay healthy ❤


  8. You’re right, of course, V. Times are hard or ‘weird’ or just different for different people. No one knows what inner struggles people have and people certainly don’t need to be shamed for not doing what ‘others’ think they should be doing.

    We’re all just having to do what we can during this world crisis. No one knows what’s going to happen when we come through the other side.

    Companies might just decide to have everyone working from home – save them paying for office space and other necessary utilities. It’s all quite scary, for most of us. Caz x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve heard that some companies have people working from home and they’re not even paying people, claiming it’s a financial crisis for the company too and they can either keep working and expect a pay cheque at some far off later date, or they can quit their job and file for unemployment… which is basically putting people in an awful position between holding onto a job that’s not paying them, in hopes they have a job coming out of this, or, quitting their job to get money they need. It’s a scary, scary world out there…


  9. I LOVE THIS POST AND YES IM SHOUTING AT YOU BUT IT’S IN EXCITEMENT BECAUSE I LOVE THIS POST! I’m coping differently daily. Depends on whether I’m feeling depressed, anxious or both at the same time. Lately it feels like my moods shift 1,258 times a day. Thankfully Jase promised my kids that he wont let me be home alone or drive alone and he keeps all the medication locked up. I tried to go on a hike alone yesterday, oh the horror! I’ve also stopped drinking alcohol since I overdosed.
    I sent a long text msg to a close friend of over 20 years letting her know a comment she made was hurtful and that right now I have to focus on getting better mentally and surrounding myself with support. Thankfully she was understanding. Anyhoo, thank you for sharing your spot on wisdom about all the different scenarios that others are being confronted with right now. YOU’RE THE BEST!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m with you on the mood shifting by the hour. Sometimes I wake up alright and by noon I’m ready to lose it. It’s really something that you have to play by the moment. I’m glad that you were able to be truthful with your friend and that she was understanding about it. People really need to be supporting one another right now and realizing that we all cope in different ways. So I say good for you for standing up for yourself, and also, good for you for doing it in a respectful way that started important conversation and didn’t create a toxic friendship dynamic.

      I’m not going to lie… lately I’ve just been wanting to scream at everyone. I know that’s not productive though. Ugh. Such a catch 22.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. There’s really only one how-to about what we’re going through: Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. Right now I think most of us are in the feeling out phase of the new normal. Eventually we will want to improve ourselves but only once we exhaust every other avenue. Some people get their quicker. Some never will. And it only happens after we buy insurance from Ned Ryerson.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. You should watch it. I think people who could see it for the first time now are the lucky ones. I think it probably has a poignancy it didn’t before. Or, watch 12 Monkeys and I Am Legend. They’re really pick-me-ups in these times.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Reading a honest rant made me see the world differently. I honestly don’t have an opinion on this I just don’t know how to form opinion in general now and I’m trying my best to stay sane. Thanks for the lovely post V and I mean it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well thank you for sharing. I hope that you’re able to stay sane and, most importantly, healthy (both physically and mentally) through all of this. Sending you my best!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I agree. Its a pandemic, not a goddamn productivity contest. Isn’t it crazy that even in these harsh times, we are finding ways to judge each other for how we use our time? They do realize not everyone is the same right? Yes, we are all stuck at home but that doesn’t somehow equalize us!? Thanks for writing this post! I love your attitude!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. True!
    We all have different coping Mechanisms Vee..
    The CEO of Girlboss spoke about the same quote lately and elaborated later in her video.

    We are in this together!
    Finding peace in this new normal is totally different..

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The fact that it is the new normal is something we all have to grasp. A lot of people seem to not be willing to accept it, which I think is causing some harm too. What’s Girlboss?


  14. I loved loved LOVED this post and I so needed it! I feel like my mental state has been so up in the air and shifting lately for no reason, and it’s really frustrating. Some days, I want to be really productive because it’s how I cope sometimes, like if I focus on something else I won’t have to think about everything that’s going on in the world. Other days I don’t even want to get out of bed and just want to watch Netflix all day. I love this post because it makes me feel like both are okay, not matter how they come, and I really needed to hear that 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If your mood is shifting, it’s for a reason. The world is stressful right now. Don’t let that frustration defeat you. You’re feeling those feelings for a reason. It’s okay for your mood to change from day to day or even from hour to hour. If you want to go from Productive Pam to Negative Nancy, that’s totally okay. The most important thing you do is to look after your health – both physical and mental. However you cope, give yourself grace in the process ❤ Sending you some love!

      Liked by 1 person

  15. V, this is one of the most real and important posts I have read by you. I say feeling is healing and right now the entire world is in healing mode. That may look drastically different for each us and just like you so eloquently put, that’s ok!! I say do what makes you feel alright because the up and downs, highs and lows of this thing ate brutal. Damn unrelenting and the biggest challenge any of us have faced.
    If course there are those that need to shame, blame and be cocky. I feel sorry for those folks because it only means they are so out of touch with themselves that they can’t see this reality for what it is. Life in “normal” times is a struggle. This is an unprecedented period in history that none of us was taught “how-to” do. Thank you for putting your feelings out there because it allows others to relate and be ok with whatever they find themselves.
    For me, I am using this time to get better in touch with me and the result of that is a burst in my creativity. Some days are of course more fruitful than others. I by no means judge others for what they are or aren’t “doing”. What ALL of us are doing right now is surviving.

    Lately I have shared with my partner and loved ones the immense gratitude I have for the things I do have, not what I’m lacking, wishing or wanting right now. I tell my friends with small children what an awesome job they are doing. I check in with my parents to make see how they are getting along. If I do go out, I make sure to say thank you to first responders I come across and especially the clerks and cashiers in stores. That is an incredibly hard job on a good day, dealing with the public. I have worked in some form of retail and customer service for 30 years. Those people are anfels on Earth right now in my book!
    For me, THAT is what this time is all about. Recognizing our humanity, spreading love and kindness and seeing the common thread that binds us all. Good for the productivity beasts😉
    We all play a role in this life. I myself like to dwell beneath the surface of any topic in search for a deeper meaning. That’s my contribution. As always, great share V. I always look forward to your thoughts 😊❤ virtual high fives and hugs on this one✌

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sounds like you’re being a really great cheerleader to your friends and family and your partner when they need it most. And even to the cashiers and people you are crossing paths with during this crazy time. Thank you for spreading a little kindness in this crazy world. I’m sure the people you cross paths with are very thankful for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. The dialog you have inspired shows just how much personal growth is going on – no matter what! I love your honesty and that of your followers. The openness and strength being uncovered will surely enrich lives to come.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree. People are using this crazy time in history to look within themselves and see how it’s affecting them, changing them and making them stronger/better. Thank you for this comment.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s interesting, if I hadn’t had my experiences in the last 2 years, I’d probably be fully in that boat. I’m sure I will be to some extent, but I’m not very conscious of being changed by this experience. And this is very weird, but I basically had this experience last year instead, living alone in my car for months.

        Although I had the freedom of movement in terms of being able to drive around, it was a similar challenge in coping with being stationary for so long, just sheltering from the weather, finding ways to keep myself stimulated. Podcasts were the answer for me in that situation! :D. A varied mixture of them. Well, actually, that situation was much harder than this one, so I’m lucky in that I’ve kind of already been through it and developed the strategies I needed.

        And when I say ‘it’, I also see the challenge as unique to everybody. My 2 situations were similar because in both I was on my own. If I was around family members for example, it would be a totally different situation. So that’s the sense in which I’ve been lucky— 2 similar-feeling challenges. Thanks!

        ‘If you don’t use this time to teach yourself something new, you didn’t lack time you lacked discipline’.”

        This is horrific and I completely agree with everything you said in your post! It’s 100% a survival game, maybe not for everybody, but for most people for sure. If some are able to remain productive and produce upbeat podcasts or blog posts or whatever else, those are extremely valued and welcome, but not a standard for everybody else! 🙂


  17. I like your perspective. People shouldn’t be telling others how to react to this situation and they can’t help the way the feel. It’s taking others longer to adjust to such a huge change. For me it’s hard to sit still. I could be cleaning my room but I already did that once this week. So now I’m allowing myself to rest. I’m giving myself time to write and read books- which I have never had time for in the past. If someone wants to read or watch netflix or snack or sleep- that’s how they are handling it and I think Either way it is okay! Good words. I wrote one about the pandemic but I had the perspective on earth, you were concerned for the humans. Your words are beautiful and thank you for bringing awareness to other people’s situations, especially demestic violence.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I bet, as someone who likes to keep busy and not sit still, having extra time must be really hard for you to cope with. It sounds like you’re dealing with it well, though. Thank you for sharing your perspective on the matter. Everyone deals differently and it’s good to see that, and not just have me try to say that when I know I only ever cope in the same way.


  18. When did we decide that doing nothing was such a terrible thing? That we judge ourselves and each other not by who we are but by what we do? If the 80s was about Greed is Good, we appear to be in a Busy is Good culture at the moment. Allowing ourselves to rest is the new skill we all should learn during lockdown. Great article, really resonates with me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Allowing ourselves to rest should be the new skill. I’ve been reading a lot of articles online that refer to it as ‘Productivity Guilt’… the notion that if we’re not doing something we should feel bad about that. I think if we’re not doing something, perhaps we’re giving ourselves a break. And like you said, a little rest should be a good skill to have.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I really like your message. There’s a huge pressure to do extraordinary things right now. I have managed to grow my social media and almost on schedule with my blog. But that means working late because during the day I am homeschooling my two boys. I can’t say that I have a lot of extra time in my hands!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As a parent thrust into the life of teacher at the moment, I just wanted to say kudos. Teaching kids from home ain’t easy. And I bet it adds a lot of stress to your life.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I agree with you. This is not a holiday, or a joke, or something to be taken lightly. Thousands upon Thousands of lives have been lost around the world, and sadly we are not through. I pray you are staying safe and well.
    oh and I have nominated you for the Vincent Ehindero Blogger Award. Please do not feel obligated to participate. Just sharing a little of God’s love you way. Stay safe. God loves you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing Gail. I’m sorry I missed this when you first left it but I wanted to say that your kindness always means so much. I hope you are safe and healthy and well still. I know I say that a lot, but, I mean it. Everything changes daily and, well yeah. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  21. What a bizarre time in history!! I’ll admit to trying to be as productive as possible, like when my back goes out and I can’t get out of bed I do photoshop classes. It’s down to 2 PJ days a week where I don’t leave the house. Everyone does cope in different ways…I’ve had a friend call suicidal, one w/ a full on panic attack, one drunk & hoarding plus mask shaming everyone in stores (why she was going from store to store was a whole other thing). After talking my friend off a ledge, in any normal circumstance I would have told her to go to the emergency room.

    I’ve been staying calm for my H & kids, when this is over I’ll have myself a good old NBD!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Is your friend okay? I’m sorry I missed this when you first left it but now I’m worried about how your friend is still coping. It’s a good thing they’ve got a good friend like you.


      1. She’s doing a lot better, we talk or check in every day. We’d just got back from a trip with her daughter when all this happened, it was overwhelming for her. She’s good though, she found some friends who will hang with her & her daughter so she’s not alone.


  22. Thanks for this, V. I feel really sick of this mindset, as well. I had it a few weeks ago, but it took a random news article about J.K. Rowling ( for me to snap out of it. I’ve been feeling guilty about not being productive enough, and of not contributing to society the way I would like – but now I realise I shouldn’t be.

    We need more people to clap back at this subtle yet insidious guilt-tripping!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing that article with me. I’m so sorry I missed it when you first left it, but I am glad that I read that!


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