Letter to a lost soul.

Dear Self,

Hold on. I promise you that it won’t be this way forever. So please, I beg of you, hold on.

You might not know where this next year is going to take you and the sheer prospect of it might frighten you to your core, but I promise you that you can handle it. Good, bad, happy, sad, no matter what comes your way, you can handle it.

There’s a lot of unknowns right now. Even more than those unknowns, there’s a fucking lot going on that you cannot control. Please don’t let that weigh on your heart.

I know that you can get overwhelmed at times, feeling like there’s really nothing in this world you can do to make things better. It’s times like these that I encourage you to remember that it is not always you responsibility to carry the weight of the world. As much as I know you’re not a religious person, try to remember the sentiment to the statement ‘let go and let god’. Because putting everyone’s burdens on yourself is a really hard way to live.

Please don’t be afraid of the future. Don’t be afraid for opportunities, or lack thereof. Like the lyrics say ‘what is meant to be will be’, and if it never comes to fruition then it wasn’t meant to happen.

Stop worrying about money. You’ll always find a way to get the money – whether it takes a week, a month, a year or ten years.

Stop worrying about time. There is no rule that says you need to have an established life by a certain time. This is your life and you determine the time frame of which things happen, no one else.

Stop worrying about not being good enough. Worry about leaving a lasting impression on the world, especially your friends and your family. Worry about improving yourself daily and about making people’s lives better.

Hold on, self.

Hold on for dear life.

Work had, self.

Even with all the bad there is in this world, you can be good. You can lead by example and you can make change.

Be kind, self.

You never know what sort of challenges someone is facing or how hard of a time they might be having. Perhaps all they need is someone to show them genuine kindness.

Love yourself, self.

Regardless of the insecurities you might see when you look in the mirror, you’re a pretty fucking amazing person. And while you may see those insecurities so clearly, I promise you that the people who really matter to you, they don’t. And even if they could, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t care. It’s a nice feeling being loved and appreciated for exactly who you are, so stop letting those insecurities dictate your happiness. Let people love you for exactly who you are.

Regardless of what happens, you can and will get through this. It may seem like insurmountable demons right now, but I promise you that one day you’re going to look back on these times and be proud.

Hold on, self. I promise you that it won’t be this way forever. So please, I beg of you, hold on.

Sincerely, Me

Millennial Mental Health

I don’t always like talk about it but my mental health is something that I am cognizant of on a daily basis. I want to make sure that I’m taking the necessary steps to look after myself and my well being.

I think that all too often millennials are criticized in the media, and in life, for being so open about mental health struggles. In reality, I don’t think we’re the first generation to have struggles with mental health, I just think that we’re the first generation to be open and honest about it.

I’m 99% positive that my father struggles with severe anxiety and 100% positive that he never has, nor will he ever, admit to that. It’s just not something that his generation does. Nevertheless, I digress.

Some days, I get lucky and there’s not a lot going on. Those are the days when I find the most calm. Those are the days when I am most alright with the world around me. I don’t have to put on a happy face, I don’t have to pretend with anyone, I can just be me. I appreciate those days.

And please don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m miserable. I’m not. I could be happier though. Because of this, it just gets exhausting trying to be happy-go-lucky for people. I know they don’t want to see me actual mood, so I spend a lot of my time wearing a mask.

Recently I saw a video of a reporter asking Meghan Markle ‘are you okay? Meghan, stunned at the reporter said ‘Not many people actually ask me that’. While I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be a member of the British Royal Family, seeing her answer actually broke my heart a little bit because I know there are so many people in the world who are trying to hide their struggle and put on that mask to not be a burden to those around them.

It is so important that we find places and spaces where we can be honest, both with ourselves and with other humans. That we can find a common ground and admit that not everything is okay all of the time and that is okay.

Millennials are keenly aware of our identity, where we fit into society and the struggles that come with that. I don’t think that makes us whiners like society paints us out to be. Personally, I think that makes us stronger. If you’re willing to acknowledge your demons, you’re more likely to face them head on.

How am I? I’m doing okay today. It’s one of those good days where there aren’t many people around and there isn’t a ton going on. I don’t have to put on the mask, I can just be. I’ve been laying pretty low this week to try and rest/get healthy again, so I think another low-key day will be good for me. My thoughts are a little sporadic, but I am hanging in there.

It’s important to remember to be good to yourself. Remember to treat yourself. Remember to look after yourself. Self-care is about doing things to look after yourself long-term. It isn’t about instant or short-term gratification.

Whatever generation you’re a part of, be good to yourself today, and every day. You’re worth it and your well being depends on it.

There are days…

There are days when I struggle to look at myself in the mirror.

There are days when I don’t believe that I’m worthy of anything I have in this life.

There are days when I just don’t feel capable of basic human function. Everything seems too difficult and too complicated for me to even comprehend.

There are days when I wonder what I did wrong to wind up this… scared, selfish and stupid.

There are days when I question everything.

Oh, there are days.

There are days when everything bothers me. People chewing. Rain falling. Wind gusting. It’s all annoying and there’s nothing I can do but just see it through.

There are days when it’s hard to zip my lips and to stay out of it.

There are days when I want to give up, run away, leave it all behind.

There are days when I am so out of touch with myself that I look back and I think ‘who the fuck was that person?’

Oh there are days.

The most important thing to remember through all of this? That without the bad days we cannot appreciate the good. That the good people in our lives, they’ll be there whether we’re in a good mood or a bad. Whether we’re easy to get along with or we couldn’t be trying harder to push them away.

We need to remember that these bad days remind us that we’re human. That struggle is real and that we shouldn’t diminish the value of it when it comes. Because struggle teaches us. It makes us stronger. It shows us what we’re truly capable.

There are days when it feels a though the world is crashing down around me. But those days, as with all things in life, they too shall pass…

Heightened Anxiety

Things just feel off today. Way off. I can’t put my finger on what it is. It’s just… wrong. I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want to do anything. I’m having a hard time talking to people. I’m just struggling. I don’t know what’s causing it today above any other day.

I’ve been hiding in my bedroom for the past four hours and I really don’t know that I can or want to leave it today. I just don’t know how to get past this right now.

At the end of the day,

all you can really do is put your best foot forward and your true self out there. If people don’t like that, that’s their loss. You are who you are for a reason and you should be damn proud of that. Don’t ever feel ashamed for who you are.

Enough with this ‘I don’t measure up’ talk. Enough with ‘I’m just not good enough’. It’s time that you looked yourself in the mirror and reminded yourself just how amazing you are. Because you are. Ignore the noise and focus on you.

If someone doesn’t want you, that’s a reflection of them, not of you. Your tribe is out there, and let me promise you this… they will appreciate you for exactly who you are and what you bring. Whether it be a job, a relationship, a friendship or a family, you deserve the very best and I don’t want you to ever settle for less.

The world you want is out there and it can be won. Anyone who tries to keep you from that doesn’t belong in your life and doesn’t deserve your time.

#WorldMentalHealthDay

You are good enough. You are strong enough.

You are worthy, beautiful and capable. You can and will defeat your demons and you will move those mountains that have been holding you back. So care.

Care about life. Care about everything and everyone and stop telling yourself to not. Most importantly, care about yourself.

Give a damn. Make sure that you know that you matter. Look after yourself. Believe in yourself. Say good things about yourself. Why? Because maybe if you hear it enough, you’ll stop doubting it. Wouldn’t it be nice to stop second-guessing yourself? Yeah, it would. So start reminding yourself of how fucking amazing you are. No more self-deprecation and no more negativity, just positivity and light.

Only you have the capability to see yourself through this darkness. While others can contribute to your happiness in small ways, no one can rescue from this sadness, anxiousness and despair but you. And trust me when I say this, you’re more than capable of rescuing yourself. So do it.

Take those small steps, E-V-E-R-Y DAY. Celebrate those small victories when they come. Your confidence depends on it. Take advantage of help when given to you because… god damn, pushing people away hasn’t ever gotten you anywhere. And exercise. Exercise every day. Because if you want to take care of your mind, you need to take care of your whole body. Rescue yourself.

You have the power within you to make serious changes in your life. Stop fighting the things you cannot control and conquer the things you can. I know you’ve got the power, you know you’ve got the power, so don’t let those voices in your head win.

Take care of yourself, please. You’re too valuable not to.