When someone tells me

When someone tells me to ‘just be happy’, I want to punch them in the face. While I’m sure a lot of them mean well, it’s really not helpful.

When someone tells me to ‘just get over it’, I want to make it an even bigger deal than it has to be. While I’m sure a lot of them mean well, it’s really not helpful.

When someone tells me ‘it’s not that bad’, I’m reminded that it’s really not possible for them to see things from my perspective. Thus, it’s really not helpful.

When someone tells me to ‘just move on’, I wish that it could be ‘just that easy’. Moving on takes time, it takes processing. It takes growth. It doesn’t just happen with the snap of your fingers.

When someone tells me how to live my life, I try my best to believe that it comes from a good place. But also, healthy boundaries are integral to maintaining my sanity.

When someone tells me that I’m bitchy, I remind them that I am assertive.

When someone tells me that I am aggressive, I remind them that I’m ambitious, not aggressive. Ambition is not a negative trait.

When someone tells me that I’m not good enough, it stings a little to hear the words out loud, but also, they’re absolutely fucking wrong. Another important fact, I don’t live by their standards, I live by my own.

I try my best to see everyone’s perspective in this world. I really do. But it’s a very important distinction to make that, even though I might see their perspective, and I might even understand them in a lot of ways, that doesn’t mean they’re right. That doesn’t mean that their standards define who I am, how I feel, react or choose to live my life.

In case no one has told you today, you get to define yourself. You can to be who you want to be. So be your best self.

29 thoughts on “When someone tells me

  1. Right on, on every point. The one that annoys me the most in this list is, “Just move on.” You are absolutely right. It does not happen in a millisecond. A passionate person has very deep feelings and very deep roots. It’s difficult for passionate people to let go. I get the point, but I’m a passionate person. Maybe I need to go through all my OWN steps, at my own pace to let go. And, I’ll bet each of those, just let go types,” that I will learn more from the experience than they would had they been in the same situation and trying to let go of the same thing. I would never change my deep emotions and deep cognition to please some shallow person who flits from experience to experience like a gnat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You sound incredibly strong when I read this comment. And you also sound incredibly self aware.
      I love this comment and I’m feeling myself build up as I read it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. When going through a particularly bad patch a few years back, I was blown away by how many times I was told, “Don’t let it get to you.” Like, if I could let it not get to me don’t you think I’d … already be doing that? You’re right. For the most part, people mean well. But they’re also often completely oblivious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. People are so often completely oblivious to the reality we (and by we I mean you in the example provided) are experiencing. “Don’t let it get to you” is like slowly pouring running alcohol on an open wound…

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Just never got around to it.
        I’ve seen a couple of youtube clips of them in the cafeteria, and I’ve heard the song on the radio – the famous one from that movie. But I’ve never seen the movie in length.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, perspective!
    You have your own. I have mine.
    You are happy with yours and I’m super cool with mine, no matter how much rest of the world looks at us with the most bizarre starring of all time.
    Stay cool 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, if you work any job in which you deal with the public (in my case, it’s retail) you deal with this crap daily. Many times it’s from management, because, you know, it takes real genius to be a retail manager and they hold the keys to the secrets of life.

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  4. Once when I was super frustrated about a situation I was in, my mother told me to calm down. I yelled at her, “Don’t tell me to calm down!” It’s not that I was mad at her for saying that… that just wasn’t helpful in the moment. Like, “Oh, why didn’t I think of that? In all of my anxiety and frustration, why didn’t I just think to calm down?” Because that’s not how it works!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It really pisses me off when others are adamant that they’re trying to help, but they’re really not. It’d be better if they didn’t say anything. If I didn’t ask for advice in the first place, then don’t give it. People annoy me 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Agreed…..”I try my best to see everyone’s perspective in this world. I really do. But it’s a very important distinction to make that, even though I might see their perspective, and I might even understand them in a lot of ways, that doesn’t mean they’re right. That doesn’t mean that their standards define who I am, how I feel, react or choose to live my life…..”

    Just be the best we can be at the time.

    It can be hurtful when some comments are made especially when the situation you went through was terrible and actually no one can understand.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh, I used to get “stop being sorry for yourself”, this from the person who was abusing me and fucking up my life. Yes, and I got “you should be happy” blah blah, all the rest. At work I was considered bitchy and bad tempered but no-one bothered to try to understand. Everyone carries baggage and it is totally wrong to patronize someone as you describe. Often it’s a matter of jealousy…people want to be like you but they aren’t so they have to try to put you down. Don’t take any shit from anyone!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ugh. Toxic positivity is so…selfish? That doesn’t seem like the right word, but it’ll have to do. My big issue with this behavior is that the people doing it likely wouldn’t if they would just slow down and listen with a little empathy. I think people say crap like this because they either haven’t *heard* what’s said or don’t know how to just be present with someone without trying to control the other person’s emotions.
    I dunno, that doesn’t sound right either. I’m tired. 🤦🏽

    Like

    1. Yes, I’m totally sick of toxic positivity. I can be as new age as anyone who is, but get real. Being angry, frustrated, annoyed, scared, these are all valid emotions and to just, fake it till you make it, is flat out dishonesty. I LOATHE that fucking expression. It’s unhealthy in any big, significant event.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. That’s my mood today, yesterday I missed my job called because I was taking care of my kid. I feel bad and when I share, I got responses just like you said. It’s easy for people to judge you and give advices even when we don’t want.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You said it. Maybe such things are said with good intentions, but it doesn’t not help us when we are totally frustrated. Noone can really understand what we go through.

    Like

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