Quarantine day: I’ve lost count

I dyed my hair today. It looks absolutely terrible. That’s okay though. We’re trying to accept change for what it is and move forward, even if the top of our head resembles that of a fire hydrant. Yes, we’re referring to ourself in third person now. Ourselves?

I mentioned a few weeks back that I was considering cutting my hair myself. Well, I never really gathered the guts to do that, so I decided that dying it was a much better idea instead.

Perhaps I’ll dye it again? I’m good at a lot of things in this life but logic is definitely one of my strong suits.

It’s been an eventful week. The tectonic plates beneath my feet have shifted and life will no longer be the same. As I stare at the chaos around me, waiting for the dust to settle, I realize that I have a choice to make. Do I live in the wreckage and pretend that it’s the home I remember, or do I crawl from the rubble and slowly rebuild elsewhere? I’ll have to get back to you on that one because I really don’t have any answers. At least not right now. That seems to be par for the course in my life, though.

I’m beating up on myself tonight. I don’t want to be, it’s just the mood that I’m in. I was in this exact same room ten years ago today. Ten years ago. It’s crazy to me that, as much as has changed over the past ten years, nothing has seemingly changed. Did I really accomplish anything at all? Not likely. Time plays tricks on us. It really does. One minute your whole life is in front of you and the next minute it’s ten years later and you’re in the exact same place. Sure people have grown, some have even gone grey. But, for the most part, nothing has really changed. Everyone’s still the same they’ve always been. I guess I shouldn’t really judge. I’m not exactly the poster child of accomplishment. I always just assumed I was meant for so much more.

Perhaps it’s the quarantine talking… whatever it is, though, maybe it’s time I start adjusting to the world and stop waiting for it to adjust to what I desire. Because if the past is any indication of the future, I’m definitely not going to get what I want and hard-work plays absolutely zero factor in that.

52 thoughts on “Quarantine day: I’ve lost count

    1. I’m sorry you know what this stagnant position feels like. I wish I could offer you words of wisdom in return but honestly, I’m just like… I’ve had it with reality. Also – it’s very likely no one will see the hair. I’ll probably re-dye it before I have to enter public spaces again…

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Red hair is better than COVID bangs, trust me on that. As for the frustration and doubts, they’re something we’re all going through right now. But we’ll get through this. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I can relate because I often find myself asking ‘What have I done for the past 10 years’ as well. I’ve made my peace with not finding the answers though. Thanks for sharing and wishing you the best during these challenging times!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Not really wisdom more than necessity. I’ve learned that I’m inherently negative, and that the thoughts will never leave me, no matter what I’ve tried—alcohol, drugs, professional help, exercise, healthy diets, meditation—so I’ve decided not to try and vanquish those feelings, but to act my best despite them.

        Hopefully you’ll find your peace too 🙂

        Liked by 3 people

  3. You are meant for great things V. Things are constantly changing, it’s all about perspective. As I find myself back in my parents home now for the 5th or 6th time since my divorce 10 years ago, it would be easy for me to be hard on myself yet I know inside that whatever the outer appearances may say, inside I’m a completely different person! Our society is so outwardly based, accomplishments and material things. What makes us rich is what’s inside, character and integrity. My karmic bank is overflowing. Everything in life is so very temporary. None of us know when the greatest things will occur. Ten years ago I was broken from loss and trauma. Today I have gained so much insight into myself, others and know that love is the answer to everything. Loving the shit out of yourself then radiating that love outwards. We are all interconnected my dear and are never alone. Time doesn’t matter. When I had my awakening last year I would never have believed anyone if they would have told me where I’d be today. Mostly internally. I didn’t love, trust or believe in myself. Emotional bankruptcy held together by an amazing mask that I wore everyday to hide the pain. It was once I started integrating those dark, shadow parts of myself when everything shifted. We can be our own worst enemy or our own best friend. Nobody will ever take better care of us than ourselves. I am living proof to what can happen from living both sides of that coin. You are worth it. We all owe it to ourselves to embrace self love. It starts a ripple effect. It’s our only duty, to love. Sending you so much love V🥰

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh but my dear you can, it’s all in the shift. I appreciate your kindness. I am merely speaking truth. My purpose is to live fully, embracing my soul’s essence and shining a light upon others to do the same😊

        Liked by 1 person

  4. You have lots of readers here with you, following along, and all of us are trying to work out what our new ‘normal’ might be, once things settle down again … But life goes on still, strange, weird even, but still going. All the best to you and to everyone else here. Living, and dyeing, are both great things, if it all goes well!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, you’re right. I know you’re right. I’m just very emotional and have a hard time coping… and thus this verbal spewing comes out of me like nobody’s business….

      Like

    1. I sure hope you’re right. Also, that comment about the last key being the one that counts the most, that’s pretty relevant to life right now. Thank you for that.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m with you on all fronts. I too colored my hair. I got the wrong stuff and look terrible but the cut I gave myself went okay! Thank goodness!
    Also my life is also shifting and now I’m thinking🤔 here we go again.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Only you can know what is right for you. You have to follow your heart even if it’s really hard. I can’t tell you how you will know…I have made a few rather stunning sudden moves over the years. Friends were shocked, sometimes they didn’t understand, but those moves were always the right thing at the time. If you aren’t happy where you are, I’d say it’s time to go.. But listen to your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Your head’s just in a bad place right now. You may be where you were 10 years ago in some ways, but you’ve taken a lot of journeys since then. Each has changed you. You may not be getting things on your timetable, or maybe you’ll even shift what you want, but I wouldn’t give up quite yet. Look at how much you have going for you. You’re a beautiful, soulful writer. You are a great encourager of many. You’re having to work through close relationships in a way that will change everyone. What I’m saying is that while you feel stagnate, you’re not the stagnate type. We’re all living in a world that is a bit surreal now. Be good to you, keep figuring out that perfect life/job/circle for you, and create plans to get you there. You’re on your way. For some reason you may have had to get a new perspective on where you have already been, but you are not immovable. Good things are ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, I am definitely not alone. It’s easy to put yourself in a corner and feel like you are though. I think that’s one of the hard things about being in a bad head space.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m sorry the quarantine is being so rough on you. I really hope you’re able to guide yourself through this time with as much peace as possible. The feelings you’re describing really resonate though. That feeling that there should have been “so much more” is quite an ache.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it might have been a little longer than that here. Because everything hit the fan at the beginning of March. Hard to believe this has gone on so long… 58 freaking days…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know right. When I look at the calendar I can’t believe how long it’s been and for a lot of other countries it will be even longer 😦

        Like

  9. Honestly when we continually ignore the ticking seconds, years pass us by without us even knowing. Hence the feeling of stagnation
    I Stan! Move elsewhere and rebuild V, it’s a wake up call we all need

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you’re asking about the colour of my hair, it’s fire hydrant red right now. Likely will try to dye it more of my natural blonde tomorrow… or at least tone down the red a little.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I realized how dumb a question that was right after I asked it lol. But might I suggest adding a little blue? Violet hair would look great on you! I uh imagine

        Liked by 1 person

  10. This seems like a year of change and self-discovery for nearly everyone I know, even the bloggers I ‘know.’ It’s interesting to hear how people are coping, or trying to cope, and hair dyeing seems to be a big one. I don’t know if you’ve dyed your hair before, but it’s cool you’ve joined the COVID-coping hair dyeing club.

    Like

    1. I used to dye my hair a lot when I was younger. I haven’t for probably 10 ish years. Now I’ve dyed it twice in the last week. lol

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s