Pet Peeve: “Don’t be such a girl” and so on and so forth.

It makes me angry when I hear people say things like “don’t be such a girl” or “you fight like a girl” or “you throw like a girl”. As a female it gets thrown your direction so dang much that eventually you just start to believe that being female is a bad thing. You just accept it. You know what it means and you don’t argue with it because arguing would take far too much time and effort on someone who doesn’t want to understand.

I am a girl. I have a short stature, and long hair, curvy hips and small hands. I’m proud to be a girl. I do fight like a girl – because I am a girl. Fighting like a girl doesn’t mean that I’m a bad fighter, or that I’m weak, or that I’m incompetent. I’m extremely competent and if it came down to a physical fight I could hold my own with many men. 

I do throw like a girl. It might not be as far as my male counterparts, but that doesn’t stop me from sinking baskets, or clinching that out at home plate. It doesn’t stop me from hitting the waste basket EVERY…SINGLE…TIME.

Being a girl is not a bad thing. It pisses me off when people throw it around as though it’s an insult. Just because I was born female does not mean that I am slower, dumber, weaker and not as good as a man. I make my own money, I pay my own bills, I work, I work out, I fix broken pipes, change flat tires, lift heavy boxes, and can turn around and put on a dress and heels after it’s all done.

I am not weak. And being who I am is not less than anyone else in this world. 

Being female is not a bad thing. It’s not a weak thing. It’s not something that we should be ashamed of, sad about, or made to feel as though we’re not good enough when a man wants to put down another man. And women do it to, don’t get me wrong. I would say that infuriates me even more – when women say it to one another. I just want to hold a playback button to their ears and ask ‘do you her yourself right now?’

As a gender, we should not be treated as though we’re lesser than because we don’t grow up to play in the NBA. ‘You throw like a girl’ is not an insult and should not be used as such. ‘Don’t be such a pussy’ should never be used as a means to make someone look weak.

Firstly, do you really need to insult this person? Could your efforts be put forth to something more positive? Secondly, if your insulting someone is coming at the cost of degrading or demeaning an entire gender then you need to work on your insults. Tearing other people down is not a way to get your point across.

You know what, save the insults all together. When your girlfriend beats you in an arm wrestle, I hope you’re proud of her. When you’re daughter hits a home-run at bat, I hope you’re extremely proud of her. If you really, genuinely, must make reference to someone you know as being weak, just use the term weak. That’s it. Nothing more. Leave women and girls out of it.

Let us throw how we want to throw and live how we want to live. The world is a much nicer place when we’re not verbally or physically beating up on one another for the gender which we’re born into.

Honestly, remember:

Even the prettiest people feel ugly at times, the happiest people feel the need to cry themselves to sleep at night and the most independent people feel alone… whether they admit it or not.

As much as we all might lead different lives, we all deal with the same demons. The best thing you can do for yourself, and for everyone else for that matter, is to remember that we’re all dealing with the same demons. Compassion and people skills go a long way in this crazy crazy world.

You just never know.

When you’re suffering from mental illness or struggling from mental issues, it’s easy to think you’re the only one in the world who feels the way that you feel. I know because I do that. I’ve done that. There’s something about the human condition that forces us to keep the negative in our lives bottled up, eating away at our happiness, little by little, day after day.

I don’t understand it.

This past week has been eye opening for me in that I’ve been able to realize I’m not alone. Both my best friend and my sister have mentioned to me they take medication for anxiety.

I know that it’s incredibly naive of me to say that I thought I was the only one, but that’s how I thought. I thought I was the only one. I was hard-wired to believe that I was the only one who couldn’t handle it. ‘IT’ being the proverbial shit-storm that’s been running through my head.

I’m not alone, though. I’m not. And while I don’t like thinking about the people in my life struggling in a way that I understand all too well, it makes me feel better to know that I’m not alone, and, that we can talk about it. We can talk about it.

And being able to talk about it make’s me feel a little bit more like it’s not winning. Like it’s not going to get the best of me. Like there’s room to fight back.

What causes people to do bad things?

This is something that is of genuine interest of me. Are people inherently bad and can, at times, just do a really great job of fooling us? Are people not smart enough to realize what they’re doing is wrong? Or, do they simply not care? Perhaps there’s more to it. Something that I cannot wrap my head around. I’m no perfect person, myself, but, I would like to believe that I make the right decisions when I go about my life.

Someone that I know (or that I thought I knew) has recently been charged with doing something really bad. On the scale of one to murdering someone (I can’t believe that I just made a scale for that) he did something the courts are rating about a five. And that’s a big deal all in itself, but, he did it multiple times.

I’m dumbfounded. I genuinely thought he was a good person until I found out about this last year. Until the investigation began, I really thought that he was a good person. Learning what he was capable of though? While I’ve hear people say ‘I’m shook’ before, I’ve never felt the need to use it. But he left me shook.

Why would someone do something so horrible… so many times? What causes people to do bad things? How did he fool me for twenty years? I would like to think that I see people for who they are, but perhaps I just looked past who he really was, who he really is.

Now, as someone I know heads off to prison for a long time, I can’t help but think that I need to readjust the way that I view people in my life.

Day 33: On the pursuit of health, happiness and the elusive feeling of calm.

I spent January 1, 2018 in the hospital. I’d been sick for several weeks at that point and I needed to see a doctor. When I finally got to the doctor I was so dehydrated that they immediately hooked me up to an IV and filled me with four bags of fluids. Following the blood tests, the urine test, the IVs and the lectures from the doctor and two nurses, they reluctantly let me go home around 8 pm and told me to not let myself get so sick without seeing a doctor.

I took their advice. I drastically changed my lifestyle and in 2018 I lost a bunch of weight, rediscovered my love for exercise and tried like never before to become social again.

I spent January 1, 2019 in bed. I’d just been fired and I didn’t want to go anywhere or see anyone. I didn’t want to look at my phone and I didn’t really want to be awake. The problems I was feeling one year later felt all too similar whilst affecting a completely separate facet of my health.

There was no doctor to give me advice this time around. There was only the negative thoughts in my head, quickly eating away at every fiber of my happiness.

It’s tough to be happy. It really is. And it’s hard explaining that to someone who is happy. If you’re one of those blessed people in life who are able to see past your problems, or have minimal problems at that, I admire you. I am not one of those people. Things affect me. Things affect me in deep, unfortunate ways that I can’t control.

The past month has been exceptionally hard. I know because pouring my heart out to the internet seems to be my only means of coping these days. All that being said, I’m trying to be hopeful. I’m trying to see the bright side of things. I’m trying to remember that this too shall pass.

My body seems to be taking quite well to structured eating. Never did I think that I would be a person to appreciate eating the same thing at the same time each day – but it does have its advantages. I’m continuing to lose weight and build lean muscle in my body. I’m having an easier time digesting things and those dark circles that used to permanently sit beneath my eyes due to my sugar intake, they’re for the most part gone.

My mind is struggling right now. And I will say this with certainty – when you’re not in a good place mentally, exercising is hard. Finding the motivation to leave the house is hard. I’m relying on my loved ones to force me into new and scary situations in hopes that my negative head-space won’t always maintain such power over me.

I think there are two facets to happiness. Your body and your mind need to be in alignment. The demons that lurk beneath the shadows of your thoughts can’t maintain the power they do or you’ll never get out of this, so to speak. Alignment is key to the balance of life. Alignment is key to calm.

A new goal that I’ve made for myself this year is to focus on my mental health. I want to be in balance with the universe and I don’t want the demons to have such control over me anymore.

Short of seeing a professional (as that’s already being looked into) if anyone has any suggestions of how to help calm a chaotic mind, I’d gladly accept. I feel as though there’s got to be some ‘food for the soul’ I can find to help myself out as I wade through the choppy waters of this transition in my life.

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

Things I wish I knew when I was 22

  1. It’s not the end of the world. Yes, things sucked. Debt is not fun. Having shitty people in your life is also not fun. Realizing that the bull shit you thought you were going to be done with when you finally find your place in this world is a fact of life. But, at the end of the day, you’re still going to wake up tomorrow and put one foot in front of the other. Move on, don’t forget, just look past it.
  2. DON’T EVER SETTLE. The moment you do, you’ll end up with so much less than you ever settled for. You are important. Yes You. And don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. If you want to run a marathon – instead of listening to someone tell you why you can’t, put your running shoes on and get to training. If you want to be a doctor, you better be willing to study. If you’re going to be President, you better want to be president. Barack Obama didn’t just wake up in the Whitehouse. How many people told him it was never going to happen? He didn’t give a damn and neither should you.
  3. Just because you don’t talk to them for long periods of time, doesn’t mean they’re any less of a friend. Shit, life happens. You know that better than anyone, so don’t go holding it against the people in your life when they get busy.
  4. If you let the bad stuff matter more, you’ll never be happy. Heartbreak and loss, destructive insecurities… they’re the inevitable facts of life that catch up with everyone eventually. When you don’t have a reason to be happy, give yourself a reason to be happy. Just as much as you want to be happy, the people in your life want you to be happy too. So go get a pedicure, walk in the rain, buy a puppy… whether the reason small or large, give yourself a reason to smile. You deserve it.
  5. Remember to laugh. Remember to cry. Remember you’re only human. As much as it might suck to feel vulnerable, strength comes when you discover your weaknesses and overcome them. Laugh a lot, cry a little and learn your lessons. Repeat.
  6. Go easy on yourself. Everyone and their dog can say “I’m my own biggest critic” because we’re always aware of our biggest flaws and greatest insecurities. Thing is, even the harshest critics in the world take a day off once in a while. If they don’t that negativity will take over who they are. Are you going to let it take over your life?
  7. Play the lottery. Lightning isn’t supposed to strike twice, but it does. The underdog isn’t supposed to win, that doesn’t stop them from it. Not asking is worse than asking and getting a no. Not playing lessens your odds a whole lot more than buying a ticket. You never know when your windfall will come. Open your arms and let it.
  8. Work. Work hard. Work your ass off. “C’s may get degrees” but in all honesty, what reason do you have for not doing your best? Laziness is a demon that will eat away at you if you let it. Be the best version of yourself. Work, work, and work. Each time you do something, strive for a higher achievement. You don’t know what you’re capable of until you get there, so work your ass of and get there.
  9. Rome wasn’t built in a day. As much as it’s become common place to say, it still isn’t really understood properly. Change is not an overnight occurrence. You won’t wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person. It’s a much slower, much smaller process than that. Don’t expect yourself to change, allow yourself to change. One day you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come and wonder how you ever were that person.

Late night thoughts: My mind won’t shut off.

It’s easier to do math with a calculator than it is to try and do it in your head. It’s easier to listen to audiobooks on your electronic device than it is to actually sit and read a book. It’s easier to drive to the store than it is to walk. It’s easier to assume the worst than to put your trust in someone, even if that someone is someone that you love. It’s easier to judge someone for who they ‘appear’ to be rather than who they actually are. It’s easier to go along with everything then it is to stand up for something you believe, even if it isn’t something most people do. 

Society chooses to do a lot of things the easier way. Why? Laziness? Or convenience, I guess. It’s convenient to bust out the calculator rather than trying to multiple 70×70 for most people on their own. So, if you don’t have to then why would you?

I’ll tell you what though, this restless mind of mine cant ever accept anything as is. I can’t help but believe there’s a time when convenience crosses into an inability to do anything for ourselves. Sure, technology is great. GPS relieves a lot of headaches. But there are people in this world who are driving that still can’t read road signs. Calculators are great; they’ve given us the assistance to solve many of the universe’s greatest questions, but the amount of people in this world who can’t do simple math in their head is alarming. Just about a week ago now I had a cashier whose register was broken and she needed to pull out a calculator to do $3.00 – .32 cents. 68 cents lady. It’s $2.68.

There’s a lot of talk. Everybody’s got words. But the lack of actions, that’s something that bothers me. So many are so quick to judge the homeless man as a ‘dirty rotten scoundrel’ who is clearly unintelligent and brought his situation on himself. Because believing that what is expected, what is believed of him to be, that is far easier than actually getting to know that he’s a war veteran with a masters degree who, thanks to situations beyond his control, lost a whole lot more than his belief that people will see the better in him. Believing the dirty rotten scoundrel of it all is so much easier than actually having to care… to take notice, and to be forced to think about what actually happens in this world.

All I’m saying is that sometimes a little math is good for the mind, and, a little truth is good for the soul. Reading books is not for punishment, but rather for expanding your horizons of what you ever believed possible. Questioning is never a negative, and getting to know someone is always a positive. Even if it’s just to learn who you don’t want as a part of your life, everyone’s got a story to tell. Convenience is great but sometimes it’s nice to take the road less traveled. 

You don’t always have to take the easy way out.