I am anxious.

I cannot say why. I’m anxious, though. Very anxious. I am, dare I say, spiraling.

I hate anxiety. When it comes on, it comes so strong. There’s really nothing I can do to stop it. It just hits… like there are bricks laying on top of my chest, making it difficult for me to breathe, or move, or think.

I hate anxiety.

The thing about working in confidential circles is that you can’t share things with people. When you cannot share things with people you have to keep them inside and that is hard. That’s really hard.

I’m whining and I really need to stop.

I’m just anxious tonight.

I probably should sleep.

16 thoughts on “I am anxious.

      1. I am COVERED. lol
        I had a queen size but I needed to upgrade to king because I’m extra. Then I bought a standard size for my couch. That would be sleeping under 60 pounds of weight if I used them together. hahahahaha

        Liked by 3 people

  1. As much as writing is a wonderful way to express yourself in a healthy way, we do still need a way to vent.. to relieve all the pressure. I hope you have someone in your life you feel safe talking to. 💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You know, I used to think I did. COVID made me realize just who I had and who I thought I had but really likely never did. Thankfully there’s always therapy.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I think a lot of people have experienced something similar these last few years. The harsh reality: Out of sight, out of mind.
        I’m sorry to hear it, though, I hope a few good ones stuck around.
        And that’s true.. know any good therapists? 😅

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think that’s fair enough to struggle with not being able to share things which matter to you and you put a lot of effort into, and it making the anxiety worse.

    I can’t imagine just getting sporadic waves of intense anxiety like this, must be awful.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Kinrin. It’s funny, with the rise of holistic approaches we make and sell only kinrin matcha tea everywhere. But, it is a Buddhist practice. Before you scoff about crystals. That’s…Marvel Doctor Strange stuff.

    A long time ago. Almost two millennia, there were two dragons. They moved whisper quiet across the fields. Kinrin is the…routine? Practice. I guess. It’s a really long Sanskrit word. Anyways, staying grounded is very Buddhist. Take a half a step with each half breathe. Until the world becomes right side up again. It’s how the dragons walked. I think the half breath is important because you don’t take the next half step without another half breath. Your concentration becomes contained to the process. A bit like what runners manage. But, this is special because many people have fears. Fear is a full stop but concentration on kinrin forces another outcome. It is nice to imagine dragons wandering by you graceful enough to walk between flowers. Sorry. This was long.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Anxiety is something I am familiar with. I always say I feel like there’s an elephant on my chest and I can’t get enough air to fill my lungs. Then the more I think about it, the worse it gets. Distraction is the thing, I think. Good books, music, dance. Exercise. You know how animals shake themselves when they are wet…do something like that. Look at me giving advice. Da. Feel better. Be proud that you are trusted with confidential stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

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