A (whiny) day in the life of an unemployed millennial.

It’s been a few weeks now since my mom was officially declared to be in remission. Here, here! I’m thankful for the incredible doctors, nurses, caretakers and specialists who looked after her for the past eight months. It’s all because of them that she’s now healthy.

Since she’s been in remission, I’ve been struggling to find my way. Truthfully, I don’t know how I fit into this family. When I was looking after my mom I had a purpose for being here. Now I just feel like a little bit of a dead-weight permanently attached to their ankles.

Every day is different, but most days involve the same themes to them.

8:30 am – Wake up, take dog outside, feed dog.

9:00 am – Eat breakfast, watch the Maury show. (I’m not sure if anyone else loves this show as much as I do but watching Maury makes me feel a lot better about my problems)

10:00 am – Crawl back into bed because… really, I don’t have anything to be awake for.

11:00 am – Wake up for a second time.

11:30 am – Go to meet my brother and sister-in-law for lunch. Tell my brother and sister-in-law how excited i am to be starting my new job next week, that I really needed this and that’s important to me to be making a pay-cheque again. Tell them all about the issues I’ve been having in the past six months trying to find work and how frustrating the process is and feel as though they genuinely understand and don’t just presume I’m lazy and unmotivated. It’s a nice change.

1:30 pm – Return home. Take the dog for a quick walk to get her out and give her some exercise.

2:00 pm – ‘To-be boss’ phones and leaves irky voicemail while I am in the shower asking me to call her back immediately.

2:20 pm – Call back my ‘to-be boss’ to be informed that the job I am supposed to start in three days I am no longer hired for. Is it technically considered as being fired if I never made it to my first day? Apparently corporate restructuring came down just three days before my start date, so my job offer has been rescinded. But, she said ‘You’re a smart kid, I know you’ll land on your feet’, so everything’s going to be okay. Right?

2:22 pm – Immediately start crying. Cannot control the crying. Text my mom and Knight to tell them what happened. Proceed to spend several hours feeling sorry for myself and mad at the world whilst trying to tell myself that this wasn’t meant to be, I’m meant for bigger things and that I’ve ‘dodged a bullet’.

6:30 pm – Ordered takeout

6:35 pm – Back to the drawing board. I opened my computer back up, searched jobs in this city and jobs in Calgary (where I’d like to be) and began editing and submitting my resume to each of these businesses.

I would just like to say, job hunting is an aggravating process. One of the applications I filled out asked “Can you speak Canada?” That doesn’t even make sense. I can definitely speak better English than that, so can I have the job of creating your job applications from now on?

8:30 pm – Take dog for a long walk. There’s a large hill with 100 stairs near my house. I like to take the dog there and I do the stairs and she runs the hill beside me a few times over to tire her out. Exercise is good for the soul, especially when you’re in a bad mood. I wholeheartedly believe that.

10:00 pm – Back to the drawing board, continuation from earlier. I’m browsing job postings. This night I am also submitting my resume to McDonald’s and Burger King. I may not like the outfits, but I think it’s time I start one of these jobs, at the least, to ensure I make some money this year.

I like to put Friends, The Big Bang Theory or Two Broke Girls on the tv in the background. The great thing about all three of these shows is that they’re pretty much on at all hours of the day if you look.

Job hunting isn’t the funnest process. At least, with these shows I can have a couple of laughs during the hunt.

1:00 am – Play Clash Royale until I’m ready to fall asleep.

I’m not really sure where I’m going next. I’m not really sure what I’m going to do. At some point I’m going to have to tell my friends and family that I was ‘unhired’ and had the rug pulled from beneath my feet. I presume that’ll come on Monday when they all ask me how work is going and I don’t have a response fo rthem.

Right now, I guess I just have to keep going until I find the path that’s right for me. I hate having so many unanswered questions. I hate having so much up in the air. For someone who moved out of the house when she was 16, it’s a really hard pill to swallow to be unemployed in my parents basement at 30.

I can truly say that I never saw this happening for my life. I can truly say that it’s a struggle, most days, to keep going. But I guess the important thing at this point is to keep going and stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to get out of this rut. Life isn’t always easy and I need to be better at dealing with that.

I know I’ll land on my feet eventually. I just wish I knew when that was. Because, quite frankly, not knowing is what makes this so hard.

Happy Birthday, G!

Today is Geneva’s 30th birthday. (It is now midnight on the West Coast, and since she lives in the same time zone as me, it’s officially her birthday.)

Geneva is one of the kindest, sweetest, most wonderful people that I’ve met on this website since starting my blog. And, as I’m sure you’re all aware, turning 30 is a very big deal.

Please join me in wishing her a happy 30th birthday today! Geneva’s blog is here: https://gcerrato.home.blog/ if you would like to stop by and send her well wishes for her special day.

Thanks for reading, thanks for wishing her happy birthday.

Happy Birthday, G! Welcome to the 30’s club. Trust me when I say this, you’re going to love it.

Offer rescinded.

I don’t even want to tell anyone this. Honestly. I don’t want to tell my family, or my friends. They were all so excited for me,and now… ugh. I feel this deep pit of shame in my stomach and it’s not even my fault. I can’t get rid of the feeling though.

I was supposed to start my new job on Monday. Monday. Monday… as in three days from now.

Yesterday afternoon my ‘to-be’ boss phoned. My job offer was rescinded. I was fed a bull-shit line about ‘corporate restructuring’ and that I’m a smart kid so she has no doubt I’ll land on my feet soon.

Fuck her. Honestly.

I guess it goes to show you really can’t celebrate the victory in anything because it’s not really a victory. Last week there was no corporate restructuring… but this week there is. Yeah, yeah, yeah I see how it is.

But I’m a smart kid and I’ll land on my feet…

Fuck her.

Back to the drawing board. I’ll probably wind up working at McDonald’s soon. Not that there’s anything wrong with McDonald’s… just that my degree and the past decade of my life won’t really be put to good use at McDonald’s.

Disclaimer

I have zero tolerance for hate speech, hate messages or negative comments or mean messages being left on my blog. This is my blog, and I don’t want to read it.

If you think that I’m selfish, great! I do to. So keep it to yourself because you’re not telling me anything I don’t already know and feel.

If you think that I’m a waste of breath, then don’t fucking take the time to sit down and write multiple paragraphs of hatred towards me and my blog. Literally, don’t waste your breath typing that. Because you just said I was a waste of breathe and yet your paragraphs beg to differ.

I will not be approving any hate messages that come to my blog. And anyone who does leave one is going to be blocked.

I’m not sure who I pissed off last night, but honestly, I don’t care. There’s no place for hate of any kind on my blog, nevermind anonymous hate from anonymous accounts.

This is MY BLOG. If you don’t like what I have to say then do not visit it. End of story.

Late night ramblings…

The more sad my mood, the more often I come to my blog. I’m not sure if that’s a commonplace thing, or perhaps it’s just me. But, when you find something that allows you to put your thoughts to paper (so to speak) it’s a lot better than keeping them floating around your head.

You know when someone says something that insults you, but you don’t want to let them know they’ve insulted yo because you’re worried you’ll come across as insecure, or soft, or lacking in strength? It’s like… you don’t want them to know you’re so easy to hurt or offend. And why? Perhaps if they knew they hurt or offended me, they’d think twice before they said it next time. More than likely not, though. At least that’s what I’m telling myself to try and make myself feel better.

I’m an overly sentimental person in general. I always have been. I carry this overwhelming love, compassion and desire to see people do well. People I know, people I don’t, completely strangers… those poor kids in Africa on the commercials for organizations like UNICEF, they make me cry. I wonder how I could have been born with so much and they be born with so little. I’ve always tried to use that sentiment to my advantage. After all, when you care about the world, that should make it easier for you to make an actual difference, right?

The downside to caring about everything is that it seems like people carry the ability to hurt me so much more than others. It’s hard. And I’m not saying this to try and play victim. I’m saying this because… I need to learn how to develop thicker skin.

I just want to do right by the world, whilst making myself happy in the process, whilst not being taken advantage of. It seems like a lofty goal, and I know that the making myself happy part is a tad selfish, but we all need to be a little selfish now and again.

Feeling a little lost today.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about time. The time we give, the time we take, the time we steal, the time we make, how much time we get, how much time we don’t… it’s crazy to me how two people can go through the same six months together and come out as completely separate people.

If you’d asked me a year ago if I thought I’d be this person today, I would have said ‘hell to the no’. Hell, if you’d asked me six months ago if I’d be here today, I’d have laughed you right out of my house. That’s the thing about time though… though we all expect it, you never really see it coming.

I’ve changed a lot… so much so that it scares me sometimes. So, I try to not think about it. My priorities have changed. My desires have changed. My outlook on life as a whole… has changed. Does anything ever stay the same?

As I navigate this new version of me, hoping to find happiness in a world that doesn’t seem to have a ton of it these days, I’m wondering if I even know what happiness is anymore. Would I know happiness if it were staring me in the face? I have so many questions and with next to no answers.