Day 1 = Done

Went back to the office today. I’m proud to say that I only had one panic attack the entire day. With how anxious I’ve been feeling about being in the office and being around my coworkers, only freaking out once is a huge deal for me.

The CEO left a Costco Size bottle of hand sanitizer, a set of face masks and a large container of disinfectant wipes on everyone’s desk for when we arrive. Normally I am not a fan of single use products, but I think under the circumstance it was a nice gesture for him to provide and I will make use of them. After all, my aversion to single-use products is far less important than keeping the office clean and disinfected.

It’s weird… being around people right now. I want to be nice, I want to be kind. I want to shake the hands of someone I’ve never met. I can’t. I fear people. And I don’t mean that in a way to make me sound weak, or sad, or pathetic… I say that to say the closer I get to people, the closer I get to germs.

I just got out of the shower. Needless to say, I needed to do that before I could do anything else when I walked in the door. There’s about enough time left in the day to have some dinner and decompress. I need to get ready to face the world again tomorrow.

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that feeling.

35 thoughts on “Day 1 = Done

    1. Yeah. My blogger friend Chris calls it the ‘now normal’. I think that’s a good word for it. It’s definitely here for a while so one day at a time is all that we can do!

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  1. You’re brave, and that’s simply all you need to make it through these tough times. I started my new job last week, which sadly requires going into the office, but I always try to social distance and wear my face mask at all times, even if alone in my cubicle. Stay careful and stay strong, V!

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    1. Oh man, you’re so brave. I think I’d be soo much more nervous if I was in a cubicle. I’m so glad I have an office door that I can close! Congratulations to your new job though, that’s wonderful news.

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    1. He is a pretty cool guy. And he is trying to do all that he can to make us feel the least uncomfortable. Which is nice. He understands that being there can make everyone anxious.

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  2. I knew you would be ok my dear and with each day you will feel better about being there. With time I believe you will become much more used to being around people minus the fear. I was relieved to read your first day was a positive ❤

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    1. Thank you ❤
      Part of me hopes that I get used to it but I also hope I don't get used to it because I really don't want to be comfortable around people right now. You know?

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    1. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH I know what you mean about the hand-washing comment. My hands are so dry and flaky from all of the hand-washing and hand sanitizer. I really hope that your transition has been going okay. It’s definitely not an easy transition. It’s the kind of thing you have to take one day at a time.

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  3. Well done on your first day back. We will be working from home until December but may now start a rota so someone’s there to receive and return books, once a week.
    How had they done it, in terms of social distancing? Is everyone expected to be in the office at the same time?

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    1. The developers are doing rotation, but that’s because they have shared offices, so they don’t want all four of them in the same office at one time. Those of us that have individual offices of our own, we’re basically all back. They’ve closed off the board rooms. There’s a sign on the door that says ‘Closed until further notice’ and then the lunch room and all of the stuff in there (they’ve got like a pool table and foosball and whatnot) is all blocked off. No… communal things. No fridges. No coffee makers. No fridges. Stuff like that. It’s… I mean it’s not awful. But it’s definitely not ideal.

      I think it’s a good thing to stay away from the office as long as possible, and it sounds like your employer is smart if you’re able to work from home for now. That being said, the cynic in me kind of feels like not much will change between now and December. Or even next summer…

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      1. Yes, I think our communal fridges will be closed off now, they are looking to get water plumbed into our work area so we have a sink and they are also going to get us a kettle so we don’t have to use the same points as everyone else.
        Before lockdown I bought a cooler bag for my lunch in white with ‘HUMAN ORGANS FOR TRANSPLANT’ printed in red on the front. When we go back, that’s how I’ll carry and keep my lunch cold I think.

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  4. Hopefully you won’t have to get used to it. I’ve wondered myself how I would feel if I was still working and I’m really not sure, but I would certainly be annoyed with people who don’t take precautions. It will be an interesting social exercise to look back on one day. Very sorry you have to be part of it. Well done today!

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    1. I hope that when the history books are written about 2020, everything is written/remembered. I want the future world to remember that when you ignore experts, the WHO, doctors, etc… things like this only have the room to get worse. That’s probably the cynic in me. There’s a lot of people not taking precautions… which sucks.

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  5. Sad to say, I work with people that don’t think The Who pandemic is even occurring??? So frustrating. They know how I feel and for the most part honor my requests etc. But I sure wish I could not have to work!!

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    1. It would be awfully nice to just work from home forever. There’s a shockingly large amount of people who seem to refuse this exists, or think it’s a hoax. I don’t know what is worse.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I can definitely relate. I miss my co-workers and want to hug them tight but I’m so afraid of getting sick or them getting sick that I am afraid that when we have to go back to the office and out to people’s homes again, I’m going to be a wreck. Our job gave us face shields for when we do start going out again but I’m still scared. I’m the only one working right now so I’m terrified of what will happen if I go down. But I did do visits with all my kiddos in August to give them back to school bags and I didn’t die so I keep holding on to that while still keeping in mind that cold and flu season is not here yet.

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  7. I would say that’s a great boss. Very thoughtful and he’s trying to put everyone at ease so at least you know he’s aware of everyone’s fear.
    It’s not people you fear it’s that damn virus. I get it. Make sure you continue to communicate and enjoy your co-workers. They’re just as nervous about you as you are of them. No need for complacency but don’t block yourself off either.
    Breathe
    Breathe
    Breathe
    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  8. You’ve got this! You’re doing all the right things to stay safe and healthy. You can only control what you do so as hard as it is, worrying about everybody else is only going to cause more anxiety for you… especially when it’s out of your control. I am just now going into the store to do my own shopping since March. This first time I walked in I was like a lost puppy. I was totally awkward and lost… it’s exhausting the mental game part of this. I’m hopeful though because one thing I’ve noticed more than anything is how cautious and aware everyone is. Keeping their distance, wiping down their carts before and after a use, and hand washing. I think it’s helpful to keep these things up but even more so people stay home when their sick or even not feeling well a little and that is so important to keep us all healthy and safe. I am started to feel a little safer now out there in the world seeing how everyone is behaving. I’m sure you’ll get there too! You’re strong person!

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