Some days

Some days I wander around this earth waiting for the rug to be pulled from beneath my feet. Some days all I do is wait for the other shoe to drop. Some days, I say. Some days.

There are days when I am confident, when not a thing in this world can touch me. There are days when the smile on my face is genuine. There are days when I don’t have to worry. There are days.

These days I worry a lot. These days I’m sad a lot. These days I’m very lonely. These days I don’t know what to do. These days I’m afraid to be honest with people because everyone always says ‘Oh but you have so much’. It’s true, I do have a lot in my life. Things don’t always equal fulfillment, though. Things are just things. Fulfillment comes from within. These days…

One day I’ll figure out what exactly it is that I am chasing. One day I’ll feel as though I finally fit in this world, somewhere. One day I’ll have all of the answers. One day.

Until then, I don’t have the answers… just a lot of questions.

59 thoughts on “Some days”

  1. Nobody who appears have their life together got there without internal struggles. Nobody who found fulfillment in their lives got there without internal struggles.

    What people don’t see are these internal struggles as they assume that we “have it made” or “live the good life.” What they don’t see are the sleepless nights, the tears, the sacrifices, the failures, the anxiety attacks, the depression, the grit, the tenacity, the perseverance, and the refusal to quit even when everything seems to be going wrong. Winners will eventually win…. its just a matter of time, and being able to withstand the emotional shit-storm. Embrace the suffering because it is that suffering that will eventually lead to better things. I highly recommend looking into stoicism 🙂

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    1. You’re right. At least to a certain extent. Even the people who seem to have their lives completely together likely have some sort of issues we don’t know about (that they don’t share about). Some days it’s easier to get past than others, ya know?

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      1. For me, over the past four years especially, I have had so many questions. Seeking the answers have helped me greatly. Especially when I don’t try to rush or force the answers. I do understand that lost soul feeling, I believe that part of the trick, is to see those roads unknown as adventures and an amazing quest. There is also great peace in meditation and prayer.

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    1. I never really thought of it this way. I guess if I had all of the answers and there wasn’t really anything left to learn, I wouldn’t have any reasons to do… anything. Wise prose for this afternoon. Thank you.

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  5. Nobody has answers my dear, questions are what make up another of life. It’s in each moment we can find peace. Not thinking of the past or future which I know is not always easy, but the concept is simple. From pain births so much. My heart goes out to you my dear, for I know the feelings you are experiencing. When you’d like to flip a switch and put your mind in the off position. I say keep questioning because it challenges the mind and opens the ❤ . You are birthing a new beginning, we all are as a matter of fact. Our way in the world. Thank goodness we can reach out here in our little WordPress community for support and love. You are very loved V 🥰❤😉

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  6. I relate to this post on so many levels. Thank you for sharing this post, for letting me know that I am not alone and for letting everyone know that it’s okay to feel like this. I don’t know what I am chasing too, when I’ll feel completely in sync with the Universe’s scheme of things, when I’ll feel so happy that the tiny glitches in my life don’t matter anymore. Let’s keep moving ahead till then, small progress is still progress afterall. I wish and pray that you find answers to all your questions soon.

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    1. You’re definitely not alone. Some days it feels like a long and winding journey to absolutely nowhere, if we’re being totally honest with ourselves. Everyone always says the universe has a plan… sometimes though, sometimes it seems like the universe is winging it. I hope that you find your way soon, and if you learn the answers or any secrets along the way, be sure to share the wisdom with us all!

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      2. Oddly enough, I know what that’s called. It’s “leporaphobia” (I think). Also, I guess I have a book recommendation for you.

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  8. The only way to find the right answers is by learning to ask the right questions. That, in my experience, is one of the hardest things to do. People often stop asking questions when they start feeling uncomfortable. The not knowing. The frustration about not knowing. The guilt over being frustrated about not knowing …
    You’re still asking questions! That means your desire to know is greater than your fear of knowing. As long as that’s your driving force, and the questions you’re asking are refined over the years, you’re bound to find the answers to them.
    For what it’s worth, I believe you belong here because everyone does. You can chase whatever you decide to chase, even nothing at all. Your struggle might not be surviving a war zone in a developing country. Instead, your challenge may be to use all the “things” at your disposal to make a difference in the world—even if that’s helping one person at a time … and you’ve got to start with yourself. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’m glad I stumbled across them tonight!

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    1. Thank you for this.
      I always find myself having more questions than answers. I often think that’s a bad thing, but reading your comment has made me think that might be a good thing? At least I’m seeking information. At least I’m desiring more. From what I’m reading from your comment anyway. It’s keeping me from being stagnant. Which… could be a blessing in disguise.
      Thank you

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      1. Yes! Exactly! Keep asking questions and trust yourself to take the journey toward the answers ❤ And, of course, keep sharing with us because we're all in this together. Literally. This earth. This era. This life….

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  10. It’s OK not to have all the answers. The only people who claim to have all the answers are those who don’t have the imagination to understand all the questions! On an entirely different matter, this is a stylishly written post, très élégante je crois. Be proud!

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  11. “These days I’m afraid to be honest with people because everyone always says ‘Oh but you have so much’. It’s true, I do have a lot in my life. Things don’t always equal fulfillment, though.”

    Yeah, we’re all just humans and equal. Kindness/compassion/sympathy/empathy should never be conditional on a person’s circumstances. Few things matter besides finding your calling in life.

    I think you’re waiting for the mothership to come pick you up, like me 🤣. You’re definitely a neurodivergent person.

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    1. You can call me neurodivergent, I guess. Just so long as you don’t start spreading rumours that I’m a serial killer or some sort of sociopath. I try my best to be pretty normal. lol

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      1. Noooo lol, that’s the mental health stigma! Neurodivergence is cool, the more you learn about it the more you’ll realise how important it is in understanding yourself and others, and something to be proud of :).

        People like to say a lot that normal doesn’t exist, but it truly does in comparison to what neurodivergence can produce, in terms of original ways of thinking, creativity. It often comes bundled with anxiety, but a large part of that is from trying to squeeze yourself into a box created by society, even without realising it. Anxiety also comes from perceiving things differently— heightened senses. The objectively different brain wiring often results in things like dyslexia, ADHD, OCD, autism. It’s important for a population to contain this degree of mental diversity, and to appreciate it.

        It’s not a coincidence that some families seem to contain hereditary lines of engineers/scientists, or artists (all requiring original ways of thinking), alongside increased mental health challenges or just plain eccentricity.

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  12. I often wonder when will I figure it out. It’s been so long now, I don’t know if it’s true that we figure it out – maybe it’s just a hope but not a real thing. :/

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      1. Yes, exactly.
        There’s a stick, there’s a carrot, wind someone’s holding it, but… why is it still such a mystery?

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  13. Having questions is a good thing. Hopefully, you’ll always have questions. Answers…I think they will come…right now everything is stalled by the damn virus, but it won’t last forever. If there is some particular thing you think you would be interested in doing, maybe spend your lonely hours researching as much as you about it. Even if you end up doing something quite different, knowledge never hurts. Hang in there.

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    1. I started reading the book of a fellow blogger lately, and it’s definitely helped with passing the time.
      I wish I was a better writer. I also wish I were interesting. I’d spend this isolation time writing a book of my own, about how I know nothing. That’s not true, I’ve done a lot of research about internal government policies the past twelve months. I think I’m more well-versed on our government than anyone in my family. I’m kind of proud of that. I should apply for a government job – they make 4x as much money as I’m making now. lol

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  15. You can have so much, but that doesn’t automatically make someone happy. i often feel guilty for feeling the same as you, but yet some days i just can’t feel happy. its always because i’m not happy with myself. V, if you ever need to talk or just want someone who will listen (despite me having hearing loss), please know i’m only a message away, and i genuinely mean that 🙂

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    1. Thank you for the oh-so-kind offer of a sounding board to talk to. It’s just a reminder of how good of a person you are and how big your heart is. You’re so right that things don’t automatically bring happiness or fulfillment. It’s such a catch 22. You feel bad for not feeling happy. Life is weird sometimes…

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  22. It takes a bigger person to admit that they don’t have everything together. So many people walk around acting like their lives are all sunshine and rainbows (especially on social media). I would rather be upfront about my struggles than try and live a lie 🤷🏼‍♀️

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