I feel like I’m drowning.

It really scares me.

I should be happy. Why am I not happy?

On paper everything sounds perfect. In reality, I cannot shake this anxious pit in my stomach.

I hate being truthful about it because I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I know how lucky I am. Anxiety is not logical, though. There doesn’t need to be a reason or a rhyme. Sometimes you just have to deal with the quakes as they come.

36 thoughts on “I feel like I’m drowning.

  1. Anxiety takes joy away. I know from experience. There is no rhyme or reason for it. I’m only guessing here but if you think you don’t deserve the on paper moments I’m here to tell you… you do. I know from reading your blog how hard you fought to make it happen. You deserve this… take a deep breath and let it wash over you then another until it gets better… now I’m off to practice what i preach ❤

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    1. As I read this last night I was thinking ‘Dang, that’s some really good advice’. I was also thinking from what I’ve read of your blog, it’s very fitting for you as well. When I got to the end and read ‘Now I’m off to practice watch I preach’ I cheered for you a little on the inside. Thank you for the pep talk. I really needed it. Also, I hope you’re practicing what you preach.

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    1. I think it’s fear right now. There’s too many unknowns and not enough knowns. I don’t like it when I don’t have control. I know that’s life, but I still struggle.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey V, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Some people find that anxiety (and depression) is (at least partially) linked to their diet, especially when there doesn’t seem to be any other good reason for it (i.e. scary life circumstances). I’m currently 2.5 weeks in to a carnivore diet and it’s the best I’ve felt in a long time. I know it sounds ridiculous and/or extreme, but the more I learn about the science behind it, the more it makes sense to me. And I can’t argue with how good I feel.

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    1. It doesn’t sound ridiculous. If it’s making you feel good, then it’s worth working towards, right? For me, I have Celiac Disease and I am lactose intolerant, so the foods that I eat are already very strict. I’ll look into the carnivore diet and see what it entails. It’s worth researching, right?

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  3. I feel for you V, particularly as you can’t identify the source of your low mood and anxiety. I hope you’re using some of your coping strategies and practising them often. You’ve had lots of huge changes recently, and perhaps you feel you don’t deserve all the good that’s come into your life?
    But you do my little lovely, you do! Biggest hugs winging their way to you now.

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  4. I’m sorry you are feeling this anxiety. Anxiety is a complex challenge. I don’t think there’s an easy answer. I spent my whole life thinking I didn’t deserve the success I was having in life. I can remember when my daughters were young and I was so happy with my family. I would immediately get these thoughts that it was going to end, that something bad would happen. It caused anxiety and I wasn’t enjoying the wonderful gift I was given. Years later I realized I couldn’t control everything and started focusing on the things I could control. The fears and thoughts disappeared. I hope and pray that you can overcome this and enjoy your life and the wonderful person we all know you are. You deserve everything good that happens to you. Take care and smile 😀.

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  5. Sometimes we just run down and get fevers for no apparent reason. Something has to run its course, physically and or mentally even when we least understand it. Be mindful of it but not obsessed, one maybe growing in new ways without realizing it. Remember, you’re loved and a survivor, you will endure.

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  6. Absolutely. This is just patterning as our brains are wired to replay that tape. The more you recognize that in fact you are alright, the more a new pathway will be built. Also, fear and excitement often get confused in the body because they are the same vibration. I often have to dig deeper and ask myself am I just excited about something yet because I’ve lived so long in fear I’m confused? Most often this is the case. You’re becoming aware of these things is positive so you can begin to articulate them more accurately. Sending love my dear❤🙏

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  7. I remember that feeling….I would finally accomplish something I worked hard at and then…the joy was absent…I was waiting for the other shoe to drop…because my previous experience taught me that something always goes wrong. To an extent, that is true, because life is like that, but when it does, you deal with it, as you have always done. I am one of the world’s cynics and pessimists which makes it hard for me to every enjoy an accomplishment. So it’s not wrong. You aren’t ungrateful. Don’t beat yourself up about that. Try not to overthink it. There is a lot to be stressed about and you are entitled to feel what you feel. I just hope it gets better soon. I know everyone says this, but there is value to living in the moment. Have you ever read Eckardt Tolle? I found his ideas helpful.

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  8. You are not obligated to feel any specific feelings. You feel what you feel, and it’s not something you “should” or “should not” feel. It is tough. Stay strong, and I hope you will feel better!

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  9. You’re NOT ungrateful. You just want something “better” in whatever thing your anxiety is coming from, there’s no shame in that. I believe you’ll find answers if you go higher.

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  10. Hugs. The world we live in so weird right now. I have been feeling a bit random for want of a better word. I feel sometimes there can be a cloud over our life, even when things are good, we can’t smile. But, I know the cloud will pass and you will feel normal again.

    Additionally, starting a new job, a new home, we are heading into Autumn, … these things get to us, without us knowing. Also, it can be easy to get into work after a long break and this virus just adds another layer of horribleness to the whole mix.

    Hang in there, the cloud will pass and you will be your bouncy self again.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Not understanding/recognizing joy is a common issue for people with depression and similar issues. God knows I have this issue and I have to remind myself, in writing about the good things in my life.

    Keep calm, carry on, and don’t let the turkeys get you down.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. It is a strange paradox to know how lucky I am and also to allow myself to have feelings and to ask for support in the difficult ones. I’m glad you are sharing with us what’s happening, it is real and also addressing this paradox. Hope today is an easier day ❤


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