Getting pregnant to ‘trap a man’ is THE WORST IDEA ever.

So, my least favourite cousin called today. I haven’t spoken to her in several years, so it made a lot of sense that she called solely to ask me for something.

After she asked me for a favour, she asked the token ‘so how’ve you been doing?’ I gave her enough to make her say ‘that’s great’ but not enough to let her actually know what’s been happening in my life, since I know she doesn’t care anyway.

Then she went on to say ‘Well me, I’m going to get pregnant soon!’

‘That’s great?!’ I said half questioning it, half trying to understand what her motivation was in saying ‘I’m going to get pregnant’.

‘Well, I think it’s time’. She said. ‘Let’s face it, I’m never going to get a boyfriend hotter than Braeden,’

Umm…. what?

I’ll admit. I stumbled on the phone. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to the statement when she said it, because this was just so stupid I couldn’t believe it came out of her mouth.

‘That’s nice that you and Braeden are planning for your future!?’ I said, questioning but also trying to sound happy for her.

‘Oh, Braeden doesn’t know!’ She exclaimed. ‘I stopped taking my birth control a few weeks back. He’s going to be so surprised!’

At this point in time I was like ‘Uhhh, can you give me his number so I can tell Braeden?’ Though I was being dead serious, she clearly thought I was kidding because her response was ‘So you don’t feel pressured to have a baby? I mean it’s about time. You’re getting so old.’

The rest of the conversation was me trying to lecture her out of this stupid idea and telling her that getting pregnant was not going to make her boyfriend stay with her forever. Inevitably, the remainder of the conversation was short because she got pissed off at my logic and decided to end the conversation.

I think she was hoping for me to respond with ‘Oh my god, I’m so happy for you!’ Or something of the sort. So when I told her it was a bad idea, she likely wasn’t very impressed with me.

Right now I don’t know what to do. All I really want to do is reach out to people to see if I can find Braeden’s phone number. I know it’s not cool to insert yourself into other people’s relationships, but damn, shouldn’t someone give him the heads up?

Trying to ‘trap a man’ by getting pregnant is literally the STUPIDEST IDEA EVER. Firstly, it’s 2019, not 1950. Gone are the days when people feel obligated to stay with someone solely because they share a child with them. Secondly, if you’re going to to tell him of your intentions to get pregnant, there’s clearly something else lacking in your relationship that needs fixing… that bringing a child into this world is not going to fix.

I love babies. And all babies deserve to be loved. And I’m guessing if she did get pregnant then her boyfriend would love this kid unconditionally, because from what I’ve heard of this guy, he’s a pretty good dude. But imagine that kid, fifteen years from now, learning that his/her mom got pregnant because ‘she wasn’t going to find a hotter boyfriend’. Like… I cannot wrap my head around the sheer idiocy of this.

I’ll go ahead and say this, without qualms or hesitation: it is never a good idea to intentionally get pregnant as a means to try to trap your boyfriend/spouse/partner.

And let me be abundantly clear here, there’s a difference between an unplanned pregnancy and a pregnancy which someone plans and does not tell the other partner.

A baby is not going to fix your relationship issues. And, could quite possibly put more of a rift between them if/when he learns what you’re doing. A baby is not going to make a relationship last forever. A baby is not going to be the solution to whatever it is you’re missing in your life. I’ve heard that from enough parents to know. Also, imagine the pressure you’re putting on that poor, innocent little baby in this scenario. There is a small percentage chance that a partner could learn all of this information and a relationship still work afterwards and they be together long term, but I really don’t see there being a large change of that happening, at all.

Getting pregnant to trap a man is a horrible, horrible, horrible idea. And also, your partner’s hotness should not be motivation for reproduction. And also, it’s lying, it’s manipulative and it’s unfair to both the boyfriend and the future potential child.

If this is a plan, then there are other options. Go see a relationship therapist. Or, go see a therapist on your own. Get some help. I’ve tried to talk to my cousin since our phone conversation but since she didn’t like my words this afternoon, she’s been ignoring me.

* Note – I know the scenario goes both ways and there are times when men try to do this to. I’m speaking of it from the female perspective solely because of what my cousin told me today.

What would you do if someone told you they were intentionally planning to get pregnant without their partner’s knowledge?

Edit: After writing this and then reading it through, I have since decided to email and text my aunt (cousin’s mom) to ask her if she could provide me with Braeden’s phone number.

Find out who your friends are…

I’ll probably be posting a lot today. I tend to post more when I’m sad, and today I am really sad. I guess that’s life though. Some days you’re up and some days you’re down.

Also, I have a lot to say.

Also, I just like this place.

Alright, I’ll stop justifying myself and start.

The song ‘Find Out Who Your Friends Are’ is ringing true today. Actually, it’s been ringing true to me for most of this year. When I got fired, I thought that I had friends at my job. I thought that I had people who would be there for me, people who cared, whether I worked with them or not. To my shock, my being fired was met with dead silence, or messages of ‘That sux!’ from the people I worked with.

‘That sux!’? Yeah, it does suck getting railroaded because your boss is breaking the law. You knew what was going on, you saw that I got railroaded and you’re still going along with it.

The people that were there for me when I got fired? Knight. My two best friends in Vancouver, volunteering to get on planes and telling me to come live with them. The people that weren’t there for me? The friends I thought were friends at my work. Guess our getting along was contingent on my being their coworker.

Nevertheless, I’ve heard from former coworkers four times over the past ten months, the most recent of which being today. Each time it hasn’t been to check on me, to reach out, to see how I was doing or any of those things. When they reach out, it’s been to ask me how to do things, or how I did things.

Each time my response has been: “That sounds like a problem for Clint (former boss)!”

Today one of my former coworkers texted me with an offer of a trip. When I said ‘No thanks’, they responded with ‘Shoot, I was hoping you’d say yes so that I could ask you for something!’.

Go figure eh?

I don’t like associating people who only offer something when they know they need to ask for something from you. To me, when you give something, there are no strings attached. When I give something there is certainly no strings attached to it.

I was not shocked, nor surprised to hear that they wanted something from me. The song reads:

You find out who your friends are
Somebody’s gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas get their fast
Never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me?’ or ‘it’s way too far.’
They just show on up with their big old heart

And with people like this, they’re always asking ‘What’s in it for me?’

All I can say is, I know who my friends are. I know who’s been there for me, always, no questions ask, nothing required in return.

Oh, also, to my former coworker who wants something from me today… go ask Clint. No amount of trips or money or anything that you could possibly offer me would make me want to do anything for your office. Leave me the fuck alone.

Switching gears entirely…

I wrote a Guest Post for a friend’s blog. If you haven’t heard of ‘Rethinking Scripture’, please go and check out Dwain’s blog, and read my guest post. I’ll admit, it might be a little sad. But, people tend to appreciate my ‘Dear Self’ letters, so if you want to see it – this week’s ‘Dear Self’ is on Dwain’s blog. Go to Rethinking Scripture >

Snarky Snippet: Ding dong, the Don is GONE!

Screenshot of Don Cherry in one of the first interviews he decided to do following his ‘Stepping Down’ from Hockey Night in Canada.

Don Cherry is a problem.

Don Cherry has always been the problem.

Canada is ‘up in arms’ this week and the media is spinning it as ‘a country divided’ over the “firing” of Don Cherry. (Though personally, I’d hardly call being told to retire a firing, but that’s just me)

After going on a racist tirade on Hockey Night in Canada on November 9th, a lot of people took to the interwebs to proclaim their general disgust with him as a human being. Truth be told, this isn’t the first time he’s said shiteous things on television. He’s actually got quite a long resume of spouting horrendous remarks when he gets in front of the camera. Quite simply, I believe he’s been in his position as long as he has because he makes the network money. A lot of money. A lot more money than it has ever cost to cover his ridiculous behaviour.

Neverthless, since his “firing” Cherry has stood by his remarks Why? Because a racist never believes they do anything wrong. That is a fact. Racist people never believe they’ve done or are doing anything wrong.

Quick question: when you get fired for being a racist, where’s the first place you’re going to do an interview about your firing? None other than what’s quite possibly the most racist television show in the United States, The Tucker Carlson White Supremacist hour on Fox news!

It’s worth noting this isn’t the first time he’s spouted racist remarks on Hockey Night in Canada. In 2007 he used his national television platform to promote his belief that ‘Natives have an inferiority complex’, in 2015 again referring to Indigenous people as ‘savages’ and ‘barbarians’ for their way of life. In 1993 he asked fellow cohost ‘Ron, did you fall off a turban truck?’ when Ron McLean questioned him about the egregious remarks he was making about French Candians.

Don Cherry isn’t just a racist, though. No, his hatred for people goes much deeper. He’s also a misogynist too. With comments over the years about how women are only trying to be a part of hockey for publicity stunts, that female reporters don’t deserve the right to interview players after the game like male reporters do, claiming that women don’t bother watching hockey and all they do is ‘yap, yap, yap’ and that’s why so many of them get hit with flying pucks, or likening me (yes me) to a waitress, because I was the lone female at a table filled with men. I must’ve been there to serve them right? What else could I possibly have been doing if only men were welcome at their table?

As if being racist and a misogynist isn’t enough, Cherry is also a xenophobe, who over the years has taken ‘below-the-belt’ style jabs at people from basically every other hockey playing nation on earth. Russian’s are cheap, Swedes are wussys, Slovaks are lazy, and so on and so forth.

He’s touted fighting as a requirement of the game, frequently over the years stating there needs to be more, it needs to be tougher, more noses need to be broken and more fists need to fly. When people questioned his remarks with statistics of head injuries from fighting his simple response was that he just doesn’t care. He’s told the public that a player was weak if they took time off to recover from concussions and compared players to ‘pussys’ if they chose to wear a face mask during the game.

In case my point hasn’t become clear as of yet, Don Cherry is a problem. A problem that Sportsnet, initially, wasn’t willing to do anything about following Saturday night’s racist tirade as they merely offered the following statement:

As you can see, Sportsnet basically said ‘We know what he said was wrong, but we don’t care’. This is PR code for ‘he makes us money, so this too will blow over’.

Following enough outrage and more complaints to the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council then they could possibly record at one time, Sportsnet came out with the following statement two days later on Nov 11th.

The Don is gone! And it only took several hundred thousand people to remind Sportsnet that racists shouldn’t be given a national television platform to promote their racism for Sportsnet to do anything about it. Now that, that’s a quality television network.

THE DON IS GONE! That being said, Sportsnet doesn’t get much credit for this in my opinion. Canada gets credit for this. A desire to be a country free of racism and a country ‘better than that’, is why this racist has been asked to retire.

Where does this divisiveness come from that the media speaks of?

Well, people are arguing that he’s been fired though we’re a country that touts ourselves on freedom of speech. I’d argue that a racist can be a racist all he wants, that doesn’t mean we need to give him a national television platform to promote those views.

People are arguing that he’s ‘a symbol of the working class’. What the fuck is it with people and claiming rich, white idiots and racists are a symbol of the working class? First off, Don Cherry made more money in one (yes, one!) Saturday night broadcast than most of the working class makes all year, and secondly, I’d like to believe better of Canadians than to believe the working class is made up of racist assholes. So truthfully, if you see him as a symbol of the working class, you really ought to find a new symbol.

People are also arguing that ‘he’s not politically correct’ and that he often says the things we often feel but are too afraid to say and that shouldn’t be held against him. To that I say, if your inclination is to be a racist, then it’s probably a good thing for the Canadian public that you’re too afraid to say it. Because, again, if a racist wants to be a racist, that doesn’t mean they need a national television platform for which to promote that behaviour.

People are arguing that Don Cherry is a Canadian Icon. To that I say, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE, THAT BEHAVIOUR IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Whether you’re an icon or John Doe in the middle of a tirade in Aisle 11 of the grocery store in Tuktoyaktuk. Racists of the world, please remember this next time you try to push your beliefs on others. Also, please take this as a reminder that it really doesn’t matter how big or powerful you might be, or think you are, you’re not above basic human decency.

I’m one of those people who believes the moment we accept racist behaviour as a society is the moment we slide the slippery slope to being racist ourselves. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be a country full of fucking racists.

It’s 2019, and if this year has taught us nothing more, it’s certainly taught us this: if you’re a shitty fucking person, you will get your just rewards.

Ding dong, the Don is gone. And Hockey Night in Canada is going to be a lot fucking better without his ignorant ego.


Snarky Snippet is a series on Filosofa’s Word and I really appreciate her writing, take and snark. It’s definite inspiration for this post, so please check out her blog here >

Also, if you’d like proof to any bit of what an ass Don Cherry is google ‘Don Cherry is a problem’ and you’ll see all sorts of news releases, youtube videos and interviews of him spewing hate and shiteous behaviour over the past thirty years.

Throwing me a lifeline.

I’ve been going through a bit of an existential crisis lately. Turning 31, still struggling to find anything employment wise, fighting (literally physically fighting) with my family at what seems like every turn, and getting a lot of hate on this blog as of late has been causing me a lot of worry. My thin skin is shining through and it’s just crossed this barrier beyond stress to a point in which I’ve been genuinely struggling to make it through the day.

I’m really having a hard time. I’ve felt like I’ve been drowning. Slowly. Little by little. Day after day.

I’ve been living off my credit card. And, as that gets closer and closer to my limit, I get more and more afraid about what the next few months are going to entail. Last night, out of nowhere, like the Knight in Shining Armour that he is, Knight sent me money. Just because. I can’t even begin to say how much of a weight it lifted off my shoulders. It’s not that I needed the money, or that I’d ever ask him for it. It’s almost as if he just kind of… knew.

To me, it wasn’t the fact that he sent me money, it’s the fact that he knew. He knew I needed someone to extend a hand.

I’m trying to hold it together. I really am. I’m just having a harder time lately. People tell me it is because I’m coming up on a year of unemployment and I’m afraid to reach that date, though I shouldn’t be because it’s an arbitrary date… nothing more than a date on a Calendar.

I have thin skin, an anxious mind and a restless heart.

And honestly, it’s moments like last night that I remember he’s the one who’s been with me through it all. The one who’s supported me, the one who’s encouraged me, the one who’s made me feel like this awkward in-between stage of my life won’t last forever and that I will get through this. I’m so thankful for that.

I hope that everyone gets the opportunity to have a Knight in their life.

Lest We Forget

My grandfather never spoke of the war. At least not that I can recollect. And, in spite of all of the things I’m sure that he saw during WW2, in spite of all of the friends he lost, the worries he had, the struggles he went through, he was one of the happiest people I’ve ever known. I have profound admiration for him, all that he accomplished in his lifetime and the legacy he left behind with, not only my family, but everyone he knew.

My cousin Ian, since serving several tours in Afghanistan, has gone on to become a police officer who continues to deal with some of the most difficult situations one could possibly imagine. I have never, not once, heard him talk about the horrors he’s experienced with war, or continues to experience working in major crimes. He is, to this day, one of the most positive people that i know who always manages to see the good in life. I have a profound admiration for him and the impact he leaves on my family and in this world.

I wear a piece of them in my heart wherever I go and keep a piece of every person, past and present, who has served and sacrificed and continues to serve and sacrifice so that I can have the blessings I have today.  I will never forget. 

Thank You.

It’s not enough, but it’s all I have.

May we always remember the people who are the reasons for the peace we have today.

Another year around the sun.

31 today.

I’m not quite sure how I feel. I do know that I have been having quite the freak out the past few days leading up to it. I don’t know why I set these arbitrary deadlines for myself, but it’s almost like my brain cannot stop it.

The introvert in me wants to just read a good book, maybe go to the movie by myself tonight. Just spend the time by myself, doing what I please.

The reality of my life is that I’ve got six people coming over here tonight for dinner (that I didn’t invite and only found out about a half hour ago), so my mother is spending the day vacuuming and cleaning the floors with a carpet cleaner, so it looks like I’m in for a lot of noise the next few hours.

I’m trying to not let it get to m.

Wow, this post is sounding a lot more negative than I intended it to be.

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!

I’m genuinely happy about that. I just wish people would let me spend it the way I wanted to.

Anyways

Thank you, dearly, kindly, wonderfully to every beautiful soul who purchased one of the #MillennialLifeCrisis shirts. It means a great deal to me and I hope that when your shirts show up you love them as much as I love mine! Today is the last day the #MillennialLifeCrisis shirts will be listed on the TeeSpring store. The other shirts will stay up there for now because it’s an experiment for me to try and crack the Pinterest Alogirthm. But, the #MillennialLifeCrisis shirts will be disappearing as of midnight tonight. If you purchased one, thank you. If you’d still like to purchase one, they’ll be up until midnight PST.

Thank you to each and every one of you for your consistent support this year. Thank you for talking me down from my anxiety attacks and for supporting me at my lowest of lows and celebrating me at my highest of highs. For a bunch of strangers, you feel like a giant family to me, and that’s a pretty great feeling to have.

Here’s to 31.

Natalia Grace on Dr. Phil

Well, today was the day. For the first time after all these months hearing Michael and Kristine Barnett slandering their adoptive daughter in the news with nothing but speculation they’re trying to claim as ‘evidence’, Natalia finally got her chance to share her side to the story.

There are varying degrees of opinions following the interview today. A lot of people online still painting her to be a liar, still doing… what I would consider to be online bullying with their words.

While I admit, there are some things I would love to have been asked/answered that weren’t, I trust that if Dr. Phil thought anything ridiculous going on he either would have 1) Stated that, or 2) Not aired the episode at all. He, as an executive producer has the power to decide what makes it to air and what doesn’t. He doesn’t need the ratings, his show isn’t in jeopardy. So, there was no reason for him to air this interview other than him wanting to let Natalia share her story.

In my personal opinion, Natalia is a 16 year old. I thought this before I watched Dr. Phil and after watching Dr. Phil, my opinion is only stronger that that is, in fact, the case.

A couple of important things happened on the show today:

  • Dr. Phil asked Natalia over and over and over again what her thoughts were so far as to the Barnett’s and their actions and, not once, did Natalia say a bad or negative thing about them.
  • When asked if she thinks the Barnett’s should serve jail time for their actions, Natalia said that all she wants to happen is that she gets her life back. She wants her age changed back to what it should be. She said that the court could give them jail time, and if they do that would be the courts decision. She said that she just wants her age changed back on paper and to be able to move on with her life.
  • Natalia said it wasn’t two months into her adoption that the Barnett’s started questioning her age and stopped treating her like family.
  • Dr. Phil asked Natalia about the speculations the Barnett’s have blasted through media cycles the past couple of months and Natalia responded to each of them. And honestly, it just seems like things the Barnett’s are blowing out of proportion to try and play a victim card.
  • Natalia’s parents, the people who have looked after her since she was abandoned, speculated a couple of things. 1) The father speculated they were trying to discredit her mental stability and when they couldn’t do that, that’s when they came up with the plan to change her age so they could leave her ‘because she was an adult’ and 2) The mother speculated that Natalia’s medical conditions and need for surgery would slow down their ability to devote their lives to their boy genius son and be touted in the media as an incredible mother looking after a son with Autism and advocating for people with disabilities, and that Kristine just didn’t want the negative press.

Honestly, I do think it’s a bit of both.

As mentioned in the previous posts I have done about Natalia Grace, I do believe she is a child. I do believe she is still a minor. Call this opinion biased if you’d like, but I am stating this is, in fact my opinion because I don’t want people to ‘come for me’ for saying it’s fact.

I’m grateful for the Mann family for taking in Natalia, a little girl who was forced to grow up way too quickly and who deserved better from both the Barnett’s and the United States government.

I sincerely hope, when all is said and done and the trial is over, that her age is legally changed back and she gets to lead a normal life. The Barnett’s are callous. The State of Indiana fucked up here. They really did. The judge who legally changed her age needs to be investigated. To me, it’s abundantly clear the Barnett’s crafted a way to ‘dispose’ of her that wouldn’t hurt their image and public notoriety gained from being the amazing parents to their child prodigy son Jacob. Natalia wasn’t an daughter to them. Natalia was an inconvenience to them. She’s the victim here.

I’m so disappointed in the media. I really am. All of these people who’ve been promoting Kristine and Michael’s lies and dragging this girl through the mud, they should have to apologize. I really hope they swallow the sword and grow up and apologize. Because until they do, Natalia is never going to be able to lead a normal life. Her name, face, likeness and person has been dragged through the mud for months… at the hands of this couple who refuse to admit their wrong doings.

** Oh, Dr. Phil also said that he’s arranging for Natalia’s birth mother to come to the United States to reunite the two. Which is awesome. I hope this birth mother is, in fact her birth mother and that Dr. Phil can help prove that. Because if so, that’ll be a big help into getting to the bottom of this case!


Couple of Dr. Phil clips:

Natalia responding to specific claims made by Kristine Barnett
Natalia answering with what she wants when all is said and done.

Previous posts about this subject:

Natalia Grace Speaks! – Nov 4, 2019

Natalia Grace – I can’t even with this crazy story… – October 9, 2019