Story time: The time I was spit on

A man spit in my face once. Actually, I shouldn’t really call him a man. He was 20, exceptionally immature and generally a disgusting human being. Calling him a man seems like a disservice to men in this world. Then again, calling him a boy seems like I’m making an excuse for his behaviour. There’s no excuse for spitting on people.

It was March 2018. I was having a discussion with my friend Rob about another crazy story from his work-life. Rob was the chief of police. Though he never told me anything that was confidential, I did hear some crazy stories from the man over the years that I knew him. We’d just grabbed some coffee and we were waiting for players to return from the intermission of the game we were watching. Rob was telling me a story about how a few nights prior he was working the graveyard shift and he found himself, at 2:00 in the morning, chasing a man in his tighty-whiteys yielding a machete high off some sort of illegal substance through the courtyard of city hall. He uh, well he has no fears.

Rob is tower of a human being. He stands at 6 feet 7 inches tall. He has an extremely intimidating presence. Had he not been married to one of my coworkers, I likely would have feared him just based on his presence. Nevertheless, I digress. Cop life was a fit for him.

So, the explanation of Rob is important to the story because Rob actually plays a pretty integral role into what came from the rest of that evening.

During the third period a fight broke out. This was a bad fight. One of the players actually attempted to use a piece of his equipment to inflict dangerous, physical harm that could disable another player for life during this fight.

Typically, though a player is going to be kicked out of the game for such actions, they’re put in the penalty box while the referee reviews the play, what happened and what lead to the dangerous actions to ensure they have everything correct for expulsion from the game because they will have to file a report after.

This player was minutes from being kicked out. He was mad. He got into the penalty box and started using his equipment to try and break the penalty box. Which… physically speaking isn’t possible. But, he was angry and being an idiot, trying to inflict damage and throwing around threats to anyone he laid his eyes on.

Rob being Rob, well he stepped in. He stood in front of this player, towering at least 6 or 7 inches over him, and told him to sit down and calm down. This player didn’t.

I needed to collect some information from this player for the incident report so I asked Rob to get it for me.

Ohhhhhh, let me just say no one was prepared for what happened next.

This player got mad. He got up and in his fit of fury decided he was going to come after me. Problem was, even with all of his equipment on, he was still a lot shorter and smaller than Rob and Rob was standing between him and I. Rob was literally holding this player back from trying to jump at me and swing punches as he hurled insults my direction and shouted some pretty vulgar things.

I’ve been around sports most of my life so hearing vulgar things doesn’t really phase me. I don’t like. I don’t think it’s acceptable. But, I also can’t control the things that people say, so, I don’t let it get to me when disgusting things are said to me. Especially if it’s coming from someone like a 20 year old brat with a bad temper, no social skills and clear anger issues.

What did phase me though, was that in that moment when the player couldn’t overpower Rob, he decided to spit on me. He knew that he couldn’t get past Rob so he hocked a loogie and spit directly into my face.

It was one of the most disgusting moments of my life.

I was shocked. I was embarrassed. I was immediately scared. This idiot’s saliva had just landed in my eye and on my face.

This player does not know that the man he’s been trying to overpower to come at me is actually the Chief of Police. No one ever really knew what Rob did because it wasn’t something that Rob broadcasted to anyone outside of his circles. He just did his job and lived his life.

Well, in the moment when he spit on me, everyone knew it. Largely because everyone heard him hocking a loogie and then because everyone heard me scream in terror when the spit hit my face.

Here in Canada spitting on someone is a form of assault. This player, not realizing that he’s just committed a form of assault in front of the city’s chief of police, kept on shouting vulgar things at me as I started to cry and pull off my jacket and sweatshirt and scrape away at my skin with said clothing because I felt disgusting due to their being spit on me.

I kid you not, Rob grabbed this player by the back of his neck, walked him out of the penalty box and down the hall to the dressing room. He didn’t ask the referees, he didn’t wait for anyone, he just walked him down the hall and put him in the dressing room.

He came back to check on me. I was crying at this point in time. It was just such a disgusting feeling. I felt like I needed a shower. I felt like I’d been violated in a sense. I just felt… unclean. People say that I completely overreacted when it happened, but I really don’t think that I did. Until you’ve been spit at, in the face, you really can’t understand just how disgusting it feels. And by a stranger… someone you don’t know. It’s just… it really does leave you with this sense of feeling like you want to crawl out of your skin.

Rob’s a cop. He’d just watched this entire thing unfold. He got on his phone and he called some cops, who were on duty, to come on down and help this get sorted out. He made a statement, he vouched about what happened on the ice, and then about what happened to me when I got spat on. Because the police were there, I had to make a statement about getting spit on.

The police were waiting for this player when he came out of the dressing room. Let me tell you, it wasn’t a good sight. So Rob stayed back next to me, and the two police officers that came waited for this player to walk out of the dressing room to inform him they’d been told of what happened. This player got angry again, screaming down the hall at Rob and myself ‘You called the fucking cops on me, you pieces of shit!’

At this point the player proceeded to walk past the cops saying that everything they were told was a lie and that they were wasting their time and should go back to the donut shop. (Classy, I know)

When the two on-duty police officers pointed out that they had statements from an off-duty police officer that he witnessed the player spit on someone and that’s a form of assault, the player got angry.

‘You’re a fucking pig?’ He yelled in our direction. Then he tried to run at us again. The two on-duty police officers held him back. Like, this player has a serious anger issue. So, the police officers were holding him back and he hit one of the police officers in the face, which is a form of assault against a police officer.

So, they handcuffed him and took him off to the station.

It took three months following, but this player was actually charged with three counts of assault.

  1. For using his equipment to inflict harm upon one of the players on the ice.
  2. For spitting on me.
  3. For hitting a police officer in the face.

The initial count of assault ended up being thrown out because, reviewing the video of the game, they could not prove intent to harm based on what the player had done. The crown prosecutor argued that he could have accidentally tried to use his skate blade to cut the other player’s neck. Which… was complete and utter bullshit, but whatever, I don’t control the justice system.

He was charged with assault for spitting on me and he was charged with assault for hitting the police officer when they were trying to hold him back from running at Rob and I after he learned that Rob was a police officer.

Nothing ended up going to trial. He admitted guilt. I think he realized he had no choice but to admit guilt because he knew that he spit on someone in front of the chief of police and proceed to hit a police officer in front of two other police officers and a crowd of people.

He was given a fine and probation and forced to take anger management classes.

In a weird twist of events, though the player pleaded guilty to two charges of assault, the league actually never punished him. The league said that we could not prove that the player intended to injure the other player his skate blade and that there was no video footage of me being spit on, so it could have been any one of the six people around at that moment who decided to spit on me.

The league took zero ownership of the incident that involved the police officer being hit because they said they cannot control the actions of said players once they leave the ice, and therefore he cannot be held accountable by the league for something that could’ve very well happened on a sidewalk anywhere in the city on any day of the week.

Rob kept working games after that.

I think it was good for him. He loves hockey and he has a commanding enough presence that, when players pull bullshit like what happened that night, he played an integral role in calming down situations.

I didn’t keep working games.

I wrote an angry letter to the league explaining that I went home wearing someone else’s clothing that evening because I was so disgusted and felt so unclean I couldn’t bear to wear my jacket and sweatshirt. I actually threw away that jacket and sweatshirt. I remember crying my eyes out in the arena bathroom trying to scrub my skin, to try and make myself feel clean. It wasn’t like a small spit wad. It was like… a mouth full of disgusting spit that hit my face and ran down my face onto my neck and my clothing because there was so much of it.

I told the league they shouldn’t expect people to be there if they cannot protect the people who are there. I told the league that if they don’t take hard stances on behaviour like that, they’re as culpable for the behaviour as the person who commits it. Yeah, behaviour might be learned, but that doesn’t mean it has to be accepted.

The league basically black-listed me. Which was fine. I wasn’t going back there again.

As for what happened to the player… in late 2018 he was arrested for pushing his pregnant girlfriend down a flight of stairs.

In 2019 he was arrested again for kidnapping his child causing a nation-wide amber alert to go out and ended up ‘on the run’ for just 48 hours before they police caught up with him.

Currently he’s serving a two year jail sentence. After he was arrested for kidnapping his baby, his girlfriend came forward with allegations of continued physical assault throughout the relationship that included statements like her saying she was punched so hard she actually lost two of her teeth.

In 2019 when he went to jail the league, who had allowed him to play all throughout his troubles with the law (spitting, hitting a police officer, pushing his girlfriend down the stairs), finally made a public statement about him.

It was your standard run of the mill PR Bullshit.

‘We’re so shocked to learn of the actions of [player’s name]. We’re sending our complete support to [his ex-girlfriend] and [his child] during this troubling time and we want everyone to know that we do not condone these actions, or domestic violence of any kind.’

Now, I’m not saying this night set off a chain reaction of events in his life that led to him pushing his pregnant girlfriend down the stairs and subsequently kidnapping his baby. He clearly has anger issues and has clearly had them for a lot longer than I’ve ever bared witness to. That being said, an arena full of people watched him take his skate off of his foot and use the blade to physically try and slice someone’s neck. The chief of police watched him spit directly into my face as a form of trying to intimidate me, and two police officers had to physically hold him back, one of which ended up getting punched in the process.

If a league isn’t willing to take a stance on that behaviour, why do they get to play the ‘we had no idea it was this bad’ after this player’s behaviour makes national news.

They knew what he was like. They made excuses for it. They continued to pay him and cover his actions, that continued to the point where a pregnant woman was pushed down a flight of stairs and a baby was kidnapped.

You know that saying ‘birds of a feather flock together’? I kind of feel like this applies to people. If you’re covering up someone’s shiteous actions for years, quite literally until it makes national news and you just can’t anymore, are you not culpable? I mean, you might not have committed the actions yourself but you knew what was happening you saw hard evidence as to what was happening and heard what was going on behind the scenes… hell WE ALL HEARD. Rather than giving the player ramifications for his actions, they covered them. They swept them under the rug. They kept paying him and making him feel as though his behaviour was okay.

Quite frankly I think he got off easy only getting two years. I really hope that his ex-girlfriend has taken their child and started over somewhere new. I hope she’s not waiting for him to get out. People like that… they need more help than any one person can provide. People like that, they will likely continue to be a part of ‘the system’ for the rest of their life. People like that never seem to think they have a problem.

Anyways, that’s the story of the time someone spit in my face.

People say I overreacted. I really don’t think I did. Some people think being spit on is not a big deal, I personally think it’s one of the most disrespectful and degrading things you can do to a person. Also, it’s disgusting. It is. It makes you feel unclean. It makes you feel gross and it makes you feel less than human.

61 thoughts on “Story time: The time I was spit on

  1. I’m really sorry this happened to you. It’s a nasty experience no one should have to endure. And you did not overreact. I’ve never been spit on but I can understand it’s very disgusting and I never want to experience that. I personally think 2 years isn’t enough for his actions. He legit pushed a pregnant lady down a flight of stairs and kidnapped a baby. I don’t know how your justice system over there in Canada works but I’m very unimpressed by the sentence. But I really hope you never have to go through such an embarrassing situation ever again. Sending love your way๐Ÿ’“

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Yeah, I’m not really sure what went into him getting a two year sentence, but I genuinely hope that his ex-girlfriend took their child and started over somewhere new. I really, really hope she understands she’s a lot better than him!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. You most definitely not overactive V! I was cringing the entire time while reading your account, to live through such an assault is unbearable. The sheer disgust doesn’t even begin to explain how I feel. Spitting on someone is extremely vile and very, very low. I’m not surprised what this person was doing in his personal life either. The chain of events are quite common when your behavior reaches a level where you’re spitting upon innocent women. Good for you for writing the letter and shame, shame on the doors league condoning such atrocious behavior! Unfortunately, the theme is the same…..sports(generating lots of $$) power and greed outshine basic decency. Totally gross๐Ÿคฎ

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yeah. I truly think that if people are willing to cover up behaviour they know is happening, they are culpable. Making someone believe their horrible behaviour is okay is not okay.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly….my job is to help people to contect to these forgotten parts of themselves that make them behave in these ways. This is what self healing is all about. Not covering it up but acknowledging it and working to heal. It burns me up ejen innocent people get caught in the crossfire of those who are hurting so bad they hurt others without remorse. Love you sisterโคโคโค

        Like

  3. Ummm wow … I literally have no words right now because that dude sounds like he shouldโ€™ve been locked up ages ago! Sorry about the experience, but Iโ€™m glad you know it was a reflection of his lack of humanity and not anything about you.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Iโ€™m sorry you had to go through this horrific incident. You didnโ€™t overreact and people who didnโ€™t go through what you went through shouldnโ€™t tell you that.
    Your post hits on the underlying problem in society. If one is fortunate to work in the profession they choose, it is a privilege not a right. The people in charge must stop covering up for the few bad apples. The league did condone his behavior and continued to let him play. You, his girlfriend and others had to suffer. This goes for all professions. Remove the ones disregarding the rules and get them help. When they turn a blind eye, the consequences are worst.
    Once again, Iโ€™m sorry this assault happened to you. I would rather be punched than spit. You have a lot of courage for sharing. Take care.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Sucks this happened to you. Getting spit on in the face is an invitation for the spitee to get their ass kicked and kicked hard. One time a friend and I were out and this guy in his truck leaned across his girlfriend and spit in my friend’s face. He immediately regretted that maneuver.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh gross! You most certainly did not overreact! This situation reminds me a lot of what the NFL does to football players. Stand behind their violent actions by playing coy or completely ignoring their behavior until some dies… then they act like they didnโ€™t know what was going on??? So annoying!
    These men in professional sports are not all the same… not saying that at all. I am sure there are some good ones out there. But still they are far overpaid and treated like gods which gives them a a terrible ego/ God complex! Thinking laws donโ€™t donโ€™t apply to them.
    So sorry this happened to you. Sounds like you came out on top though!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Your comment makes me think of how people covered up for Aaron Hernandez for years. And that ended up horribly for everyone involved, even Aaron. Lives lost. Blood shed.

      Or, Ray Rice. People covered up for him for years as well. When leagues cover up for horrible behaviour it makes people believe the behaviour can continue and that it’s okay.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. I agree. Some people are savages and it makes me sick that they get protected. One of “our” passengers once bit (yes, actually bit his bare arm) one of our supervisors, but of course you don’t want to actually arrest your passengers, now do you? Thank God this was before AIDS and all the rest. If it had happened to me I’m not sure I would have been as cooperative as the guy it happened to. I can never understand the football violence that happens all the time in England. It scares me because it’s a sign of deep seated anger over deeper issues than football. Like most problems, it seems to me, it comes right down to over-population. There are too many of us. That is what I’ve been saying all my adult life but you hardly ever hear it addressed. Not a popular topic. I’m glad you were not seriously hurt, even though it made you feel so ghastly. That guy….I’m sure you are right. He’s trouble.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve heard stories of UK Footy in which fans have had bags of urine thrown at them.
      Could you imagine? I couldn’t. It just seems too much. Too, too much.

      Like

  8. Really sorry that it happened to you โ˜น๏ธ spitting on oneโ€™s face is absolutely vile and disgusting. That dude sounds like a complete psycho case. You werenโ€™t overreacting at all. Itโ€™s not like you were holding up a sign that says โ€œhey feel free to spit on me!โ€

    Liked by 1 person

  9. What a horrible experience. I can’t imagine how traumatic it must’ve been for you. Some people clearly should not be out freely in the public with that degree of anger management issues. Unfortunately, the sports world is a corporate world, and it’s not surprising that the press would choose to cover his ass instead of actually dealing with the situation. Because money, especially if he’s a valuable player. I avoid watching professional sports for this reason, because it’s just so political when in fact it shouldn’t be. Thank goodness you got out of that career, and hopefully, you’re better off now!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is an issue that runs rampant in sports. Leagues cover up for horrible behaviour all of the time as a means to continue to make money off of said players. It’s something that really needs to stop, but as long as sports continue to make money, they will continue to cover up the actions. I’ve veered pretty far away from the sports world in the past few years. It used to be pretty much the biggest facet of my personality and latel

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I just don’t understand having the point of view that SOMEBODY ELSE has over-reacted to something, especially something serious like that. The whole situation was traumatic, how could anybody judge you? ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™‚๏ธ

    People who say things like that are abusive, in my opinion.

    Sensitive people like us do seem to get a lot of crap/abuse from less-sensitive people in general.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just think some people have a really hard time understanding things that don’t happen or haven’t happened to them. Some people are really out of touch unless something happens to them.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I don’t think you overreacted. And this is coming from someone who tends to have anger issues, particularly when it comes to sports (as a fan, though, I was never talented enough to be on a team), but I know what I’ve done is wrong (it never included spitting or direct attacks on other human beings, though).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s human nature to get angry. But, if you can draw the line and have enough common sense to not spit on someone, then you’re a lot better off then you think you are!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Thatโ€™s terrible! I do not think you over reacted at all! Who knows what was in his bodily fluid and to have it on your face and in your eyes?? Wow. My sisters husband use to spit in her face and act like a wild animal….so sorry. Hopefully he got a taste of his own evil while doing time.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Definitely a different experience… But when I was working with kids in a school setting, I’ve been spit on, punched, kicked, bitten, and had my hair pulled. I narrowly avoided getting stabbed with a pencil, but a colleague wasn’t so lucky (no serious damage, minor puncture wound in her hand). Again, very different, being that they were actually children, not just the mentality of a rage-filled child. But sometimes, when those kids’ adrenaline gets pumping, they can cause some damage. And yeah, getting spit on is about the most disgusting thing that someone can do. No, you didn’t overreact.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stabbed with a pencil? Oh my god. That sounds horrible and painful and dangerous and oh my god. Also, it sounds like that job was horrible. I bet you’re glad you’re not doing that anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I did not. Hockey is… well, it’s just not something that ever crossed my mind. The fact that Rob was there and vouched for what happened to me made me feel safer about what happened and that he would suffer ramifications after the fact.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Anyhow, I do think you have very good instincts, but just food for thought, you had a rock-solid witness as well as potentially supoeanable video evidence. Anyhow, like I said I do respect your instincts, so I am not advocating anything.

        Take care

        Like

  14. I was going to say that maybe you just don’t understand the point of hockey, but… even I’m pretty sure it’s not to take off your skates and cut your opponent’s head off with them. This was far more epic and awful than any of the times people have spit at me. I’m sorry you had to go through it, but it sounds like you’ve a good friend there.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me and hockey go way back. I’ve seen fights. I’ve seen broken jaws and teeth flying ten plus feet away from a player’s mouth. I’ve seen bones protruding out of a player’s skin. I’ve heard pretty much every insult, slur and derogatory terminology in the book. I’ve been kicked out of games. I’ve been banned from arenas for life. I pretty much understand the full extents to which the game can push people into bat-shit craziness. That being said, intentionally taking your skate off to try and cut someone with it, that’s next level.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh, why… well usually I get kicked out for having a foul mouth. Hell hath no fury like a pissed off five foot blonde. Banned from one for alcohol celebrations after a game that were against city violations and banned from the other two for “egregious acts of hostility towards arena staff”. Despite what you see in movies, Security guards don’t like it when you patronize them.

        Liked by 1 person

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