I have a job interview today.

To clarify, when I speak of my anxiety, it’s because the coping mechanisms that I usually use to work through my anxiety aren’t working.

I have a job interview today. It was 95% of the reason why I was anxious last night and is 100% of the reason why I am anxious today.

On the one hand, I’m thinking ‘hey, potential job prospect, this is great!’ And ‘I really hope this isn’t like the scam I walked into, and wasted my time at, in May’.

On the other hand, I’m thinking ‘hey, this is nowhere near Calgary and I have goals and plans for my life. If I accepted a job like this, would it stray me from my goals?’

And then there’s a nagging insecurity in my brain saying ‘Don’t just think you’re going to get this job, no one else wants to hire you so why would they?’

Realistically, the only thing that I can do is go into this job interview with an open mind. If I hope for the best then I can figure the rest out after. It’s just dealing with these nagging feelings of anxiety inside that I struggle with. I haven’t quiet yet figured out how to tackle all of my triggers, so there are times when I let my fears see light.

Speaking of good news (smooth transitions only, right), my mom went to the cancer clinic today for her follow up appointment. She’s required to do follow ups ‘x’ amount of days after finishing treatment and then every six months for two years and then once a year for five years following that (just to make sure that the cancer doesn’t return). Anyways, in her follow up appointment today they told her that she’s healing remarkably well, there’s no sign of recurring cells and they’re very impressed with her health at this point.

So that’s great!

It’s a rainy, gloomy day here. I’m trying to stay positive though.

There’s a lot to be thankful for. Mainly my mom’s health. I know not everyone gets so lucky when it comes to cancer, and our family is eternally grateful.

Adventures in job hunting: I just can’t make this shit up.

This morning I got a response from a position that I applied for last night. This is odd to me. I get an iffy feeling about companies that respond to resumes in less than 24 hours. Nevertheless, I continued reading the four paragraph email in hopes that something positive would come from the words they’ve written me.

It didn’t really wasn’t worth my time in reading.

Firstly, I would like to state that this position was listed as being in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. I am currently in a small town in Northern British Columbia, Canada.

It was a four paragraph email to which they explained the importance of my transferring them $4,000 dollars as a security deposit. They apparently use the security deposit in place of signing a confidentiality agreement. So, I was to send them $4,000 for a security deposit, that could be returned to me upon six months completion of work (the probationary period).

The letter stated that, if I sent them the money today, I could be working as early as this afternoon. They’d provide me a list of errands to run and I could hop in my car and go do them and the company would reimburse me for the gas costs after the fact so long as I kept a log of miles travelled.

The letter went on to state that the company operates under a policy of ‘trust, but verify’ and their means of verifying is through the transfer of this $4,000, and that it’s a perfectly normal request that everyone who works for the company does.

To sum it up: If I pay $4,000 to this company, today, I could have the job and be working as early as this afternoon, running errands in my car, in a city that’s 12 hours away. Utmost discretion is required and, I am not to discuss this position with anyone else and we could work on salary and payment arrangements after I’d started working.

I reported this posting to LinkedIn today.

There’s no need for people to deal with this shit. It’s clearly a scam and I don’t want someone who doesn’t know any better to fall for this.

YOU SHOULD NOT EVER HAVE TO PAY MONEY TO AN EMPLOYER TO GET A JOB (I feel as though capital letters are necessary to proclaim my tone in the sentence).

I’m struggling tonight.

I’m lamenting over opportunities missed, opportunities passed and opportunities forgotten.

I’m having trouble just… existing right now. I feel bad. We all have our days, and I know this will pass, eventually. I just… wish I could avoid times like these. I wish that I was happier with where I’m at with my life.

Honest thoughts: all I want to do is crawl into my bed and cry.

I’m not even anxious. I’m just… doubting myself.

How do I make an employer see the talents that I possess could be of great benefit to them when several hundred people are applying for the same job? How do I make myself stand out? I know that in person I can stand out, but somehow, I seem to keep falling short.

I’m trying to not beat myself up. I really am. I’m just trying to figure out where I am lacking. Why do I keep making it to the final step and falling short?

I didn’t get the job.

In response up to: Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow – I didn’t get the job.

I’m not really sure what to say on the matter. It’s obviously not the outcome that I wanted. It’s obviously not the outcome that I thought was going to happen. I got my hopes up for this. I really thought this was it, this was my opportunity for growth, for a my next career move, to work for an organization that didn’t break the law and ask me to cover it up. There were so many bonuses to working in this office and I’m kicking myself right now because I don’t get any of them.

I can’t even be mad. I’m not mad. It’s an incredible company and I know they’ve got to do what they feel is right for them. I just can’t help but feel as though they made the wrong choice. And, in their making the wrong choice, I’ve lost out.

It sucks. It really does.

All of my worst fears seem to be coming to fruition. I’m too qualified to work in retail, not qualified to work at these jobs that I’ve been working towards for a decade. Job hunting sucks. It really does. I’m squandering all of my talents and there’s nothing I can do about that.

I don’t know what to do with myself.

I’m not qualified to work at Wal-Mart.

That’s right. Sounds a little ridiculous, no? It’s Wal-Mart. How hard could it possibly be? What exactly are the skills required of working at Wal-Mart that I am lacking? Or am I just a really shitty person and that’s why they won’t hire me?

Throughout this job-hunting process, one of the things that I wanted to do was apply for a cashier/retail position. I wanted something that I could work in the mean-time, until I find my next career position. And, I thought if I were so lucky enough, this mean-time job – being a cashier in a store, might be able to be my ‘side-hustle’ so to speak… once I landed my 9-5 again.

I thought this plan might have been coming to fruition when I landed an interview for a role as a cashier at Wal-Mart. I thought ‘This will be perfect. I can work it full-time now (or part time, whatever hours they provide me) and then when I land my full-time job I can scale back to part time’. I thought being a part-time employee at Wal-Mart was a good thing. After all, don’t they like that? They don’t have to pay employees as much, or offer as many breaks, etc… if they’re part-time.

I’m somewhat-not-stupid in the intelligence department. I can count. I can multiply large numbers in my head and would absolutely be able to complete my job even if the power went out and the register was not working. I can scan products through the till. I have a pretty solid memory, for the most part, so remembering things like produce or bulk food codes won’t be hard for me. I tend to work well under chaos and am used to people yelling at me. My mom tells me that I have a nice smile… how could I possibly fail at this role?

Well, apparently Wal-Mart didn’t think I was the right fit for their store.

I went to the job interview – which turned into a group interview… that they did not tell any of us about ahead of time. During the hour in which the interview occurred, the only actual question the manager asked me about myself was what my name was. We proceeded to spend the next hour running through ‘what would you do if…’ scenarios with respect to the store.

I completed each of these scenarios and, after going in order of left-to-right for each candidate to present their completed findings/suggestions, myself and one other girl were quickly cut off and not provided the opportunity to present ours as the one hour of allotted time for the interview was up and they were done interviewing candidates.

The manager promptly let each of us know that he would tell us within 72 hours whether or not we were selected to work for Wal-Mart via email.

Within one hour of leaving my group interview at Wal-Mart, to which the only question I was asked about myself was what my name was, I was sent an email that read the following:

Dear Miss [Insert Last Name Here]

At Wal-Mart we receive many applications from people on a daily basis who wish to work in our store and we have to do our very best to select the most qualified candidates who will be the best additions to our team.

At this time we have found qualified, suitable candidates and will not be hiring you for the position of cashier.

Please do not get discouraged. There are still plenty of career opportunities to work with Wal-Mart, so we do recommend that you keep your account active, remember your username and password, and apply for any future positions to which you may be interested in.

Sincerely,

The Hiring Team at Wal Mart Store [Insert Wal Mart Store Location here]

Since, at this time, they’ve found qualified and suitable candidates for the role of cashier, does that mean that I am not qualified? Or does that mean that I am not suitable? Either way, what is it about my telling you my name that makes me not qualified or not suitable for your team?

This whole process was a bit of a let-down. To not even really be given the time of day in an interview was frustrating, especially considering I sat on my computer one night and completed their 30 minute personality assessment test, to which they reassured me at several points throughout the test that there were no wrong answers. Did I actually get the answers wrong?

What was it about my interview that lead you to believe I am a bad fit for your team? I wore dress clothes – it wasn’t as though I came looking like a slob. I’m an educated woman, it wasn’t as though I couldn’t string sentences together… not that I even got the opportunity to do so anyways.

I can’t be the first person in the world who’s been through the process of changing careers. And I know that I’m definitely not the first person in the world who’s considered the option of a cashier role as a ‘side-hustle’ to make money. Maybe that just doesn’t work for them. Or maybe the manager who interviewed us is telepathic so he knew what I was thinking with respect to the scenarios we were supposed to present and that’s why he didn’t provide me the opportunity to present. Yeah, that’s it. He already knew my answers.

Here’s to being unqualified, or unsuitable, or whatever… (I’m not really sure what they were thinking) to work at Wal-Mart. I’ll drink to that.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

So, a few weeks back I wrote this post: Who is your favourite superhero and why?

As mentioned in the post, my response was sent to a potential employer as a part of a pre-task questionnaire to help them determine who they wanted to interview.

Well, turns out… they wanted to interview me!

This obviously provided me a great deal of excitement. I was trying to not get my hopes up, but at the same time, prepping myself for what could be an incredible position with an incredibly cool company.

I went to my job interview today. And I FUCKING NAILED IT. I did so good. And I loved the women that I interviewed with. They were genuine, kind, intelligent, hard-working, powerful and stunning. They’re everything that I hope to become as a career woman. The interview was so fluid and easy. I was confident, and pretty freaking impressed with myself about how well I could answer all of their questions without hesitation.

At the end of the interview, they let me know they were asking their two favourite candidates to return tomorrow to meet the CEO. The CEO has final hiring power, so they were having him interview the two best candidates so he could select the person who will be hired. They told me that I’d hear from them before 4:30 today with whether or not I was selected as one of the final two.

I WAS SELECTED AS ONE OF THE FINAL TWO!

It was less than a half hour after I left my interview that they contacted me. They told me that they loved me, they thought I was qualified and competent and would like for me to come back tomorrow to meet the CEO.

Umm… HECK YES.

I have an interview tomorrow with the CEO. I am one of the final two candidates. I might actually get this! This would be an incredible company to work for.

Oh, I’m wishing for luck and light from the universe for this one. This would be a huge step up from my last position/organization, and, it would provide so much opportunity for growth for me.

I want it. I want it so badly.

Adventures in job hunting (the saga continues)

If there’s one thing that I absolutely hate in life, it’s being lied to. Just be honest. There’s no reason not to. If you’re trying to hide something then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

This morning, I went to a job interview at ‘Company X’. Company X advertised a marketing position on their website, that, when I read the description, I thought I could do well at. My degree is in Marketing with a Minor in Economics. I’ve been working Public Relations for the past decade, so when it comes to skills, I’ve got the vast majority of the Marketing/Communications sector covered.

What a fucking waste of time this morning was for me.

Flash back to last week – When I applied for the position, I noticed that the job description was incredibly vague. That being said, I applied for it anyway, excited of the prospect of landing a marketing role.

The position title: “Marketing Executive”

The position description:

  • Work with local businesses to understand their business cycle and their advertising needs 
  • Work with local businesses and non-profits to design an advertising campaign to meet targets 
  • Provide on-going support to ensure optimal client service 
  • Ongoing awareness of our clients’ day to day challenges 
  • Receivables control 

Vague, right? But, I thought that in my current state I should apply and see what happened. A marketing role could be good for me right now, and if they selected me for an interview, I could ask them the questions I wanted at the interview to learn more about the job.

There’s one GIANT bullet point missing from the job description. The actual position description should be:

  • We are looking for a Sales Representative. This position is 100% sales based.

That’s right. The actual position has nothing to do with marketing. The actual position doesn’t have to do with businesses marketing or advertising needs. They have a team for that. They just want someone to sell companies – and bring in revenue.

The interviewer asks “What experience do yo have in sales?” None. I have no experience in sales. You know this. Why? Because you read my resume. You knew this when you called me last week and requested an interview. Why would I think I need sales experience… it’s listed nowhere in the job description or title.

Working with local business to determine advertising needs, to me, means that you sit down with the boss and find out what he/she wants their brand to be portrayed as. Working with local business to determine advertising needs does not mean cold calling all over town to beg people to purchase advertising. You know this, and you purposely left it off of the job description because you know if people knew the full truth about this position whilst it was posted online, no one would apply.

Furthermore, what I learned today: the position has no salary, it’s 100% sales commission paid. Therefore, if you sell something you get 10% of whatever sold. He says “To put that in perspective, if you sell $300,000 in revenue in a year, you’re going to make about $30,000.”

Are you fucking kidding me? Who is going to sell $300,000 in revenue in this industry… in this town? We’re not in Vancouver or Toronto. We’re in a town in the middle of nowhere with a limited customer base and even more limited audience.

You’re required to work 8-5 Monday to Friday, but you don’t get paid unless you make sales. That’s fine – then advertise this as a fucking sales position, not as a marketing position.

One other thing I learned was that they have teams to put together advertising needs and desires for clients. Yeah, all those bullet points up there about working with clients to determine their needs… they have a team for that. They literally just want someone to go out and do the sales.

My final question for them this morning was if they have a database to work off of for potential customers/people to start with. No. They don’t. Whomever takes on this role has to create the database of potential customers through cold calling. They quite literally have NOTHING set up for this position.

Why would I waste my time with this?

If you can’t even be honest on your job description you post online, why do you think anyone would want to work for you? You know you’re creating a ridiculous ask of any incumbent and that’s why you lied about the position in the job description you posted.

I won’t be speaking to Company X ever again.

In the words of Ariana Grande… thank u, next.