More COVID, le sigh.

The only time I’ve left my house in the past several weeks is to just drive. I don’t get out of my car. I don’t really do anything other than drive… to see sights that aren’t my house, even if it’s just ten minutes.

The truth is, my anxiety is keeping me from doing much of anything these days. One of my guilty pleasures in life is Pepsi (it’s 100% better than Coke so don’t even try to argue with me on that one) and I can’t even get up the nerve to walk into a gas station to get some. I won’t go into the grocery store, and since you have to order $35 dollars worth of stuff on Instacart before they can process your order, I’ve been going without until it’s time to get groceries.

Yeah, I know… no Pepsi. Boo-freaking-who, what a horrible problem.

Honestly, stay at home isn’t awful. And it hasn’t been awful. The problem is the fear.

The government in this province has just decided that if they ask people nicely to stay home then restrictions aren’t necessary. As such, we’re the only province in the country without a mask-mandate. We’re also consistently breaking our COVID positivity rates each day. Tonight on the news they said that there have been more confirmed cases of COVID in the past three days in this province then there were in the first three months after the pandemic was officially declared by the WHO.

I mean… I guess we’re winning at something right? Testing positive?

I’m too anxious to go anywhere. I’m too anxious to do anything.

Every time our Premier opens his mouth I’m reminded of the saying ‘it’s better to have someone think you’re an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt in their mind’. He’s an idiot. He is. He won’t mandate masks, the simplest, easiest fucking thing to do during this pandemic, because he believes it infringes on people’s basic human rights to live freely. While the rest of the country is in various stages of lockdowns and closures to try and slow the spread and not put such a strain on their health care system, he’s advocating for the laying off of 11,000 health care workers and to putting portable buildings in hospital parking lots for overflow. Some hospitals in this province are at 135 percent capacity and his response is ‘They went into health care to help people, so now’s the time for them to step up’.

No. You fucking moron. No.

You wouldn’t tell everyone to set fire to their homes because firefighters go into fire fighting to put out fires.

We’re consistently pushing over 1,000 cases per day, and that’s with the ‘voluntary measures’ they trust the public will follow. They have so many positive cases at the moment that they cannot even contact-trace. They’ve said they’re going to hire 400 people to do contact tracing to get a better hold on where spread is coming. Because, you know, he did promise ‘JOBS, JOBS, JOBS’ when he was running for election. At least he’s holding true to one of his fucking promises.

I can live without manicures and hair cuts. I can live without window shopping. I can live without the gym. I can even live without seeing family at Christmas. But, we’ve reached a 6.9 percent infection rate. Why do we have a play a game of how many people can we infect?

I’m worried people are letting their guards down with all of this news about a vaccine. The truth is, while a vaccine may come in early 2020, it’ll be months and months before regular folk are able to get it. Health care workers will get it first, as they should. Seniors and high-risk professions will get it next. Then politicians. Then, you know the most privileged of society. It could be July or August before the majority of the population is able to get it. Hearing a press release that a vaccine is coming doesn’t mean that we get to let our guards down now.

The bottom line is that I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere soon.

Hopefully in three years when the next election rolls around people will remember how thousands of health care workers, and specifically emergency room doctors, begged and pleaded with the government to put some restrictions in place that would stop people from getting sick and the government turned to the television and said ‘People have a right to live freely and get sick if they so choose’ and ‘That’s why you went into health care so stop complaining’. Okay, I’m paraphrasing on that ‘get sick if they so choose’ part, but it pretty much was a giant kick in the teeth to anyone who’s a health care worker in this province.

If you can’t tell, this stuff makes me really angry.

Doctors are saying they’re nearing a point where they’re going to have to choose which people to save and where to divert their resources because they’re stretch so thin. The government is like ‘Meh. I don’t have it so I don’t care’ and the general public is just like ‘Meh. Let’s go to a party’.

Okay, I’m done ranting now.

If anyone knows how to talk some sense into the human race, please let me know. Also, and this is so dumb, if anyone knows how to get Pepsi without going into a store, without needing the $35 order minimum, please share your wisdom with me.

Okay, one more thing.

I realize my ability to stay home comes from a place of privilege. I realize that a lot of people in this world work jobs that don’t allow them to stay at home. I just also know that we have had large subsidies to help people get through this pandemic in Canada and that the option is there for more, if the government were to decide to enact on it. The federal government offered $2,000 per person per month. The provincial government offered $1,000 on top of that. They imposed rent freezes. They imposed regulations stopped any landlord from being able to evict someone from a rental property during lockdown. The banks postponed mortgage payments and credit card payments for clients. I guess, I just… I think if they really wanted to look out for everyone, if they really wanted to act like the elected leadership they are, they’d do more than tell health care workers they’re complaining and it’s not that bad.

Also, I didn’t start this job I’m at now until the end of May (just a few days before June) so I went through three months of lockdown using these government subsidies to get by. So I’m well aware of what it’s like.

Okay, I’m really done now.

Sorry for all of the complaining.

69 thoughts on “More COVID, le sigh.

  1. It could be worse. You could live where an enormous, orange, man-child with a 5th grade vocabulary was president for the last 4 years and did absolutely nothing….😒
    And then waved a check (a supposed second stimulus check) in front of cameras and say the only way he’d issue a second stimulus is if he’s re-elected. It’s funny how he’s so gung-ho about a “possible” second check that would be much more money…..he leaves out the fact he wanted us to have to pay back more than half the money when filing our taxes. Sorry…I rant too….sometimes lol.
    As for your Pepsi crisis, start a Go-Fund Me account lol. I know I sound like a hundred years old….I’m not very internet savvy.

    Liked by 7 people

    1. Oh, please. Rant away. I love it. I actually agree with you whole heartedly. I think your thoughts are pretty spot on as far as what I see happening down there.

      As for the Go Fund Me… for people to send me pepsi? Cause I don’t need to collect the money. I have the money. I just don’t want to spend $35 on just pepsi. lol

      Liked by 4 people

      1. See? My special logic made ordering $35 worth of Pepsi the perfect solution to your problem. Face it, you wouldn’t soon run out.
        Now, if only there was as simple a solution for your dreadful taste in soda. 😂

        Liked by 2 people

      2. See, but I’m like an alcoholic but with sugary beverages. Pepsi and Red Bull… if I have $35 worth of it in my fridge, I will drink it all in a day or two. I have no ability to stop. I’m like an addict. I need to get more, to get that fix, to feel it in my bloodstream. lol

        Seriously though. I’m very careful with how I purchase pop and energy drinks for that reason. Otherwise I probably would’ve wound up with diabetes many years ago.

        As for your comment about my tastes, I have dreadful tastes in a lot of things. So, we’ll just add it to the list.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m saddened to hear that the situation in Canada isn’t any better than in the US. We’re also seeing record cases here, which boggles my mind. In Los Angeles, we’re seeing terrible statistics for COVID-19 cases, and our soon-to-be ex-US president is laying low/not doing anything since the election. Best to do is stay home and, if unable to (i.e. because of work), just really take precautions and limit exposure to people as much as possible. 😦

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yeah, I hear that California is really bad. It’s sad because, to some extent you expect cases in the USA to be worse, just because (for example) there are more people in California than all of Canada. That being said, there’s no reason it should be so high as it is. Every time I see pictures of people partying in Hollywood, I can’t help but think how selfish people are. Even Northern Cali, which I feel like is a lot less populated (I could be wrong on that?) seems to be in a pretty bad place COVID wise, too. It’s really sad. You’re right though, all you can do is stay home as much as possible and take as much precaution as possible.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Unless you’re referring to San Francisco, much of northern California is pretty rural and sparsely-populated (and very conservative, as opposed to the big cities and their liberalism). You’d think that even those who complain about people not wearing face masks/social distancing would be sensible, but I’ve even seen those same people still go out to socialize at restaurants, friends’ parties, etc. I find that extremely hypocritical, and it boggles my mind *smh.


      2. San Francisco is getting to northern California, so technically, it’s part of that area. Central CA to us is the Santa Barbara/San Luis Obispo area.


  3. Oh V, I so wish for you to live, really live. I had cancer for the first of four times when I was 30. I learned to say, “If I had only six months to live, would I be doing what I am doing now? If not, what would I change?And then do it?” Yes. Live without fear. Life is very short.
    During Covid, at first, I was very cautious as I worked in healthcare until retirement and understood this is a nasty weird virus very early. But I just returned from a 3 week planned trip of over 1000 miles. And I am not sick. We are careful and cautious, but we do not have time to waste on fear. My mom has survived Covid at 82 last month. I am 63 and bravely today. went to get my first flu shot in 7 years. Oh, and we have 15% positivity rate.
    Go get your Pepsi. Wash, mask, and sterilize the handle, bottles, and your hands when you return, and enjoy the heck out of it.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Don’t worry, your comments aren’t offensive. I’m really happy to hear that people are able to live their lives safely, and not get sick, whilst still having some semblance of normalcy.
      And, while I appreciate the sentiment of your comments, I just want to say that it’s not as simple as pretending that I don’t have anxiety. The anxiety is there. The anxiety that I deal with is so prevalent and so bad in my daily life due to COVID that it’s difficult to do things.


  4. I just finished mentioning covid and turned to the reader page–here you are with an entire rant! I’ve felt depressed and anxious too, but also privileged to only have few cases in my town. It’s the emotional side of things bothering me still

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I just went and read your post after you left this comment. I hope that you’re dealing alright with everything that’s going on. Low case count or high, it’s still very much a key player in your life, my life, everyone’s lives. So don’t diminish those feelings.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I don’t get the sentimentality about all these things, either. That they can’t just be temporarily sacrificed for longer-term personal + greater good. Especially now— with the real hope of vaccines on the horizon. It should be easier than ever to make these (SMALL) sacrifices. But, we know the horror show that is going to be Christmas. I’m planning to tune out as much as possible 🤦‍♂️.

    And yeah— the talk from official sources, or the scrupulously-neutral BBC— about all the various ‘special’ restrictions they’re nicely asking people to follow, as if they’re going to make a difference, is just quite surreal now. The same people will be sensible, and the same people won’t be. All this effort to naively plan out and describe this ‘fantasy’ world where most people will follow the guidelines, just going to waste.

    And the waste of life this year for the sake of making small personal sacrifices is just sickening. The stupendous costs incurred by governments in countries like ours— the sheer privilege we have to even have that fallback. And STILL it’s not enough to trigger all these peoples’ moral obligations.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. On the bright side, your province is still losing badly to America. Also, I’ve heard Ontario’s premier is just as bad as yours. And have you tried getting Pepsi from a machine? Like, drive somewhere at midnight, look both ways, book it to the machine and hurriedly load up and then race home and hope no one else catches on. It’s what I’d probably do.

    …can you actually get movie theater popcorn delivered?

    Liked by 3 people

      1. A vending machine?
        I haven’t seen a vending machine outside of an airport in probably five years or more.
        They’re all over the airport terminal lol

        P.S. I just sent you an email.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I can honestly say that I’ve never had Breyers. When I was a kid we got whatever my parents bought us, which was usually the no-name cheap stuff. Which, hey, I never complained. Ice cream is ice cream. lol


  7. I have horrific, debilitating anxiety. As in I’ve been hospitalized multiple times for the non-existent heart attack. Obviously, our status quo doesn’t help with that.

    But I wanted to let you know that I’m based out of Memphis, USA. My mother-in-law is a vaccinologist at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital [they are so good at their work they get outsourced for things that are not related to children and cancer] and they are VERY CLOSE to a vaccine. This isn’t the two vaccines they have discussed in the news. I don’t know if I am even supposed to say this, but you share your life with us and I wanted to show you the same courtesy.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for sharing. It’s nice to hear that there are so many people in this world who are actively, diligently fighting to make a vaccine, to make all of us safer, hopefully.
      Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Agree! I get so frustrated with people, including those in my family, who refuse to mask. My mom is 82 and has Alzheimer’s. We want her living life, but also want to keep her safe. If people would just mask, it would open up opportunities for people like her and so many others.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Having people wear masks would just make this whole damn situation so much easier. I’m sure this is extremely difficult for your mom right now, and I’m sure it’s really difficult for you that you can’t let her lead a somewhat normal life because there’s morons everywhere screaming that wearing a mask is too damn difficult.


  9. There is an article in The Washington Post today about a Health Care Director in Missouri who just quit the job because she felt she had to protect her family from people who constantly follow her and the children and threaten her. It’s unbelievable. healthcare workers are bearing the brunt of this whole thing and now they are getting abused for it? What kind of shit is that? I really don’t get it at all. As for wearing a mask being an infringement of a person’s liberty…give me a fucking break. What are we, a society of idiots? Another interesting article in about Thucydides talks about the Peloponnesian War…I guess the human race is hopeless. Argh. I wish you easy access to Pepsi soon!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree with you so often I find myself wondering if you’re myself speaking back to me – like another personality in my head that I always agree with.
      It’s ridiculous that people are threatening health care directors. Back in British Columbia (where I was living the first half of this year) they had to give 24 hour security to the Health Minister because someone posted her home address online and said they’d pay for someone to shoot her.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Pay a small child to go to the shops for you.

    By the way pepsi is foul, coke all the way :-p

    I was talking to a friend the other day and I said to her it makes you think when ISIS give more of a shit about its members than your prime minister, which is what has happened in the UK

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I know right, its very kind and nothing to do with the fact our government so fucked up, they are trying to win a popularity vote. Middle of January is going to be interesting for the UK.

        The bad thing is, we voted for this shit storm and have done for every General Election for 10 years. At least the US made the mistake once and corrected it


  11. I have two ideas for Pepsi. I’d rather avoid the politics of public health. Pizza delivery, has Pepsi over Coke and a lower minimum delivery charge here. Second, our convenience stores in my state are owned by Couche-Tard up there. I always call them ahead about midnight and make them do stuff they wouldn’t normally do. Like, ordering a couple cases or liters. But, mostly beer for me. I bottle the stuff so…there’s a difference in flavor profile. You taste more sugar in Pepsi and more flavor or salt in Coke. They’re both bad but so is beer so I’m not pointing fingers or anything.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I did end up going to one of those 24 hour convenience stores that only open a window and don’t let you in but rather go get the goods for you. This was a very good idea.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yes. Assuming that we don’t devolve into civil war when Trump rallies all his little teenage renegades. And all his renegades in general. If you know what I mean. We’re not out of the woods quite yet.


  12. I hear you on the Pepsi thing. Except it’s Mountain Dew for me. And I’m in the same position at times… needing that caffeine/liquid sugar fix, but not being at a place where I need to order all my groceries. Once I felt desperate enough to look for pizza delivery deals that included drinks, just so I could get a couple of Mountain Dew bottles delivered to my door. Which, I’m sure, is less cost effective than waiting until I needed real groceries. But I do love a good pizza…

    I really try not to pay attention to the news too much but I know the trending numbers just keep rising. My company is still “allowing” us to meet with clients face to face, but we’re expected to ask the screening questions before meeting. Which, I guess looks good on paper… But I’m never sure how well I can trust those clients to tell the truth when it comes to whether they’ve had an unexplained cough or run a fever in the last 24 hours. How many of them ever take their temperature anyway? Personally, I’ve got a thermometer and I’m checking twice a day, just in case. What really kills me around here are the people who still call COVID a hoax. Ugh… people are the worst.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I commend you if you’re still meeting clients in person. I would be far too scared to do that. Also, though… I doubt any of them are taking their own temperature before coming to see you. That’s just the cynic in me who has realized how selfish people are over the past ten months.

      I wish I could love a good pizza. It would make me awfully sick. I have, on occasion, ordered vietnamese to get pepsi delivered at the same time. That’s more of a rarity though. I don’t eat take out/delivery a ton. Allergies and whatnot, it’s hard for me to eat out. I hear you on the mountain dew, though. Sugary goodness.


  13. Great post. Don’t ever apologize for a rant. Hey this is your blog. So I’m thinking you’re in Quebec. Ugh…le sigh. I saw the news conference where your premier asked people to please self isolate after getting togther…I don’t think he really “gets” it. Im in BC and new restrictions just imposed. Like you I just stay home for the most part. My hubby does the shopping. Stay safe. Wish I was closer and I’d send you a pepsi.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Ah Thanks. I’d love to sit down and buy you a pepsi. Keep writing my friend. Thanks for dropping by. It means a lot. xo


    1. Realistically, the only safe place to be right now is inside the doors of our own homes. It’s sad that no one can comprehend that cultivating a disease ridden public sector is the biggest harm to the economy…

      Liked by 1 person

  14. The only time we leave our house is to grocery shop. I do everything else online. This year has sucked in a hundred different ways. I hate wearing a mask but I do it because it’s mandated and can potentially help others. Our state has a mandate to wear masks and people still don’t. Just be careful. Maybe you could have a friend drop some Pepsi on your porch so you don’t have to go out.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m with you. I don’t go out unless I absolutely have to. It’s so sad that people still can’t do the very basic decent thing of wearing a mask. Me, I don’t have friends here… not really. Since I moved here only a couple of months ago, and things have been pretty bad, it’s not exactly friend making environments. Which sucks. But oh well. We do what we do.


  15. Love that fire analogy! That’s exactly it. Yes we are in health care to serve but with no end in sight and 1 out of every 5 cases in Canada is a health care worker. Makes one want to disappear into a cave.

    Liked by 2 people

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