On ‘love’.

Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, ‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.

Hafiz

I think that if you read this quote out to a classroom of people, every single person in the room would interpret it differently. That’s kind of what love is, though. When you really stop to think about it, everyone sees love in a different way. Everyone feels love in a different way. No two people love the same.

Perhaps the best thing we can do for ourselves with respect to love is to remember that no love is the same. That doesn’t mean it still can’t be the light of your life if you allow it.

On ‘happiness’.

You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lies on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile, kiss their face in the gentlest manner so as not to wake them. You turn back around and involuntarily, a grin forms on your own face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and you know it doesn’t get any better than this.

On ‘shattering glass ceilings’

I remember the excitement I felt when my nephew was born. While my sister-in-law was pregnant, we had been told while my that he was going to be born with some pretty serious health issues, so the day he was born a healthy, happy baby boy with ten fingers and ten toes and seemingly, perfectly healthy, I couldn’t help but think we had been given a gift from the universe.

I promised myself that kid was going to know everything good in life. I wanted to share with him a love for things like Frank Sinatra, the smell of old books and the feeling you get when you walk in the rain. More than that, though, I wanted to share with him a desire. A desire for what he loved, for what he wanted, or for more. Always more. See, if I could teach my nephew just one thing, it would be that he never settle. He’s capable of so very much, and I say that in part being a biased Auntie and in part being an optimist who believes, with the right motivation, he can be whatever and whoever he wants to be in this life.

I remember the excitement I felt when my niece was born. I was over-the-moon at the prospect of a little girl gracing this family of boys that I’d been living in for so long. (The female gender is grossly underrepresented in my family) The day that I held her in my arms for the very first time, I remember thinking that I’d never seen anyone on earth more beautiful than she.

I promised myself that she was going to know everything good in life. I wanted to ensure that, as a girl growing up in a family filled with men, she was given every opportunity to be whomever she wanted to be – whether that girly and dainty, or rugged and strong (or all of the above). More than that though, I couldn’t help but think about how different her life was going to be from that of my nephew. See, if I could teach my niece just one thing, it would be that she seek to shatter glass ceilings and not fit into glass slippers. There’s no need to fit in to a world in which she’s born to stand out, stand up and create her own kind of incredible. She’s capable of so very much, and I say that in part being a biased Auntie and in part being an optimist who believes, with the right motivation, she can be whatever and whomever she wants to be in this life.

This year I’m soon to have another niece. I’m also going to have one more niece or nephew (we won’t know which until that baby is born, as my brother wishes to be surprised by the gender. I think it’s a girl. Cough. Totally a girl. Cough). My brother, Aaron, has asked me to write something for his baby-to-be. He said, if I could teach his soon-to-be little girl just one thing, what would I teach her? Honestly, I think if I could teach her anything it would be that she seek to shatter glass ceilings, not fit into glass slippers. I know that it’s cliche, but I stand by the statement.

Girls are raised differently than boys. We’re taught to be quiet, to not be too opinionated and to worry more about how we’re perceived on the outside than how we’re perceived on the inside. Boys are raised to be strong, opinionated and with the notion that the world is at their fingertips. It’s just a fact of life. I think if I could only give one thing to my nieces it would be that they know they’re strong, can be opinionated if they want to be and that the world is also at their fingertips.

I have no worries for my nephew. He’s growing up to be one hell-of-a kid. He’s articulate, intelligent, strong, loves sports and all the good music, he thinks it’s cool to dye his hair purple. He knows the world is his oyster. Presently he’s talking about wanting to be an astronaut and go to space when he grows up. And, if he still wants to in ten years, I have no doubt he will.

I worry about my niece, and my niece to be. While my niece is one hell-of-a kid, I can’t help but feel as though we’re sending the wrong message as a society when she tells me she’s not allowed to play hockey because it would make her too manly. How does an eight year old come to these conclusions? They’re taught to her. They’re taught to too many girls and I don’t think it’s right. In 2019 a girl should be able to be whomever she wants to be, and it’s time we start teaching that to the female gender.

And if, in time, she decides that the glass slipper is what she wants to wear, I’d be more than happy with that fact. So long as I know she’s not settling for it, and that it’s her choice, her desire and her dream.

The world is your oyster, my dear. All you have to do is believe.

Benefits to running away?

Lately, I’ve been thinking that I want to book a ticket to Toronto. I desperately want to see the light show at Niagara Falls, and I just want to wander ’round downtown the city for a few days – feel lost among the crowd for a while.

I’ve always been thinking that I’m in need of escape for a few days. I think being in a city where no one knows me might be a nice feeling.

For some reason though, I just can’t seem to pull the trigger. I don’t know why. I want to. I want to so badly. I just want a break. Why can’t I click ‘purchase’?

Wow. Okay.

My mom’s been in a bit of a bad mood for the past few months. In general she’s always been more of a bubbly person in nature, but when she received her diagnosis late last year, it was almost as though a darkness came out in her.

It’s definitely been something that my family has been trying hard to deal with, and to understand. I mean, I’ve never battled cancer but I’d like to think that if I had to, people would allow me to feel exactly how I wanted. So, for that reason, we’ve kind of just… let her be.

I’ve noticed though, that the times in which she crosses the line seem to be happening more and more as of late. And I’m put in this horrible position of trying to put her in her place, or letting it go, knowing what she’s just said or done is completely not okay but she’s battling cancer and it’s taking it’s toll on her.

This morning my brother, Aaron, called to ask her if she and my dad would come to his baby shower. His girlfriend is expecting their first child and her due date is in late June. Instead of just saying ‘Aaron, I am unable to come’, her response was ‘I’m not going to a baby shower before the baby is born because I don’t even know if that baby is going to live or not’.

Harsh, right?

Little bit.

My brother is about to become a dad for the first time in his life, I think of all of the things that are running through his head at this point in time, the last thing he needs to be worrying about is miscarriage. Especially this late in the pregnancy.

And don’t get me wrong. I understand that miscarriages happen. I do. And I understand that they still happen late in pregnancy. I get that. I just don’t think it’s appropriate to put that thought in the mind of a first-time-father. He shouldn’t have to be worrying about whether or not his baby is going to survive. There’s enough for him to be worried about right now.

I just really wish she hadn’t said that. Aaron is someone that I know personally has suffered from anxiety in his life and I worry now that he’s going to anxiously worry about this for the rest of his girlfriend’s pregnancy. I worry that he’s going to keep that thought in the back of his mind as he patiently awaits the birth of his first child – something that really didn’t need to be there and really shouldn’t be there.

We all understand that miscarriages happen. That doesn’t mean that you need to fill that thought in first-time-parent’s heads as they get ready to have their baby.

The whole situation has completely dumbfounded me. Why would she do this? When I talked to her when she got off the phone, my mother’s response was ‘I had two miscarriages, so it’s time they wake up and smell the realities of life.’ I really don’t think she understands at all what she just said.

All he wanted to do was invite her to a baby shower.

Perhaps I’m wrong, perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything to her. Perhaps I just should ignore the entire situation completely. I’m just of the belief that there are some things that, especially for an anxious mind, do you know good to be thinking about until they happen, if they even happen at all. Miscarriages are a very real reality for pregnant women, I get that, but I also think there’s a certain amount of decorum one should show with respect to the subject.

I tried calling Aaron after I spoke to my mom. I think he’s just pissed off and stewing right now. All he said was ‘It’s fine. She just needs to focus on getting better, I guess’. Clearly he’s taken the route of just ignoring that it happened. Or trying to ignore that it happened, at least.

Sunday’s are for:

I love Sunday’s. Sunday’s are my day. Sunday’s are a day for sleeping in, a day for adventure, a day for chasing sunsets, a day for getting my nails done, a day for unequivocally being completely myself in every way possible.

I don’t have to answer to anyone, I don’t have to do anything unless I choose. If I work, it’s because I want to. If I don’t it’s because I want to. It’s a day for love and lust and taking the last drink in the fridge and the first burger off the barbecue.

Sunday’s are a day for the lost souls, for the wandering souls and for the sweet souls. It’s a day where anything can happen, and it’s equally as incredible a time if nothing happens at all. Sunday’s don’t judge, they simply accept you for who and what you are and allow you to do as you please.

I wish every day could be Sunday. I wish there were more time for adventure, more time for confidence building and more time for the moments I’ll never forget.

Sunday’s are my day. The best day.

Here’s to Sunday’s. May the adventures take us farther than our little hearts could ever dream of.