The master manipulator

The following story is from… many years ago.

I recently started telling some of people in my life about the things that I’ve dealt with at work through the years. These stories are stories that contributed to many dark years in my life where I struggled a lot with what was going on and the role that I played in it because I didn’t speak up. For many years I told myself that I needed to grin and bear it, and that if I worked hard enough, tolerating the shit would pay off. That, at the very least, it would look good on my resume.

I’m not much of a story teller, it’s definitely not one of my strong suits. But, having other’s know the truth does have a certain catharsis to it.


‘And then we had sex. Great sex. Damn good sex!’ She exclaimed with a smile on her face.

Not the exact topic of discussion I thought would happen when my new boss invited me out for dinner just a few days into starting my new job. But hey, sometimes you have to roll with the punches, right? Clearly she thinks that I give a damn, that I want to partake in girl talk… that I think she’s a good person. Clearly she didn’t catch my eyes roll to the back of my head. So pretend. That’ll make this end faster.

Though it had only taken me about forty minutes on my first day of work to determine that my manager at the new company I was working for was a manipulative bitch, it only took her four days to actually openly brag about being such.

She took me out for dinner, under the guise of it being a ‘working dinner’ so that she could tell me all about the professional hockey player that she had just hooked up with this past weekend.

A grown woman having sex with someone and then bragging about it to her friends? Why it happens a lot, actually.

A grown woman (38 years old) having sex with a professional hockey player (who was just 18 years old at the time) and then bragging about it to the newest employee that she oversees at the office, whom she’s only known for four days, because she thinks it will give her clout and make the new employee look at her in a more positive light, that it’ll make her new employee look up to her… well I don’t know how that happens.

To add even more of a twist to this nightmare of a working dinner, my new manager, who was at this point going into great detail about where she and this hockey player met for sex, for how long they had sex and the positions they tried that she, and I quote, ‘had never dreamed of doing’, well, my new manager was telling me this story as she twirled her engagement ring around her finger. The engagement ring that was given to her by another manager from the office.

Yes, she took me out for dinner to brag about how she cheated on her fiancee (who was our coworker) with a professional hockey player who was 20 years younger than her because she felt, in her bizarre head, that made her sound cool.

Four days on the job…

If she was trying to get to know me, or get a feel for who I was as a person, bragging to me about cheating on her fiancee, someone who also worked in our office, wasn’t a great place to start. Furthermore, the fact that she thought I was going to provide her with praise and accolades for managing to sleep with a professional hockey player truly showed me how much character this woman lacked.

And there we were, smack dab in the middle of this restaurant, my awkwardly staring at my food, thinking this dinner couldn’t end sooner. She, on the other hand couldn’t read body language or acknowledge that I hadn’t participated in the conversation for nearly ten minutes now. She just kept continuing on about how she would leave her fiancee for said hockey player if she truly felt there was a future and that it is, and always will be, one of her biggest goals in life to be a ‘trophy wife’.

Listen, I’m all for people having goals. Goals, desires, dreams… these things push us forward. They give us reason to be better. Honestly, though… if one of your biggest goals in life is to be a trophy wife, you should be aiming for a lot fucking higher. If you’re having sex with someone solely because of what their profession is, and you think that makes you cool, you should be aiming for a lot fucking more in life. And, if you think it’s alright to cheat on your fiancee when ‘someone better offers’ then you shouldn’t fucking be engaged and planning a wedding.

The cap to this glorious dinner came when her work credit card was declined and she made a joke about just how much that hotel room cost where all of her glorious sex took place. Begrudgingly, I paid for the meal and was promised that she would expense it and have me paid back by the following Friday. At this point, I was just relieved that I could leave. I was about ready to walk into the restaurant’s kitchen and fall on some knives.

This dinner was the very beginning of what turned into five years of manipulation, lies, intimidation, so very many occasions of her asking me to cover for her when she was cheating on her fiancee (who eventually became her husband), and her siphoning tens of thousands of dollars away from the charity’s bank accounts and onto her personal credit cards

She never did pay me back for that meal.

In the grand scheme of things, that dinner was a small fry. But, to this day, that night shines as a perfect example of the sheer demon I was facing at work. People, and by people I largely mean senior management, always wondered why I couldn’t just… get along with her. Why couldn’t we be friends? Two women working in a male dominated industry, in the same department, for the same company. Why couldn’t we be allies?

Well, call it a difference of character, or her lack of character. Call it my stubbornness if you want. Whatever you call it, just know that management isn’t always right. And they’re definitely not the moral authority. At least not from my perspective. Respect is earned, and if someone doesn’t earn for it, they’re definitely not going to get it from me.

41 thoughts on “The master manipulator

  1. Wow. You are tough stuff. She sounds so troubled and toxic. I, too, seem to tolerate these kinds of difficult people. Not sure why but I’m guessing these people need people like us. It sounds like a shit load on your shoulders, damn.

    I’m still wrapping my head around everything.

    I’d say you learned from that experience and the universe always brings around similar experiences to make sure that you learned. So here’s to hoping you are speaking up and tolerating only what makes you feel good.

    One of my greatest teachers always says, find the best feeling thoughts you can. None of us should have to live through a narcissistic toxic relationship. I have lived through one or a few and it just doesn’t feel good. We get to choose, you get to choose and oh by the way, you are a great storyteller!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Actually, my teacher says, “reach for the best feeling thoughts you can find.”
    I couldn’t figure out how to edit my comment! Anyway, find a way to feel good about things because feeling good is what pulls more good experiences into your life. The vibration of feeling good!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My bestie told me that I should compile all of the stories I have of her and turn it into a book. Each chapter could be about how I didn’t think she could get worse, and then she did ——. lol

      As for finding a way to feel good – I do feel very good about the fact that she is no longer in my life, that’s definite. When it comes to tolerating toxic people, I think you might be right in that they need people like us to survive and thrive. If everyone was toxic, they’d all drag each other down and none of them would get ahead. They have to walk on people like us to ensure they remain afloat.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. She married the fiancee that was also a manager in the office and she went on to have two children in a little over 14 months. Both children were named after men that she cheated on her fiancee/husband with and it kind of became the ‘thing that everyone knew but no one acknowledged’ around the office.

      At one point she left her husband and took the two kids when she had a brief relationship with a professional football player. When he broke it off with her she went back to her husband and they got back together.

      And that’s the last I heard of them. It’s been about 16 months since I’ve acknowledge anyone’s existence from that time in my life…

      Though if I were to hazard a guess, I’d bet they both still work there. If we’re being real, neither of them were qualified to be management so they were never going to reach that high of a role with any other company… that’s just speculative though.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. OK, most people, when they name their children, have a reason, either it’s a family name or someone they admire or whatever. What line do you use to talk your husband into naming your children after people you’ve cheated with without actually saying so?

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Thanks for reminding me of why I don’t do people and outside of work relationships anymore. xD The sad thing is as much as I want to have faith in humanity, there are a lot of toxic people like this in all walks of life. People call me cynical or negative, but whenever I tend to give a person a chance or society, it normally ends up bad and they end up proving my false hope wrong. For example…we are in the middle of a pandemic and people are still flooding into grocery stores every single day because they want to feel normal. When in reality if COVID was say like the black death or a disease that kills you no matter what age, perfectly healthy etc…half our population would already be wiped out because we are too busy yelling on our phones to stop and realize what is really important and no one gives a fuck to hear your phone converstion…or going to the grocery store just to feel ‘normal.’ Sorry I currently hate humanity once again…and this story made me laugh, but also reminded me of just how many awful human beings there are and somehow we still think we are the superior species.

    You are one tough cookie for putting up with this. I am guilty of being too nice, the one to take advantage of and never stood up for herself too and even if I experienced this in my younger years I probably would have drew the line. This is why I don’t do anything with co workers outside of work, no one has my contact info at work etc…I am thankful (though I had to fight for this position as the position I was in before was pretty toxic and I couldn’t stand my manager) that my new manager is not one for small talk and though he or they make mistakes (I have two managers technically) are hard ass workers and mainly just enforce rules fairly. Those rules are simple work and stfu unless you can work as fast as you talk and we won’t have a problem. They are helpful, but really are not ones to be social really. They pretty much like you work for me and this is what I need you to do and you will receive a decent pay check and we won’t fire you. xD

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I think you’ve got the right idea – don’t be friends with coworkers. Don’t allow those relationships to take place and work will be a lot safer if you just don’t get involved. That’s great to hear that your new manager isn’t one for small talk and that you’ve found yourself in a better position from your last work environment. Even if you had to fight for the position. It probably made you a lot stronger because you did have to fight for that position.

      I’m taking a page out of your book, if and when this COVID ever ends and I find myself employed again, I’m definitely not being friends or acknowledging any coworkers outside of the office…

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Well told. You are a good storyteller V. Kept me hooked anyway. That woman is a classic case of how toxic some people can be if given power. A blight on our gender too by the sounds of her. My niece is a nurse and currently going through a terrible time bought on by one woman and her toxic lies and bullying. Just shows it happens more often than you think. Well done you for making it through and keeping your morals and ethics in tact. The one thing those sort can’t take away from us is how we react.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It sucks how often it happens, honestly. I’m sorry for what your niece is dealing with. I know those feelings all too well. I hope that she has some good friends/family that will help her deal. Sounds like she’s told you about it, which is a good thing. Telling people about it is the best place to start… even if they aren’t work people. Keeping that kind of stuff inside, it really eats away at you.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’ve actually had a similar experience with a business associate, back when I was freelancing. It was suuuper awkward. But I didn’t go on to work for them for five years. Barely talked to them afterwards, for the next year really. But five years? FIVE years? Damn… this isn’t the industry you’re trying to get back into, is it?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Heavens no. I have no desires for my path to cross with anyone who worked in that office again. And as much as it’s a big industry, it’s one of those industries where the ‘players’ are all the same.

      Like

  6. Yuck! What a horrible experience. Life presents us with these kind of situations to learn from for sure. This highlighted behaviors that you should definitely NOT be engaging in in general but most specifically on the job. Wow. I’m curious what ever became of this person…..curiosity is burning😉
    You are a good storyteller btw V😊 I hope you haven’t had any similar cringe worthy moments on any job. This is a testament for lack of values, self respect and so much more. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She married the fiancee that was also a manager in the office and she went on to have two children in a little over 14 months. Both children were named after men that she cheated on her fiancee/husband with and it kind of became the ‘thing that everyone knew but no one acknowledged’ around the office.

      At one point she left her husband and took the two kids when she had a brief relationship with a professional football player. When he broke it off with her she went back to her husband and they got back together.

      And that’s the last I heard of them. It’s been about 16 months since I’ve acknowledge anyone’s existence from that time in my life…

      Though if I were to hazard a guess, I’d bet they both still work there. If we’re being real, neither of them were qualified to be management so they were never going to reach that high of a role with any other company… that’s just speculative though.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Holy cow!! Wow. It’s amazing to me the choices people make and ho about their lives with respect for themselves?! Office drama times 100 with just these 2 people.
        Thanks for the update and entertaining story V😉

        Like

  7. She is who I would consider a truly-bad person. No self-awareness, no consideration for the feelings of others. Sounds like your classic sociopath, really. I definitely agree with you that it’s important not to get involved with work drama, and certainly do not divulge too much of your personal life with co-workers. It’s also important to be friendly, but not friends with co-workers, because that risks bleeding into your personal space that can end up biting you in the ass if things go south. Thank goodness you no longer work with her; she sounds like an utter nightmare.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Some people, like you’ve said here, are just better kept at a distance… as far out of your life as possible. If you have to work with them, cover your ass and definitely don’t become friends with them, or even be friendly. Being friendly might lead them to believe you care… and you can’t care.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Jesus Christ, she doesn’t even seem like a real person. The pit of hell that her character must stem from my god, I don’t know if its common in Canada to meet people like that? Or is this just a rare random blip? If I met someone like that here, I think everyone I know would lose their shit! What a horrid horrid person, and her poor husband, do you ever get the temptation to just write him a dear john letter?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think there are manipulative liars all over the world – I think some are just better at hiding it than others. In the case of this manager, she was tall, thin and blonde and liked to wear low cut shirts and short skirts to work each day. In an office that was 26 men and four women, the men… liked looking at her. So, they ignored the things she said and did because she’s pretty. And I’ll give her that, she is very pretty. Or she was. Who know where she’s at now. What I’ve learned in life is that, if you’re pretty, men will let you get away with a whole lot in this world.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, I think when she hired me she might have been hoping she was hiring a ‘girlfriend’ to work with. She quickly learned I wasn’t about that life of hers and we had a rift for five years following.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Wait until I get around to telling the really juicy stuff! lol

      That’s a good quote though, she was a nightmare dressed like a daydream. No one expects and innocent looking blonde woman to be such a manipulative bitchhhhhhhhhhh!

      Like

    1. And I’m certain that a lot of people deal with someone like her on a daily basis. A lot of people get their careers stunted by people like her… It’s really sad.

      Like

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