Jake is so chachi. (A fool)
After he annoyed our CEO yesterday, I asked for us to have a call. Our CEO, wanting to watch me put him in his place, scheduled the meeting, waiting for Jake to accept, and then invited me after he’d accepted. Some might say manipulative, but, I say he deserved it after his comments yesterday saying that he wasn’t going to need my assistance unless he had administrative issues.
First thing Jake said when I showed up in the video chat? “Ohhhhhh, who’s this?”
“This is Vee. She has some questions for you that I too, would like to know the answers to,” our CEO said.
“Ohhhhh, terrific.” He said, sarcastically. “Hit me with your worst!” He exclaimed.
I gave a pleasant greeting, thanked him for his time with myself and our CEO and his response was ‘That’s sweet. What do you need from me?’
Well Jake. I need a lot. HAHAHA!
He definitely was not prepared to cross paths with me. He got very defensive. VERY DEFENSIVE. He quickly turned hostile, and I don’t think he could’ve hung up the call more quickly than he did when he determined the meeting was over because he’d had enough.
Me: “So Jake, I’ve read you’re a marketing genius, that you actually graduated with honours from Stanford. You also run a business that’s raised more than 1 billion dollars in capital during its lifetime. That’s really impressive.”
Jake interrupts me: “Thank you, thank you. I do what I can.” He was acting smug at this point.
Me: “Why does your google business page, for a business that’s more than a decade old and has raised more than a billion dollars in capital, provide the address for a Dollarama?”
Jake begins tripping over his words, dumbounded at the question he just heard.
Jake: “Well, that might have been an oversight on our former assistant. I didn’t keep track of the data that she logged.”
Me: “But Jake, you’re the marketing genius, you’re the face of the company. You didn’t once think to google your own company? Surely you’re not running your billion dollar business out of the back of a dollar store?”
Jake: “Well, well, umm… well…”
Me: “That’s okay, I’ve clearly caught you off guard. I’ve got a few more questions, we can move onto those, if that’s alright?
Jake: “Oh, yeah… yes, hit me with them!”
I take note at how quickly he’s wanting to move on after metaphorically falling flat on his face from my first question.
Me: “Your website proclaims that you provide SEO and business integration services for companies that allows them broader reach, better digital footprints and repeat visitors to their websites and social media platforms. I was very interested with the piece about working with Nike and Samsung. Those are some impressive clients.”
Jake: “Yes, we’re very proud of how we help our clients and the clients we’ve been able to bring into the fold over the years.”
Me: “I’m just curious what information you can provide to companies like Nike and Samsung, some of the most recognizable brands on earth, when your very own marketing company hasn’t done proper enough SEO for it’s own digital footprint to appear on any of the first five pages of any search engines.”
Jake, clearly getting pissed off at me at this point, but trying to stay professional: “I’m sorry?”
Me: “When I google your company, all I see is a google business page that directs me to a Dollarama. There isn’t a link to your actual business website anywhere on the first five pages of google.”
Jake: “We have a very common business name.”
Me: “Surely a marketing genius as good as yourself, someone who graduated with honours from Stanford, could be able to figure a way around that? After all, you are charging us $7,500 to do SEO for our business. How do I know I’m going to get quality results from a man who won’t even do SEO for his own business?”
Jake: “We’re speaking semantics here. Whether or not I do SEO for my own company matters not to how I can help your company.”
Me: “Okay, well are you aware that each of your four defunct company Instagram pages that haven’t been updated in several years rank higher for search engines then your actual company website?”
Jake: “We don’t have four Instagram pages!”
Me: “Actually, you do. You also have a Facebook page that hasn’t been updated since 2014, that provides a different business address from your google business page, and a Twitter account that I’m pretty certain your coworker used as a platform to profess is his love, and subsequent hatred, for his former fiancee during their breakup.”
Jake, stumbling over his tongue with a depressing frown on his face: “I can’t tell you what my coworkers would’ve done with respect to social media platforms for the company.”
Me: “But you’re in charge of marketing. Surely you understand the importance of a clean, and thoroughly vetted, digital footprint? Especially in a sales/service industry.”
Jake to our CEO: “I’ve got a lot of things to do today. Are we done yet?”
Me: “You know Jake, I was just hoping we could meet on a level playing ground. I want to ensure our company is getting the best bang for our buck. Surely you can understand that with our initial investment, and with the money we’re due to pay you yet, that we were hoping to get our concerns addressed so each party can work cohesively together.”
Jake (making a fist as though he’s frustrated but trying to stay calm): “What do you want?”
Me: “I was curious… “
Jake: “What? What are you curious about?”
Me: “You and each of your colleagues have exactly the same amount of contacts on LinkedIn. It’s a rather obscure number as well.”
Me: “Did you purchase those connections?”
Jake: “Are you kidding me?”
Me: “Also, I’m curious, how many employees does your company have? LinkedIn says 47-200, but your website says four. You’ve eluded to only a handful and a quick google search (seeing everything that comes up prior to your business website on the search engine) brought me to a listing for your company on the Business Bureau that says you have 9. So… how many people are working there?”
Jake: “Is that relevant to anything, or are you just trying to be difficult?”
Me: “Just call me curious.”
Jake to our CEO: “Well [CEO’s name], the third degree this morning has been great, but I actually have to head off for another meeting in about ten minutes here that I need to prepare for. I’ll be in touch in a few days.”
Jake immediately hangs up from the call before I or the CEO could say anything more.
The CEO immediately started laughing now that we were the only two left on the call. I asked him what he thought was so funny. He laughed and said “Dang, could you imagine what would happen if you ever decided to go to Law school? I felt like I was watching a deposition… and he crumbled, very quickly.”
We agreed to wait to hear from Jake to see what he had to say. We hung up the call and I went on with my day.
Jake, about a half hour ago, had his assistant email our CEO asking that work moving forward be run through him and that I not be included because he feels I would make the project more difficult than it has to be.
Our CEO wrote his assistant back, CC’ing Jake and myself, saying that all work and communication can run through me, or Jake can give back the $7,500 we paid him.