Assholes and apologies.

If you are an asshole, apologize.

The longer that you wait to apologize, the more apology that’s due. Sorry, you thought leaving it for several days or weeks meant that the hurt you caused would lessen? It doesn’t work that way. When you leave an apology for several days or weeks, it only causes more distress and unease for the person you aren’t treating fairly.

If you think that you have free reign to be an asshole so much as you damn well please, you need to realign your perspectives. You also need to ask yourself why you’re so okay with treating the people in your life so poorly. I think some soul searching is on order, on your behalf.

On the flip side…

If you are someone at the receiving end of an asshole’s shiteous behaviour, don’t let them off the hook.

An apology is due. Expect it. No matter how many days go by, do not tell yourself they’re sorry without them telling you they’re sorry. Do not make excuses for them. There are no excuses for unfair treatment. Full stop. Not if they’re stressed, not if they’re sad, not if they’re scared, not if… anything. You deserve an apology. Hold their feet to the fire until they recognize that they’re being an asshole and that it’s not fair to you.

Lastly….

“I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you are offended” or “I’m sorry you think that” are not apologies. Someone needs to feel bad about their own behaviour, not for the way their behaviour was interpreted.

“Yeah well, imagine how I feel” is not an apology. It feeds a notion that if someone knew how an asshole felt, they’d be more accepting of the behaviour. The truth is, it doesn’t fucking matter how an asshole feels. No feeling warrants someone being an asshole. Also, they’re probably already well aware of how an asshole feels.

30 thoughts on “Assholes and apologies.

    1. Exactly. It’s always about them. Everything is about them and how they feel and how they react. It doesn’t matter how many world’s they tear apart in the process.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. This is a really impossible question to answer. As much as I think it’s crystal clear, and I know what I want to say, everyone’s lives are so different, and I cannot pretend that what I say would be relevant.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think relationship to said person matters, but also, I think that the situation is important to. For me, I just want want to say ‘Fuck them. If the apology will bring more abuse, then no apology will bring the same thing’. But that’s a personal bias and honestly, not fair of me to assume for everyone.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. They’re worthless words. “I’m sorry you feel bad” is not an apology. It’s another excuse for their behaviour. We’ve all got people like this in our lives and it’s important to hold them accountable for actions.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I honestly think that’s why there are so many families with members who have ‘strained relationships’ (in quotes because it’s a generalized term for something every experiences very different).

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Shiteous…stealing that for sure.
    As for the non-apology apology examples you cited, someone trying that crap on me is about to die. Cause of Death? Kindness.
    When I hear something like “I’m sorry you feel that way”, I take a deep breath, smile and reply “Don’t be. You’re not responsible for my feelings, I am – and I’m taking responsibility for my feelings by calling you out on your behaviors so I don’t end up feeling like this again. Ball’s in your court.”
    Very cathartic.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Shiteous = Shitty + Hideous
      That does sound very cathartic. Also, a lot more mature then me. I probably should adopt an approach more like you and less like me damaging tangibles. lol

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Galby loves a good portmanteau. And, as far as “mature” approaches go, I do have my moments. Especially when these idiots start talking about their “rights”. I usually ask them how many amendments there are to the US Constitution. They generally get it wrong, many times giving me an answer suggesting they confused amendments with commandments or possibly the rights enumerated in the Bill of Rights. On the rare occasion they guess correctly, I’ll either ask them to name any other amendment and what number it is or just demand they spell “amendment”. It’s a wonder I don’t get beat up more.

        Liked by 1 person

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