Edibles are not that good.

One of the reasons that I’ve never gotten into weed is because the smell is a real turnoff for me. I can’t get passed it. I liken the way I feel about the smell of weed to the way the majority of the earth feels about the smell of skunk spray. That’s how much it gets to me.

Edibles, they get you with edibles. There’s this promise of having the incredible after-effect of THC/CBD, without the weed taste or smell. All they really seem to do with edibles is mask it with the smell and taste of a different strong ingredient. (Such as pieces of candy cane) The problem is, that underlying taste and smell is still there. If you bite into it, you’re going to get hit with that candy cane first, but that underlying taste of weed is there. And it’s strong. And it lingers in your mouth/throat for HOURS after the fact. That’s the hard part. I could probably deal with the disgusting taste in one bite if that’s all it was, but that taste lasts.

It seems like a lot of inconvenience for a very small amount of benefit. I’m just not a weed person, I guess. I don’t understand why people like them.

Disclaimer: Weed is legal here. It’s about as easy to get as a bottle of wine. These opinions of mine are not intended to promote, or obstruct, any opinions people might have of weed. Follow the law where you live.

Monday Motivation

I say this with love, because I have realized some truths
I am not intimidating, you are intimidated.
There’s a difference.

I don’t take up too much space,
you’re just used to people playing small.

My inner light is not too bright.
You’re just used to dimming your own.

I am not mean, nor aggressive.
I am honest and assertive,
and that makes you uncomfortable.

I do not make you uncomfortable.
My presence challenges your comfort.

All of that is yours.

I will not be less for you to feel better about yourself.

Credit – Maria Mila Vasquez on Instagram (Linked her profile where she posted the original video with these words)

Take Note

Take note of who shows up for you, and who doesn’t.

Take note of who is there for you, and who isn’t.

Take note of who makes you feel as though you matter, and who doesn’t.

Take note of who steps up when you need them, and who has excuses.

Take note of who answers your calls when you phone them, even it’s 2:00 am. It really doesn’t matter the time, if talking to you is important to them, they will answer.

Take note of who wants you around. Not out of any sense of obligation, but rather, just because they realize it’s better to have you around then it is to be without you.

Take note of who celebrates your victories as though they’re their own. If you’re important to them then they’ll be happy for you, never jealous. They’ll also never try to make it about themselves.

Take note of who asks how you are and genuinely wants to hear the truth, good or bad.

Take note of who remembers. Whether it’s the little details, or the big, they’re going to remember because it’s as important to them as it is to you.

Take note of who makes the effort. Whether it’s for the littlest of moments, or the biggest, they will treat them all with the same importance, because it involves you, and that’s what matters to them, making the effort for you.

Take note of who is proud of you, and proud to be with you. They damn well better be proud to be with you.

Despite what some might say, it’s not a lot to expect people to treat you properly. Take note of who treats you properly. And, if you read anything on this list and take issue with it, perhaps you ought to be treating some people better. No one is perfect. But, if someone truly cares, they’ll show it. Not with grand gestures or sweeping displays of affection/admiration or praise, but in being there, in whatever way they can – through all of life’s moments.

I just… a rant.

I am trying to explain to my employer why an ‘Anonymous Survey’ asking for feedback on each of my coworkers isn’t anonymous when I am the only female being asked to fill out the survey.

You might as well ask me to stand up in front of each of them and point out their faults and failures. First off, an environment is not safe for criticism when made anonymous. From a psychological standpoint, anonymous criticisms are perhaps taken even more offensively than open criticisms, ESPECIALLY from peers where those peer coworkers are abundantly aware that some are making more money then others.

Furthermore, not signing your name to the bottom of your comments does not make the comments anonymous. As the lone female in the room, and seemingly the only person with the true understanding of this scenario they’re creating, I think differently then men, I speak differently then men and I convey my thoughts differently then men. My feedback provided would stick out like the metaphorical sore thumb.

Lastly, but certainly not least, it’s insulting to suggest that people who communicate with one another every day, multiple times per day, aren’t able to differentiate the ways in which their peers communicate. Some of the men being asked to fill out this survey have been working together for fifteen years. I 100% GUARANTEE they know exactly how their coworkers write. Just like I know exactly who adds extra capital letters where they’re not necessary, throws ‘…’ into sentences they are still trying to form in their mind whilst they’re typing, or starts the majority of their sentences with the words ‘thoughtfully’, or ‘respectively’ or ‘importantly’, so do each of them. I know how they write, and they know how I write. Much like we have clear differentiators in the way we speak, we have differentiators in the way which we write.

This survey is not anonymous.

It’s going to start conflict.

My employer trying to tell me that I’m not being a team player if I refuse to fill this out truthfully is coercion.

In the hierarchy that is 95% of companies in this world, holding employees responsible to other employees (who are at their same level on the company hierarchy, such as my company is trying to implement here) is an abdication of responsibility on behalf of the managers. If they’re not going to manage, why are they being paid extra to be managers? Implementing this change under the guise of being ‘anonymous’ is dangerously misleading.

Are my coworkers going to say mean things about me? Probably. Am I going to be offended by it? I guess we’ll find out when I see it. Am I going to provide honest feedback? Absolutely not. This is not anonymous, I’m not paid management salary and I know better than to walk into a hornets nest. The men in my office hold grudges. You could argue that’s bad company culture, I’d argue that’s human nature. It’s specific to the men in my office (because there are so few females at my company), but it’s a generalization I believe applicable to the human race as a whole.

Companies that are actually interested in honest feedback from employees need to provide a safe-space for employees to provide said feedback. An ‘anonymous survey’ just isn’t that. If they cannot provide a safe-space for people to provide honest feedback, they shouldn’t be asking for it.

Let the in-fighting begin.

Scattered recollection of the past couple weeks

Monday, August 9th – The day that I believe I contracted COVID. I had no idea at the time. It wasn’t until much later, that I thought back that this was the point in time it probably happened. It happened at work. We were taking what we thought were necessary precautions.

Friday, August 13th – I woke up with the world’s worst headache. I’m prone to headaches, so I really didn’t think much of it other than how annoying it was. This headache was on a whole different level than regular headaches. Due to the headache, I didn’t go into work. I worked from home, but ended up signing off my computer in early afternoon. I napped on-and-off through the weekend. If I’m being totally honest, I napped most of the weekend. Another thing that I didn’t realize at the time, but is important to the story is, I turned the air conditioning way down in my house (to make it 10 degrees colder).

Monday, August 16th – I still had the headache. It seemed to have only gotten worse over the weekend. Because of the headache, I worked from home. It was a long, awful day that I barely made it through. At the end of the day I sent a text message to Marla and asked her what she typically used for headaches because I was out of options and didn’t know what else to do, short of going to see a doctor. She offered an over-the-counter pain killer called ‘Aleve’ as the suggestion and, desperate to try something new, I went to the store and got some.

Tuesday, August 17th – Headache still lingering, I again worked from home. I got notification from one of my coworkers that they had gotten a COVID test the day before, and that their results had come back that morning and they’d tested positive. Immediately, I became very scared that my headache wasn’t just a headache. I called to find out when I could get tested, and I went and got tested a few hours later. I told the person administering the test that I was fully vaccinated and that, the person who’d told me they were positive was also fully vaccinated. We’d both gotten the same type of vaccine.

*Point of note – several other coworkers also went and got tested on Tuesday, as a direct result of the coworker who’d told us they’d tested positive.

I don’t think I slept at all that night. I was nervous. I was anxious. I had convinced myself that I was going to die. It was an agonizing night. My anxiety was on high-alert and I was in a consistent state of panic.

Wednesday, August 18th – I got notification that I tested positive. I was mad. So fucking mad. I got angry. I threw some things. I cried for several hours. Then I started piecing together the past couple weeks of my life trying to backtrack to where I would’ve gotten it, as well as if I’d possibly been near someone else and could’ve given COVID to them.

All throughout Wednesday we received the news that each coworker who had gotten tested had, in fact, tested positive. Our regular staff group chat became all about our anger, frustration and anxiousness of what could be coming our way.

When each of us backtracked to when it could’ve been that we were all in the same place, we all kept coming back to Monday, August 9th.

During one of the periods of which I was bawling my eyes out, I realized that my headache wasn’t a regular headache, it was early signs of telling me that I was sick with COVID. I also realized that, when I turned the air conditioning down in my house to make it ten degrees colder, it wasn’t hotter outside. My house wasn’t any hotter than it had normally been. If anything it was colder because we’d had some very rainy days. When I was making my house even colder than normal, I was overcompensating for how hot my body temperature was. I likely, at the time, had a fever but I didn’t notice it because I was so focused on my headache. I also had chalked up my tiredness/sleeping for a lot of the weekend to the headache, when in reality, I was too focused on my headache and not realizing that I was very lethargic.

Had my coworker not tested positive, I never would’ve considered that what I was dealing with was COVID. It didn’t cross my mind, because I’m vaccinated. I wear a mask everywhere. I stay away from people, or so I thought I was staying far enough away from people. I was of the belief that if I had COVID, I would have the regular symptoms that people have been talking about for the past year and a half. In reality, because I’m vaccinated, that just isn’t/wasn’t the case.

Friday August 20th – I learned that the COVID was Delta Variant. Immediately I became more nervous then before. I was extremely anxious. My mind spiraled out of control and I cried a lot that day.

And here we are.

I’m doing much better than I was last week.

I am okay. I am still sick, but I am okay. There were several days when I was so uncomfortable and so sick that all I did was cry. Out of fear, out of frustration, out of sadness, out of stress, out of everything.

If there’s one lesson I’ve learned throughout this entire experience it is that I shouldn’t let my guard down. A vaccine is an added layer of protection, not a cure. While I am extremely grateful that I am/was vaccinated, it’s not 100% protection. Due diligence is still required to stay healthy. So long as COVID is running rampant throughout society, I will continue to wear my mask, carry sanitizer with me, obsessively change my clothing if I come home from being out around people, and to guard my inner-circle. I don’t want to deal with this again.

Things that make me anxious.

When I went to get my mail today (community mailboxes down the street) I noticed a collection of cigarette butts on the ground, a step down from my front porch.

Did one of my neighbours just decide to empty their ash tray directly in front of my house? Or was someone lurking outside of my house for an extended period of time last night?

Yeah, I’m probably going to worry about this when I go to sleep tonight.

I live alone. I don’t need anyone hanging out at my front door for extended periods of time.

British Columbia is burning.

This is my home.

3:00 PM Near Whiterock Lake Fire from @Kelowna_Doris on Twitter
10:00 PM Near Mount Law Wildfire from @CUrqhartGlobal on Twitter
This is the Coquihalla Fire on Highway 5 from @TransBC on Twitter.

There are fires burning out of control across the province. More than 50,000 people have been forced from their homes in evacuations. Highways are shut down. Smoke has filled the air from British Columbia through Saskatchewan. There’s over 200 fires burning in the province. It presently looks like it’s 10 pm here, though I’m writing this at 2:30 in the afternoon.

I need ideas for birthday presents

My mother’s birthday is coming up.

If you have any suggestions for birthday presents for mom’s, I’d love to hear them.

My mom is a very casual person. She’s a jeans and a t-shirt type of lady. So like… nothing that’s fancy, because she’s too casual for that.

Thank you.

Edited after the fact because people pointed out how petty I was being and I heard them. Removed the pettiness. Thank you for being honest with me.