Title-less.

I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now.
But the airwaves are clean and there’s nobody singing to me now.
No change, I can’t change, I can’t change, I can’t change,
But I’m here in my mold, I am here in my mold.
And I’m a million different people from one day to the next
I can’t change my mold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony this life.
Trying to make ends meet, trying to find some money then you die.

Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve

The love of my life has decided that he no longer wishes to be a part of my life. I’m not really sure what to say about the matter. I love him and this sucks. But, you can’t force someone to want to be with you. Part of me thought he’d come back around. But, as the time passes, I realize that’s not likely. It looks like I’m going to be doing this on my own.

Angry vaguebooking

It’s 3:50 a.m.

I am still awake. I don’t reckon I’ll sleep at all.

I’ve been googling how to mend a broken heart tonight. How cliché, right? I’ve yet to find something to make me feel any better. So, I just sit here in the dark listening to sad songs.

I’m supposed to be celebrating. This is supposed to be an amazing time. And that’s been taken from me.

Fuck.

It takes a lot to piss me off. Congratulations for making it seem effortless.

I don’t even really know what to say. I’m just so fucking mad. I’m going to go ruminate for a few hours or days. Maybe a lifetime. Who knows.

Oh chocolate, how could you do this?

Yesterday I was cleaning out a desk that belonged to my brother before he moved to Denmark in 2009. This desk was filled with old homework from his university days, pictures of his friends, some random bits and bobs (including a pocket knife, some drill bits, etc) and a stash of chocolate.

I got scared when I found the chocolate.

I needed to clean out this desk so that my parents could sell it. I genuinely don’t believe anyone has touched it since my brother left for Denmark.

There was a stash of chocolate in the desk that included Kit Kat Bars. The wrappers of one of the Kit Kat Bars was open as though he’d taken a bite out of it and then never finished it. The wrapper said that the expiry for the Kit Kat was November 2010.

There was no a speck of mould on this chocolate bar. It wasn’t even dried out. I touched it thinking that it would be rock hard because of how long the package had been open. Nope. I held my fingers against it and it started to melt from the warmth of my fingers, but otherwise, it was pretty much just a regular chocolate bar, even though it had expired ten years ago.

Nothing was wrong with it.

It looked like a brand new, perfectly good chocolate bar.

I could have broken off a piece and given it to one of my family members and they could’ve easily believed I’d just gone to the store and bought it.

10 years expired and looks brand new. Think about that next time you eat chocolate.

P.s. I showed a piece of it on my Instagram story if you want to see it. lol

When people suck.

Why do people have to fight when someone passes away? Why can’t they just get along, remember the person in the way which they deserve and fulfill their final wishes? Why does it always have to be about money?

‘Well I bet you’re happy about the giant pay day you’re about to come into!’ Someone who knows my parents says to me today and laughs while they execute the ‘making it rain’ gesture with their hands. Mature, I know.

Why kind of a heartless person says/does stuff like this?

No. I’m not excited. I’d rather still have my uncle around and I’m damn fucking sure that my parents and all of my brothers would say the same thing. His estate could be worth $10 or 10 billion dollars, it doesn’t fucking matter. No amount of money is worth the loss to our family and the fact that all of my Uncles, Aunts and Cousins are fighting with one another.

No one ever asks to lose a loved one. This money isn’t something we’re celebrating. The estate won’t even be settled for at least two years. But hey, apparently people think we’re laughing all the way to the bank… Why do people always make it about money?

We still haven’t even been issued a death certificate due to backup because of COVID-19.

Good News Wednesday

I actually heard some really great news today. So great that I don’t really know how to process it. After the year that it’s been, I’m not used to hearing good news. I’m not familiar with the feeling of smiling and it not being forced.

We’ve also reached a whopping 16 degrees here today (60 Fahrenheit) and the snow is ALMOST gone. The sun is shining and things are genuinely looking up. Did I just jinx things by saying that? I certainly hope not.

Grocery store math

I had to buy razor blades. I’ve needed razor blades for a while but I have been putting it off because I find them to be so dang expensive that I hate buying them.

Anyone else think that razor blades cost way more than they should? Just me?

So, tonight I made a run for the grocery store just ten minutes before it was to close in hopes that would make for less people in the store. (Totally viable strategy by the way)

The hygiene aisle. Oh, the hygiene aisle is a bad place to be.

This is going to sound very whiny of me, but I’ll just put it out there… shit marketed towards women is ALWAYS more expensive than the counterpart marketing towards women. It just is. That’s actually another reason why I hate buying razor blades.

You can buy a totally bomb razor from the men’s side of the aisle for $10. Four refill cartridges cost between $10-15. You can buy an average razor on the women’s side of the aisle for anywhere from $16-22. If you want a good razor, it’s likely going to cost $25 or more. And cartridges for those… oh the cartridges…

I went to the grocery store to buy refill cartridges for my razor. I already have the razor. I don’t need a new razor. How many more times can I say razor in the same paragraph? Stop me, please… I’m in a sarcastic asshole kind of mood and I could probably go all night.

Four refill cartridges for my razor at the grocery store were priced at $25.99 (and that is on sale, they are regular $28.99… three dollars off… whoop-dee-do). Five refill cartridges plus the razor, the value pack, was priced at $22.99. (three dollars less… whoop-dee-do)

Wait a minute.

I can buy four cartridges for $25.99, or I can buy five cartridges and the razor for $22.99?

I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

It seems like a no-brainer to me. Buy the one with five cartridges. Five cartridges is three dollars less so the obvious move is to throw out my current razor and let it sit in the landfill for the next 400 years. Yeah, that’s overdramatic, I know. But it’s the truth.

Truth is men’s razors are often better anyway.

Truth: most products geared towards men are cheaper. It’s actually a practice that’s been coined in economics as the pink tax. Example:

Women’s 74g deodorant for $5.97 at Walmart
Men’s 85g deodorant for $5.27 at Walmart

The price difference is small. So small that people don’t often notice it. But the truth is, over a year… hell, even over a lifetime these differences add up.

These deodorants are priced at Walmart in the nearest town. They’re made by the same brand, likely in the same manufacturing plant (though that’s just speculation) and one is marketing towards Women and one is marketed towards men. The difference in prices varies more when you look at differing brands. As a whole, men’s deodorant is much cheaper.

Why does the women’s deodorant cost more? These products serve one purpose and it’s the same purpose for men and women.

I’m just ranting right now. The moral of this whole story is that razors are expensive and if you want to go to the store when it’s emptiest, pick ten minutes before closing.

Okay, bye.