Turn your wounds into wisdom, your hurt into healing and your breakdown into a breakthrough.

Dear Self,

When life gets hard, it’s easy to crawl into bed, hide under the covers and wait for it to pass you by. It’s easy to think you’re not capable or you’re not good enough you just don’t deserve.

Things might really suck right now. It might feel like the darkest of the dark hours you can see. It may be the worst day, week or year of your life. And all you want to do in this world is just give up, to think that you’re worthless. Let me tell you, self, in these moments, you are wrong. You are completely and totally wrong in every sense.

You are good enough. You are smart enough. You are capable enough and you are more than qualified to conquer whatever the world throws at you. And I promise you that one day… one day you’re going to look back on this point in life and laugh. As a distant memory you’re going to be so grateful that you stuck it out and you kept going, even when every bone in your body was telling you to not.

So if you’re in need of some motivation, look no further.

It takes time to build success. It might be human nature to see someone find success and imagine it as this spontaneous emergence for them that came over night. Simply put, that’s not the case. It takes days, weeks, months, years even, of consistent work, of a desire to make small changes day after day.

Each day that you’re struggling, each day that you just don’t want to try any longer, you’re building your strength and resilience by putting one foot in front of the other. If you keep going despite any setbacks you might face, you’re going to turn into one powerful human being. You might not see it now, but it’s being built inside of you, like the Rocky Mountains that took thousands of years to seemingly reach the sky. Now you look at them and it’s as if you never saw a sight so beautiful. Don’t just conquer your mountains, make your own.

Only the weak quit. And they do quit all the time. So if you continue on and defeat that urge to quit, you’re going to reap the rewards of new opportunities left open by those weak minded souls that quit along the way. You’re not weak, so make sure that you’re ready to take advantages of those opportunities when they’re presented.

Even the biggest of blunders, even the worst of mistakes, even the most down of days, they beat the hell out of not ever trying. Because as long as you’re trying, you’re not allowing your fear to hold you back.

I can’t stress this enough, self, JUST KEEP GOING. Turn your wounds into wisdom, turn your hurt into healing and turn your breakdown into a breakthrough.

These song lyrics are just…

Some days you just breath in
Just try to break even
Sometimes your heart’s poundin’ out of your chest
Sometimes it’s just beatin’
Some days you just forget
What all you’ve been given
Some days you just get back
And some days you’re just alive
Some days you’re livin’
Some days you’re livin’

This song came on the radio as I was on my way home this afternoon and I just… I felt it with every fiber of my being.

The upcoming Canadian Election

Photo from The National Post

I’m going to talk, at length, about Politics. I am hesitant to talk about Politics because I understand that it’s an extremely divisive topic, but there are some things I feel I need to say.

First and foremost, I am choosing to not name any individual politicians in this post because I do not wish for this post to come across as hate filled. I just want to have an open and honest discussion about how I feel about the present state of Canadian politics. There is no hate here, just cause for alarm.

I consider myself to be very Liberal in nature. It’s who I am and what I believe, it’s the party I most align with. I do not agree with everything the Liberal party of Canada does, but, I understand that in life, you’re not going to agree with everyone 100% of the time and I still very much believe in the platform and policies they present.

Presently, in Canada, the media is playing the upcoming election out to be a neck-and-neck race between the Liberal Party and the Conservative Party. (If you’re not Canadian, these two are basically the equivalent of Democratic and Republican)

The individual running for the Conservative Party is, in my personal opinion, a scary dude. I say that he’s scary because he’s someone who can look you square in the eye, lie directly to your face and laugh about it after the fact. I believe that he’s under the impression he’s got the country fooled and that this election is ‘in the bag’ for him. His campaign is filled with bullying rhetoric, he doesn’t seem to have any plans or policies… at least none that he’s going to allow the Canadian public to hear before the election. Furthermore, every time he opens his mouth, it’s not to say something productive, but rather, to say something he believes to be bad about our current Prime Minister.

Canadian’s are not immune to this. We understand in politics there are certain parties and people who run on bullying campaigns (Exhibit A: The current President of the United States). We understand how this world works and, for the most part, I hope that his negative/hatred spewed, filled with lies, rhetoric towards the Prime Minister is seen for exactly what it is. This particular man has done a lot of alarming things over the course of his career, not only just during this election period.

This man is vehemently against the LGBTQ2 community. He’s not willing to admit to this on the campaign trail, regardless of how many times reporters have asked him about this, but he has been on record in the past (on video) campaigning against giving Lesbian and Gay individuals the right to marry, comparing their relationships to ‘the tail of a dog’.

I want to know how someone thinks that he can stand up for all Canadians when there’s such a large population of our country who’s very indentities he refuses to acknowledge.

One of this man’s constituents, someone running in the riding of Airdrie, Alberta has recently posted some alarming videos to twitter to proclaim that, regardless of your Citizenship, if you’ve not lived in Canada for five or more, you don’t deserve the right to vote. He also says that if you don’t hold a valid Canadian government issued ID, you don’t deserve the right to vote.

This is alarming to me, for a lot of reasons. My brother, a Canadian citizen who lived in Canada up until he was 22 years old, has lived in Denmark since 2012. He’s still a Canadian citizen. He still cares about what happens in this country. He still spends his two week’s holiday here every year. He still donates to charities here. He still considers Canada his home. He still holds a Canadian passport. Why? Because he’s Canadian. He may be choosing to live in the country in which his child is being raised, but he is still Canadian. By this man’s opinion, because my brother has lived in Denmark since 2012, he doesn’t deserve the right to vote?

This could affect so very many people. There are people living and working in Hollywood who still consider Canada to be their home. They don’t deserve the right to vote? There are people who are teaching at Universities internationally, who’ve retired internationally as a means to make their money stretch farther, there a million reasons under the sun why someone might have not lived in Canada for five years. That doesn’t mean they don’t care about what happens in this country. So why should their right to vote be stripped, despite the fact that they are now, and will forever be Canadian citizens who hold Canadian passports?

To the second point of the video the man of the Airdrie riding made, that you shouldn’t be able to vote if you do not have a government issued ID, this just isn’t fair. There are so many people in this country who do not hold a valid ID. This is not to single out any particular portion of the population for any reason on than examples sake, but something I ran into a lot with my last job was that people who live on Reserves often don’t have ID. Why? Because they were born, raised and have lived in a two block radius their whole lives. They don’t get on planes, they don’t get on trains, they don’t own their homes (their homes are owned by the Band), and a lot of them don’t even get the adequate medical attention they deserve. They can go their whole lives without needing or having an ID that would be required by this man to vote. They’re still human. They’re still Canadian. They still care what happens in this country. This isn’t just a Canadian problem. This is something that happens all over the world. It’s something that John Oliver pointed out as a specific issue the United States had in the last election.

One could argue that, if these people without IDs want to vote, they should go out and get an ID. Well yes, I guess you could get them all an ID. But it’s not that simple of a process. If you don’t own a home, because it’s owned by the Band, then you don’t pay bills for that home. If you don’t pay bills, then the only thing that the government has for proof of residence is Band Records. Band records being something that the government has accepted for decades, because of the very reasons I’ve listed above. So if all of these people need to jump through legal hoops to get an ID, are you (Mr. Airdrie riding) going to help them do that in the next 30-some-odd days? That’s what I thought. You don’t want them to vote.

Another piece to this election I find alarming comes from one of the constituents running for the Conservative party in the Burnaby North Seymour. This individual posted a photo their Facebook page of Rick Mercer. The photo has a quote on it, that is attributed to Rick Mercer on the photo making it look as though he’s telling Canadians to ‘Vote Conservative’. Rick Mercer is a widely popular TV personality in Canada, an openly gay man and a man who is openly critical of the Conservative Party and what they stand for. Never in my life to I believe that he would be telling Canadian’s to ‘Vote Conservative’ like this photo suggested. He pointed out this fact on his twitter page when he vehemently rejected the photo on it’s face and stated he was reaching out to the Conservative party to ensure his photo and name are not used on their behalf ever again.

The thing is, Conservatives are banking on people being uninformed. They’re banking on people not knowing that a photo and quote like this are fake. Because uninformed people won’t take a second look, they won’t investigate. Conservatives are banking on people just believing what this photo says. It doesn’t matter if it was up for ten minutes, ten hours or forty days, the fact that it went up at all is widely deceptive and showcases a very alarming side to the Conservative party.

I really don’t know what is going to happen on October 21st. I sincerely hope that Canadians do not elect the Conservative party for federal government. I sincerely hope that we’re not about to send our Politics, way of life and position on the world stage backwards. I sincerely hope we’re not planning on making the wealthy wealthier and the middle class weaker. But, I don’t know. I see a lot of hate being spewed on places like my television, Instagram and Twitter accounts towards the Liberal party. And I get it, people are frustrated, but I just want Canadians to remember that not everything you see is always the truth.

I also want Canadians to remember that you don’t have to agree with 100% of what a party does to vote for them.

Whichever way that Canadians choose to vote, I respect that. I sincerely do. I just hope that they make an informed decision and don’t necessarily believe things being presented to them as true when they’re so blatantly not.

I respect the political positioning of everyone and I respect their right to vote for whomever they please. I respect differing opinions and I respect people who are willing to share their opinions in an open, respectful discussion. There is no room for hatred in Canada, in Canadian politics, nor on this blog. So if your opinion differs from mine, and you would like to share, feel free to do so, just keep it… kind.

The worst things about unemployment.

Photo from motherjones.com

Anyone who has found themself unemployed for any period of time can absolutely understand the struggle that it takes to just get through each day. It almost feels like you’re in a downward spiral staring down the choices of a lose-lose situation and there’s no possible way to dig yourself out.

There’s a lot of shitty things about being unemployed. The following being some of those things that I find to be the worst:

Family and friends who don’t know what really happened assume that it’s your fault. They believe that whatever lead to your unemployment was your own doing… that you’re the one who’s difficult to deal with, because if you weren’t, you would still have a job. Having signed an NDA means that only the people you trust most in this world get to really know what happened… and that, well that’s a very small pool of people. I can count those on less than five fingers.

Potential employers hold your lack of employment against you. There are A LOT, not all, but a lot of potential employers who form judgments about your unemployment and use that against you. Without ever asking why, they’ll simply breeze over your lack of employment and move on to the next candidate. Or, if they go so far as to ask, they won’t accept your reasoning as you’ve provided it and say something like ‘Yeah, but…’.

People think that you’re lazy and entitled if you cannot find work. With an Bachelor’s degree and nearly a decade of experience working in professional circles, when I take my resume to places like Wal-Mart and McDonalds, they ignore it. They presume that I’m just going to leave right away so I’m not a worthwhile investment in hiring. Because of this, I continue trying to apply for professional, career positions and continue making it to the last round of interviews to not be selected. People don’t see that, though. They don’t see the behind the scenes. All people see is that I’m not going to work each day and they judge me for it.

It wears you down. It’s extremely disheartening. Rejection after rejection after rejection is hard to take. The fact that you never actually get a legitimate reason for the rejection only makes it harder because you never actually get to know what you did wrong. I would really love to know what I’m doing wrong. If for nothing else but to improve my chances at the next round of interviews for the next job.

Everyone has a different opinion of what makes a good resume a good resume. As much as I love and appreciate help, everyone seems to say something different. With so many people having so many different opinions of what makes something good, how do I know what format I’m supposed to go with?

It becomes really easy to think that you’re the problem. Because, if I wasn’t the problem, I would have been hired by now, right?

I want to work. I want to contribute. I want to succeed. I know that bring a lot to the table. So I find myself feeling as though my talents are being wasted away with each passing day that I’m playing the ‘Will you please hire me?’ game.

The best things that never happened to me. (Story time)

Have you ever heard the saying ‘maybe the best things in our lives are those which never happen to us’? I think most often when people speak of this saying they’re talking about being thankful they didn’t get married, or they’re thankful they didn’t choose that career path.

For me, it’s got a much deeper meaning.


In 2006 my father and I were scheduled to get on a ferry and travel home from where he was working and had been covering a route for one of his coworkers who’d been burned on the job and was in hospital. This day, lives fondly in my memory, as it was one of the few times we actually had a reservation for the ferry. My family didn’t pay for ferry reservations, we just showed up and waited until we could get on. But this day, the company had booked the reservation for us.

The evening we were leaving I’d begun packing up the things in our hotel room – food, clothes, sleeping bags, valuables, etc… and taking them out to the truck. Stupidly, I somehow managed to lock the keys in the truck. Though we weren’t five minutes from the ferry dock, we were going to have to wait for the tow truck company to come unlock our door so we could get the keys back. (This was just when keyless entry was starting to become more popular in vehicles and, as my dad had an older vehicle, we needed a physical key to unlock the door)

Being in a small town, the tow truck company said that it would be 45 minutes. The ferry was in an hour. So we got everything ready and we waited. We waited and waited. The tow truck driver didn’t show up for a full hour. We missed the ferry and were close enough that we could see it sailing away without us.

I was so upset. I’d ruined our route home and it was going to take that much extra time because of me. I was beating myself up pretty bad. How could I not? At 16, I was pretty insecure and felt like I’d cost my parents this very expensive mistake.

That night, as the ferry was sailing, it failed to make course changes through a passage it’d travelled through thousands of times before and the boat sank. Yup, it sank. In a narrow passage through the islands of Northern British Columbia, the ferry sank.

And because I locked the keys in the truck, we missed the ferry and we weren’t on it when it sunk.


In 2009 I received a rather large scholarship while in the process of completing my marketing degree. These funds were deposited in my account and, because there were no specific rules as to what I spent them on, I could use them how I saw fit in the process of being a student.

When I went to pay my tuition for the January semester, my transaction was declined. This was baffling to me as I had nearly $20,000 in my bank account.

I called the bank and asked them ‘What the hell?’ and was told that I had a limit of spending $1,000 a day on my account and I couldn’t exceed that. When I told them I had to pay my $6,000 tuition for the semester they said ‘Oh, you’e going to have to schedule an appointment to get that adjusted for tuition purposes’.

The next appointment that I could get was for the next day. It was a Thursday. I scheduled the appointment for 2:30 in the afternoon (after class) so that I could go down and yell at them for their stupid rules that wouldn’t allow me to spend my own money and pay my tuition.

Shortly before noon on that Thursday, my boss called me during my Calculus class. Being in class, I ignored it. He then sent me a text message that read ‘SOS’. Thinking he might be in trouble, I left class to call him.

My boss told me that he was sick and that he was being admitted into the hospital because he was so sick. He asked if I could cover his shift that afternoon because he was not going to be able to get there and I was the only person he trusted enough to run the place on my own without him.

Reluctantly, I said yes.

So, instead of going to my appointment at the bank, I went to work from 2-8 pm. that day.

At 2:30 pm that day, right about the time I would have been waiting in the bank for my appointment, or walking into my appointment, a strung-out junkie with a gun wandered into the bank to rob the place, botched the robbery and wound up holding everyone in the bank hostage for nearly four hours before police could diffuse the situation.

I remember how dumbfounded I felt when I heard the news. I remember thinking ‘I could have been there. I was supposed to be there’. My boss got sick and because of that I escaped being present for a bank robbery.


In 2013 I was driving through a horrendous snowstorm to a work event. Honestly, I shouldn’t have been driving that day. Visibility was about ten feet and the further I got up the highway, the more cars I saw in the ditches a long the side of the road.

I was scared, but I told myself to keep going because it was important that I got there.

I was listening to the radio as they were providing traffic reports every 5-10 minutes because the weather was so poor. I wanted to ensure the highways I needed to drive to get to my event weren’t going to be closed.

As I was passing through Leduc I saw two vehicles in my rear view mirror collide on the highway right were people were trying to merge coming out of Leduc headed towards Edmonton.This scared me a great deal, but I thought ‘Girl, keep going you’ll get there’. Before these two cars were out of my visibility, I saw a car come down the merge lane and crash into them. Then I thought, ‘Damn you narrowly missed a three car accident by 200 feet’.

By the time that I’d made it to Edmonton, just 15 minutes down the highway, I was hearing reports on the radio of a massive car pileup at the merge lane where I’d witnessed the accident in my rear view mirror. I remember thinking ‘Holy crap, more people must’ve come up behind them and not been able to see them’.

As I continued travelling that day, reports kept telling me that more and more cars were being reported as being a part of that accident. Eventually, the highway ended up being shut down fully because there was no way to get past all of the vehicles.

The next morning when I woke up to get ready for my event, I turned on the tv to listen to the morning news as I was doing my makeup.

The report on the news was of a 90 care pileup in Leduc. More than 300 people were injured because of the pileup and the highway had been closed and was still closed.

When I drove home three days later, they were still towing cars out of the ditch in that area as I drove past.

I missed a 90 car pileup by 200 feet.


In 2017 I was taking a Yoga Class with my friend Michelle. There was a bank near my house that was nowhere near hers, so on Thursday evenings she’d go to the bank to do her banking and then I’d meet her at the bank, we’d hop in her car and go to Yoga.

One cold and snowy Thursday night I was walking up to the bank and the door didn’t open.

Confused, I tried to pull on it. It wouldn’t open.

Michelle phoned me, so I picked up the phone. She said ‘Are you the person standing outside right now?’ I said ‘Yeah’.

“GO GET IN MY CAR’ she yelled. ‘Get in my car and put your head down’.

I was like ‘What? Why?’

She just yelled again ‘Go get in my car!’

Confused, I walked across the parking lot and got in her cold car. I’d really wanted to go in the bank because it was nice and warm, but I was just being a whiner.

Once in her car, I saw a text message from Michelle that said ‘Is there anyone out there’? So I texted back and said ‘No, it’s really cold. I’m the only person in the lot’.

‘There’s no one out there? You’re certain?’ She texted back. I said ‘I’m the only person out here. There’s no one in the other cars. What is going on?’

‘The bank was just robbed’, she texted.

‘Guy had a gun,’ she texted. ‘We’re stuck in here until the police come.’

‘Did you see anyone when you walked up?’ She texted.

Yeah, I had seen there was a man who walked out in a grey jacket with his face covered. I just assumed his face was covered because it was -30 Celsius outside. Turns out his face was covered because he’d just robbed the bank at gunpoint.

There I’d narrowly missed a bank robbery. The second bank robbery that I should have been at but wasn’t.

As I sat and told the police about the man I saw leaving the bank and the car I saw him leave in, I couldn’t help but think how he was twenty feet away from me with a gun when he left.


In 2018 I was headed into the grocery store to grab an entree for an event I was headed to. I was talking to my boyfriend when I was headed in and, rather than head into the store and have him hear the awful background music and people in the background, I chose to wait outside the store to finish talking to him.

I stood there for a few minutes as we chatted, completely unaware of the world going on around me. I was focused on him.

All of the sudden I heard a lot of noise coming from the front door of the grocery store, about a hundred feet away from me. I looked over and saw a man running away from the door, in a hood, jumping over the bushes, trying to get away.

I went over to the front door and the store manager ran out and was screaming expletives at him about putting his employees and customers in danger.

Then the store manager turned to me and said ‘You saw him, right? You saw him. Stay here, the cops are coming’.

While I was standing outside of the grocery store talking to my boyfriend on the phone, the customer service desk at the front of the grocery store was being robbed by a man with a machete.

Because I was chatting on the phone with my boyfriend, I missed the store being robbed by a man with a machete.


Throughout my life I’ve had several experiences in which I’ve felt like I ‘dodged a bullet’ so to speak. (Both literally and figuratively) Like perhaps the universe is looking out for me. Like I’m being protected, for some reason.

It’s in moments when I am beating myself up that I try to remember these stories. Because these stories, they’re the best things that never happened to me. The universe is looking out for me. And if it’s picked me to look after, I might as well at least use that as motivation to do something in this world, to make a difference, to be the change.

I beat up on myself a lot. I do. Truthfully, I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a lot to be grateful for having missed in my life. It wasn’t that I almost got married, or that I was glad I didn’t get ‘that degree’, it’s that these truly incredibly scary events have happened and these things I should have been a part of, I wasn’t.

It’s taught me a lot. And given me a lot of gratitude.

Here’s to the universe, it’s been good to me over the years. As much as I beat up on myself, I really ought to remember that more often.

New laptop battery for the win.

This post is in follow up to last week’s post ‘When it rains it pours’.

A new battery showed up for my laptop this morning. The tracking on the battery still says that it’s in Chicago, so I was a little baffled to see it on my doorstep when I woke up. It showed up shockingly fast. Faster than things can get to my house from Vancouver. Nevertheless, I put the battery into my computer and it turns on AGAIN. I have a functioning laptop again! And way faster than I thought it would be.

It might sound sad, but my computer is sort a lifeline for me.