Category: Motivation

May your comeback be stronger than your setback.

Simple. Concise. Powerful.

I’m not sure who the first person was to say this quote, but it was exactly what I needed to hear today. I’ve had a rough day. Well, if I really want to sell myself a pity party, I’ve had a rough year. Nevertheless, I digress.

As I sat across the table from a complete stranger today and listened to his sage wisdom of life, love and the pursuit of happiness, these words struck me.

‘May your comeback stronger than your setback,’ he said. ‘No one can escape setbacks in life. Even the most privileged, wealthiest, well off of individuals still have setbacks. One of the best things you can do for yourself is use that setback as a setup for one hell of a comeback.’

My god, one hell of a comeback it’s going to be. I need to keep fighting. And… I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Truth be told, it’s a pretty big flaw of mine that, almost at the snap of my fingers, I can go from a happy-go-lucky state of being to pretty down-and-out. And it’s once I hit that down-and-out state of being that I really stop fighting for my comeback.

I need a comeback. I deserve a comeback. I’m smart enough, talented enough and I can do this. I can and will do this.

10 Months of #MillennialLifeCrisis

It’s nearly 11 PM on the West Coast and I’ve been thinking about hitting ‘Publish’ on this post all day. Here goes…

10 whole months that I’ve been pouring my heart out to the internet. 10 whole months that I’ve questioned everything that I’ve written and posted it anyways. 10 whole months that I’ve spent meeting and talking to some of the most incredible souls I’ve ever crossed paths with. 10 months of learning – new facts, new perspectives, new understandings. It’s been one hell of a time, if I do say so.

I made this blog on a whim, with the encouragement of Knight. I wanted a place to rant about the things going on in my life and boy did this platform give me the opportunity to do that and then some.

As much as nothing has changed in the past ten months, everything has changed. I think of the sad shell of a human being that I was ten months ago, I look at myself in the mirror and see the resilient fighter I am today and I’m thankful for what I am becoming. I have a much better grasp on my anxiety (though I still struggle, I can control it a lot better) and I have much more of an understanding of who I am and who is important to me.

Why is ten months an important landmark to me? Because I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished in the past ten months. I’m proud of what this blog has become. I’m profoundly appreciative of the people I’ve met and the stories you’ve shared with me. I talk a lot about my appreciation for the WordPress platform because I wholeheartedly believe this blog has given a great boost to my confidence in the past ten months.

To those of you who’ve been along for the ride since the very beginning, thank you. I love you. And to those of you who’ve only recently found this blog, thank you. I owe you.

Ten months. I’m humbled. I’m grateful. I’m thankful.

To celebrate ten months of WordPress, here are ten facts about me:

  • I am female. (I am including this because there seems to be some confusion lately… with some people thinking that I am a man)
  • I have blue eyes and blonde hair and was consistently referred to as Barbie for the first thirteen years of my life because people told me that I looked like a little doll.
  • I will turn 31 next month, and even with all that has gone on in the past year, I will still say that my 30s have been infinitely better than my 20s thus far.
  • When editing someone else’s work, I can pick out spelling and grammar mistakes within seconds of reading it. When editing my own work, I can read it five times over and still not notice where I’ve made my errors. And there are always errors.
  • Recently, Geneva posed a suggestion to me that I consider writing an EBook. I haven’t admitted it out loud, but I am genuinely considering doing it, using it as a means to give out my marketing advice for free by having a company sponsor it. It’s all just a thought at this point in time, but I can’t get it out of my head since Geneva planted the seed.
  • I have a scar shaped like a Lightning Bolt on my thumb that my friend’s have referred to as proof of my being related to Harry Potter.
  • One of my most memorable moments was standing with Team Canada as they were presented their gold medals
  • One of my proudest moments was the day one of my heroes complimented me on my intelligence and told met that I was going to change the world one day.
  • As a whole, I do not believe that you ever fall out of love with someone. I simply believe that two people can understand they’re not meant to be together and that’s why they divorce. I do believe that love you feel for someone will always stay with you.
  • I like to eat raw onions. (Yeah, I had to end with this one)

Guest Post: Self Worth – One Mom’s Personal Journey To Overcoming The Lie

***The following post was written by Geneva from the blog Cerrato Mom >

How much are you worth?  Are you measured by your looks?  Your money? Your job? Your political affiliation?

I have spent a great portion of my life feeling like I was never good enough.  I was not pretty enough. I was not smart enough. I was not bold enough. I was not making enough money.  I was not doing enough.

My struggle with self worth began when I was a young child.  I blame much of my lack of confidence on the fact that my father was not around.  And thereafter my step father was not around. I never felt like I was enough. I did not feel like I deserved love.

Then at the tender age of sixteen I fell in love.  I thought, this was it.  I found someone who was going to love me and erase all my feelings of self doubt and I would finally feel worth something.  This feeling did not last as I realized my worth was once again measured by what I could do for someone.

Fast forward nearly seven years of staying in an unhappy relationship, numbing the pain with poetry and alcohol, and I finally said enough is enough.

I met my husband.  We started a family.  And for the first time I felt like I had true purpose in life.  Being a mother is everything I ever wanted to be. But over the years I began to doubt my self worth again as I settled into my role as a ‘stay at home mom’.  The questions began to trickle in from family and friends (some innocent, some not) about when would I be returning to work? What was I going to do when the kids were older?

And so over the years I danced the dance of feeling worthless and like I am not enough.  I am raising my children, but I am not making money. Does that make me worthless?

I think not.  It has been a long time coming that I am at the place where I can say I am not worthless.  I am deserving of love. Happiness. To be content with my life and the choices I make.

I know I do not speak for ALL stay at home moms, but I think I speak for most when I say they can relate to the questions and the judgement from other people on our choice of occupation.

I was not enough as an innocent child who only wanted a loving father.

I was not enough as a lovestruck, naive girl who wanted the love of a husband.  I was not enough as a woman working hard to put him through school. I was not submissive enough.

Society now tells me I am not enough as a stay at home mom.  Society also tells working mothers that they are not doing enough for their children.  You really can’t win.

Slowly, after the birth of my third child, I have come to the realization that to society, and to those that would use you and abuse you, the problem lies with them, and not with you.

I am enough.  I have always been enough.  The love and the kindness I always try to share with people, the gentleness of my spirit, my sense of humor, my intuitiveness, my proclivity for being domestic and maternal – none of it is a mark against me.  It is all what makes me ME. It is not the summation of my worth, but it is worth something.

My worth is not contingent on what I can do for somebody or what I do for my family.  Yes, I love my children very much and I take care of them, take care of the house, and try to be a good wife to my husband.  But if I didn’t have children, if I didn’t take care of the house, my husband would still love me. And I would still be worthwhile.

And someday when my children are grown I may be working outside the home. I may not.  Does that determine my worth? I think not.

I want to close by saying to anyone that struggles with feeling worthless, or that you are not doing enough, or not making enough money, I stand with you, I have been in that place many times of feeling hopeless and burdened with doubt.  I have to tell you that you will only start to see your true worth when you let everything else go. Let go of expectations. Opinions. Judgement. Don’t let anyone take your power from you.

You know yourself.  You know what you have to offer the world.  You know your gifts and talents. You know your worth.  Start living it.  Show everyone exactly who you are and what you stand for.  

Show them how invaluable you truly are.

I want to say thank you to Geneva from Cerrato Mom for taking the time to write a thought provoking guest post for #MillennialLifeCrisis.

Geneva is a mom, a super hero, a writer, a California girl and the keeper of insights and intelligence on the incredible blog Cerrato Mom. She is one of the kindest human beings that I’ve ever met and always succeeds with providing me a new way to see the world. I sincerely hope that you’ll take a swift click over to her page and check out some of what she has to say. You won’t regret it.

Go to Cerrato Mom >

Guest Post: Are you a Shepherd or a Sheep

***In the first guest post to ever appear on #MillennialLifeCrisis, the following post was written by the talented Mathew from Blog of the Wolf Boy.

“Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.” – Jack Welch

Becoming the Shepherd

This thought was streaming itself through my head a while back, I had to make a note of it in my little book of wonders. It’s taken me some time to get around to writing it out, but here it is…

There are those who follow and there are those who lead. That is the way of the world, and everyone has a place. Not all who follow are incapable of leading, and not all who lead deserve to be leaders. This world is full of sheep, but what does it take to be a shepherd? Well, in order to answer that question, it’s appropriate to determine just what makes a sheep.

What makes a sheep?

A sheep is a follower. A sheep doesn’t rock the boat. A sheep follows the herd and lives life as directed. They blend in with the crowd. They create similar works of art and produce similar quality of work as everyone else that they know in life. They keep their uniqueness buried away inside in case they might stand out. They’re most comfortable when they “fit in”. They don’t want to be the black sheep, that’s so faux pas. A black sheep is too likely to one day become a shepherd of their own, and that’s a scary place for the sheep-hearted to be. Black sheep and shepherds are liable to become targets for criticism.

So, what makes a shepherd?

A shepherd doesn’t follow the herd. A shepherd first knows themselves to the core and is capable of self-directed thought without influence from outside sources. A shepherd is first capable of leading him or herself. They do their own thing. They don’t concern themselves with the opinions of the other sheep, and eventually the other sheep may notice. They might notice the way this one is behaving differently than the others. They notice a courage, a uniqueness, a bravery. Some sheep may scoff and denounce this black sheep for not trying harder to be like the other sheep. Yet, the black sheep carries on. Until one day that black sheep becomes a fully actualized shepherd and they begin to lead.

When a black sheep becomes a leader, they share their story with others honestly and openly. They are who they are, and they love themselves for it. Strange, weird, and odd are all great compliments to one who values a unique identity. Shepherds aren’t afraid to try something different and to invite others along for the ride. They inspire and motivate. They have influence because they’ve created something original and there are so many lost sheep looking for their shepherds.

There are good and bad shepherds

A good shepherd will care and nurture their flock. They will encourage their flock to grow to become shepherds of their own one day. A bad shepherd will demand their flock acts or behaves in a very specific way to mirror their own beliefs. A bad shepherd doesn’t want his sheep to ever grow to think for themselves, because then they may form beliefs of their own and he/she would start losing power. A bad shepherd wants mindless followers for the sake of maintaining power. A bad shepherd wants to use their sheep rather than nurture them because caring for his flock is not his/her priority.

Why am I writing this?

In this world right now, there are too many bad leaders out there and there are far too many followers. There are far too many good shepherds and black sheep ostracized for breaking ranks with the packs of followers that have been herded around bad leaders for power’s sake.

When it comes to bad leaders, dissent is an action requiring punishment. Good leaders look to love and nurture. Rehabilitation is more important then needless destruction. Yet, putting aside all of that – the most important thing of all is that every individual encourages themselves at one point or another to separate from the heard and to nurture a mind which thinks for itself. A mind which makes judgments of its own will, rather than blindly following the opinions of others around them. A mind strong enough to keep its power for itself, rather than offering it freely to the first turncoat which offers them a kind word and blind faith with the intention of manipulating for another agenda.

As artists it’s also important to be a free thinker, to create works unique to ourselves. Our true selves, rather than variations of work which are already out there. Rock the boat, be brave, be courageous, offer the world something new and if you do one day find yourself with a flock to care for – then nurture them and teach them to be open-minded and thoughtful leaders of their own. Don’t abuse your power over others. Radiate love instead.

This world needs right now, possibly more than ever before, strong minds and gentle hearts. Minds capable of independence, ready to create the important changes that are so impotently implemented in our current societies. Social equality, social security, efforts to fight climate change.

A heart that leads with love is a heart worth following. A mind that thinks for itself is a force to be reckoned with. Evil relies on blind faith and hate for empowerment. Be the change you want to see in the world.

Who Will You Be?

I want to say thank you to Mathew from Blog of the Wolf Boy for taking time to write a thought provoking guest post for #MillennialLifeCrisis.

Mathew is a dad, a writer, a poet, a Canadian and keeper of an incredible blog. Blog of the Wolf Boy is one of my favourite blogs that I’ve discovered on WordPress and I sincerely hope that you’ll all take a a swift click over to his page and check out some of his impressive, thought provoking posts.

Go to Blog of the Wolf Boy >

Grateful for the good.

As she opened her birthday presents at the kitchen table, my mom broke down and cried this morning. They were both tears of happiness and tears of… something more. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but seemed almost like tears of nostalgia or thankfulness.

My brother bought her plane tickets to Denmark for her birthday. He sent them to her email this morning with a note that said ‘Happy Birthday, I’ll see you in two weeks”. The significance of this is that her granddaughter was born in May and she’s been itching to get over there to meet her grand-baby ever since. So now, the woman who thought she would never ever get to travel is off to Europe for the second time in two years. It’s safe to say that made her morning, and likely day/week/year.

The other presents we gave her were much smaller in comparison. Just little things that sort of fit into her world each day. A fishing pole for her days at the lake, a new summer outfit for if it EVER gets sunny around here, a rice cooker because she always complained of never having one but was too stubborn to go buy one.

After she’d opened the presents, though, she was still crying. After she’d seen her cake, she was still in tears. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, so I’d asked her what was wrong.

She quite literally broke down at the kitchen table this morning, right in front of me.

‘I’m remembering my bithday last year’, she said.

‘No doubt,’ I responded, thinking she was just reflecting on what has been a difficult year for her.

‘I was so sick last year. So very sick. And I was afraid to tell anyone and I was afraid to get checked out. I really should have gotten checked out in August and not in November when I did.”

I wrapped my arms around her as she sat in the chair and said ‘It’s okay, it all worked out okay’.

She went on to say ‘When they finally did give me my diagnosis, when I finally learned what was wrong, you know you go through that moment, that… ‘Am I going to make it to my next birthday’ frame of mind. And now I’m here and it’s so incredible and I wish I could go back in time and tell myself how incredible it feels and to tell myself it’s all going to be okay.’

See, she had never told anyone in my family that she was feeling sick until November. So this morning was a bit of a revelation for us. We may not always get along (rarely, actually) and we definitely don’t ever see eye to eye, but I’ve got an immense amount of pride in my heart for the woman. My mother is the strongest woman that I know. She started down cancer and she won. Now she’s here to celebrate a birthday, but also conquering the past twelve months.

And honestly, this birthday, I’m reminded how grateful I am that she’s still here, too. Now I’ve got to teach her how to pack for two weeks in Europe in only a carry-on bag. Send help! lol

Happy Birthday, Mom. (I know she doesn’t know about this blog, so writing that on here is more for sentiment than anything else, but I wanted it to be said) Here’s to many more bithdays ahead.

Today was a good day. Today I am grateful.

A dear friend of mine, Ashok, recently told me that I should end each day by saying ‘Today was a good day, today I am grateful’.

I’m trying to take his advice to heart, knowing that if I start believing the better, I’ll start seeing the better. I’ve always been someone who’s had a hard time getting past the negatives in a day. But I’m making changes. I’m trying to remind myself the good is more important, and that I need to stop and pay more attention to it when it comes.

Today was a beautiful summer day. In what’s a seemingly rare occasion around here this season, the sun was shining… all day long, the birds chirped, the world (at least my corner of it) was peaceful. Anxiety will always be a part of me, but that doesn’t mean it has to be the largest part. Today, my anxiety did not win.

Never apologize for being a powerful fucking woman.

Excuse my language, please. I felt the need to include the ‘f-word’ in there as an accentuation of the statement.

There are a lot of people in this world that believe women should be subservient to the male gender. There are a lot of people in this world that believe women shouldn’t have opinions, shouldn’t speak up and shouldn’t stand up for themselves. There are a lot of people in this world believe women should be quiet, stay on the sidelines, never cause a fuss and always have a smile on their face.

DO NOT listen to those people.

Be strong. Be fierce. Be an ally for good. Be a powerful warrior for change. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel as though you’re less than everything you know you are and you know you’re capable of. Have opinions. Share your opinions. Don’t back down if someone mistreats you, stand up for yourself. Don’t take shit from anyone.

I think there’s a misconception in this world that women are too sensitive to be powerful. That we’re too compassionate to be strong. That we’re too giving and forgiving to stand up for ourselves. That’s simply not the truth. You can be kind, caring, compassionate, sensitive, giving, fierce and strong. You can be a force for change and you can force change.

Don’t ever allow anyone to let you feel as though you’re anything less than Goliath on a good day. And, most importantly, don’t ever apologize for being a powerful fucking woman.

Grow through what you go through.

Growing up, there wasn’t a ton of money to go around my house. With a boatload of kids, living in one of the most expensive cities in Canada, my parents had every penny counted towards something two days prior to pay day arriving.

There were times when things got really bad. And yes, I know I am not the only one on earth who can say this. I was not alone in what I went through. And a lot of what I went through, kids are going through right now.

On more than one occasion, my brother’s and I went out on our bikes after dark to collect bottles from around the neighbourhood so that my mom could return them to the grocery store in hopes of getting $10 for gas money. That $10 would quite literally be the difference between my dad being able to drive to work and my dad hitchhiking to work. And since my parents always did everything within their power to make sure their children were looked after, as kids, we did everything in our power to make sure our parents were looked after.

I’ve learned a lot of lessons from my past. While I am a firm believer that our pasts don’t define us, I also believe that our past does teach us a lot if we’re willing to learn from it.

Me, I know A LOT about how to stretch a dollar. I’m exceptionally good with my money. And, though it does worry me at times (as I’m sure it does with everyone on earth unless you’re Bill Gates), I recognize that my upbringing taught me a lot about how to stay calm in times of financial struggle or monetary crisis.

Everyone on this earth has been through something difficult in their life. EVERYONE. What I’ve noticed though is some people seem doomed to make the same mistakes over and over. They’re not willing to learn from what they’ve been through.

I think that one of the best things you can do for your development and growth as a human is to learn from the circumstances that have made you. Grow through what you go through; learn from what you’ve been through. If you truly want to better yourself, to let your past make you better and your present make you stronger, then learn your lessons. Take the shittiest things that have ever happened to you and ask yourself how you can make sure that never happens again. Remember the hard times and ask yourself what you learned from them. I guarantee you, even if it’s not top of mind, you learned something from these times.

If you’ve been through hard times, if you’re going through hard times, ask yourself what you can take from the difficult and the struggle. Ask yourself how it’s going to make you better. Grow through what you go through. It sounds cliche but you’re braver than you think, stronger than you know and smarter than you believe.

Things I want out of life:

  1. To be happy.

That’s it, that’s all. Wherever that is, whatever that looks like, I want to be happy. I feel like I will have lead a successful, fulfilling life if I can look myself in the mirror and tell myself that I am truly happy.

Happiness is something that all too many people chase in the wrong places. It seems to be elusive, but I know it’s out there. My only hope is that I don’t chase it in the wrong direction. I’m not getting any younger, I don’t want to take any more wrong turns. I just want to be happy.

Here’s to progress, and to being open to the possibilities the world possesses and to hoping that some of them will come my direction.