Story time: The office frat-boy

So, I work for a company filled with computer programmers and scientists. It’s actually a reality that’s quite similar to the Big Bang Theory if you’ve ever seen that show. Most people in the office put me to shame from an intelligence standpoint, but from a social skills standpoint, holding conversations with them is often quite hard.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re all extremely good people. Well, most of them are extremely good people. But they’re scientists and programmers, so they’re awkward. Awkward and hard to carry on conversations with.

Anyways, there’s one guy, Axel (cool name, I know…) who is one of the rare creatures in the office blessed with intelligence and social interaction skills. Axel has not one but TWO PhDs, and upon first glance can seem quite charismatic. The problem with Axel lies within going beyond what’s at the surface to realize that he’s a fucking asshole, and, surprisingly, a massive idiot for having two PhDs.

Axel has terrible luck with women. He doesn’t realize that the terrible luck that he has with women has to do with him being an idiot when it comes to anything that isn’t related to either of his PhDs, and also, the fact that he’s an asshole. So every morning we have to hear stories about how dating is so hard for him and how he understands why men just sleep around because women are so difficult.

Because, you know, respect and kindness is a whole lot to ask for from a man…

Anyways, we have this internal forum for our staff that serves a multitude of purposes, some work related, some not. It’s like a discord server but it was built by our programmers so it’s got a lot more functionality geared towards our company (several dozen people in offices in three different countries). For the purpose of this story, let’s just call it a discord. One of the functions that Axel likes to take advantage of on the discord is the blog.

He’s created this series called ‘Forever alone with Axel’ in which he makes blog posts all about his dating life. In these blog posts he goes into painstakingly stupid detail all about how awful his dating life is.

Keeping in mind that these posts are seen by dozens of employees from three different offices in three different countries, Axel tells stories about how he was afraid to call one girl back because he went to her house to hook up with her, got a sudden case of explosive diarrhea and made a mess of her bathroom then left without saying goodbye while she was laying naked in her room waiting for him. He also tells stories like a somewhat recent blog post he made in which he went on a date with a girl who he felt had bad breath. He asked if they could stop at the store on their way to where they were headed and he proceeded to go and buy mouth wash, give it to her in the car and say ‘A present for you! Don’t say that I never bought you anything’.

His most recent story is about how he took a girl on a date this past weekend and they went to a cafe and sat on the patio, socially distanced style. Whilst on this patio chatting a girl that he’s previously hooked up with was walking by and she stopped to exchange pleasantries. Axel invited her to stay and sit and chat with them (yes, he interrupted their date by inviting a girl to stay whom he’d previously had sex with). I’m 150% certain the way that he tells the story is not the reality of what happened, but either way, the girl who he was supposed to be on a date with went home. So, he took the girl he’d previously hooked up with home with him and hooked up with her. After sex, whilst he was asleep, she got up and left. And she’s been ghosting him since. So, when he couldn’t get in contact with her, he decided he was going to call the girl he originally went on a date with to ask if she wanted to go on a second date. The post goes on to explain that he doesn’t understand why the girl wouldn’t agree to a second date and that he also doesn’t understand why she was mad. At the end of the post he suggests that perhaps the hook-up who left him in the middle of the night is just busy and she plans on calling him back later this week, and that he hopes that’s the case because she is ‘amazing in the sack’.

Completely appropriate things to be sharing on a public forum for all of your coworkers to see, right?

Several times a week we hear remarks about how women are so difficult, smack dab in the middle of our meetings. Or he’ll ask passive aggressive questions to the females in the conversation asking us why we’re so difficult or why we make things so hard for men.

He needs an intervention.

  1. To tell him to stop sharing all of this information in a company forum for all of his coworkers to see because it’s both not appropriate and people don’t care about his shitty love life, or lack thereof. (I guess you could say that I do care based on this post and my admitting to reading it, but I would suggest that I read his posts because it’s a lot like a car accident… you don’t want to look but you can’t look away)
  2. To tell him that he’s a fucking idiot and if he tried common sense, respect, kindness, he’d probably have a lot more luck with the female gender.
  3. To tell him that we’re(females) not that hard to figure out so long as you’re not talking to us in the passive aggressive equivalent of a subtweet.
  4. To remind him that it really doesn’t matter how many PhDs he has, if he’s an asshole people aren’t going to like him.

He really may just end up being one of those men who is ‘forever alone’. I don’t mean that in the dramatic sense, I just mean that in the… ‘there comes a point in life when you have to realize you’re a fucking idiot’ sense, and I don’t know that he ever will. He’s this weird mix of overly-cocky, overly-intelligent, overly-social but completely inept at understanding social cues.

He’s a weird mixture of Sheldon, Howard and Penny’s ex-boyfriend Zack from the Big Bang Theory. Intelligent, cocky and really fucking stupid.

lol

Someone from our Middle East office asked if he was living in a romantic comedy and he said ‘No. I can’t be. At least in the romantic comedy the guy ends up with the girl in the end. Me, I never get the girl’.

I wonder why…

It couldn’t be because you go on a date with a girl and take a completely different girl home that night to have sex with, could it?

59 thoughts on “Story time: The office frat-boy

  1. I literally gay-snapped a couple times while reading this, so right on!
    But seriously, how he doesn’t know this isn’t ok just organically is puzzling enough. How HR hasn’t called him out and/or outright fired him is another real head-scratcher.
    Talk about *discord*.
    I feel awful for all the females and sexless geeks in your company.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hahaha! Too be fair (and I’m not defending him) there is a lot of stuff on the discord that probably shouldn’t be there. I actually contemplated starting an “overheard on discord” series…

      Liked by 3 people

    1. Really? Could his stories be totally fake? That would be an interesting plot twist… him trying to make himself sound cooler doing this using fake stories. Lol

      And I have not, nor would I go out with him. He likes to brag about how many women he’s slept with, which to me just sounds like an invitation for an STI.

      Like

      1. Yeah. That’s why I avoid the popular ones. Haha. All that beauty yet, in a different world. Even porn stars use condoms and are up front about what their bringing to the table. Unlike us mere mortals.

        Tucker Max, “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.” That’s the book that sounds too similar to his stories to be a coincidence. Maybe, its the masculine divide but women can definitely fact check any jerkoff’s story. I’ve done that to some love bloggers here. I’m a bad person. Lol.

        I think it’s great to be open about sex and dating culture. As they are goals aren’t they? For most writers, you also have to define a goaland unfortunately fit a stereotype. Your… associate? Co-worker? Weird guy at the end of the hall? I think is not a great writer for stealing material from other jerkoffs. Also. For choosing an isolated audience such as a work blog. He’s being the cute girl at work that can’t stop talking about her rich boyfriend she doesn’t have.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Oh my goodness, I remember that book was huge for a hot minute when I was in University. It was on the front shelf of every bookstore! Now I feel like I need to read it to see if he’s ripping off his stories. Which, if he is, oh my.

        I agree that it’s good to be open about sex and dating. I just think there’s a time and a place for it. Like you said, choosing an isolated audience such as a work blog might not be the place.

        Also, we’re supposed to go back to the office in a few weeks as our city opens up from Corona quarantine. If he’s out and about with all of these strangers, I hope that my office isn’t near his office. You know, contact tracing and all. Seems like there’s a higher chance to get it if you’re coming into contact with a ton of people.

        Like

      3. I agree. HIV was less of a threat because it couldn’t be caught from the air. So. We were ignorant to it that are/were dating. COVID, does not have that limitation but also shares a lot of bacteria with Herpes. From the journals I’ve read, the organism moves like the best parts of both Herpes and the common cold. We are, also ignorant to the spread of Herpes. So. At least in America, we lack the care to fix many problems until we are affected by them. On a side note, I’ve not contracted any of it.

        Oh. It’s not that great of a book. My friend swore by it like popped collars were never going out of style. Meanwhile, I was dating pornstars so…yeah. It really doesn’t pay to be an asshole.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Relatable…..almost every workplace have those kind of people coz, we’ll, all are different…..& quite weird post at the same time…..putting such things in open…..hmmm…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, I know. I just don’t run across people who are so open about it with all of their coworkers. That seems like a weird character trait to need to share everything with everyone at work. Ya know?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Same feeling….I’m assuming it’s a fantasy writing…

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        Liked by 2 people

  3. Axel sounds more like a “nice guy” than a frat boy. God forbid he calls women “the females.” The way you describe him, he does sound like an idiot, but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he’s extremely not self-aware of what he’s doing. Relationships, whether casual or serious, is equally about giving and receiving, and I believe he thinks he’s entitled to the latter without considering the former at all. He may be more socially-adept than his co-workers, but he still seems to be just as emotionally unintelligent as the lot of them. Hopefully, he doesn’t make your new job hell!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I mean, he possesses a lot of the characteristics that are stereotypical frat-boy behaviour. He thinks it makes him look cool to brag about sleeping with more than 100 women, he regularly talks about the size of his package, I’m sure you know where I’m going with these examples.

      You’re right though, he’s definitely not self-aware of how he comes across. Emotionally unintelligent is a good way of putting it. It’s like… he’s in his 30’s but he has the emotion intelligence of a horny fourteen year old boy. He’s not hard to get along with because he does his job and he’s really damn good at it, so as far as I’m concerned, that’s what matters to me. So I don’t think he’ll make work hell or anything like that. I just think he has a lot to learn in life. He might be in his thirties but he’s not that mature… or mature at all. lol

      Liked by 3 people

  4. Maybe you need to begin a blog with the replies to Axels posts from a female point of view called “what really happened” it may iron out a lot of wrinkles he is raising plus I’m concerned that if there are people in the office who read this blog of his and are socially a little backward that they may think his way is the right way (he is getting girls right?)when clearly it is not.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Honestly, I think eventually the right girl will set him straight. I truly believe that when a man needs it, he’ll eventually find a woman who teaches him right from wrong and when he’s being a dillhole. That being said, until that time, he likely won’t listen to anything Diedre says. lol

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Someone from HR needs to have several conversations with this guy. And by “someone from HR” I mean a professionally licensed therapist. And by “several conversations” I mean therapy sessions.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you for teaching me what men do and don’t like. I could’ve sworn they liked when girls hit them. But then, I stopped and thought about it and I think I was thinking ‘hit on them’. Two totally different things, I guess…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my word, this guy has no perception of the concept of TMI?! Yikes! I too have noticed that those who are so super gouged into intellectual pursuits usually have 0 life skills and social etiquette. Give me a well rounded renaissance guy or gal any day. Good grief🤪😆

    Liked by 2 people

  7. This post was great. I literally had a laugh about his “Forever Alone with Alex” blog which was totally public and work-related thinking “People actually do this?!”

    He seems clueless to the maximum degree where I wonder if people can really be this way, totally detached from reality and not seeing how any of their actions leads to consequences in their lives. But yes, cool name. He has that going for him at least.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. People actually do this! And he is pretty clueless. If you wonder if people can actually be this way, you should check out a software company. lol

      Like

  8. His lack of self-awareness is staggering. But I’d have put that right if he’d worked for me. From what you’ve written I’d have had him out of the door so fast he wouldn’t even have had time for another dose of explosive diarrhea 😂. Unbelievable.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It isn’t exactly the type of behaviour that I’d tolerate if I was in charge. That being said, I have yet to pass the new employee probationary period, so I can’t even really say anything as of right now. I’m hoping he’s a little less dramatic when our office opens.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, you need to tread carefully. But be prepared for the fact that he’s probably desperate to offload his anxieties / frustrations / fantasies after the long office closure, so you could find he has a lot to say. I recommend you ignore him publicly, and mock the little **** in the privacy of your own mind!

        Liked by 2 people

  9. Complain to HR about sexual harassment after making a clear statement to him that his actions are inappropriate for the work place and you’re not comfortable with details of his sex life and the inference of male chavanism (spelling, sorry). That might just get his attention and HR can’t ignore it. I’m pretty certain this behavior like this is unacceptable in the workplace in Canada as it is in the US.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Geezes Eff.

    I have come across some blogs from dating women, cougars mostly. They are chock full of similar stories. It is quite fascinating…and shocking. But also entertaining.

    One thing is for sure though: many men are clueless about women, and many people are clueless about relationships. 😳🙃

    I’m no expert, I’m just sayin’… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  11. This should totally be made into a TV show called Clueless in Canada. Does this guy maybe have Aspberger’s and not realize that this is so socially inappropriate? Also HR letting his go on is kinda worrisome.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I see why they haven’t fired him. If he is a very qualified person and is very good at his job, the company would rather you guys feel unpleasant than let him go. Technically, they are compensating him for his antisocial behaviour and he will never change. I hate to say it, but your company should pay you to put up with him. It looks like you have a case for legal
    action.

    Like

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