On ‘being a good person’.

Of all the things he hasn’t accomplished in his presidency, Donald Trump has most definitely been successful in emboldening hatred, bigotry and misogyny around the world. In my mind, he is the prime and shining example of school-yard bullying at the highest powers of society and the fact that he’s so well known has, in some way, given a voice hatred spewers world-wide.

If you like Donald Trump and you think he’s a good president, that’s your opinion and you’re allowed to believe that. I don’t like him. I don’t like what he stands for. I don’t like what he represents, and most of all, I really don’t like that he’s made it acceptable in 2019 to be a horrible person and have it be socially acceptable.

I don’t want to go backwards. I don’t.

The world that my mom and dad grew up in, the world that my grandparents grew up in, it had a lot of problems. There were a lot of things going on that I thought we’d already passed and left behind us. I’m not saying we don’t have our own problems now, I’m just saying that we shouldn’t be revisiting the past.

Hate is not okay. Bullying is not okay. Bigotry is not okay. Misogyny is not okay. Sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, all not okay.

I know that it was naive of me to assume to, but I liked to think that all children in this world are raised with manners, and taught tolerance, acceptance and respect. Sadly, 2019 has been teaching me that that is really not the case.

The thing is, no one is born evil. No one is born to hate. That’s why I think it’s so important to teach people when they’re children. Trying to teach adults is a whole different ball game. That being said, it saddens me that so many people in this world are raised being taught to hate and bully.

I consider myself to be a good person. Or at least I try to be. I’m nice to everyone I meet, I use my manners – hold open doors, etc… I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions, whether their opinions agree with mine or not. I just wish that everyone would try to do the same, to be the same.

What do you get out of bullying someone? Honestly. What do you get out of treating someone as though they’re less than you? Does it make one happy? I can’t imagine that it makes someone fulfilled. Donald Trump (sorry to use him as an example again, but really) doesn’t seem all that happy, or fulfilled. And, considering I question whether or not he actually has any money, he doesn’t seem like he has much of anything beyond a lot of hatred.

I just want to encourage everyone to be nice. Just be nice. Treat your friends well, treat strangers with kindness. Have hope for the people you don’t know and have understanding for the people you do know. Try to understand the human condition and that we all have good and we all suffer from time to time – some a lot worse than others. Just because we don’t know what someone is going through doesn’t mean that we cannot help.

Kindness is so important. Manners cost nothing. Be a good person. Please.

Of all the legacies you can leave in this world, please try to be a good person. That might be the most important of all.

7 Rules for Life

  1. Make peace with your past so it doesn’t disturb your future.
  2. What other people think of you is none of your business.
  3. The only person in charge of your happiness is you.
  4. Don’t compare your life to anyone else. Comparison is the thief of joy.
  5. Time heals almost everything. Always give it some time.
  6. Stop thinking so much. It’s completely okay to not know all of the answers.
  7. Smile! You don’t own the world’s problems.

Day 50: If someone tears you down, that’s a reflection of them and not you.

Honestly, my thoughts make a lot more sense inside my head then on the page in front of me. Nevertheless, here I go:

It’s funny, you know… putting your faith in someone. You work so hard to keep the walls up for so long and someone waltzes into your life convincing you to let your guard down. And they abuse that. And they abuse the trust you put in them.  That’s how it always happens, right? And instead of finding yourself back at square, it’s almost as though you’ve reverted back to step negative four. You’re worse off than before and that’s just how it goes.

I truly believe that there are people in this world who will opt to believe you’re a bad person in order to shed the guilt they feel for how they treat you.

‘If someone tears you down, that’s a reflection on them, not you.’

I have to keep telling myself this. And truthfully, it’s not easy task convincing myself. But, it’s a really good reminder, every day. Good people don’t tear other people down. Good people don’t convince you to trust them and then fuck that up. (Excuse my language)

It’s easy to think that you’re the problem. It’s extremely easy for me to think that I am the cause, that this is my fault and that I deserve the poor behaviour, language and attitude being sent my direction.

I deserve more. Good people do not tear others down. I deserve good people in my life and so do you. Don’t ever settle for anything less than what you know you deserve.

You’re not the problem. They are. If they screw with your trust, don’t give it back to them.

Okay, I think I’m done for now. I might add more to this later, but right now that’s where my head is at.

Honestly, remember:

Even the prettiest people feel ugly at times, the happiest people feel the need to cry themselves to sleep at night and the most independent people feel alone… whether they admit it or not.

As much as we all might lead different lives, we all deal with the same demons. The best thing you can do for yourself, and for everyone else for that matter, is to remember that we’re all dealing with the same demons. Compassion and people skills go a long way in this crazy crazy world.

Things I wish I knew when I was 22

  1. It’s not the end of the world. Yes, things sucked. Debt is not fun. Having shitty people in your life is also not fun. Realizing that the bull shit you thought you were going to be done with when you finally find your place in this world is a fact of life. But, at the end of the day, you’re still going to wake up tomorrow and put one foot in front of the other. Move on, don’t forget, just look past it.
  2. DON’T EVER SETTLE. The moment you do, you’ll end up with so much less than you ever settled for. You are important. Yes You. And don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. If you want to run a marathon – instead of listening to someone tell you why you can’t, put your running shoes on and get to training. If you want to be a doctor, you better be willing to study. If you’re going to be President, you better want to be president. Barack Obama didn’t just wake up in the Whitehouse. How many people told him it was never going to happen? He didn’t give a damn and neither should you.
  3. Just because you don’t talk to them for long periods of time, doesn’t mean they’re any less of a friend. Shit, life happens. You know that better than anyone, so don’t go holding it against the people in your life when they get busy.
  4. If you let the bad stuff matter more, you’ll never be happy. Heartbreak and loss, destructive insecurities… they’re the inevitable facts of life that catch up with everyone eventually. When you don’t have a reason to be happy, give yourself a reason to be happy. Just as much as you want to be happy, the people in your life want you to be happy too. So go get a pedicure, walk in the rain, buy a puppy… whether the reason small or large, give yourself a reason to smile. You deserve it.
  5. Remember to laugh. Remember to cry. Remember you’re only human. As much as it might suck to feel vulnerable, strength comes when you discover your weaknesses and overcome them. Laugh a lot, cry a little and learn your lessons. Repeat.
  6. Go easy on yourself. Everyone and their dog can say “I’m my own biggest critic” because we’re always aware of our biggest flaws and greatest insecurities. Thing is, even the harshest critics in the world take a day off once in a while. If they don’t that negativity will take over who they are. Are you going to let it take over your life?
  7. Play the lottery. Lightning isn’t supposed to strike twice, but it does. The underdog isn’t supposed to win, that doesn’t stop them from it. Not asking is worse than asking and getting a no. Not playing lessens your odds a whole lot more than buying a ticket. You never know when your windfall will come. Open your arms and let it.
  8. Work. Work hard. Work your ass off. “C’s may get degrees” but in all honesty, what reason do you have for not doing your best? Laziness is a demon that will eat away at you if you let it. Be the best version of yourself. Work, work, and work. Each time you do something, strive for a higher achievement. You don’t know what you’re capable of until you get there, so work your ass of and get there.
  9. Rome wasn’t built in a day. As much as it’s become common place to say, it still isn’t really understood properly. Change is not an overnight occurrence. You won’t wake up tomorrow and be a completely different person. It’s a much slower, much smaller process than that. Don’t expect yourself to change, allow yourself to change. One day you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come and wonder how you ever were that person.

A note to self.

Listen to me: It is okay to be a mess. 

It’s okay to have thick thighs and lots of questions and crumbs in your bra. It is completely alright to fall too hard, to feel too much and to overthink everything. 

You can be too scared to move out of the place that you hate, you can be too stubborn to ask for the help you need and you can be too shy to make a move, hang on a little longer or hear those words. 

Do not tell yourself to be to be quiet. Do not tell yourself that you’re too wild, too forgetful, too stupid or not good enough. You need not sit and wait and do as they please. 

Be sharp and shy, and a lazy bum in your bed every weekend. Be thoughtful, and sentimental but never regretful. Be the kind of person that looks herself in the mirror to see the good, not the bad. 

May that cackle remind you the sun will come out tomorrow and may that kindness remind you that even when they don’t deserve it, you will be bigger, better, not once second guessing that choice. May that pocket-full of sarcasm guide you through the worst of days and brighten the best of days.

You are a complex creature with a pinch of this and that, pastels and petals. There will always be more layers than meets the eye, for you are not one thing, but a whole fucking gallery of complexities, conundrums, insanity and happy.

It’s completely abnormal to be abstract and absurd, barely there and all-in at the exact same time. And you, you do it well. It’s what you are. So alive it makes your eyes water, your lip twitch and your heart beat.

So hear me when I say this, because I want you to really listen to me. It’s okay to be a mess. Be exactly what you need to be, and want to be. It will always be good enough.

Late night thoughts: My mind won’t shut off.

It’s easier to do math with a calculator than it is to try and do it in your head. It’s easier to listen to audiobooks on your electronic device than it is to actually sit and read a book. It’s easier to drive to the store than it is to walk. It’s easier to assume the worst than to put your trust in someone, even if that someone is someone that you love. It’s easier to judge someone for who they ‘appear’ to be rather than who they actually are. It’s easier to go along with everything then it is to stand up for something you believe, even if it isn’t something most people do. 

Society chooses to do a lot of things the easier way. Why? Laziness? Or convenience, I guess. It’s convenient to bust out the calculator rather than trying to multiple 70×70 for most people on their own. So, if you don’t have to then why would you?

I’ll tell you what though, this restless mind of mine cant ever accept anything as is. I can’t help but believe there’s a time when convenience crosses into an inability to do anything for ourselves. Sure, technology is great. GPS relieves a lot of headaches. But there are people in this world who are driving that still can’t read road signs. Calculators are great; they’ve given us the assistance to solve many of the universe’s greatest questions, but the amount of people in this world who can’t do simple math in their head is alarming. Just about a week ago now I had a cashier whose register was broken and she needed to pull out a calculator to do $3.00 – .32 cents. 68 cents lady. It’s $2.68.

There’s a lot of talk. Everybody’s got words. But the lack of actions, that’s something that bothers me. So many are so quick to judge the homeless man as a ‘dirty rotten scoundrel’ who is clearly unintelligent and brought his situation on himself. Because believing that what is expected, what is believed of him to be, that is far easier than actually getting to know that he’s a war veteran with a masters degree who, thanks to situations beyond his control, lost a whole lot more than his belief that people will see the better in him. Believing the dirty rotten scoundrel of it all is so much easier than actually having to care… to take notice, and to be forced to think about what actually happens in this world.

All I’m saying is that sometimes a little math is good for the mind, and, a little truth is good for the soul. Reading books is not for punishment, but rather for expanding your horizons of what you ever believed possible. Questioning is never a negative, and getting to know someone is always a positive. Even if it’s just to learn who you don’t want as a part of your life, everyone’s got a story to tell. Convenience is great but sometimes it’s nice to take the road less traveled. 

You don’t always have to take the easy way out.