What’s the cure for loneliness?

I cannot remember if I’ve asked this before on this blog. I’m just lonely and I cannot shake it. No matter what I try to do. No matter how much I try to distract myself. I’m just abundantly aware how alone I am at all times.

As much as I’m an introvert, it’s just nice sometimes to be able to cheers with someone sitting across the table. As much as I’m an introvert, it’s just nice to watch a stupid movie and hear someone else laughing in unison. As much as I’m an introvert, it’s just nice to have someone show up.

122 thoughts on “What’s the cure for loneliness?

  1. The cure for loneliness is meditation. I don’t know why, but forcing yourself to mediate or succumb to doing some menial (aka. boring) task around the house forces you to be alone with your thoughts. Lots of opportunities for epiphanies in the loneliest of times. This is the one positive thing about loneliness.
    I highly recommend putting down the phone (feel feee to text me though!) 😅, putting down the TV remote, finding a place to sit, and just be still. Just sit and enjoy simply “being.” It’s painful to do at first but it gets better. Knowing that you don’t need anything from the external world is quite liberating.🧘‍♀️We have been tricked into thinking that there is something lacking in our lives, but we are complete/whole just the way we are. We always had everything we have ever needed. Some days are better than others, and on my bad days I need to remind myself that “this too shall pass.”

    Liked by 10 people

      1. It can be a scary place to be, but the best way to get past that is to spend some time feeling uncomfortable, alone with your thoughts. It sounds counter-intuitive, because it is. Meditation is also really good for calming the chattery mind and making it “shut up.” Any moment of peace is a moment away from your thoughts – if that makes any sense at all.

        Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree totally. Not doing so through apps but connecting with yourself and (in my case) with God. You suddenly feel the warmth and you realise that no matter where you are on this earth you’re not alone 😊

      I know you’ll be fine, Hilary

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, been there before as well.
      Cheers from the opposite end of the spectrum. Sending you well-wishes and patience so you can keep your sanity with all the people around.

      Liked by 4 people

  2. Urgh, totally feel you, have had the same problem for some years now, far too long for a person in their 20s/30s. Lacking stability in my circumstances including living location has stopped me from building up a social network. And even when you do, the churn rate tends to be high because people move around a lot. In this newest location where I’m determined to stay, I luckily made a friend quickly but they have a lot of mental health issues and they’re now out of touch again. Same with a long-time ‘core’ friend who I now live nearby to— they’re too depressed for anything and don’t want to hang out anymore. I thought living here would allow me to hang out with my friends in London on a consistent basis at last. Another time I was in a choir but all my friends there were old people with their own lives. And I’m isolated from family because of trauma issues there. My situation isn’t tenable, I only get by with the knowledge that it’s temporary as I try to improve my circumstances.

    So yeah, 1000% I crave those things you mentioned. I could cry but I’m past that now 😐. Dark humour is all I have left! All of my social contact now is with a blogger friend in Australia, who I have video calls with about once a week. My OCD exhausted me when I tried to join support groups and stuff. But yeah when those pangs of loneliness hit, it destroys all motivation…

    Liked by 11 people

      1. I just want like one or two people that I don’t hate. But my social anxiety would keep me from any sort of a group because the idea of explaining myself to strangers is scary as hell.

        Liked by 3 people

  3. These past two years have been especially hard for most people and for someone who is an introvert…I have always been one myself and trying to stay connected was often very hard. I can’t picture how it would have been for me when I was your age, if there had been a worldwide shutdown. So I have some notion of what it’s like. It doesn’t help a bit, but I really feel for you. Some of my loneliest times have been when I was surrounded by other people who seemed not to know I existed. I can only tell you what helped me, music (all kinds) and reading, though for the past decade or more I have had to be very careful what I read as there are so many triggers. When I was a kid in boarding school I was desperately lonely so I made up an imaginary family and they have never really gone away. Whatever works, right? With imaginary people, you get to make the rules and the scenario! I know you don’t do hugs….so I just send my thoughts.

    Liked by 9 people

    1. “Some of my loneliest times have been when I was surrounded by other people who seemed not to know I existed”
      This 1000% too. This was exactly the problem I had trying to recuperate when living with family. You simply don’t exist, it’s much worse than living alone. I find music and reading help too, and podcasts definitely. Not a replacement, just to help get through the day!
      And pets, pets are everything. If I could have one I would straight away.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Podcasts about philosophy and psychology about these topics are SO GOOD! Snuggling with a pet helps too! Pets can be aloof – my cat has a mind of his own and doesn’t always feel like snuggling. 🐈

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ve been looking for a cute little doggo to add to my house. The small dogs in shelters seem to get snapped up real quick, and I just don’t think it would be fair to keep a big dog here. But I do think pets are a great piece of advice.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. I agree! I have a soft-spot for shelter dogs. But I’m also abundantly aware my house is not suitable for a big dog. There is not enough space. So, I’m waiting for the perfect, small little creature to steal my heart.

        Liked by 2 people

    2. Music does help me to an extent. I think that’s really good advice, for me and for anyone who might be reading this comments section. Just having noise, I think is it. It’s hard to get out of the funk when it comes. You just kind of have to ride it through. Hearing about your imaginary family made me smile though. I’ve contemplated that before in my life. haha! Seems like then you can make them who you want.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Why hello fellow introvert! I found being around people helps the loneliness. Not even being around friends or talking, just going down by the river and watching people run/walk/bike ride. It doesn’t make much sense because there’s no interaction at all but it does help.

    Liked by 8 people

    1. I feel that is what I need in my life. Like sitting next to someone on a bench in a park, watching people go run/walk/bike right by seems so perfect right about now. It’s the fact that you would have someone there. Even if they were six feet down the bench.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Well I saw a Tedx Talk and the simple cure for loneliness was… have you considered joining a reality TV show or inviting your friends over to drink wine on the couch? Terribly unhelpful advice aside. I don’t know if there’s much you can do besides accept it. You’re going to feel lonely from time to time it’s just human nature, but at the end of the day you are enough aren’t ya. From one letter to another V, I won’t pretend to be your most avid reader but you seem like a wonderful person with a pretty good head on their shoulders so, I believe you have no problem being insightful and fun on your own. Once you understand that you’re pretty great and that you’ll realize you don’t need anyone else to make the room feel not empty, well you be more comfortable with they way things are and you’ll come to appreciate the times you do get to spend surrounded by family and friends or anyone worth spending a moment with a little bit more. Good luck with everything V, solutions only come to those trying to solve the problem and hopefully you make peace with whatever you find

    Liked by 4 people

    1. This is so incredibly thoughtful and well said. Understanding myself and feeling comfortable with myself does sound like a much more productive way to approach the feelings I’m having. When I feel like this, which seems to come in bouts ever couple of months, I tend to make expensive purchases… which are more hollow then anything else. Thank you for reminding me that no one else can fix my problems for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I am an introvert too and I feel your pain. I try to travel when I can and see different things. It doesn’t cure it but it helps. I live in Colorado, right now I am in Anchorage.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. If Delta Variant hadn’t taken over, I was supposed to be flying to Colorado today. I really wanted to go to Colorado.
      I hope you’re enjoying yourself in Anchorage. It’s a beautiful city.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. it is, but apparently COVID is running rampant here. I’ve been doing a lot of hiking so I’m not really running into a lot of people, especially since it is the beginning of the off-season.

        Liked by 3 people

  7. Hang in there. You have to practice talking to people. Join a book club. Get to meet people at the gym. Volunteer Run in race–lots of people run. Talk to people Take art lessons Take cooking classes. Get involved in the theater. You sound like a fun person to get to know –others will find that out also.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I want to meet people here in the city, but it’s so run with COVID right now that my anxiety holds me back from meeting people. I’d love to have friends here. I just don’t know how to sit in a book club with people when I don’t know if they’re vaccinated, and when there’s such a high transmission rate in the city. I wish I was outgoing enough to join theatre! I do appreciate your comment and your thoughts here. Maybe I need to take up running. At least it’ll make me healthy in the process. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. If movies and television have taught me anything it’s that ice cream is supposed to help. But I don’t think there’s a cure… much as I wish there was one. I think genuine loneliness is just something we either feel or don’t feel. For me, it’s almost random when loneliness hits. Not to beat the introversion drum over and over again, but I value my alone time. Unfortunately, the only time I tend to spend with other humans is when I’m working with clients. These are not friends. These are individuals who actively drain me… psychologically, emotionally… So that’s no way to stave off the loneliness when the feeling comes. It’s not even comforting to know I’m not the only one in this boat. I wish there was an easy answer.

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Many people, especially us introverts will have experienced or are experiencing what you’re going through.
    There is a significant difference between being alone and being lonely, and it is the latter that you’re suffering and having to deal with.

    There isn’t a simple all-out cure for loneliness, but there are methods you can adopt and tailor to meet your needs that will help manage.

    As mentioned by someone else, meditation is a good method for developing inner control.
    Find a comfortable position to sit in,
    Use relaxing instrumental music, sounds of nature (e.g. rain, a bubbling stream, etc.)
    Burn some mellow incense or a odourous candle (I use cinnamon or vanilla),
    Mute or turn off your devices and give yourself time to relax.
    Focus on your breathing,. A good technique is to breathe in through your nose over a count of give, hold for a count of five, breathe out through your mouth over a count of five and hold for a count of five.
    Note: It takes time to get this right. Don’t rush it. Practice doing it over a count of three and build up.

    Making connections with others is difficult. Choose an activity that allows you to be around others but doesn’t necessarily force you to interact with them. Taking up yoga or Tai Chi or even a martial arts or self-defence course is good for this.

    It helps you get out of the house (reducing the time you’re both alone and lonely), you are among people but you’re not forced into a social situation where you have to readily engage verbally.

    Other things you can try is to recognise all the things outside of your control and let them go. If you cannot change their outcome, why worry about them. This will remove an enormous strain you’re putting on yourself.

    Liked by 7 people

    1. This is such a thoughtful comment that you’ve left here and it made me feel really understood when I read it. There is a big difference between being alone and being lonely. The loneliness is what bothers me. One of the suggestions you’ve given here, Yoga, it’s something I used to do. I was terrible at it. But, I remember really liking just being in a room with strangers, practicing yoga. It made me feel good. I think that I should consider going back to yoga. Thank you for really understanding

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Maybe you can accept the situation u are in and really start meditation. Accept the fact that maybe being solitary is the best thing for you. If you believe in religion then really pray to God. Start developing new hobbies such as gardening, learning a language, working out, maintaining body hygiene, catching up on call with colleagues/ cousins. I’m on the same boat and accepting your situation is the best thing you can do.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Been there too and could happen again, I always want to be alone but when you get alone to much, it’s bad and loneliness is real. I don’t have much experience for an advice but my cure is that I’m lucky enough to have a friend. And reconnect with old friends help a lot

    Liked by 4 people

    1. It comes in bouts. I’ll go for weeks, or a month or more of just pure devastating loneliness and then it’ll pass for a few months. I’m glad that you have a friend that you can connect with. I hope that I can reconnect with some of mine, soon.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Waiting for the right creature for me to adopt.
      I live in a small place with no yard, so I need a small dog. Small dogs get snapped up from shelters within hours, it seems.

      Like

  12. I know you by your loneliness. Like you nobody even my age can answer the questions you must constantly be asking. All I’ve really learned is that I don’t know much of anything. Life is so painful and I wish better for you than this. You were meant for better than this.

    Liked by 4 people

  13. It’s hard to say what the answer is to this. People just assume particularly as an adult that friends is just something you have, and to feel like you have nobody to talk to and no friends is almost a taboo subject. Husband feels this keenly, he wants to have friends but is unsure how to start this process or how to hold onto them. There is even a local charity here called The Wolfpack Project whose aim is to help lonely young adults.
    Before pandemic he’d started to join a chess club ran by the library near us. Perhaps there’s a society or club for something you are interested in, near you, that could be of interest? Or is there a community page where stuff like that is posted?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m not even too sure where to look. I’ve been trying so hard to avoid the plague going around that I haven’t looked into clubs and community groups because my anxiety would hold me back from partaking given the present state of covid in Alberta. It’s good advice. I just think I need the world to calm down a little bit.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Pingback: What’s the cure for loneliness? – My Bloody Roses
  15. Build bonds.
    Look at it logically. Ask yourself, what do you bring to any relationship you’re in. Except our parents, nobody loves us unconditionally. Maybe siblings but there’s a limit to that. So, look at a group of which you want to be a part. Then understand your role and stick to it. But don’t try to alter your personality to fit in. There are plenty of people whom you can befriend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Perhaps. In an ideal situation there are places to go to make friends. COVID is so bad here right now that it’s hard to go anywhere/do things without deep, deep anxiety.

      Like

  16. The way I cure my loneliness is by going outside and enjoying the greenery of the trees and grass and breathing in the fresh air. Knowing that Mother Nature has my back keeps me from feeling lonely. (Despite she giving me my painful a** monthly periods, ugh)

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I can relate. I’m an outgoing person but have moved often the last several years and no matter how much I reach out to people I meet on my daily walks, it never seems to expand into a budding friendship. I keep up with sending cards to people for holidays and birthdays and people reach back sometimes but not always.

    I felt this way even when I was staying in one place. The way the world is now it demands too much of people and is so dysfunctional that people are pulled in so many directions. Plus, so many are stuck in their phones. I walk by families on vacation and everyone is looking down at their own screens. So strange. I long for a sense of community, real community, where people reach out to each other. Sending on support!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I long for that sense of community too. Where people just text ‘what’s up’ with no ulterior motives. Where you just want to see someone just because, rather than needing something from them.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Maybe I’m not the introvert you are but I know how you feel. I’ve been through this and all I know is that it passes and you finally end up with people of your comfort. Anyways, I find being alone is also important, there’s something beautiful about being deep within your thoughts all alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Such a very relatable thought!
    I guess being an introvert is not the same as being a loner. Introverts need a LOT of time to recharge after some time in a social setting, which does not imply that they do not appreciate company at all. I hope I could be there with you now, just next to you for a company you haven’t even had. Sending lots of love 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s an important distinction to make – loner versus introvert. I agree wholeheartedly with the way you’ve explained being an introvert. That’s how I feel a lot of the time.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. “as much as I an an introvert, it’s just nice to have someone show up”
    Everyone needs someone. Introvert or extrovert. It’s okay to want someone there for you and want someone to make you happy, but reality is you can’t be happy with someone without being happy with yourself. Focus on your self love so when someone does walk into your life, which they will, you’re ready and it’s the best thing that will ever happen to you. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  21. You couldn’t have described how I feel any better😅. I have a few friends but I don’t deeply connect with them the way I want so I feel incredibly lonely 99% of the time. Coupled with the fact that I hate what I’m studying in school. Everything is just difficult right now 🙂💔

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m really sorry for how alone you’re feeling whilst at school. I wish I could reach out and give you a hug and a cup of coffee we could chat over.

      Like

  22. I pretended that I had written this and then read it and holy shit it’s like I wrote this. Damn. I feel this. This is the feeling of loneliness. I’m in it now as I’m writing this. It hurts so much. Thank you for your post. We can all be alone, together, I guess…

    Like

  23. I love sitting outside in the mornings with my cup of coffee and giving thanks for the day. It’s a great start to my day.
    I, also, keep busy by reading, writing and knitting (sometimes in front of the TV).

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  24. I hope you’re okay. I read you post and was taken by how you express being an introvert. I also sympathize with the loneliness. I’ve been in this spot once or twice too. Meditation is always a good idea. Tai Chi is good too, I start my quiet morning with stretches and Tai Chi to ground myself. In a way this also acts kind of like meditation depending on the person. Is is friendship or companionship or a more intimate take that you’re wanting? Im not asking about what happens behind closed doors. But about the simplicity of touch. Holding hands, feeling someone, hearing them breathe along with you? Is that what you want?

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  25. I feel this.

    I don’t think there is a true cure for loneliness apart from learning to be comfortable in your lonely.

    I’m very much an introvert myself but I have found after lockdown that I am much more likely to want to chat with a colleague, or a parent at the school playground or actually answer the phone and keep someone talking for a change! Very used to my own company but it shows how much I have been missing people. M x

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  26. Glad to know that I am not alone as an introvert. Writing a Journal, Praying to God, Meditation and listening to some happy and soft calming music helps me to cure my thinking of awkward moments or sadness…

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