It’s almost Friday (a random assortment of thoughts)

As I write this I am watching three black bears across the road, down about three hundred feet from our yard, picking through the neighbours garbage.

You would think that living in a place this remote, people would know by this point that there are bears… that bears are awake during spring and summer and that their garbage should be kept behind their fence. Perhaps the neighbours just enjoy cleaning garbage that’s been torn up and tossed around their front yard. Yeah, that’s probably it.

Silly neighbours…

For lack of a smoother transition, British Columbia now has an official plan of action to reopen the economy, send kids back to school and define our new normal. The plan, slated to take place over the next eighteen months, is filled with holes, leaving people with more questions than answers, but at least it’s a plan at this point. The government isn’t haphazardly saying ‘open back up and pretend as though COVID never happened’. Because I know that’s definitely happening in a lot of places around the world.

What does that mean for travel?

I don’t know.

My brother invited me to Norway for Christmas. Does it make me a negative person if I don’t believe that international travel for leisure will be a thing by then? British Columbia isn’t planning for our tourism industry to reopen for a long time.

I have ALWAYS wanted to see Stavanger and the truly breathtaking surrounding region. But, I don’t think it’s worthwhile for my brother to sink his money into plane tickets for me when a trip like that is anything but certain in a COVID world.

I was talking about it with MarlaOnTheMove (she’s a fellow British Columbian) and honestly, the way I figure, we’re going to be in this province for the forseeable future. And, hearing how much she’s dealing with in trying to get refunds for her trips, I really don’t know if it’s worth it.

I’m so negative tonight. I know. I’m trying not to be. I just keep telling myself that I’m being realistic. And realistic, in a 2020 world is important right now.

On the subject of travel, did anyone else see the Axl Rose/Steve Mnuchin twitter spat? I know ya’ll are tired of hearing my opinions about politics, so I’ll just say that 2020 is whoah.

My anxiety has been pretty high this week. I’m doing what I can to cope but it’s been difficult. There’s just so much uncertainty that it’s hard to keep a calm frame of mind. I’m trying. But I’m also having troubles getting out of bed each day. I won’t lie about that.

Alright, that’s enough word vomit for tonight.

If you’ve read this, I hope you’re safe, healthy and sane. Sending best wishes from me and the bear sleuth.

Very opinionated post about politics

I watched an interview earlier in which Jared Kushner dubbed President Trump’s response to the Corona Virus Pandemic hitting the United States as a tremendous success.

Stepping aside from the fact that he needs to kiss his father-in-law’s ass as a means to remain in good standing with the family, and to quite literally have any job at this point in time, ignoring the silver spoon and ignoring the sheer idiocy of what is Fox News, I can’t help but think of the 61,000 families who’ve lost a loved one, be it a family member or friend, over the past two months. I can’t help but think of how utterly cold and offensive a statement like Kushner’s must seem. When he steps in front of that camera and peddles this complete and utter bullshit to the American public, it must feel as though he’s kicking 61,000 families while they’re already down. I would suggest a correlation between Kushner’s statements and spitting on the graves of those Americans lost, but honestly… 61,000 people have died in two months and he’s celebrating when these people haven’t even been properly laid to rest.

When President Trump ‘celebrates’ how low he’s keeping the death toll, it must make 61,000+ families feel as though the lives of their family members and friends who’ve passed are expendable to a government who’s leader promised he would stand up for the underdog. Celebrating a death toll, under any circumstances, showcases a serious character flaw that we all knew existed, but many refuse to acknowledge.

When President Trump spews complete nonsense from the podium day after day after day, only to turn around and claim he was being ‘sarcastic to see how news reporters would spin it’, it must make millions of people shake there heads and wonder why the fuck this idiot thinks right now is the appropriate time for sarcasm, under any circumstance. I know that’s how I feel.

Listen, I’m not American. I’m an outsider looking in and I’m looking in because I know that what happens in the United States is going to have a very real and lasting effect on my country. We’re not without problems in Canada. And yes, things suck right now. We are not immune to issues by any means. But it also sucks everywhere. It just seems like the USA is competing for a gold medal in the who can suck the absolute most Olympics. Or who can convey they have the coldest hearts.

Because there are as many people now out of work in the United States as there are people who live in Canada. And that hits me. As someone who knows the extreme lows that come with unemployment, that hits me really hard. I feel for these people who are struggling. People struggling to find the balance between remaining healthy/alive and feeding their families.

When Mitch McConnell says that he refuses to bail out blue states, I can’t help but think that this isn’t the time for a political pissing match or a dick measuring contest. (Vulgar, yeah, I know) When the Governor of Georgia waits until April to announce that he’s only just learned people can be asymptomatic carriers of this virus, infecting dozens or more without even knowing it, only to less than a month later say ‘Fuck it, social distancing is too hard’, I can’t help but think that it must really suck to be in Georgia and coming to the realization that they really don’t care if you live or die.

And when I hear about these tests, these ‘beautiful tests’ as Donald Trump touts them, the tests that are for everyone, the tests that Mike Pence needs to clarify were distributed but not processed, I can’t help but think what the fucking point is in having tests distributed if they can’t fucking be processed.

Literally, when Donald Trump gets out of office, he’s going to write a tell all book (and by write, I mean dictate because the man can’t speak so he definitely cannot write) about how he fucked over the United States of American. He’s going to sit on his golden throne on the top of Trump Tower and laugh about how many lives he ruined and how he’s going to go down in history for just how ‘beautiful’ of a job he’s done.

Side note – I don’t think he knows any other adjectives beyond ‘beautiful’. Beautiful tests, beautiful phone calls with the Ukrainian government, beautiful letters from North Korean dictators… oh don’t get me started with North Korean dictators…

For everyone who’s lost a loved one, a friend, a colleague, a neighbour, a stranger who you appreciated, I am sorry. I cannot imaging the pain you’re going through at this time. For everyone who is struggling, who doesn’t know how they’re going to make it through this, I am sorry. We will get through this together, whilst keeping a safe distance. And for the doctors, nursese, health care workers, and anyone on the front lines or working essential work right now to keep us all going through this, thank you. I cannot explain how much you mean to me, and though I don’t want to speak for a collective, how much you mean to all of us. You’re heroes. Full stop.

End rant. For now.

I don’t understand.

Screenshot from Off White Website

Recently, a dear friend of mine introduced me to a brand called ‘Off White’. Apparently, Off White is incredibly trendy and I am behind the times in not knowing about it.

I had a look at their website and I just… I’m so perplexed. See above. It’s not the only example of why I am perplexed, but it is a prime example.

Why?

Why?

Why on earth?

Okay… are people really that obsessed with being trendy that they’re willing to purchase a bag with holes in it?

If you have $2,000 to spend on a bag, why wouldn’t you buy a bag that’s at least functional?

Why would someone design this? Why is this cool? On what planet is this functional?

Honestly, I try really hard to not judge people for their purchases… if they have the money for something they can spend their money how they want to. If I ever saw someone walking down the street with this, though… I’d be more than inclined to lecture them about how to, and how to not spend $2,000.

Why?

I’ve seen some really ugly bags in my day, but they were at the very least functional. This is just… a weight for your arm. And it’s not even really a good one. It would likely just make you look like an idiot if you carried it.

Quarantine Clich├ęs

Perhaps everyone’s in the same boat as I am, or perhaps I’m the only one who has noticed. Over the past month and a half I’ve noticed a distinct trend in content that has ‘overtaken’ social media. It all seems to be different variations of exactly the same thing. It’s trendy to follow suit. And hey, I get it… we’re all stuck at home and there’s a societal pressure to be as productive as possible during this crazy time.

For today’s productivity, I decided to compile all of the things that EVERYONE seems to be doing so that I can make a promise to myself to not do these things and continue to lounge around eating cookies all day long. Please note, the following includes a lot of sarcasm.

  • Buy a ton of canned beans that I am not now, nor ever, going to actually consume.
  • Join TIK-TOK… because the perfect place for an anonymous internet blogger is on a platform where literally the entire point of the app is to show yourself doing ridiculous things
  • Become a fine-dining chef who can cook absolutely anything with the very limited groceries that are presently on the shelves in grocery stores. If it’s not a four course meal, I will no longer eat it.
  • Turn my Lululemon leggings into face masks because $130 pants are sooooooo 2019 and if you don’t turn your most expensive clothing into face masks you’re not doing it right
  • Tie-dye EVERYTHING… because white and grey clothes were so 2019
  • Start using the term ‘groutfit’ to describe my new choices of outfits… because nice clothes all together were so 2019 and all I’m wearing these days is sweatpants
  • Bake bread, learn to bake sourdough bread (what’s the obsession with sourdough bread, btw?), find the perfect banana bread recipe, or pumpkin bread or apple bread or… what kind of fruits or weird additives can you put into your loaf of bread? I may have celiac disease but dammit I need to learn how to bake bread
  • Read all the books. Every book on your shelf. Every ebook you can get your hands on. Every book that’s ever been published, printed or digitally uploaded.
  • Order anything and everything that I can get my hands on from Amazon. Do I need it? No. Should I buy it? Abso-freaking-lutely. It’s Amazon, it’s convenient. I think that’s what people are saying anyways…
  • Pay RIDICULOUS prices for online workout classes because it’s trendy and I should not be saving my money right now
  • Spend all of my money and ensure that I don’t save a dime. I don’t have things I’m looking forward to. I don’t have things I want down the road, I need to spend it all now because quarantine is foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Anybody else have stress wrinkles coming in hot throughout this quarantine? Just me? PS. If you like or enjoy any of the activities above, please feel free to share some positive stories of these activities. Goodness knows, I could use some more positivity in my life. I may be the most unproductive member of society right now, but I know that doesn’t mean that everyone else is lounging around eating cookies all day.

Unrelated but I’m a little excited today because I came up with a stellar design for a #MillennialLifeCrisis sweatshirt last night and my sister-in-law told me that she’s going to make me a sample with her cricut machine and mail it to me. I hope it turns out alright.

I’m seriously considering cutting my own hair

I can live without a lot of things. And, for the past year and half, I have done as much. But one thing that I have made a priority is getting regular hair cuts since I’ve been thirteen. Every three months I’ve saved up the thirty dollars necessary to get someone to trim/cut my hair for me.

I have prioritized getting a haircut every three months because it’s absolutely true what ‘they say’, frequent trims will lead to longer, healthier hair. Three months would have been the beginning of March. I actually had an appointment for March 10th but when everything went down with my uncle’s passing, I postponed getting my hair cut. And… well here we are. Quarantine has been ongoing since mid-March and will last at least until June at this point. My hair is long. Too long.

There are lots of reasons why I should not cut my hair. I have a lot of layers… cutting a straight edge across the bottom would make the layers look crappy. And, since I can’t see the back of my own head, cutting a straight edge seems next to impossible. But hey… my hair is long. TOO LONG. It’s tangled. It doesn’t wrap nicely in a bun anymore. The ends are splitting. The stress has had serious affect on my hair. So, at any given moment the should I/shouldn’t I argument is leaning towards ‘DO IT, YOU IDIOT’.

Yeah, my inner monologue refers to myself as an idiot.

If anyone is reading this, have you reached a point in quarantine where you’ve cut your own hair? Did it go okay? Did it go badly? My biggest fear is that it’s going to go very, very badly. I need to know if someone has had success with it.

Maybe I should get bangs…

Daydreaming

I’m daydreaming of a post-pandemic world in which I can go to the store without fear. I’m daydreaming about going to the store and being able to find more than empty shelves. I’m daydreaming about driving an Audi out to Peyto Lake. I’m daydreaming of moving out of this house and of having a home in which I don’t have to follow someone else’s rules. A house I can feel at home in. A house I can call my own. I’m daydreaming about what seems like a future lifetime from where we’re at.

Canadian Corona Diaries

A cashier coughed directly on me yesterday. He said ‘oh do you want your receipt’ stuck out his hand and then coughed all over me. I nearly lost my fucking mind. I was actually crying before I even made it out of the store. It wasn’t one of those ‘I have something in my throat’ coughs, it was one of those deep from the chest lung infection style dry coughs.

SERIOUSLY.

I understand that people need money right now. But in a current-pandemic world, if you have a cough that is that bad, why the fuck are you at work? Why the fuck is your boss letting you work? How am I, a stranger, supposed to know whether or not your cough is just a cough? And even if it is just a cough, it’s one hell of a bad cough, dude. He should not be around people right now. At all.

If I had a million dollars

People make vision boards. Well, I make vision lists. When I want something, I put it on my list. The title might be ‘If I had a million dollars’ but truthfully, it’s more or less just things that I want to do, things I want to get, things I will accomplish. I might not get them overnight… unless a publisher buys my book and I become an overnight sensation, raking in oodles of dough. But I will accomplish these things. So, it’s not a vision board, it’s a vision list.

  • Around-the-world plane tickets
  • A down-payment for a house
  • An Endy Bed
  • A MacBook (I’ve wanted one since back in the day when they were those neon colours)
  • A Louis Vuitton V Tote MM
  • Tory Burch Ballet Flats for driving
  • A comfortable, chic, stylish couch that’s perfect for napping on
  • Season passes (for two) for snowboarding/skiing
  • Manicures once a month
  • A Dyson cordless vacuum (you know you’re an adult when)
  • A porch swing
  • Gym Passes (for two) to a real bougie gym with saunas and all the bells and whistles)
  • Flights to Vegas and a trip to the MGM Grand Buffet (lol gym, then food)
  • A home library

I might add more later…

Also, I am aware the majority of these are very materialistic things. Perhaps I’ll make a list of my other dreams and goals on another day. Things that aren’t related to the money I make but are more related to the things I want from an experience perspective.

Do you have a vision board/vision list? What’s on your list?

Feeling lonely when you’re surrounded by people.

I’m lonely.

There are six other people in this house and I am lonely.

And the more I read that I should be thankful that I have anyone around at all, the more I think that people equate having a family with having a cohesive family unit.

I’m eternally grateful for my family, but I think it’s important to note that just because they’re my family does not mean that we get along. It doesn’t mean that we act, think or feel the same way. It definitely doesn’t mean that we see eye to eye. I reckon a lot of families are the same. Just because you’re related to someone doesn’t mean that being with them 24 hours a day seven days per week is going to be easy.

I was watching Dr. Phil earlier and he said that, in China where quarantine policies have been in place since January, there’s been a spike in divorce applications. This made me feel a little less awful for how I feel. Because I’m not alone in finding it tough to be at home.

I love my family. I help them when they’re sick, I comfort them when they cry, heck… they go to the store for me when I don’t want to share germs. But, truth be told, this is hard. We’re inherently different in about every category except our genetics. When we each have our own lives, our differences strengthen us. It brings outside perspectives, thoughts, laughs. When we’re each stuck inside together for 24 hours a day, seven days a week, things get tough.

On the good days, I spend the majority of the time biting my tongue. On the regular days, our vastly different beliefs are causing spats, arguments or passive aggressive behaviours that really weigh on one’s mood. And, on the bad days, well let’s not go there. The point is, it’s not easy.

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you agree with everything they do. Just because you’re related to someone doesn’t mean that being quarantined with them is going to be easy. Conversations don’t just spontaneously pop up and last for six hours to pass the time in a day. Sometimes, even if they’re family, you really have to work at it. And sometimes you really have to work at it to make sure certain conversations don’t happen.

Why aren’t you married yet?

When you are you going to give me grandbabies?

Why must you always provoke me?

Yeah, I’m sure that you know the typea of conversations I’m talking about. I’m all too sure you’ve had conversations of your own, much like these, in the past few weeks.

Bottom line is, if you’re struggling right now, you’re not alone. I see you and I understand you. Don’t hate yourself for how you feel. We’re all scared and we’re all struggling. Even the people who are driving us crazy.

And yes, it is possible that it can be extremely lonely being in a house filled with six other people. Even if it’s only one other person in your house… sometimes being close together for long periods of time, for events such as home quarantine, well it makes people feel farther apart than ever before. You don’t have to be alone to be lonely. But, if you are alone and lonely, I see you too.